Tales of the unexpected - Weekend observations 25th - 26th September 2010

At Eastlands this weekend, cash rich Manchester City kept up any potential title challenge from themselves by beating current champions Chelsea thanks to a second half Carlos Tevez goal. Like many had called beforehand - possibly rather more in hope than expectation - this was going to be a tricky fixture for the West Londoners having had a rather easy time of it in the league up until this point, barely breaking a sweat as they swept aside the likes of West Brom, Blackpool and Stoke finding each game about as difficult as trying to convince Hollywood starlets to join you at a party where smack is served on arrival. I can't tell you if such parties actually exist of course but you get the point; Chelsea had not been tested.



And so, in what was billed as their first 'real test' against fellow lottery winners City, they came unstuck and suffered their first defeat of the season. What did this game and result tell us? Not a great deal we didn't know already to be honest. City have the potential to achieve great things this season and Roberto Mancini appears to be making sure his side don't suffer from the same defensive failings that ultimately cost Mark Hughes his job last season. They may not be football's great entertainers just yet - in fact, watching their games right now is about as exciting as sitting through a 90 minute lectures on kettles drying and paint boiling - but far less adventurous sides have had all kinds of success down the years and it would be unwise to write off The Citizens completely this season. I mean, he was hardly going to go out and try and outplay the blues, was he?

That said, Chelsea losing the odd game won't immediately make them a bad side. A close defeat by a single goal against a very good team who they also happened to lose to twice last season is no shock. You have to believe that from their rip-roaring performances thus far it's unlikely they will drop many points between now and May. There's every chance they will probably still walk the league thanks in part to the failings of their supposed rivals.

Speaking of whom, 24 hours after their noisy neighbours did them a favour of sorts by beating Chelsea, United once again struggled on the road after making the short trip to Bolton. More on this in a moment as a far bigger shock took place at the Emirates where The Arsenal lost 3-2 to a West Brom side who had probably forgotten what an away win in the Premier League even felt like. I doubt you would have found anyone on the planet crazy enough to have backed the Baggies to take even a point from a team considered in some quarters to be genuine title challengers let alone all three. And in such spectacular circumstances too.

By all accounts, the midlanders attacked from the very start and fully deserved the win with the final scoreline actually flattering The Gunners. Kudos to Mr Di Matteo for actually going out and taking a chance. Of course, on another day it could have backfired horribly but on this occasion it paid off.

What of Arsenal? Despite poor performances throughout the team, the big collective finger of blame has been pointed at Goalie Manuel Almunia after his clangers lead to both second and third goals for the away team. Those, in addition to the concession of a first half penalty that he redeemed himself from by saving. For me, it's completely misguided to simply lay blame at the feet of Almunia. He has never been a good keeper. Ever! But the fact he has the responsibility of being Arsenal number one is solely down to the manager who continues to select him. None of us could ever claim to be smarter than Arsene Wenger in a football sense but his continued blind spot to the obvious problems his team has "in nets" undermines and somewhat makes a fool out of him. You don't need to have managed, hell, you don't even need to have anything beyond a basic knowledge of the game to see that Almunia is a liability. For all his (Wenger's) achievements, failure to address the keeper problem that every single person bar him can see leaves him in danger of tarnishing his own reputation as a manager.



For all the criticisms leveled at his 'kids' for being inexperienced and supposedly lacking a winning mentality, Arsenal would certainly not have dropped as many points and lost as many important games in the last couple of seasons if Wenger had gone out and spent money on a decent goalkeeper rather than putting his trust in Almunia and his current understudy Lukasz Fabianski - between them, arguably the two worst keepers in the league. Even Scott Carson fills me with more confidence. Until a better goalie is brought in, the Arsenal trophy cabinet will remain as bare as the morally corrupting cleavage of a pop starlet on a children's TV programme.

The other 'challengers' Manchester United seem to be going through something of a malaise despite finding themselves in second place. The rate at which they've been leaking goals away from home so far this campaign has been nothing short of hilarious/shocking depending on your persuasion. The draws at Fulham, Everton and this week Bolton as well as the near collapse against Liverpool read for a very unstable backline right now. Johnny Evans and Nemanja Vidic, as good as they are individually, are as compatible as Joseph Goebbels and Nina Simone (can't imagine who would be who in that situation...) and appear to have no understanding whatsoever. Rio Ferdinand is still AWOL with no-one really knowing if he will ever effectively come back from his various ailments. Patrice Evra seems to be suffering a hangover from the French World Cup farce while John O'Shea is John O'Shea.

At the other end of the pitch, Wayne Rooney is playing more like Micky Rooney at the minute. His freakish form from last season feels like a lifetime away as he struggles to even trap a ball or make a simple pass let alone show anything by way of productivity in front of goal. This is where I would display an example of my mediocre attempts to be funny by inserting tediously repeated joke about scoring off the pitch but maybe his time with that brass is actually relevant to the present discussion. I've always been of the opinion that footballers should, without judgement, be able to do whatever and whoever they like as long as a) it doesn't break the law and b) it has no on-pitch implications. Far be it from me to assess mental states and body language from atop my ivory tower like some kind of snooty amateur psychologist but I don't feel it's unfair to speculate and come to the conclusion that Wazza's extracurricular activities and the subsequent revelations about his private life are directly linked to his stuttering start to the season. His team are also suffering from his as a result. Hell, when even professional nonsense speaker Kevin Keegan has a point then you know you’ve got problems.



Another striker not quite reaching the heights of bygone years is Liverpool's Fernando Torres. That said, the effeminate looking Spaniard has been involved in all of his side's last four league goals despite not scoring any. But alas, not all of these assists have passed without controversy. We all had to put up with Sir Alex Ferguson's overblown accusations of cheating last week. This week, it was a former United player and Sunderland manager Steve Bruce who was spitting and snarling about a perceived injustice when Torres set up Dirk Kuyt for one of the most bizarre goals you are ever likely to see (although perhaps not the weirdest in a Sunderland/Liverpool match).

I'm not really sure how people are saying the goal should have stood. Attwell prevented Michael Turner from taking the kick early as if to say "play my whistle". When Turner backheeled it to Mignolet, Attwell wasn't even looking so surely could not have sanctioned the kick. Is it me of is this guy deliberately making inexplicable errors just to get himself some limelight? The fact he failed to punish Steven Gerrard for his WWE style elbow smash on Danny Wellbeck was a scandalous. I guess making mistakes puts you on the map as an official. Who knows? Enough mistakes might see you rewarded with the biggest game in football despite your ineptitude.

If Spurs weren't playing Champions League football, this season would be in danger of tailing off before it's even got going properly. Consistently inconsistent would be the best way of describing 'arry's team at present given the erratic results in recent weeks. This is a symptomatic condition of European novices. Unable and unsure how to balance this new competition alongside domestic commitments, Tottenham have already sacrificed one chance at silverware following their pummelling at the hands of Arsenal last week and with defeats against Wigan and this week, West Ham already, they look unlikely to hit last season's dizzy heights once more. Of course, simply by virtue of being in the Champions League, the club have improved vastly on years gone by but if they are to better last season’s achievements, 'arry will have to get them to win the damn thing. However, with a backline more decimated than that of a 'specialist' adult film star, I'd be prepared to say right now that their chances lie somewhere between highly unlikely and damn near impossible. I doubt Andreas Iniesta is quaking in his Nikes at the prospect of going toe-to-toe with Jermaine Jenas somewhere down the line.

Speaking of mediocre former Nottingham Forest players in the top flight, it didn't take very long for my prophecy last week to come true that James Perch would be responsible for costing Newcastle precious league points, did it? At least he didn't get booked this week.

Last week's blog also boldly predicted the meteoric rise (literally) of Kenwyne Jones and how he was an absolute must for any Fantasy Football team while playing for Stoke. I'd love to be sat here with a look of extreme smugness 'pon my boat race but sadly I didn't take my own advice. Went for Chamakh instead. Pissed!

Finally, Emile Heskey grabbed his second goal in a week scoring in consecutive games for the first time since Jesus was in Huggies. In other news, Satan was spotted buying Ice Skates after it was reported that Hell had frozen over. It's obviously far too early to say whether Ged Houllier has revitalised Heskey's career but how weird would it be if he actually realised at this late stage of his career that he's supposed to be a goalscorer? Forget Chelsea losing, Arsenal getting humped by the Baggies and Kuyt's goal. Of all the unexpected things to happen this weekend, the idea of Heskey using his winner against Wolves as a springboard to becoming a prolific striker would be the weirdest by far.



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Weekend Observations 18th - 19th September: Part Two

Part Two... Part One here

On Friday, Sam Allardyce had us all in stitches when he jokingly suggested he would win every trophy in sight, every season for ever and ever if he got the chance to manage a top football club. The laughter stopped when we realised he was deadly serious. I think he made his point though as his Blackburn side barely scraped a draw against Fulham scoring a goal that seemed to epitomise exactly what he offers as a master football tactician and one of football's unsung heroes: a long ball into the box, a deliberate but unseen foul on the opposition goalkeeper by Pele incarnate El Hadji Diouf and an easy finish for Chris Samba. In all seriousness, his backlash against Wenger's complaints make more sense now. If more action was to be taken against these perceived roughhouse tactics, Allardici's glaring limitations as a manager would be ruthlessly exposed as the only 'tactic' he seems to know how to employ would be rendered utterly redundant.

Who knows? If Big Sam was at Chelsea maybe the title would be wrapped up by Christmas! Either way, I think they might just about get by without his style of 'football'. In that instance, if the title race is set to be a boring predictable procession, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we are all hoping to see more 'competitiveness' throughout the rest of the division. Putting aside their two humpings in London so far, Blackpool are playing their part as are they team they managed to beat in their last match, Newcastle. It's bloody difficult to know what to make of the Magpies at the minute. Gone are the days of Kevin Keegan's swashbuckling league title bottlers. Now we have Chris Hughton's less exciting side that are just happy to go about their business and I doubt would be too disappointed with mid-table obscurity.

Looking at their current squad, they're hardly packed with superstars but with the likes of Nolan, Barton, Carroll and loan signing Ben Arfa should have the quality to see them keep the wolves of any potential relegation battle at the door. Their defence however, while not as bad Geordie back lines of years gone by, is not one that would fill many with a great deal of confidence. Just as easily as they put 6 past Villa a while back, you can easily see them conceding as many as the likes of James Perch is regularly being put on his backside having been given the runaround by any half decent Premier League winger you could care to mention.

The inconsistency that has plagued them for years still seems to be there. At the start of the season, not many teams, let alone the promoted ones, would have been expected to take 6 points from two games against Villa and Everton respectively but then again not many teams will expect to only salvage a solitary point from matches against Wolves and Blackpool.

But you've got to give them credit for their win this past weekend and spoiling many betting slips that would have had that match down as a cast iron home win (Bastards!).



Speaking of whom, you have to wander what is in the water on Merseyside that has made all the football so-substandard in that part of the world. Liverpool's problems are well documented but it's not gone unnoticed that the blue half of the city have started the season just as ineptly as their red-clad brothers. Just when they thought they'd cracked it with that dramatic draw against Manchester United, they have been brought back down to earth with a bump. Everton have often been slow starters(08/09 - 2 wins in opening 9 games, last season 1 win in first four) citing injuries to key players and whatnot but this season there seems no legitimate excuse for being second bottom after 5 games. I don't doubt The Toffees will get it together at some stage but once again, it looks like Moyes and co will be blaming a poor start for their inevitable failure to achieve anything worthwhile.

The only team preventing Everton from being Rock bottom are West Ham who battled to a draw against Stoke in what I'm told was far from a classic game of football. Not that I'm claiming there is a connection but isn’t it curious that The Hammers' first point of the season came when Avram Grant wasn't there? A sign perhaps?

Finally, having seen Kenwyne Jones'* goal in that game, the most important football question of the week is surely thus: Is he now a must for the old Fantasy Football team given Stoke's rather direct approach? How many goals is he going to get this season???



*Rubbish knowledge: Kenwyne Jones has played for Stoke, Sunderland and Southampton. All teams that wear red and white stripes and begin with the letter 'S'. You can have that one on me...

Weekend Observations 18th - 19th September: Part One

Part One...

At the risk of sounding like a cheerleading, lobotomised Sky Super-duper Sunday fanboy, English football's very own Superclásico between the country's two biggest and most successful clubs took place at Old Trafford on Sunday. That's right, Manchester United versus Liverpool. Despite the relative lack of success of the latter in the last couple of decades, you can generally always count on the two sides producing an entertaining, or at the very least, eventful game and this latest encounter proved no exception.

The performance of Dimitar Berbatov and his subsequent hat-trick, including a jaw-dropping early contender for goal of the season, has seemed to have gotten everyone in bit of a tizzy (Incidentally, I missed the winning goal because for some reason I was showing people this on YouTube at the time. Why? A story for another day!). Funny, given the universal condemnation the Bulgarian has generally received since his big money move from Spurs two years ago. While not wanting to take anything away from what was obviously a fantastic performance, some of the praise has been just as OTT as the criticism which preceded it. This one game does not make him the new Cantona in the same way some indifferent performances over the last couple of seasons didn't make him the footballing equivalent of Public sector pay (expensive and unpopular - that's right. I keeps it topical...).

But alas, the fickle nature of many football observers means that while one day you can be God's gift to the sport, the very next could see you as the proverbial steaming pile of horse manure. Case in point; on the flipside of the beaming Berbatov coin is the brooding, sulk of Fernando Torres, who, despite being one of the league's most deadly strikers in recent years, is this year seemingly reduced being about as effective on the pitch as a door stop. This criticism for a player that has suffered with injuries for years is somewhat harsh and given the glaring deficiencies of the team - Glen Johnson's terrible crossing included - surrounding him, I'm not sure he should be expected to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. Besides, for someone who is supposed to be out of form, he was still instrumental in both his side's goals as Liverpool attempted to stage something of a comeback at 2-0 down.



That said, getting back on level terms was less a reflection of Torres' or Liverpool's ability than it was of United's continued fragility. Following the draws at Fulham and Everton, the home side were on the verge of spunking away yet more points from a commanding position thanks to very questionable defending. They will certainly be thankful for Berbatov's apparently divine intervention (Maybe he had been blessed by the visiting Pope before the match this weekend).

One of United's other star performers on the day was Nani but rather than praising him for his football, most people will remember the laughable diving, play-acting and rolling around like he’d been shot every time there was a strong breeze in his general direction. What was just as amusing was the selective memory of his manager who conveniently overlooked this when criticising the above-mentioned Torres. As much as people respect Sir Alex Ferguson’s achievements, it's this kind of one-eyed, sanctimonious bias that makes him one of the most unpopular characters in football.

Speaking of managers making unpopular comments, once again, Arsene Wenger has managed to piss off all and sundry with his views on so-called tough tackling and how his squad of children and midgets need more protection against the big bad bully boys of English football. Naturally, this has brought scorn from the likes of Sam Allardyce, Owen Coyle and what seems like the entire population of Stoke. While Wenger may well have a point given the number of Arsenal players that seem to pick up career-threatening injuries as a result of English football's more 'robust' approach to tackling, he clearly doesn't have much support and his 'moaning' has led him once again becoming public enemy number one. You almost think that most of the country celebrated Darren Bent's late, late equaliser as a kind of "in your faaaace! AHHH" moment on Saturday evening.



Wenger was also apparently displeased that goal came in the 95th minute after only four minutes had been signalled by the fourth official. As we tread tedious old ground yet again, it baffles me how people within the game don’t seem to get that added time is always the minimum to play beyond the 90 and not the maximum.

Of greater concern to Arsenal should be another injury to Cesc Fabregas who, after his two performances last week, was looking somewhere close to his best and will be sorely missed.

Even at this very early stage of the season, the two points dropped by Arsenal could well prove crucial as could those pissed away by Manchester United last week. The reason for this is because of the devastating ease Chelsea are ripping their way through anyone who dares to get in their way. On Sunday, you'd be forgiven for thinking you were watching Hurricane Igor pummeling Bermuda such was their ruthlessness in the first half against Blackpool. How they only ended the game with four is a mystery.

As predictable as the game and scoreline were, the second half was still quite an intriguing affair. The away team seemed to prevent total humiliation by actually trying to have a go at The Blues rather than parking the bus and actually came close to scoring on a couple of occasions. That said, the patronising tone in which messes Gray and Tyler on Sky were talking about 'plucky little Blackpool' and what a 'nice club they are' was nauseating.

As good as Chelsea have been, they are yet to face any of the supposed 'Big Boys'. That all changes next week when they face their fellow beneficiaries of what Arsene Wenger would complain... sorry, describe as financial doping. In the battle of the banknotes, Manchester City will welcome the Champions to Eastlands next Saturday lunchtime hoping to make a statement about their own title credentials after an indifferent start to the campaign so far.

As many will no doubt point out in the coming days, this will be Ancelotti's teams' first big test despite their blinged up rivals still finding their considerably expensive feet. But having done the double over Chelsea last season – including a cracker at Stamford Bridge - City, as well as everyone else who wants something close to a competitive title race this season, will be hoping for more of the same this Saturday.



Part Two to follow...

Weekend Observations 22nd-25th August

Back for the new season...

1.Sixual assault
That's right! One of the few reasons I've decided to write this blog was to use that pun (In fact, maybe the ONLY reason!). I'm sure you have all simply loved the numerous and tedious 'six' based puns seen in many a news publication over the last 48 hours (My personal favourite was the News of the World's ''SIXY BEASTS”). Not wanting to feel left out, I decided to go for the effective if not slightly sinister and violent example above. You're welcome.

But this isn't a blog about the bastardisation of the English language through "clever" plays on words. No, the reason all three of you are reading this piece is to absorb and subsequently disagree with my views on the recent happenings in the beautiful game.

As you may have heard or seen, there were an unprecedented THREE 6-0 hammerings this weekend. Arsenal put Blackpool to the sword, Wigan were publicly violated by CSKA Fulham and Newcastle fans were given an opportunity to revert back to the deluded bunch we've all come to love over years after the Magpies stuffed Villa at St, James' Park. Yes, we all love goals but do these results (as well as CSKA's humping of West Brom last weekend) highlight the quality of the aforementioned or simply show us how bad some of the teams that populate the 'best league in the world' actually are?


2.The Future's Bright...
The Arsenal and Newcastle games saw England hopefuls Andy Carroll and Theo Walcott notch hat-tricks for their respective sides. While I'm not about to detract from their achievements, I think the quality (of lack thereof) of the opposition played a huge part in both youngsters' trebles so let's not get too excited... yet. However, following the shambles in South Africa, it's hard not to be pleased to see that there may be a glimmer of hope on the horizon for the national team. Adam Johnson's performance for City against Liverpool should not go unnoticed either.




3.The Numbers Game
Not being a particularly superstitious man, I rarely attach any importance to squad numbers. I like wearing number 4 for the Sunday league teams I've played for but I wouldn't exactly bite off your fingers if you ever tried to stop me from wearing it. I am aware however that there are people that do believe there is some significance to the number a player wears. At Arsenal, the number 14 (Henry) is held in high regard and the same goes for the number 9 (Shearer) at Newcastle. You might argue that messers Walcott and Carroll have been entrusted with a lot of responsibility being given those shirts but kudos to both this weekend for performing in a way that would have made their respective predecessors proud.


4.Paul Scholes - He Scores Goals
Yes, he does! Take a bow son!




5.Wi-gone?
If I had bothered to get off my arse and finished the unpublished season preview/predictions blog post I started some weeks back, I'd be looking for the recipe for an industrial sized slice of humble pie (can you bake pie by the slice?) having boldly suggested that Roberto Martinez was going to get it right at Wigan (coincidentally, also famed for their great pies...) this year and they were definitely in contention for a top half finish. As we all know, you can't realistically gauge how the season is going to pan out after just two games but I can confidently state that I was wrong about Wigan and Martinez. The manager has to carry the can for this as it's his over-zealous attacking philosophy that is costing the team. There would be some justification if Wigan could actually find the back of the net but a bit fat zero in the 'Goals For' column along with the 10 goals conceded (both matches being at home no less) means that he is getting things oh so badly wrong. Chairman Dave Whelan has today suggested he is going to keep faith with his manager which probably isn't so great for Wigan but will mean a lot of fun high scoring trips for away fans traveling to the DW stadium over the next nine months. That and the pies, of course.


6.Something about technology
Once again, a big controversial decision has people talking about the need for technology to help officials blah blah blah repeat to fade. I've written about this before and stand by my previous assertion that while it would be welcome, we don't even need 'technology' per se as an extra official behind the goal would be as effective and easier to implement. An extra official could have easily spotted Stoke's 'goal' against Spurs and I wouldn't even have had to waste the last 84 words going over the same mind-numbing debate yet again. Instead we'd be arguing about the fact the goal shouldn't have stood anyway due to the also unspotted (is that a word?) foul on Gomes by Huth. But then again, an official behind the goal would have seen that too wouldn't he?

Also, see the penalty Fulham should have been awarded at 1-all against Man Utd and the fact Arsenal probably shouldn't have had a penalty against Blackpool. Both would have seen by an extra man behind the goal.


7.The Bale Identity
You'd struggle to find a better goal from the weekend than Gareth Bale's volley against the above-mentioned Stoke City. You can read the gushing tributes to the Welshman's vast improvement elsewhere but I'll just say how refreshing it must be for Spurs fans not to be crapping their lillywhites (see what I did there?) whenever Bale's name appears on the teamsheet given his previous reputation as a jinx.


8. Return of the Mac
Spreading further afield, Die Bundesliga begun this weekend. How is this relevant? Well, with the much-maligned Don Fabio taking flack from every direction at the moment, it has been interesting to see that his predecessor and 'worst England manager ever' Seventh Choice Steve McClaren has been something of a revelation on the continent since walking out of Wembley with his tail (presumably his brolly) between his legs that awful November evening way back when.

Having won the Eredivisie with unfancied FC Twente last season (following a second place finish in his first season the previous year), SurAlex's former protege has recently been appointed manager of 2008/09 German champions VfL Wolfsburg. His first competitive game took place on Friday night against Bayern Munich at the Alllianz Arena where McClaren's side gave a decent account of themselves. They were however, unfortunate to lose out to a last minute Bastian Sweinsteiger goal but there was little to suggest that the former Middlesbrough manager cannot continue where he left off in Holland – comical accent aside hopefully.



Despite my extensive previous criticisms of him, I have to say that I am impressed that we have an English manager that is prepared to spread his wings by going out and managing in different countries to further his own education of the game. If more English managers were prepared to do this then we'd ultimately breed better managers and wouldn't have people up in arms about us hiring foreigners because we quite simply wouldn't need to. I'm not saying I would like McClaren back in charge but there is no denying that his recent Euro education, whatever your feelings about the Dutch league, means he is far more qualified for the job now than when he replaced Sven.


9. Where's 'e Edin?
In the same game, I got the chance to watch 90 minutes of the much-hyped Edin Dzeko for the first time. My verdict? lively player and scored a great header but for the crazy prices he's being quoted at? I'm not so sure.


10. And finally...
I don't like the new MOTD titles this season nor the new Sky Sports News layout (although being the techy TV geek that I am, I can't express my happiness that it is now shot in proper 16:9 widescreen format – of course, can't complain about the lovely Charlotte Jackson in HD either).

World Cup Observations - Part 7: The Final

First and foremost, Congratulations to Spain for adding the World Cup to their Euro 2008 title. They were most people's favourites coming into the tournament and ultimately didn't disappoint. At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, player for player, they're the best team in the world with no obvious flaws in their starting XI or perhaps even their squad. Also, if anyone in the team was more deserving of scoring the winner than Andres Iniesta, I'd like to hear it.

The weak link was supposed to be left back Capdevila who was pinpointed as such simply because he doesn't play for Barcelona or Real Madrid! As a part of a defence that only conceded 2 goals throughout the competition and manageing to keep the dangerous Robben relatively quiet when dutchman switched to that side of the pitch, the Villareal fullback has certainly proved his doubters wrong.

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In further testament to the quality of the Spain team/squad, World Cup winners of years gone by have often featured odd player that really souldn't be there. This time around, there was no Stéphane Guivarc'h/Roque Junior to walk away with winners medal that their careers certainly did not merit.

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But alas, it seems that the general consensus is that the biggest game in world football turned out to be a bit of an anti climax and for all intents and purposes a bit of a borefest. Don't get me wrong, it was far from the best football match ever but if you listen to some people, you'd be forgiven for thinking the game was no more enjoyable than trying to chew on marbles.

What I want to know is if all the people complaining about the match want to think about maybe that this was down to the defences of both sides? How about maybe giving the defenders and goalkeepers some credit perhaps? Or is it a case that maybe these idiots don't really understand that defending is a part of football too? To criticise the lack of so-called attacking flair on display is doing a disservice to the likes of Mathijsen, van Der Weil, Steklenburg, Pique and the aforementioned Capdevila among others. Even panto villians van Bommel and De Jong played superbly when they weren't trying to main and decapitate the Spanish team. Football isn't all tricks, flicks and great goals. A solid defensive performance can be just as impressive and free-flowing attacking football and if you can't understand that, then you are watching the wrong sport.

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Some of the people that perpetuate this myth that there is only one way to play football are the bods in the studios who are for whatever reason, paid to repeat one another and repeat 'that was a poor game of football' in as many different ways as possible. Yes, we can see that. How about actually ANALYSING why it is so poor seeing as you are there as 'analysts' supposedly. These people will sit through a typical Chelsea v Liverpool match and claim that 90 minutes of no goal mouth action is an example of a great tactical battle in the so-called best league in the world. However, because they are so clueless about anything beyond our insular little island, everything else is just considered boring.

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All week we've been force fed all kinds of rubbish about the fact 'our very own' Howard Webb was to referee the World Cup final like it was something that was even remotely good for English football in some way and as if it mattered in the slightest. Anyone who has even watched just one minute of a match Webb has taken charge of would have known that giving him such a big game was akin to getting Amy Winehouse and the fat bloke from Lost to procreate; the end result is only ever going to turn out hideously ugly.


Webb had what could only be technically described as a 'mare' and left watching fans asking the question 'when is s a red card not a red card?' Before swiftly answering with 'when Howard Webb is in charge'. People complaining about the way the Dutch went out and supposedly kicked the Spanish around for 120 minutes should realise that they only pushed the boundaries of 'physicality' as far as they were allowed to by the man in the middle. Aside from his inconsistencies over fouls, Webb failed to award Holland the most obvious corner in the history of football and seconds later Iniesta scored the goal that won the tournament for Spain.

Some have tried to defend Webb by suggesting it was a "difficult game". Really? I'd always expect that a World Cup final with two committed teams who have never won it before would be a stroll in the park!

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Another major talking point came during the second half when Arjen Robben was through on goal in the second half and was clearly fouled by Carlos Puyol. As hell froze over and some pot-bellied pigs were reported to have been seen in South African airspace, the dutch winger actually stayed on his feet and went on to try and score. The widly accepted view of the incident is that if Robben had gone down, Puyol would/should/could have been sent off. Surely Puyol still committed the foul regardless of whether Robben went down or not and should have been punished regardless of the advantage gained?

Did Robben even get an advantage? You could easily argue his momentum had been severely affected by Puyol's foul. Either way, he'll be regretting the fact he chose not to show all the strength of an anemic schoolgirl and tumble to ground from the slightest physical contact. Another poor decision from Webb.

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Turns out Spain are the lowest scoring team to ever win the World Cup. While I suggested that they need more goals to do their possession and positive play some justice, no-one can argue that they have played a better game than their opponents on Sunday. The Dutch team is filled with quality players but clearly didn't play as well as we all know they have the potential to and ultimately probably didn't deserve to win the final.

That said, their combative and conservative style almost paid off. By playing the way they did, they gave themselves a decent chance of winning against the goal-shy Spaniards and lo and behold if they were to take one of the few guilt-edged chances they created in normal time, it certainly wouldn't be the Iberians who we'd be referring to as world champions right now.

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But apparently, according to some, the Dutch tactics were not in the spirit of the game or something. I find it funny in this country when a foreign manager has the nerve to complain about bad tackles and everyone gets sanctimonious about 'playing to their strengths', takes pride in 'getting stuck in' and playing a 'man's game' etc. Yet these same people that defend rough play have been quick to point the finger at Jean Claude Van Bommel and the rest of the Orange assault team.

That's not to say kicking lumps out of people is right but the preachy self righteous double-standard from those unfortunately allowed a forum to speak is almost as bad in my eyes.

Also, all the whingers calling the Dutch 'dirty' seem to be happy to turn a blind eye to all Spain's diving and playacting. I'm pretty sure that isn't good for 'the game' either, is it?

Which is worse? Tough tackling or Diving? I guess it just depends which side is your bread buttered I guess.

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Finally, after the third World Cup final defeat, would it be safe to say that the dutch have played up national stereotypes by constantly making a hash of things? Their fans must be feeling very flat at the moment.

Sorry.

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World Cup Observations - Part 6: Semis

Dutch captain Giovanni van Bronckhorst scores what might go on to be goal of the tournament with an unsaveable rasping shot from about 8 miles out in off the post into the the top corner. Very few better strikes you will ever see. Uruguay will only be able to wonder if the outcome would have been different if their first choice keeper was playing...


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Despite the high scoreline, the Dutch were once again very pragmatic and merely set out to win rather than look good doing so. The football purist may be unimpressed but six wins from six so far in the competition show that they are very much the most deserving team of a place in the final.

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Much of this more conservative style of Holland's play has been down to Bert van Marwjik's decision to employ two defensive midfielders, one of whom (Usually Nigel De Jong) has the duty to protect the back four and break up potential attacks from the opposition. The other, Mark Van Bommel, is simply there to maim and cripple opposing players with some of the worst acts of violence committed by anyone associated with 'Orange' since Malcom McDowell.

In the build up to Van Bronckhosrt's screamer, Van Bommel should have probably seen red for a brutal over-the-top challenge on Uruguay's Walter Gargano but somehow the ref managed to miss it. The Dutchman also got away with about 678 other misdemeanours before actually being booked – funnily enough for dissent rather a foul.

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Another controversial moment involved Holland's second goal. Was Van Persie offside? Probably. If he was, was he interfering with play? Well, if obstructing the goal keepers view and attempting to get a touch on Wesley Snijder's deflected effort isn't 'interfering with play' then we ought to all just pack up and go home.

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Speaking of Wes, his questionable goal currently makes joint top scorer in the tournament with David Villa on five. As brilliant a footballer as he is and has been in the World Cup, if he does end up with the golden boot, would these be some of the worst of goals ever scored by the winner of the award? Fumbled shot from Japan's goalie, Melo's head getting the final, decisive touch against Brazil and now a deflection against Uruguay. Only Frank Lampard would be proud of that collection of 'goals'.

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From the Uruguay point of view, Diego Forlan should take a bow. For me, certainly a candidate for player of the tournament. While not necessarily 'carrying' his team, he's been by far their most influential player. After his impressive two-goal cameo in the Europa League final and a fantastic string of performances in a major international competition (as well as his achievements in La Liga over the years), maybe, just maybe the unenlightened 'experts' in this country will realise that his two unsuccessful years at Manchester United don't make him a 'flop' and shouldn't be used to define his entire career.



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As for the other Semi final, I'm left to wonder if I was premature to give the Germans so much praise after their performances in the previous rounds. In some ways yes but to be honest, they were up against a much improved Spain team who showed exactly why so many people had tipped them for greatness. I know it's a cliché but Xavi and Iniesta were fantastic in midfield, closing down and retaining the ball brilliantly and the leaving the Germans will little time or room to get their direct counter-attacking game going. It again makes you wonder why Barcelona are so hellbent on bringing in Cesc Fabregas who would struggle to usurp those two and find himself on the bench for at least a couple of seasons thus putting his entire career in limbo.

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The exciting Pedro stepped in for the continually lacklustre Fernando Torres and apart from one moment when he suffered a case of 'The Heskey's' at the end of the game fluffing the chance to make it 2-0, he performed admirably showing that his regular appearances and successes in the Barca team last season were no fluke. However, it was that single example of Pedro's wastefulness which summed up Spain yet again. Great football, little end product. They need to start converting their superior possession into goals.

Interestingly, their winning goal came not from a fantastic passing move of incisive attacking play but rather from an old fashioned set-piece when 'Oscar the Grouch' Carlos Puyol powered in a late header for the win.

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So the final is set up nicely between two teams who, in their own sometimes unexpected ways have deserved to be there more than anyone else in the competition. As others have pointed out, we will be seeing new winners of the competition and that is no bad thing. As much as I enjoyed the Germany team this year, I have to say that, in my lifetime having reached either a World Cup or Euro final in 86, 90, 92, 96, 02, and 08, it is about time they give someone else a chance at a trophy for once.




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World Cup Observations - Part 5: Quarter-Finals

So after singing his praises last time around, Luis Suarez gone from scoring sensation to public enemy numero uno throughout the world for his supposed act of cheating to deny what would have been Ghana's winning goal. Talk about jinxing the guy.

In truth, I'm not really sure I understand the whole furore surrounding the incident. Yes, we were all behind Ghana and wanted to see them through but let's not lose sight of the fact that the laws of the game were applied accordingly. Suarez broke the rules and was punished with a red card and one game suspension (thankfully common sense has prevailed and this has been upheld rather than extended). If Asamoah Gyan had just done what he did in the shoot out and bury the resulting penalty, we wouldn't even be sitting here talking about this now. Suarez is no more a 'cheat' than a player who wrongly tries to claim a corner or a throw in. I can't see why people are getting so bent out of shape demanding longer suspensions, rule changes and the like.

That said, I was discussing with a mate the idea of introducing a 'penalty goal' in such situations and I have to say, I'd actually very much be in favour. It was a certain goal and as we saw, the award of a penalty provides no such certainty. Given the circumstances and timing, it was heartbreaking for Ghana and you could see in the shootout, the life had been sapped from them completely when they should have been celebrating a semi-final place.

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The at times peerless Lionel Messi is going home from South Africa without a goal and his tail between his legs following Argentina's exit from the tournament is which he was expected to emulate the fantastic achievements of El Diego 24 years earlier.

Young Leo is that most talented football player I have ever had the pleasure of seeing and I'm fairly sure there would be a number of others who would agree with me. The man has helped Barcelona conquer both La Liga and Europe in recent years, almost single-handedly destroying some of the world's best club sides with frightening ease in the process.



Yet for whatever reason, while not being totally terrible at the World Cup, he has failed to replicate his club form at international level. Although, as this tournament has shown, he's in good company.

Messi does have time on his side however. Should his powers not wane in the coming years, you’d think he has at least a couple more tournaments to strut his stuff.

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Despite Messi's failure to light up this weekend's quarter final, another 20-something whose name begins M was able took centre stage. Off the back of making England look like some sort of pub team, Thomas Müller and his gang of German upstarts repeated the trick and handed the Argies their collective backsides on a plate with a ruthless, near perfect performance which was as impressive as any ever seen in the history of the competition.

I know such sentiment isn't supposed be uttered in 'In-ger-lund' I can’t help but love this German team. The old stereotypes of functional efficiency could be put to bed thanks in part to the potency of their brilliant counter-attacking style. If Brazil had played like that, we'd still be wiping the ejaculate off the walls.

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Speaking of Brazil, Dunga has paid the price for sacrificing the ethos of flair in favour of a more conservative approach. The quarter final against the Dutch was supposed to be Samba vs Total Football. I think it's safe to say that neither team has been worthy of these respective descriptions in the tournament up until this point but while the Dutch seem happy to plod along simply being 'effective' the Brazilians expect much, much more.

In a proper 'game of two halves' Brazil were in cruise control for the first 45 minutes and could have been out of sight by half time. The second period was a different story as they were as bad as I've ever seen them. Mental Melo, who coolly provided the assist in the first half but then self-destructed as dramatically as a suicide bomber on a Baghdad bus, was a microcosm of the whole Brazil team in the match. A true case of the sublime to the ridiculous.

The Dutch deserved their win and could have made the final scoreline far more humiliating but for some truly woeful finishing.

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Speaking of which, how utterly underwhelming have Spain been so far? Lot's and lot's pretty passing and possession football but about as capable of doing anything in the box as a blind eunuch. Arsene Wenger once allegedly claimed he wanted his Arsenal team to adopt the Spanish model for success. Anyone who has ever seen a match at the Emirates will already be used to frustrating profligacy and failure to regularly kill teams off so his team are already there.

The match against Paraguay was a dire, soul-destroying affair that the Spaniards barely scraped through despite Pedro and Villa's best efforts to miss the decisive winning goal. Torres was terrible yet again as Spain failed to fashion a clear cut goal scoring opportunity until very late in the game. Despite still being man-for-man the best team in the tournament, I very much doubt the rampant Germans will hold much fear at this point and will be eyeing revenge from the Euro 2008 final. Could the perennial under-achievers fail to deliver yet again in a World Cup?

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The Spain v Paraguay match provided an insane few minutes where the referee Carlos Batres went out of his way to be as inconsistent as possible. Paraguay were awarded a penalty for a Pique's pull on Oscar Cardozo. Fair play to the ref for giving it but if there was any consistency, there would a bout 6 penalties given per match for the exact same offence. Cordozo missed and within seconds, David Villa was brought to ground by Antolin Alcaraz. As last man, why he wasn't sent off, only Batres can explain. Xabi Alonso buried the spot kick but the ref made him retake it as some players were deemed to be encroaching in the penalty area. Again, for the sake of consistency, every penalty would need to be retaken because every penalty you care to look at will have someone running into the area early. Alonso naturally missed the retake and Cesc Fabregas (who was probably encroaching) was taken out by Justo Villar in the Paraguay goal only for Batres to award a corner! All that happened in the space of about 3 minutes and it still somehow remained 0-0 afterwards.

My guess is that ref Batres was about as bored as the rest of us and upon realising he didn't have the luxury of simply switching the channel just wanted to spark the game into life. Well done that man!

Then the phenomenal David Villa scored his 33rd goal in 34 internationals to take the Spaniards through and but himself ahead of the rest in the race for the golden boot. Villa has also scored ALL bar one of Spain's goals in the tournament so far. Where would they be without him? At home, that's where!

I hate to say I told you so...




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