Arsing about: Gunners Give Chelsea the Blues - Weekend Observations: 29th-30th October 2011

There was a time when the teams at the Premier League summit would go into matches against one another exercising caution and contesting dull, cagey low scoring encounters that did nothing to back up the claim that the English top flight is "The Best League in the World". However, all that seems to have changed this season. Who would have thought at just a quarter of the way through the campaign we would have seen the kind of jaw-dropping, pinch yourself, lay off the LSD type of scorelines from the head-to-heads between the top clubs? Manchester City have demolished crosstown rivals and current champions United. They also went to White Hart Lane and tore Champions League hopefuls Tottenham a new one. Spurs themselves responded to that beating by giving Liverpool something of a pasting.

Then there's Arsenal. A truly disastrous start to the season was compounded with a miserable afternoon at Old Trafford. The astounding 8-2 set back against Manchester United was less a football match but more a kind of snuff film. Going into this weekend's game against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, not many people would have given them a prayer. I'm willing to bet that, to a man, every single Arsenal supporter on the planet would have taken a draw if offered on Friday evening. But alas, this unpredictable mistress that we call football pulls another surprise from of her bag of tricks in the form of the Gunners' astonishing 5-3 victory.

One of the many criticisms levelled at Arsenal over the weeks (years?) concerns a supposed lack of leadership. If Robin van Persie's umpteenth barnstorming performance and subsequent hat-trick are not considered a form of leadership then you're going to have to sit me down in a classroom and have a qualified teacher tell me what is. He may not be the 'shouter' that we are told every team worth their salt requires but by God does he lead by example. His latest treble made it 28 goals in 27 league matches this calendar year. If other players in the Arsenal team could find a level of consistency anywhere near that, then the team would be in far better shape that it currently finds itself.



One player in particular whose general performances are about as random as a bag of licorice allsorts is Theo Walcott. Having had something of a hit and miss season (career?), young Theo reserved his best showing for Saturday when he gave Ashley Cole more problems than a hairdresser with a kiss and tell story. His contribution to the scoresheet was something special too.

Having gone behind twice and then allowing Chelsea to equalise at 3-3, It was a surprising turn up for the books to see the Arsenal team stand firm and show rare but tremendous character to win the match so emphatically. Especially given the frequency of humiliating collapses that have occurred far, far too often in recent years. The win puts them just 3 points behind their vanquished opponents and, whisper it, back on course to challenge for a top four finish.

Since that fateful day in Manchester, talk of the club's supposed demise have filled more column inches in the Sports media than anything else. The number of back page leads declaring a crisis at the Emirates would probably exceed the number of journalists employed to write them.

What has gone unnoticed it would seem is the fact that since a befuddling 4-3 setback at Blackburn, the supposedly beleaguered Arsene Wenger has now led his team to 8 wins in 9 games in three competitions. If that's a crisis, 95% of football teams must be in complete meltdown.

More so than most teams, discussion of Arsenal falls foul of that lazy way of observing football whereby if something isn't fantastic then by default it must be complete shit. No other club is spoken of in such black and white terms and we're all guilty of it. The football is always described as 'wonderful' even when it isn't. The youth policy is always described as a success even when things go a bit Jérémie Aliadière. On the flip side, failure to win a trophy for a few years apparently means that the whole club needs rebuilding from the top down. People also draw the conclusion that selling player X automatically means the club is in freefall. Arsene Wenger is either a genius or a clown. They MUST buy or they MUST not. There is very rarely middle ground. Nobody in Islington will pretend that all is rosy in the Arsenal garden but the apocalyptic headlines that have been written about the club this season have bordered on absurd. The team have definitely started to show signs of turning that mythical corner.

Admittedly, the recent good run hadn't exactly seen them take on the cream of world football and they have been blessed with a number of home matches so when people spoke of a trip to Stamford Bridge being a 'true test' of any supposed Arsenal revival, the point was most certainly a valid one especially given that their last league win on the road was waaaaaay back against relegated Blackpool in the spring.

Not only did they pass the test, but they pretty much received top marks. It's not quite time to proclaim the second coming of the Invincibles but it might make one two people think twice before writing eulogies for the North Londoners.

Of course, one thing that still seems inescapable are the prevalent frailties in defence. Arsenal's makeshift backline was typically far from secure. Andre Santos, Per Mertesaker and Johan Djourou had a torrid time of it on Saturday lunchtime and were culpable for at least two of the three goals conceded and made a number of other laughable mistakes throughout.

However, if this is an accusation you can lay at the door of the Arsenal team, what then does one say about Chelsea? The Blues conceded five at home. FIVE! An unthinkable scenario in recent years. Since their Abramovich-funded ascension up the table, one thing you could always say about Chelsea was that they were built on a solid defensive base. All that seems to have gone straight out of the window because right now, they look a complete mess. In Jose Mourinho's first year in charge, they conceded a miserly 15 Premier League goals all season. They've conceded that many in just 10 games this year. Last week, our learned friends in the football media pointed the collective finger at the erratic David Luiz. This week the Brazilian wasn't in the side which would suggest that there is something wrong with new manager Andre Villas-Boas' tactical approach which, while very exciting going forward, evidently leaves them far too vulnerable at the back. The personnel hasn't changed but it's obvious they are playing a far more open game than they are used to.

If they are to make waves domestically and challenge for the ever-elusive Champions League crown in Europe, something needs to be done to shore things up because the ease at which Arsenal were able to slice them open time and time again, is something that will encourage any half decent side Chelsea will face between now and the end of the season.

All that said, I'm sure I speak for most people when I say that John Terry falling on his face for Arsenal's all important fourth goal filled me with great joy and wonderful, wonderful feelings of schadenfreude. Karma is a bitch, isn't it, John?



Away from West London, it was a pretty unremarkable weekend in the Premier League (I write this before the inevitable 6-6 draw between Stoke and Newcastle on Monday night...). Spurs and Liverpool both won as expected against QPR and West Brom respectively. Gareth Bale appeared to have made Sky's Super Sunday panel simultaneously climax as he scored an impressive brace for the former in comfortable 3-1 win that taught us nothing. Meanwhile, my love-hate relationship with the odious and despicable Luis Suarez continued as he put in another scintillating showing in the Scouse side's 2-0 win at the Hawthorns.

Special shouts to Norwich and Swansea who continue to perform above expectations. Blackburn's draw at Carrow Road was the only point picked up by either them, Bolton or Wigan in the bottom three. Things could and should have been better for Rovers who were cruising at 3-1 and were very unfortunate to have a last minute penalty awarded against them as the match ended 3-3. It almost makes you feel sorry for Steve Kean... almost!

People looking for a 'reaction' from Manchester United after their pummelling last weekend may well have been left disappointed after the reds laboured to a Javier Hernandez inspired 1-0 win over Everton. People spoke before the game as though Sir Fergie's team would show up at Goodison Park and tear the Toffees to shreds. Or more fittingly, chew them up and spit them. That was never going to realistically happen but more important than achieving a 'big' win was just getting any sort of win at all. As an added bonus, United kept a clean sheet a huge and significant achievement given the many question marks over their defence.

Keeping pace at the top of the table, City beat Wolves fairly comfortably for the second time in a week without really breaking a sweat and despite being reduced to ten men. If you're wondering whether that is down to how good City are or how much Wolves are struggling at present, I can confidently and lazily state that it's both.

Results

Saturday
Chelsea 3-5 Arsenal
Everton 0-1 Manchester United
Manchester City 3-1 Wolves
Norwich 3-3 Blackburn
Sunderland 2-2 Aston Villa
Swansea 3-1 Bolton
Wigan 0-2 Fulham
West Brom 0-2 Liverpool

Sunday
Tottenham 3-1 QPR

Follow me on Twitter

PFA Player of (some of) the year 2010/2011 nominees

Spring time. The sun is out, the birds are singing, flowers are in bloom, the days are longer and otherwise unattractive members of the human race all of sudden become far more appealing for whatever it is consenting adults choose to do behind closed doors. Spring also brings with it the conclusion of the football season and with it the depressing realisation that the months on end you've spent watching your team in the vain hope that they won't disappoint you yet again have been wasted as, predictably, they disappoint you yet again.

In time honoured tradition, the end of the football season sees various trophies, medals and other such shiny trinkets being lavished onto both teams and individuals for their various achievements over the winter months. Of course, with enough of the campaign remaining between now and May for major changes to still take place, one would think it would make sense to wait until then before the customary back-slapping and brown-nosing over which player was supposed to have been the 'best' in the league since August.

Not the PFA however. No, the player's player of the year award is based on what an individual has managed to achieve in only three quarters of season making it, in some people's eyes (mine), somewhat flawed. Given that the eventual winner could go on to have a stinker in his remaining games or have another player perform better than him over the next few weeks, I'm sure I'm not alone in suggesting that maybe they should wait before the customary arse-kissing that takes place?

The PFA award is voted for by fellow players. Coupled with the dodgy timing of the award, you may also wonder whether the pros are best placed or indeed have the nous to make an informed and more importantly, objective decision as to who is most deserving of the prize. But alas, things are as they are and ultimately, who are we to question it?

The shortlist of nominees was announced on Friday:

Gareth Bale


Pros: Once upon a time, the White Hart Lane faithful would shudder when the name Gareth Bale was read out pre-match thanks to his reputation as something of a jinx. It's not that he was a 'bad' footballer but there was certainly a feeling that the young Welshman was about at home in a Tottenham shirt as a Katie Price in a convent. This all changed last season as 'Arry realised that Bale was a left winger and subsequently played him there rather than in the left back position where he had previously struggled so badly. After playing a major role in getting Spurs into the Champions League, Bale started this season with a bang keeping his side within touching distance of the top of the table with a number of man of the match displays. His goal at Stoke in the autumn is up there with one of the strikes of the season and will hopefully not be forgotten in the glut of great goals over the campaign.

Bale however, saved his best for Europe as he blasted himself into the consciousness of the of the entire continent following two masterful displays against the European Champions Internazionale including a jaw-dropping hat-trick at the San Siro in a 4-3 defeat. These performances alone led to many over-excitable 'experts' declaring that Bale was as good, if not better, than the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi!

Cons: This kind of over excessive praise and the fact that, in truth, Bale has come nowhere near living up to it. To equate him to Messi and Ronaldo is an insult to both those players as well as the likes of Xavi, Iniesta, Sneijder, Robben, Villa and any other player that has been good for more than five minutes. Yes, an 'exciting' player but then again, so was Jose Dominguez. To suggest that Bale is one of the best players in the world is mind-boggling simply by virtue of the fact his productivity is below par for someone of his talent. Despite being a nightmare to defend against, his 7 league goals and ONE paltry assist in 25 games suggest his overall output this season has not nearly lived up to the hype he generates. Against Real Madrid last Tuesday, the so-called best player in the world only completed 5 of his pitiful 8 passes in Spurs' 4-0 pasting. Ok, injury has blighted his progress but it seems when people go mad over the Welshman their opinion is clouded by those matches against Inter which, let's face it, get further away with each passing day.


Samir Nasri


Pros: Once heralded as a the 'new Zidane' and while not quite as good as the best European footballer of all time, Samir Nasri has shown this season that such comparisons are not as outrageous as they may initially seem. Up until his injury in January, Nasri was far and away the stand out performer in an Arsenal team that looked to be on the verge of greatness this season. His form was so good and so inspiring for the gunners that injury to Cesc Fabregas in the Autumn was not as damaging as first feared with some even suggesting Nasri could even seamlessly take over from his captain should the latter run off to Barcelona.

Nasri's main attribute is the kind of close control you only see in computer games. Add some pace, balance and trickery and in Nasri you have one of the finest creative players in the league this season. Having netted 9 times in the league, it's not been the quantity but rather the quality of his goals that have people in awe of his ability. In a team choked with talented players, it says a lot about Nasri that he has been the best.

Cons: Nasri is like a microcosm of Arsenal football club in recent years. Adventurous, skilful and very easy on the eye but a tendency to fall short before the final hurdle. Like Bale, injury may have played its part but Nasri has gone off the boil on in the new year. Of course, it's unfair to place all Arsenal's failings at his feet but a greater contribution would have been expected from him in recent weeks and had he produced anything close to what he has shown he can, it's unlikely that his side’s season would have gone into such dramatic freefall.

Carlos Tevez


Pros: Following his controversial pan-Manchester transfer a couple of years back after Sir Alex Ferguson declared that he 'wasn't worth the money', Tevez has arguably become the best striker in the league. Where the Argentine differs from his peers is a unique level of tenacity. Not only is he there to stick the ball in the back of the net but his work rate is second to none. Barely a City game passes where you don't sit there thinking "By 'eck! That Tevez doesn't half work hard".

Despite the embarrassment of talent squeezed into their squad and given their indifferent performances over the year, you do wonder if City would still be in with any sort of shout for any honours without him. So many times he has been the sole factor between a draw (or perhaps even a defeat) and three precious points.

Cons: Not so much anything he has or hasn't done on the field but his behaviour but his general attitude and demeanour over the course of the season. The whole saga over his transfer request and alleged fallings out with the manager has undermined City’s challenge this year. Ok, he still puts in a shift on the pitch but as captain and leader of an increasingly volatile collection of individuals, he surely could and should have been setting a better example.

Scott Parker


Pros: It's certainly fair to say that West Ham would most likely already be down if it wasn’t for Parker and his all too regular inspirational acts of leadership both on and off the pitch. Lord knows Avram needs all the help he can get and since sneaking cyanide into the opposition's Lucozade bottles might not go down so well with the authorities, the next best thing is having a player like Parker who not only contributes to attacks but also does that thing we English love oh so much: grafting. Box-to-box midfielders in this mould are all too rare in the modern game. With an abundance of deep-lying forwards, playmakers and anchormen all forming sub-categories of the traditional central midfielder, what Parker does seems to stand out all the more. Dynamic is an all too simplistic description of him and he has fully earned his place in the England set-up recently.

Cons: He plays for West Ham. No disrespect to the Hammers but they have been pretty abject over the past two years. Ok, this may sound like big club snobbery but if a good player stands out in a poor team, does that not distort our perception of him? Is being 'good' at West Ham the same as being average at say.... Chelsea? Something Parker himself can answer from experience. Like any half decent player at a 'better' team, it shouldn't be a surprise to see him thrive in such an environment. Should he really be a rewarded for being a big fish in a small pond?


Rafael van der Vaart

Sylvie....

Pros: Ok, it's lazy and often redundant to quote transfer fees given that one player's value is almost never determined in relation to the value of another but in a world where a team can spend 35 million English pounds on a lump of a striker with half a season's Premier League experience, it seems crazy that Tottenham were able to snap up a regular Dutch international from Real Madrid for a mere £8million. In real terms this was the equivalent of going into Currys and finding a 50 inch plasma screen TV with a £100 price tag on it. This transfer wasn't just value for money, it was value AGAINST money (does that make sense? Probably not) and made a mockery of most transfers in football history. Van der Vaart didn't even require anything of a settling in period and took to the Premier League with ease. Playing as a second striker, he provided the perfect link between the creativity of Modric in midfield and the goals of, in particular, Crouch as a front man who he seems to work best with. His own haul of 10 league goals is not too shabby either.

Blessed with creativity and vision, the Dutchman added a new type of directness to the Tottenham team and certainly improved what was already a high-quality style of play under 'Arry. Alongside the abovementioned Bale, people were impressed enough at one stage to even speak of Spurs as potential champions this season. Signing of the season? Probably. Bargain of the season? No question.

Cons: On a continuing theme that surely justifies my argument that these awards are handed out far too early, his form has tailed off in recent months as has his attitude. Injuries haven't helped but perhaps more applicably, the Dutch have earned a reputation, in football at least, as being temperamental, argumentative and downright stroppy. On more than occasion following substitution, van der Vaart has irritated his manager by storming off down the tunnel in a huff. Unlike Tevez, the Tottenham man very much strikes me as the kind of player who will allow his unhappiness to creep into his game and ultimately, his performances will suffer.

Charlie Adam


Pros: The gaping chasm between the Premier League and football league is generally always going to see teams and players from The Championship come up and struggle. Therefore, I am always encouraged to see a player able to make the transition without much trouble. Aside from just making the transition, Blackpool's Charlie Adam has slotted himself and looks right at home. Adam's ability will certainly have proved to be a pleasant surprise to anyone who didn't follow Blackpool promotion-winning run last season but even for Championship fans and even those who saw his fantastic free kick in the Play off final (a trick he has had no trouble repeating), no-one would have expected him to be as good as he has been. This a reject from the SPL for Christ sake!

Adam's physical stature obviously doesn't invoke images of a flair player but don't let his frame fool you. Yes, he is a 'hard worker' but Adam shines through his flair, creativity and keen eye for goal. Like Scott Parker, Adam inspires the lesser players around him to play better. Transfer shenanigans in the winter almost saw him depart Bloomfield Road and you can easily see him staying in the Premier League next season even if Blackpool do not.

Cons: How many times have you heard pundits, journalists, bloggers etc refer to Blackpool as a breath of fresh air? It has been accepted practice to patronise Ian Holloway's team as they have performed beyond all expectations this season. Hang about, these are not park footballers. They are still professionals and it grates even at this stage of the season to still be surprised at the fact some players you never heard of before this campaign can actually get the ball down and play. In that respect, Charlie Adam is almost a poster boy for this 'plucky little team' of apparent nobodies and you can't help but feel that his nomination is an example of tokenism. I like Adam but he certainly isn't the best player in the league and giving it to him would come across like nothing more than overblown sentiment not far off the ludicrous decision to award it to Ryan Giggs a couple of years back.


Nemanja Vidic


Pros: Hoo-effing-ray!!! People actually realise that you don't need to be some poncey, fancy dan, orange-boot wearing attacker to be a good player. Some recognition for the guys at the other end at last. In The Republic, Plato talked about the rulers, or Philosopher Kings. Below them would be the Auxillaries, guardians or soldiers. Applying this hierarchy to football, the perception would surely be that the attackers are the rulers while the defenders would be the auxillaries. Without doubt the leader of these Soldiers would Vidic. The Serb is unquestionably the number one centre back in the division and this season more than any previous has he had to show it. Vidic has also been without his fellow defensive chum Rio Ferdinand for much of the season which just shows that they don't necessarily need to play as a partnership in order to thrive. With or without Rio, Vidic has been rock solid for much of the season. The general consensus is that this United team is one of the poorest for years yet unbelievably the team are still looking at a potential if not unlikely treble. Whether this happens or not, Sir Alex Ferguson will surely be looking at the general sturdiness of his Vidic in his back line to prevent defeats in many games when their performances deserved it.

Cons: On the rare occasion Vidic performs badly, he doesn't so much self destruct rather he sets himself on fire before diving head first into a barrel of gunpowder! The most recent example was in last week's controversial game at West Ham where he was an accident waiting to happen and extremely fortunate not to receive his marching orders. In years gone by, his struggles against Fernando Torres were well documented. In this year's game at Stamford Bridge, the misfiring Spaniard's mere presence in the stadium was still enough to unsettle Vidic into getting sent off... probabaly.


Does the fact that the list features two players involved in the relegation battle reflect the quality of the league? And if so, in a positive or a negative way? Nasri, Bale and van der Vaart have all missed a fair part of the season through injury and all three have suffered for form recently yet still make the list. Make of that what you will.

I maintain that there still too large a portion of the campaign to make a decision. Why not wait? What is the big rush? There is still time for players not on the shortlist who have had an impressive year (Nani? Kompany? Ashley Cole? Chris Brunt???) and can still have a major impact between now and May.

But I guess that would make too much sense.

Personally, I think Parker deserves it.

Follow me on Twitter.

How things Change. Weekend Observations - November 6th-7th 2010

Where else to start than at Anfield? With the poor performances, player unrest, takeover shenanigans and financial troubles, it's difficult to imagine a football club experiencing a more eventful opening three months to a season. Much of the drama is akin to works of fiction and would not have been out of place on the horrifically unrealistic but highly watchable Sky One series Dream Team from days gone by.

Liverpool have somehow gone from a humbling shock home defeat against newly promoted Blackpool to an incredible victory over champions Chelsea in the space of just a few weeks – a third league win on the bounce propelling them from the doldrums of the Premier League relegation zone to the dizzying heights of mid-table.



The victory over the league leaders was inspired by the eye-poppingly good Fernando Torres whose two first half goals were enough to see off the visitors. The second of which was a moment of genius that simply reminds all of us exactly why we love watching this thing we call football.

Last week, I suggested that the Spaniard looked disinterested in Liverpool's unconvincing victory at Bolton and while I stand by that claim, the contrast in his performance this week could not have been more stark. Torres was back to his unplayable self and sent out something of a reminder as well as a huge 'F*CK YOU!!' to all the critics who have dared to write him off this season.

And it wasn't just Torres. The likes of Jamie Carragher, Maxi Rodriguez and Lucas all played unexpectedly well in this match making me think someone had spiked my coco pops with some kind of hallucinogenic drug such was my astonishment to what I was witnessing. Yes, Liverpool actually looked like a decent side for the first times in what seems like years. Maybe they finally have turned that fabled corner that everyone is so obsessed with.

As for their opponents, a strange thing occurred to me. The problem of subjective interpretations based on particular outcomes. Last week, Chelsea didn't play well but managed a result away at Blackburn. We all sat here saying it was the hallmark of champions to be able to do so and just assumed that the same would happen whoever they faced. I'm not saying that one defeat means Chelsea are in any sort of crisis but in truth, they haven't been at their best recently and perhaps are not deserving of the exaggerated hype surrounding them. They still undoubtedly remain the best side in the country and will more than likely end up as champions but maybe all the talk of them running away with the title ought to be set aside as of right now.

That very term, 'crisis' has been bandied about a great deal so far this season. As each week passes another club is on the brink of declaring some kind of state of emergency. Whereas Manchester United and Liverpool seem to have come through their periods of sensationalised disaster, last week it was the turn of Manchester City, with reports that Roberto Mancini was about to be taken out round the back of Eastlands by a large man armed with a handgun, duct tape and enough space in the back of his car to fit the body of a diminutive Italian wearing a scarf. However, the billionaires were back to winning ways thanks to two goals from marquee summer signing Super Mario Balotelli at West Brom.

If you believe what you read about Mancini being on borrowed time, this win would have surely bought him some breathing space. However, the pressure could well be right back on if City, minus their Hawthorns match winner following his sending off late in the game, lose this Wednesday in a little match taking place at Eastlands against their penny-pinching neighbours from around the way.

Speaking of whom, Ji-Sung Park's winning goal in the last minute of Fergie time... I mean, stoppage time at home against Wolves could well prove to have huge ramifications given the erratic results of the teams surrounding them this weekend. Manchester United, once again, looked far from convincing, but remain unbeaten and are slowly looking to build up something like momentum. They're turning those early season draws into wins and continue to put pressure on Chelsea above them. You have to believe that the performances will eventually come too and it will be just as important for them to avoid defeat on Wednesday as much as their cross-town rivals.



As I pointed out weeks ago following his hat-trick against Liverpool, the excessive praise dished out to Dimitar Berbatov that day proved to be somewhat premature with the Bulgarian having gone five league games without finding the net before being dropped... sorry, "rested" on Saturday. This doesn't make him shit either, it just means he's probably somewhere halfway between.

A major talking point from Manchester United's win this weekend was the aborted return to action for the lesser-spotted Owen Hargreaves, a player so unfortunate with injury an entire Salford-based hospital is set to be built and named in his honour*. For those that didn't see it, the former England international was withdrawn after just 5 minutes of the game with a hamstring injury. Yes, FIVE MINUTES!! Sir Alex has suggested 'anxiety' may be the cause of the latest set back suggesting that, understandably, there may be some psychological hump that Hargreaves will have to scale if he ever to get back to his best.

On the subject of perpetual injury problems, Arsenal found themselves in a rare position this week when what a good portion of what many believe to be their first team were available for selection. In the past five trophyless years, we've been constantly been led to believe that had Arsenal not been victims of a gypsy curse and hadn't had more players in hospital than available to play then these barren years would have been far more fruitful. The first chance to prove the validity of this claim came against Newcastle at the Emirates and it was a test they failed in spectacular fashion.

Andy Carroll gave the visitors a shock 1-0 win in a game where the same old problems reared their ugly, ugly heads again. I'm tempted to copy/paste previous statements about goalkeeping problems, failure to perform when Cesc Fabregas isn't 100% and inability to break down any team that actually knows how to defend but these problems are so glaringly obvious they don't really bare repeating.

Arsene Wenger's team is at risk of becoming the most pointless entity in football. Every season it's the same. A top four finish without ever really looking like winning the title and a decent cup run until they come up against someone half decent. Same old tedious story every year. Repeat to fade.

Equally pointless are an Aston Villa team who this season are about as interesting as a three hour lecture on socks by Iain Duncan-Smith. Following a prolonged and patient rebuilding process, Villa were on the brink of reaching the holy grail known as the Champions League just a little over a season ago. Now, in the space of a little under six months, the whole plan seems to have unravelled and they have returned to the level of midtable obscurity that preceded Randy Learner’s takeover some years back. It's hard to lay blame at the feet of new manager Gerard Houllier but this current side are hardly one to get the juices flowing.

This weekend's 1-all draw at Fulham was just about par for the course for a team averaging less than 1 goal a game so far this season with just 10 in 11. Only West Ham (9) and Wigan (8) have scored fewer and both those sides are in the relegation zone. If Villa are not careful, they could easily join them over the coming weeks as they sit a mere three points about the bottom three.

Spurs, the team that eventually achieved what Villa couldn't by breaking into the elusive top four and subsequent Champions League qualification, did their reputation no harm last week after comfortably beating European champions Inter Milan at White Hart Lane. Now, unless you superglued your eyes shut and stuffed your ears with playdough, you wouldn't have failed to notice that the major talking point from the game was Gareth Bale whose the stupendous performance presumably had Inter's right back Maicon on the phone to a victim support helpline after the game, such was the brutality of the public violating he suffered.



Bale's performance had the 'experts' almost literally frothing at the mouth in excitement and declaring, in all seriousness, that the young Welshman is somehow up there with the likes of Ronaldo, Messi, Xavi and Drogba as the best in the world. Leaving aside the fact that in both games against Inter he was allowed the freedom of Europe to do his damage thanks to the absence of any attempt to try and stop him, I was interested to see how well Bale was performing back on home soil. His sum total of two goals (both in the same game) and one assist having played every minute of every Tottenham match this campaign would suggest that maybe he's not quite the new Maradona just yet. Talk about people getting ahead of themselves. Best in the world? Have a word with yourself!

Bale and his Tottenham team were on the receiving end of something of a hammering from Bolton which by some folks' twisted logic would mean that Owen Coyle's side are now the best team in Europe.

Final point this week would be to tread on already well trodden ground and talk about Stoke City. The staffordshire club are floundering somewhat in the league and are only outside the bottom three thanks the the abovementioned woeful scoring record of Wigan Athletic. Grandmaster Tony Pulis seems to think that this down to bad refereeing decisions going against them and Dean Whitehead has pointed to Danny Murphy's comments some weeks back, believing they have influenced officials. It's funny that Blackburn and Wolves, also criticised by Murphy, have not faced similar troubles but let's not let that get in the way of Pulis' deflection tactics to stop people noticing how piss poor his team actually are. I seem to remember him criticising other managers for 'moaning' in the past. Nothing like good old fashioned double-standards, eh Tone?

*This may not be true

Follow me on Twitter

Weekend Observations 22nd-25th August

Back for the new season...

1.Sixual assault
That's right! One of the few reasons I've decided to write this blog was to use that pun (In fact, maybe the ONLY reason!). I'm sure you have all simply loved the numerous and tedious 'six' based puns seen in many a news publication over the last 48 hours (My personal favourite was the News of the World's ''SIXY BEASTS”). Not wanting to feel left out, I decided to go for the effective if not slightly sinister and violent example above. You're welcome.

But this isn't a blog about the bastardisation of the English language through "clever" plays on words. No, the reason all three of you are reading this piece is to absorb and subsequently disagree with my views on the recent happenings in the beautiful game.

As you may have heard or seen, there were an unprecedented THREE 6-0 hammerings this weekend. Arsenal put Blackpool to the sword, Wigan were publicly violated by CSKA Fulham and Newcastle fans were given an opportunity to revert back to the deluded bunch we've all come to love over years after the Magpies stuffed Villa at St, James' Park. Yes, we all love goals but do these results (as well as CSKA's humping of West Brom last weekend) highlight the quality of the aforementioned or simply show us how bad some of the teams that populate the 'best league in the world' actually are?


2.The Future's Bright...
The Arsenal and Newcastle games saw England hopefuls Andy Carroll and Theo Walcott notch hat-tricks for their respective sides. While I'm not about to detract from their achievements, I think the quality (of lack thereof) of the opposition played a huge part in both youngsters' trebles so let's not get too excited... yet. However, following the shambles in South Africa, it's hard not to be pleased to see that there may be a glimmer of hope on the horizon for the national team. Adam Johnson's performance for City against Liverpool should not go unnoticed either.




3.The Numbers Game
Not being a particularly superstitious man, I rarely attach any importance to squad numbers. I like wearing number 4 for the Sunday league teams I've played for but I wouldn't exactly bite off your fingers if you ever tried to stop me from wearing it. I am aware however that there are people that do believe there is some significance to the number a player wears. At Arsenal, the number 14 (Henry) is held in high regard and the same goes for the number 9 (Shearer) at Newcastle. You might argue that messers Walcott and Carroll have been entrusted with a lot of responsibility being given those shirts but kudos to both this weekend for performing in a way that would have made their respective predecessors proud.


4.Paul Scholes - He Scores Goals
Yes, he does! Take a bow son!




5.Wi-gone?
If I had bothered to get off my arse and finished the unpublished season preview/predictions blog post I started some weeks back, I'd be looking for the recipe for an industrial sized slice of humble pie (can you bake pie by the slice?) having boldly suggested that Roberto Martinez was going to get it right at Wigan (coincidentally, also famed for their great pies...) this year and they were definitely in contention for a top half finish. As we all know, you can't realistically gauge how the season is going to pan out after just two games but I can confidently state that I was wrong about Wigan and Martinez. The manager has to carry the can for this as it's his over-zealous attacking philosophy that is costing the team. There would be some justification if Wigan could actually find the back of the net but a bit fat zero in the 'Goals For' column along with the 10 goals conceded (both matches being at home no less) means that he is getting things oh so badly wrong. Chairman Dave Whelan has today suggested he is going to keep faith with his manager which probably isn't so great for Wigan but will mean a lot of fun high scoring trips for away fans traveling to the DW stadium over the next nine months. That and the pies, of course.


6.Something about technology
Once again, a big controversial decision has people talking about the need for technology to help officials blah blah blah repeat to fade. I've written about this before and stand by my previous assertion that while it would be welcome, we don't even need 'technology' per se as an extra official behind the goal would be as effective and easier to implement. An extra official could have easily spotted Stoke's 'goal' against Spurs and I wouldn't even have had to waste the last 84 words going over the same mind-numbing debate yet again. Instead we'd be arguing about the fact the goal shouldn't have stood anyway due to the also unspotted (is that a word?) foul on Gomes by Huth. But then again, an official behind the goal would have seen that too wouldn't he?

Also, see the penalty Fulham should have been awarded at 1-all against Man Utd and the fact Arsenal probably shouldn't have had a penalty against Blackpool. Both would have seen by an extra man behind the goal.


7.The Bale Identity
You'd struggle to find a better goal from the weekend than Gareth Bale's volley against the above-mentioned Stoke City. You can read the gushing tributes to the Welshman's vast improvement elsewhere but I'll just say how refreshing it must be for Spurs fans not to be crapping their lillywhites (see what I did there?) whenever Bale's name appears on the teamsheet given his previous reputation as a jinx.


8. Return of the Mac
Spreading further afield, Die Bundesliga begun this weekend. How is this relevant? Well, with the much-maligned Don Fabio taking flack from every direction at the moment, it has been interesting to see that his predecessor and 'worst England manager ever' Seventh Choice Steve McClaren has been something of a revelation on the continent since walking out of Wembley with his tail (presumably his brolly) between his legs that awful November evening way back when.

Having won the Eredivisie with unfancied FC Twente last season (following a second place finish in his first season the previous year), SurAlex's former protege has recently been appointed manager of 2008/09 German champions VfL Wolfsburg. His first competitive game took place on Friday night against Bayern Munich at the Alllianz Arena where McClaren's side gave a decent account of themselves. They were however, unfortunate to lose out to a last minute Bastian Sweinsteiger goal but there was little to suggest that the former Middlesbrough manager cannot continue where he left off in Holland – comical accent aside hopefully.



Despite my extensive previous criticisms of him, I have to say that I am impressed that we have an English manager that is prepared to spread his wings by going out and managing in different countries to further his own education of the game. If more English managers were prepared to do this then we'd ultimately breed better managers and wouldn't have people up in arms about us hiring foreigners because we quite simply wouldn't need to. I'm not saying I would like McClaren back in charge but there is no denying that his recent Euro education, whatever your feelings about the Dutch league, means he is far more qualified for the job now than when he replaced Sven.


9. Where's 'e Edin?
In the same game, I got the chance to watch 90 minutes of the much-hyped Edin Dzeko for the first time. My verdict? lively player and scored a great header but for the crazy prices he's being quoted at? I'm not so sure.


10. And finally...
I don't like the new MOTD titles this season nor the new Sky Sports News layout (although being the techy TV geek that I am, I can't express my happiness that it is now shot in proper 16:9 widescreen format – of course, can't complain about the lovely Charlotte Jackson in HD either).