Clattered! Blues see red as ref leaves his Mark - Weekend Observations: 27th-28th October 2012

Match of the weekend
After an epic 3-3 draw last season, Manchester United and Chelsea renewed pleasantries at Stamford Bridge in a match that will, for better or for worse, leave a permanent imprint – or perhaps stain – on this, or perhaps any season of the Premier League. The two sides, supporters and officials did their damnedest to squeeze as much incident as was humanly possible into the time allocated between kick off and full time.

The visitors closed the gap on their hosts at the top of the table to just one point with a dramatic 3-2 win - a scoreline Sir Alex's men seems to have trademarked this season. Having previously netted five times in his only two previous appearances at Chelsea while playing for Arsenal, Robin van Persie again proved to be the proverbial thorn in the side of the West Londoners as his 3rd minute shot cannoned off the post and into David Luiz who was helpless as the ball bounced off him and into net. The Dutch striker doubled the lead not long after and the reds, arguably for the first time this season, looked in total control.

The much talked about Chelsea midfield Ménage à trois of Eden Hazard, Juan Mata and Oscar was left frustrated as United were fairly comfortable with anything that was thrown in their direction. Anything that did sneak through was dealt with by David De Gea.

That was until just a few minutes before half time. Frustrated having ceded possession to the abovementioned Hazard, Wayne Rooney showed all the intelligence of a brain-damaged polar bear on a mushroom trip as he stupidly hacked down the tricky Belgian on the edge of the penalty area. This provided an invitation for the superb Mata to curl a wonderful free kick round the United wall and past De Gea to halve the deficit.

United’s defence has been under incredible scrutiny so far this term due to their basic inability to... well, defend. Just two clean sheets in the preceeding 8 league games tells its own story and while initially things seemed to be going to plan, the concession of the first Chelsea goal on Sunday seemed to be a signal to abandon any sense of discipline. An equaliser seemed inevitable and less than 10 minutes into the second half, Ramieres provided it with close range header from an Oscar cross.

The stage was set for a grand stand finale. Would United respond or implode? Could Chelsea push on for the win? The answers we sought to these questions were indeed provided. Unfortunately, they came less through the influence of either team on the pitch than they did from the officials. With half an hour remaining, Branislav Ivanovic was rightly sent off for clipping Ashley Young and denying him a clear goal scoring opportunity. The home side’s task instantly became more difficult but was made damn near impossible just five minutes later following Mark Clattenburg’s inexplicable decision to issue Fernando Torres with a second yellow card for a perceived dive when the Spaniard had clearly been fouled by Johnny Evans.

Having already been reduced to 10 men, it’s difficult to say whether the European Champions would have got anything from the game. However, they would certainly have at least had something of a fighting chance with Torres on the pitch. The second red card didn't so much hand United the initiative insofar as it was presented to them on a silver platter.

Over the past two decades, be it rightly or wrongly, football fans have always believed Manchester United to regularly be on the receiving end of favourable decisions from referees. 'Fergie time' has become an accepted part of the football lexicon and the general reaction from away fans upon the Reds being rewarded a penalty at Old Trafford, deserved or not, is simply an eyeroll, a tut and a mutter of the word 'typical'.

There’s obviously no evidence whatsoever to suggest that any sort of influence/pressure on officials exists but the frequency with which we find ourselves discussing these incidents undoubtedly allows paranoia to grow and people to fuel their suspicions.

Although on this particular on this occasion, many would simply draw the conclusion that the man in the middle, despite supposedly being among the best in the world, is, to put it as kindly as possible, prone to the odd glaring error rather then being biased. You'd be hard pressed to find a fan of any club who couldn't provide an example of a Clattenburg clanger that has hurt their team. United supporters themselves have been quick to point out that Torres might have walked earlier when his clumsy high kick on Tom Cleverly only received a yellow. Was Clattenberg merely 'correcting' his earlier faux pas? It's more likely the case he just made two equally bad decisions.

So is he corrupt or just incompetent? Neither description paints a particularly pretty picture of the Durham official.

To make matters worse, the reds sealed a dramatic 3-2 win thanks to a goal from Javier Hernandez that was so blatantly offside, the Mexican may as well have been in another time zone (Mexico's, for example). The assistant’s failure to spot this just punctuated what turned out to be a rather dismal weekend for top flight officials. A similar goal was wrongly allowed to stand at the Emirates as Arsenal beat QPR 1-0 while in the Merseyside derby, the odious Luis Suarez was wrongly adjudged to be in an offside position as he scored Liverpool’s last gasp would-be winner against their city rivals. Two points were cruelly snatched away from Brendan Rodgers’ side as the game finished 2-2.

The tragedy of all these talking points is that a brilliant game of football has gone largely unnoticed. One of reasons the title slipped from United's grasp last season was their reluctance to "go for it" in away games against rivals. The meek surrender at Eastlands being the prime and ultimately most costly example. Lessons seemed to have been learned as they dominated the opening exchanges here and were duly rewarded. However, while defensive problems remain, the cavalier approach is always going to be a risk hence the reason this turned out to be the fifth 3-2 result (as well as a 4-2 against Stoke) they've been involved in this season with less than a quarter of the campaign gone.

Despite the loss, many people will still have Chelsea down as favourites for the title this year. Like United, problems are evident in defence but the collective firepower in attack will be enough to overwhelm most teams. Having fought back from 2-0 down, I don't think there are many that would argue that if it remained 11 v 11, they would more than likely have won the game. Still sitting pretty at the top of the league, the loss is unlikely to have any lasting effects.


Racist allegation of the Weekend
Curiously, the erroneously awarded red card and winning goal were not even the most controversial incidents at Stamford Bridge on Sunday. Classy, cuddly bunch that they are, the Chelsea faithful, from first minute to last, insisted on jeering and abusing Rio Ferdinand for having the gall to be related to someone who was racially abused by their captain. These fans continued to cover themselves in glory as they decided to shower the United players with coins as they celebrated Hernandez' goal. You can't even afford them the excuse of the goal being offside to fuel their indignation given that very few of them would have been aware at that particular moment that the goal shouldn't have been allowed to stand. In the same incident, some supporters felt it necessary to take out their frustrations on a steward, causing him an injury that required hospital treatment. Any sympathy for them having seen their side robbed by the referee took very little time to disappear.

Somehow even this was pushed into the shade when, in the aftermath, the club filed an official complaint to the FA about the controversial Clattenburg, citing the use of "inappropriate language" directed at two of their players during the game. While the irony of Chelsea Football Club having the audacity to accuse anyone else of this offence is lost on absolutely no-one, the seriousness of the claim should not be ignored. Especially given that fevered speculation has suggested the official racially abused Jon Obi Mikel as well as insulting another Blue.

The allegation casts yet another dark cloud over the game. As we finally shut the door on one race saga, another swiftly decides to show up on your front porch uninvited (presumably wearing a white sheet and burning a cross on your lawn as well).

It would be remiss to speculate while investigation is ongoing but Chelsea would have to be pretty certain about what supposedly took place in order to pursue this complaint. Then again, surely Clattenburg cannot be THAT stupid to make such comments, particularly in the current climate when football's problems with race are such a hot topic. On one hand, you could potentially have one of the FA's top referees potentially guilty of racism which would prove nothing short of a disaster for the already battered integrity of the sport. While on the flipside, Clattenburg clearing his name would quite simply confirm that Chelsea football club, from the very top down, are untrustworthy liars making an extremely misguided attempt to deflect their recent troubles onto someone else. This is literally the last thing their reputation needs on top of everything else.

While we all hope this is resolved sooner rather than later, it can be probably be agreed that there will be no outcome in this case would be 'good' news.


Player of the weekend
Few (none?) particularly outstanding performances so I'm just going to give it to Frank Lampard... or Scott Parker.


Save of the weekend
It would be easy to wheel out the 'silenced his critics' line that often accompanies David De Gea's now regularly impressive performances but it would ultimately prove pointless given that you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't now recognise his obvious talent. If any doubters remain, an incredible reflex clawed stop from a Fernando Torres in the first half of Sunday's match should make them sit up and take note.



Goal of the weekend
But for the events at Stamford Bridge and Goodison Park, the 3-3 ding dong played out at the Madjeski between Reading and Fulham would have been the standout game of the weekend. An end to end slugfest that couldn't produce a winner but had no trouble producing a number of great goals. Mikele Leigertwood's fantastic opener for the Royals and Dimitar Berbatov's late strike stood out in themselves but both were bettered by Bryan Ruiz' wonderful rifled drive which swerved its way between two defenders and managed to dip just under the crossbar leaving Alex McCarthy in the Reading goal stunned.



Dive of the weekend
The merseyside derby, and all the attention prematch was predictably on Luis Suarez and his frequent forays to get better acquainted with the turf despite never actually being fouled. David Moyes had made some damning comments beforehand but he hadn't reckoned on his own captain being the culprit on the day. Anticipating a non-existent challenge from Daniel Agger, Phil Neville went down faster than a drunken reveller falling out of Alma De Cuba on a typical night out in the Liverpool city centre. The most amusing thing was the fact that the former United man was quite clearly not experienced enough in the dark arts to execute even a remotely convincing dive and just ended up looking daft.

In fairness, he fronted up to the cameras afterwards and admitted his act of folly. Such was the embarrassing way he failed to pull off the manoeuvre, it's probably safe to say he won't be attempting any Suarez impressions again any time soon.


Ballsiest moment of the weekend
Speaking of whom, the dislikable Uruguayan put in a typically eventful headline-grabbing display scoring Liverpool's second, escaping a red card for a disgusting stamp on Sylvain Distin and as mentioned above, scoring a legitimate goal that was wrongly disallowed. Before all that however, having set up his side's opener (which went in via Leighton Baines) Suarez took it upon himself to celebrate by sprinting up to the Everton bench and, yep, DIVED at the feet of David Moyes. The Everton manager took it in good spirits but most people would generally know better than to attempt to wind up the firey Glaswegian who could only be technically described as 'Fucking nails'. In a Premier League battle royale, few would look further than Moyes as a potential victor so in that sense, credit must go to Suarez. He might act like a complete pussy at times but he clearly has balls made of solid steel.

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Spured On - Weekend Observations : 28th September - 1st October

Game of the weekend
Manchester United 2-3 Tottenham

It's almost become something of an accepted fact in English football that a trip to Old Trafford for Tottenham is something of a wasted journey. Without a win up there in over 2 decades, the only reason the Tottenham faithful have had any good reason to head up the M6 is seemingly to indulge in masochism as their side are only ever likely to endure some sort of humiliating defeat or witness repeated refereeing injustices that are often as laughable as they are infuriating. Ryan Giggs' sister-in law doesn't get screwed as regularly in Manchester as Spurs do.

However, recent years have seen the North Londoners go through something of a revolution and have found themselves flying up the table. At best an inconsistent and at worst a mediocre team, for a good while Tottenham were marooned in mid table obscurity with a penchant for the odd act of self harm - particularly against United. Now, they find themselves in the Premier League's upper echelon harboring not unrealistic expectations of competing in the Champions League regularly. This status firmly enshrined with a unexpected and historic 3-2 victory over Manchester United on Saturday.

This victory was far from fortunate either. Jan Vertonghen wasted no time setting the tone for what was a brilliant first half performance with his deflected first minute strike before Gareth Bale provided the perfect 'football reason' for Roy Hodgson to justify Rio Ferdinand's continued exclusion from the England set up. Not for the first time this season, United were being outplayed and struggled to get anywhere near an inspired Tottenham team who certainly didn't play like a team with a 23 year hoodoo hanging over their collective heads.

After Spurs controlled the first 45 minutes, the expected fightback from United inevitably came after the break but three goals in as many manic minutes when both sides simply said 'fuck tactics' saw the away side take a 3-2 lead. Despite numerous chances for the home side and a couple of penalty appeals, that was how it stayed and as the final whistle echoed around Salford, both Spurs and new manager Andre Villas-Boas were able to party like it was 1989.

Speaking of whom, the win was an emphatic way for the Portuguese manager to go some way towards answering back to his many critics. One of the recently adopted and accepted maxims, although one that seems solely to exist within the tabloid press, is that the club's decision to replace 'Arry Redknapp with Villas Boas was the wrong one. And that's being polite. Reading many of the papers over the last few months and you'd be forgiven for getting the impression that Redknapp was some kind of managerial sage with wisdom of Socrates while AVB was/is no better than... well, David Brent.

The fact Villas Boas has both won a domestic title in his native land as well as a European trophy (neither of which Redknapp has even came close to achieving) apparently went unnoticed in some quarters and attempts to undermine him have been frequent and persistent ever since he set foot in this country. A fleeting, albeit disastrous spell at Chelsea at the start of last season has created the false image that he is somehow some sort of clueless oaf who has no business managing in the Premier League. However, despite 'Arry's high finishes with Spurs over the last three seasons, it wouldn't be unfair to argue that the last six months of his tenure, when he somehow guided his team from touching distance of the top of the table to complete failure to qualify for the Champions League after spunking away a huge lead, was far, far worse than the failings of AVB at Stamford Bridge. Yet rather than being subject to scrutiny within the sports media for this catastrophe, Redknapp was protected has been able to emerge completely blameless for his failings. Meanwhile AVB continues to be crufified. Consequently, the conclusion is that he doesn't 'deserve' to manage Tottenham. Maybe victory at Old Trafford might allow people time to reassess him.

Of course, this result by no means suggests Villas-Boas will prove to be the second coming of Bill Nicholson but talks of crisis beforehand and the absurd notion that was touted just two weeks ago was that he was three games from being sacked just looks ever more daft in light of the win. Instead, the three successive league wins that have followed might want to make the agenda driven cynics wait a little while before penning absurdly premature obituaries.

As for United, they were once again nowhere near best this season and this match showed that continued decay their midfield seems to be accelerating at a rapid rate. Moussa Dembele and Clint Dempsey - the latter scoring what proved to be the winner - were both instrumental for Tottenham and you have to wonder why Sir Alex Ferguson failed to even look at either player over the summer. Each would certainly be an improvement on what is there already.


Player of the weekend
Luis Suarez.

Norfolk must be sick of the sight of the Uruguayan after he scored he second hat trick in successive seasons at Carrow Road as Liverpool put Norwich to the sword with a devastating 5-2 demolition job on Saturday.

Persistent diving, racial abuse, harassing referees. Like him or loathe him (and I make no secret of the fact it's the latter...) you'd be an imbecile to attempt to deny his ability as a player. That said, for all the fleet-footed dribbling, dazzling movement and the unrivaled way he is able create chances for himself out of absolutely nothing, questions still remain over his finishing. 11 league goals from 128 shots last season is hardly a reflection of a forward who is exactly clinical in front of goal. What people say if those were Emile Heskey's numbers?

But alas, throw enough darts and you'll eventually win the lottery (or something. I'm no good with metaphors...). Some very generous Norwich defending provided Suarez with the freedom of East Anglia and he duly obliged with a trio of well taken goals that has gone some way to lifting the doom and gloom that was making itself somewhat comfortable at the club like some unwanted house guest in recent weeks. If Suarez can continue in this vein, Brendan Rodgers might actually crack a smile sometime this side of new year.


Goal of the weekend
Adel Taarabt

I already had this section written up about Demba Ba's excellent volley at Reading until QPR's Moroccan midfielder had to go and spoil everything in Monday evening's London derby against West Ham with a stunning strike that had no place in an otherwise in a strangely watchable game devoid of any real quality. Having been reduced to something of a bit part player this year, Taarabt wasted little time after coming on as a substitute, using his quick feet to create space on the left hand corner of the penalty area before unleashing a vicious but precise strike into the top right hand corner leaving Jussi Jaaskelainen in the West Ham goal rooted to the spot.



Sadly it proved to be nothing more than a consolation - merely halving teh two goal deficit the Hammers had already established. The 2-1 defeat has The Hoops floundering at the foot of the table and with Mark Hughes' team selections continuing to baffle there seems to be little reason to suggest that will change in the coming weeks.


Dive(s) of the weekend
David Luiz/Carl Jenkinson

In direct contrast to QPR, West London rivals Chelsea made themselves comfortable at the top of the table thanks to 2-1 defeat of Arsenal at the Emirates. The blues were good value for their victory but their Brazilian defender single-handedly attempted to blot their copybook with a dive so bad it was hilarious. Rather than ride a perfectly fair tackle by Arsenal's own clown in chief Gervinho, Luiz instead proceeded to throw himself to the ground in both dramatic and comical fashion in a manner befitting of his hapless animated doppelganger Sideshow Bob. Thankfully the referee saw fit to yellow card Luiz for his troubles.

Not be outdone, Arsenal full back Carl Jenkinson later decided he wanted to get up close and personal with the beautiful Emirates turf he somehow managed to win a foul after losing a 50-50 challenge with thin air and going over his own feet.


Miss of the weekend
Oliver Giroud

The same game saw Arsenal superflop Olivier Giroud find his way onto this list after fluffing a fantastic chance in the dying moments of the game to salvage a draw for his side. Having latched onto a fine pass from Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, the Frenchman found himself with the ball at his feet, took it past Petr Cech and fashioned the opportunity to slide home a golden chance that would preserved the Gunners' unbeaten start to the league campaign. Sadly, when the vital moment came, Giroud showed all the composure of newborn foal and all the technique of a Parkinson's sufferer trying to play Jenga as he inexplicably lashed his shot into the side netting when hitting the target would have been easier.

I hope you can forgive the damn near radical thinking on my part, but I don't think I'm wrong in thinking that a striker should really be able to put the ball into that rather large white stationary netted box thing at the end of the pitch. Given that others strikers Nikica Jelavic, Steven Fletcher, Mladen Petric, Sergio Agureo, Edin Dzeko, the abovementioned Luis Suarez, Steve Morison, Grant Holt, Demba Ba, Noel Hunt, Shane Long, Darren Bent and, hell, even Fernando Torres managed to find the target this weekend suggests I'm not crazy for having that view. Although on the evidence of this miss, it might be stretching it to actually believe that Giroud can strictly be called a striker.

His own manager, seemingly as baffled as anyone watching, couldn't actually find a reason as to how his misfit frontman failed to hit the back of the net.

Giroud has yet score for Arsenal in the league and is perhaps coming to terms with the change of environment. For some players it takes time and maybe he'll come good one day but there is little room for extended periods of patience in the modern game. When you join a club to replace the best striker in Europe the previous season, you need to hit the ground running. Right now, he's just looking like a bit of an expensive mistake.


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Arsing about: Gunners Give Chelsea the Blues - Weekend Observations: 29th-30th October 2011

There was a time when the teams at the Premier League summit would go into matches against one another exercising caution and contesting dull, cagey low scoring encounters that did nothing to back up the claim that the English top flight is "The Best League in the World". However, all that seems to have changed this season. Who would have thought at just a quarter of the way through the campaign we would have seen the kind of jaw-dropping, pinch yourself, lay off the LSD type of scorelines from the head-to-heads between the top clubs? Manchester City have demolished crosstown rivals and current champions United. They also went to White Hart Lane and tore Champions League hopefuls Tottenham a new one. Spurs themselves responded to that beating by giving Liverpool something of a pasting.

Then there's Arsenal. A truly disastrous start to the season was compounded with a miserable afternoon at Old Trafford. The astounding 8-2 set back against Manchester United was less a football match but more a kind of snuff film. Going into this weekend's game against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, not many people would have given them a prayer. I'm willing to bet that, to a man, every single Arsenal supporter on the planet would have taken a draw if offered on Friday evening. But alas, this unpredictable mistress that we call football pulls another surprise from of her bag of tricks in the form of the Gunners' astonishing 5-3 victory.

One of the many criticisms levelled at Arsenal over the weeks (years?) concerns a supposed lack of leadership. If Robin van Persie's umpteenth barnstorming performance and subsequent hat-trick are not considered a form of leadership then you're going to have to sit me down in a classroom and have a qualified teacher tell me what is. He may not be the 'shouter' that we are told every team worth their salt requires but by God does he lead by example. His latest treble made it 28 goals in 27 league matches this calendar year. If other players in the Arsenal team could find a level of consistency anywhere near that, then the team would be in far better shape that it currently finds itself.



One player in particular whose general performances are about as random as a bag of licorice allsorts is Theo Walcott. Having had something of a hit and miss season (career?), young Theo reserved his best showing for Saturday when he gave Ashley Cole more problems than a hairdresser with a kiss and tell story. His contribution to the scoresheet was something special too.

Having gone behind twice and then allowing Chelsea to equalise at 3-3, It was a surprising turn up for the books to see the Arsenal team stand firm and show rare but tremendous character to win the match so emphatically. Especially given the frequency of humiliating collapses that have occurred far, far too often in recent years. The win puts them just 3 points behind their vanquished opponents and, whisper it, back on course to challenge for a top four finish.

Since that fateful day in Manchester, talk of the club's supposed demise have filled more column inches in the Sports media than anything else. The number of back page leads declaring a crisis at the Emirates would probably exceed the number of journalists employed to write them.

What has gone unnoticed it would seem is the fact that since a befuddling 4-3 setback at Blackburn, the supposedly beleaguered Arsene Wenger has now led his team to 8 wins in 9 games in three competitions. If that's a crisis, 95% of football teams must be in complete meltdown.

More so than most teams, discussion of Arsenal falls foul of that lazy way of observing football whereby if something isn't fantastic then by default it must be complete shit. No other club is spoken of in such black and white terms and we're all guilty of it. The football is always described as 'wonderful' even when it isn't. The youth policy is always described as a success even when things go a bit Jérémie Aliadière. On the flip side, failure to win a trophy for a few years apparently means that the whole club needs rebuilding from the top down. People also draw the conclusion that selling player X automatically means the club is in freefall. Arsene Wenger is either a genius or a clown. They MUST buy or they MUST not. There is very rarely middle ground. Nobody in Islington will pretend that all is rosy in the Arsenal garden but the apocalyptic headlines that have been written about the club this season have bordered on absurd. The team have definitely started to show signs of turning that mythical corner.

Admittedly, the recent good run hadn't exactly seen them take on the cream of world football and they have been blessed with a number of home matches so when people spoke of a trip to Stamford Bridge being a 'true test' of any supposed Arsenal revival, the point was most certainly a valid one especially given that their last league win on the road was waaaaaay back against relegated Blackpool in the spring.

Not only did they pass the test, but they pretty much received top marks. It's not quite time to proclaim the second coming of the Invincibles but it might make one two people think twice before writing eulogies for the North Londoners.

Of course, one thing that still seems inescapable are the prevalent frailties in defence. Arsenal's makeshift backline was typically far from secure. Andre Santos, Per Mertesaker and Johan Djourou had a torrid time of it on Saturday lunchtime and were culpable for at least two of the three goals conceded and made a number of other laughable mistakes throughout.

However, if this is an accusation you can lay at the door of the Arsenal team, what then does one say about Chelsea? The Blues conceded five at home. FIVE! An unthinkable scenario in recent years. Since their Abramovich-funded ascension up the table, one thing you could always say about Chelsea was that they were built on a solid defensive base. All that seems to have gone straight out of the window because right now, they look a complete mess. In Jose Mourinho's first year in charge, they conceded a miserly 15 Premier League goals all season. They've conceded that many in just 10 games this year. Last week, our learned friends in the football media pointed the collective finger at the erratic David Luiz. This week the Brazilian wasn't in the side which would suggest that there is something wrong with new manager Andre Villas-Boas' tactical approach which, while very exciting going forward, evidently leaves them far too vulnerable at the back. The personnel hasn't changed but it's obvious they are playing a far more open game than they are used to.

If they are to make waves domestically and challenge for the ever-elusive Champions League crown in Europe, something needs to be done to shore things up because the ease at which Arsenal were able to slice them open time and time again, is something that will encourage any half decent side Chelsea will face between now and the end of the season.

All that said, I'm sure I speak for most people when I say that John Terry falling on his face for Arsenal's all important fourth goal filled me with great joy and wonderful, wonderful feelings of schadenfreude. Karma is a bitch, isn't it, John?



Away from West London, it was a pretty unremarkable weekend in the Premier League (I write this before the inevitable 6-6 draw between Stoke and Newcastle on Monday night...). Spurs and Liverpool both won as expected against QPR and West Brom respectively. Gareth Bale appeared to have made Sky's Super Sunday panel simultaneously climax as he scored an impressive brace for the former in comfortable 3-1 win that taught us nothing. Meanwhile, my love-hate relationship with the odious and despicable Luis Suarez continued as he put in another scintillating showing in the Scouse side's 2-0 win at the Hawthorns.

Special shouts to Norwich and Swansea who continue to perform above expectations. Blackburn's draw at Carrow Road was the only point picked up by either them, Bolton or Wigan in the bottom three. Things could and should have been better for Rovers who were cruising at 3-1 and were very unfortunate to have a last minute penalty awarded against them as the match ended 3-3. It almost makes you feel sorry for Steve Kean... almost!

People looking for a 'reaction' from Manchester United after their pummelling last weekend may well have been left disappointed after the reds laboured to a Javier Hernandez inspired 1-0 win over Everton. People spoke before the game as though Sir Fergie's team would show up at Goodison Park and tear the Toffees to shreds. Or more fittingly, chew them up and spit them. That was never going to realistically happen but more important than achieving a 'big' win was just getting any sort of win at all. As an added bonus, United kept a clean sheet a huge and significant achievement given the many question marks over their defence.

Keeping pace at the top of the table, City beat Wolves fairly comfortably for the second time in a week without really breaking a sweat and despite being reduced to ten men. If you're wondering whether that is down to how good City are or how much Wolves are struggling at present, I can confidently and lazily state that it's both.

Results

Saturday
Chelsea 3-5 Arsenal
Everton 0-1 Manchester United
Manchester City 3-1 Wolves
Norwich 3-3 Blackburn
Sunderland 2-2 Aston Villa
Swansea 3-1 Bolton
Wigan 0-2 Fulham
West Brom 0-2 Liverpool

Sunday
Tottenham 3-1 QPR

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Weekend Observations - Day One. 13th August 2011

New season, same old stories.

Not for the first time, Joey Barton is the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons. If Barton exhales in an open space his CO2 would have enough concentrated rage to start a small fire. When Barton goes for a piss, his urine gets charged with GHB against the sewage systems throughout Britain. His inability to stay out of trouble has become so ridiculous that most people are just fed up with him.

After last season's extraordinary 4-4 draw, how predictable was it that was going to be a tediously dull 0-0 draw? As the snoozefest between Arsenal and Newcastle was drawing to a close, the Gunners' Ivorian summer signing Gervinho made a break into the penalty area and went down. At first look I said 'dive' but consequently replays have been inconclusive. I'm going to plonk my arse firmly on the fence and say that you could make an argument either way. Many people have decided that the apparent trip by Tiote was indeed enough to warrant a spot kick but our very own Shakespearean tragic hero didn't quite see it that way...



Filled with the kind of indignation and rage that would probably cause one to stick a cigar in someones eye or assault someone in McDonalds, Barton raced over to the floored Arsenal man and dragged him to his feet prompting 'handbags' the end result seeing Gervinho sent off after slapping the psychotic scouser. A 'slap' that Barton reacted to be claiming he had been punched and throwing himself to the ground so hard he briefly popped up in Australia. Yes, his reaction to a ‘dive’ was to dive himself and get someone sent off. Irony at it's absolute best/worst.

Earlier in the game, Barton was involved in another moment of controversy when Arsenal's Alex Song appeared to, quite deliberately, tread on the back of the Newcastle man's calf. I'd like to think Song said “tweet this, you mug” or “Song 3:16 says I just kicked your ass!” or something similar. Now, even sat in a Holloway road flat, kissing a signed Ian Selley photo, clutching a Gunnersaurus stuffed toy while watching through the most rose tinted of glasses, there isn't a gooner on the planet who can deny Song was lucky not to be sent off. There is no question about that. I expect retrospective action and a three game ban is not far off. As what was actually the worst offence of the day, this would have been the main talking point and made for a rare occasion where one would actually sympathise with Barton. Sadly, as is his wont, he insisted on being an idiot once more. It's impossible to have any sympathy when the sinned in turn becomes the sinner.

Don't get me wrong, Gervinho deserved to see red. As the laws of the game dictate: “A player is guilty of violent conduct if he uses excessive force or brutality against an opponent when not challenging for the ball.”

Sadly, in football, what the Arsenal man did somehow constitutes “violent conduct”. I personally don’t think a feeble slap counts as “excessive force or brutality” but then again, I would also like not to think of myself as a total pussy. Rules is rules though and at the end of the day, who am I to argue? But this does not excuse Barton's behaviour. His initial show of aggression was at least as bad as Gervinho's and therefore the punishment should have been the same. The pictures clearly show him almost ripping the shirt off the Ivorian’s back. If the Arsenal man is guilty of “excessive force” then so is Barton. 100%. How he only got away with a yellow is simply scandalous.

What right does he have to think he can take the law into his own hands? He couldn't have inflamed the situation anymore if he doused the entire stadium in kerosene and lit one of his infamous cigars. His shameful play-acting afterwards was an affront to any contact sport you could care to mention let alone football. To then claim a punch was laughable. Especially given his own expertise on what actually constitutes punching.

His teammate Steven Taylor was seen to suggest to the referee that it was an elbow that floored Barton. Yes, THIS Steven Taylor. Not exactly the most credible of witnesses.

Almost as disappointing as the dishonesty and behaviour of the players was the immediate aftermath on ESPN. Rebbecca Lowe had a great opportunity to ask Taylor why he blatantly lied but allowed him to squirm his way out of explaining his act of cheating. How can she expect to be respected as a journalist if she is afraid to ask tough questions? Then there was the post-match analysis. Ray Stubbs was once considered one of the finest broadcasters out there but seems to have reduced himself to nothing more than an antagonistic foghorn by trying to justify Barton's actions because of Song's stamp. Didn't his mother ever tell him that Robbie Savage was predictably tiresome in his own criticisms of Barton when he claimed himself to be “one of the dirtiest players in the history of the Premier League” as if that is something to be proud of or it is some sort of competition.

All in all, not one person involved came out with any credit. I won’t even go into what both managers said. The controversies also deflect talk away from how awful the rest of the match was. After the summer-long wait for the start of the Premier League, this first televised match was about as redundant an 'advert for the game' as inviting David Starkey to the Notting Hill carnival in a couple of weeks. If I was watching this in mortuary, I would expect one of the corpses to punch my in the face for subjecting them to this abuse. Arsenal showed very little to convince those that think this will be the first time under Monsieur Wenger that they wont finish in the coverted Champions League spots that they are wrong.

Before his sending off, Gervinho was the most lively player for the away team who dominated from start to finish. But for all their possession both player and team alike failed to produce anything vaguely resembling end product. Same old Arsenal and all that. The Ivorian now faces a three game ban and with both Nasri and Fabregas standing at the door of the Emirates with their bags packed and waiting for the cab to arrive, Wenger might have to take the advice of travelling gooners who spent much of the second half demanding that their manager “spend some fucking money”. With games against Man Utd and Liverpool to come as well as the crucial two legged Champions League qualifier against Udinese all in the next fortnight, Arsenal's season could be in grave danger of ending before it has even begun.

A final word on the gunners. At the end of the game, the players seemed happy enough to shake hands with Barton. Compare this to the reaction to Ruud van Nistelrooy back in 2003. Not that you can condone what Martin Keown et al did at Old Trafford that day but the contrasting attitudes are telling. That was a strong, determined team who were quite literally prepared to show some fight. It's no surprise that team went on to win the title without losing a game while this side of softies is more than likely going to finish the season empty handed for the seventh successive year.

Newcastle too were poor. Chasing shadows from first minute to last and very much second best on home turf. There were little to no encouraging signs for a team that looks destined to fade into midtable/lower half obscurity. Maybe it was just the sound on my TV but even the so-called best fans in the world seem numbed by the dross Pardew is serving them these days. I'd even go as far as to say another relegation is not unthinkable. You heard it here first!

Elsewhere on the opening day, a number of unremarkable results made us wonder why we've been looking forward to this day for so long. Liverpool, who will be hoping to usurp the likes of Arsenal in the top four didn’t really show a great deal to suggest they will following a 1-1 home draw with Sunderland in a game where both sides featured more new faces than a budget cosmetic surgery (unfortunately none of these new faces belonged to Dirk Kuyt).

The main talking point from the game was whether Kieran Richardson should have stayed on the pitch after fouling the fantastic Luis Suarez early on and conceding a penalty. Again, going back to the old FIFA laws, “denying an obvious goal-scoring opportunity” is offence punishable by s sending off. However, referees must consider certain circumstances such as “direction of play” and this is where Richardson gets his reprieve. That said, even though Suarez was going “away” from the goal, the fact he was on his way around the keeper and opening up the goal for himself, it was probably still enough of a goal-scoring opportunity for the Sunderland man to see red without much complaint. The law is an ass!

This game also saw the goal of the weekend scored by Sunderland’s new man Seb Larsson. A superb right footed scissor kick volley from inside the area from a Ahmed Elmohamady cross on the right. For all the daft money spent on players these days, it’s remarkable that a free transfer like Larsson can slip under the radar. Very surprised more clubs didn’t look at him.




Alex McLiesh took his Aston Villa side to Fulham and successfully led them to the first of many 0-0 draws in his inevitably unspectacular tenure there. There was more action at White Hart Lane where Spurs v Everton had actually been postponed due to the riots in the area that you may have heard of presuming you don't live on Neptune. Speaking of which, there's been a lot of talk this week about how best to deal with the looters and rioters up and down the country. I reckon a mandatory season ticket at Villa Park this season would be a fitting punishment. I'd rather be waterboarded. Seriously.

To think that almost two years to day, Norwich City were starting their season in League One with a 7-1 home defeat to Colchester. Rather than try and get the U’s manager that day convicted of some form of brutal sexual assault, the Canaries did the next best thing and hired Paul Lambert instead. Two years and two successive promotions later, Norwich kicked off their Premier League campaign with a 1-1 draw at Wigan. Both teams are expected to be in the proverbial relegation dogfight this season so, as absurd as it sounds, this match was still essentially a big six pointer and a chance to lay down something of a marker at that bottom end of the table. A point was probably better for Norwich given they were the away side. Wigan now face other expected strugglers Swansea and QPR in the next couple of weeks. Failure to get results in those games will see them playing catch up very, very early on in the season.

Similarly, Wolves picked up a vital 2-1 win over poultry enthusiasts Blackburn Rovers. McCarthy’s problem last year was the fact that his side could beat the big boys then struggle against the teams around them. This time around I’m sure they would prefer to reverse this pattern and not have to got through another nervy end to the season where they survive by the skin of their teeth. As for Blackburn, if Steve Kean isn’t given a one way ticket out of Lancashire anytime soon, the Venky’s will find themselves in a right clucking state as they plummet straight down to the Championship. Sorry.



Rooted to the bottom after the first day’s play are newly promoted QPR who were thumped 4-0 at home by Bolton. A defence made up of Fitz Hall, Clint Hill, Danny Gabbidon and Bradley Orr might serve you well in the Championship but the top flight is a whole different ball game. Investment is needed at the club, particularly in defence or else Loftus Road’s experience of hosting Premier League football will be a fleeting one. In the least predictable occurrence of the day, Rangers’ new signing Kieron Dyer was stretchered off injured after just 8 minutes. Hard not to feel sorry for him. It must be difficult trying to play sport when your bones are made of polystyrene and your tendons of wet tissue.

More to follow. In the meantime, hit me up on Twitter

High as a Kuyt - Weekend Observations 5th-7th March 2011: Part One

For the second time this season, a Liverpool-Manchester United match has been settled by a hat trick from an inconsistent and much maligned striker who often slated for generally laclustre performances. After Dimitar Berbatov's treble back in September, it was the turn of Dirk Kuyt to take centre stage as Liverpool swept aside Manchester United 3-1 with relative ease on Sunday.

One must admit that the 'Kenny effect' seems to have actually turned Liverpool around this season and it is surely a formality that Daliglish will be given the nod permanently come the summer. Who would have thunk it? Not me, that's for sure!

Liverpool's form since the turn of the year is only bettered by the top two and if they keep it up between now and May, a campaign that looked dead in December could well and truly end up being relatively productive. Fourth place is maybe a little ambitious but not entirely unthinkable at this stage. There, I said it. It's out there.

Hat trick hero Kuyt won't score three easier goals. People have been rather unkind by doubting the 'quality' of his strikes - even I wouldn't have found trouble scoring from less than 6 yards each time... maybe - but quite frankly, if you are in the right place at the right time then does it matter how they go in? Poaching ability is still ability and a reminder that football doesn't always need to be 'pretty' – something doubly true when Dirk Kuyt is involved.



The scousers win was inspired mostly by the incredible Luis Suarez who actually came away from the game more deserving of the man of the match award than the abovementioned 3-goal hero. It was his fantastic run leaving most of the United defence on their arses that led to the opener and his free kick that led to the third. The Uruguayan spent the entire afternoon tormenting the United defence. So much so, Wes Brown and Patrice Evra have filed a joint complaint to the police for unlawful sodomy.

At the risk of taking a running jump straight onto the bandwagon of kneejerk ill-considered overreactions: Fernando who?

The game was overshadowed by a disgraceful tackle on Nani by Jamie Carragher that should have seen the Liverpool man sent off. Phil Dowd only issued a yellow and set the tone for two more terrible challenges, by Maxi and Rafael, that on another day would have also seen reds. The referee essentially gave licence to these tackles and risked the safety of the players by not properly punishing Carragher's foul which was so bad that the Portuguese was lucky to only come away with a nasty looking gash rather than a broken leg. The fact that the Liverpool man cannot be reprimanded after the game again exposes the ridiculous flaws of the retrospective punishment law that I spoke of last week.



Unfortunately, Nani being Nani, it's hard to actually sympathise given how keen he usually is to cry wolf. The fallout saw United continue their childish and pathetic media blackout as they refused to talk to the press afterwards. Leaving aside the fact that this act of petulance endears the club to no-one, surely the silence is more a mark of disrespect to their own paying fans who will at least want an explanation as to why their side was so abject? Sir Alex Ferguson's ongoing dictatorial stance is becoming so extreme that he is beginning to make Col. Gaddafi look like Nelson Mandela.
 
And so the title race takes more twists and turns than a child with Scoliosis on a roller coaster. United have now lost three in five and not really showing the form befitting of potential champions. But then again, who is? Arsenal continued to embrace their tag as bottlers following a 0-0 draw at home to Sunderland. Things might have been different if Andrei Arshavin hadn't had a goal wrongly flagged for offside and then denied a blatant penalty but in truth, for the gunners to complain about refereeing decisions merely deflects from the fact that they failed to score against a defence featuring Anton Ferdinand and Titus Bramble.

Wenger's team are now actually have their own destiny in their own hands. With a game in hand and still to play United at the Emirates, the Gunners "only" have to win all of their remaining games to be champions.

In the space of a week, Chelsea have seemingly catapulted themselves right back into contention following a controversial defeat of United last Tuesday and a straightforward 3-1 win against relegation fodder Blackpool on Monday night. Now only 9 points off top spot with a game in hand, The Blues trip to Old Trafford later this season could now have huge implications as to the destination of the Premier League trophy.

Manchester City did their title ambitions no harm with an unconvincing 1-0 win over Wigan and did what the top two failed to do this weekend by winning despite not being at their best. The only goal of the game came when Ali Al Habsi let a David Silva shot slip through him and into the net. The Omani goalkeeper has been one of the very few shining lights at the DW this season and his mistake probably signalled exactly why the Latics will be playing Championship football next season. When your otherwise reliable last line of defence is making costly errors then you have no hope.


No Roberto, you're going DOWN!


Part Two to follow...

Roo Beauty! Weekend Observations 12th-14th Feb 2011: Part One

There are times when you sit down to watch this absurd sport we call football where you forget your allegiances, ignore your prejudices and can do nothing other than applaud certain moments of greatness. There are those instances of individual brilliance that one can only look upon in awe.

Of course, one of these rare moments of magic took place in Saturday's Manchester derby and I think it is fair to say that every fan of the beautiful game was thinking the same thing:

Just how did David Silva manage to direct that ball into the top corner off his back?

I kid. Of course I refer to Wayne Rooney's overhead wunderstrike to win the match for United against crosstown cash-rich rivals City 2-1.



In this country we have become accustomed to everything that revolves around Old Trafford, and Rooney in particular, being spoken of with the kind of over exaggeration that would even look out of place in a Jim Carey movie. Manchester United Football Club has almost become a synonym for hyperbole. On this occasion however, when people immediately speak of this as Goal of the season with still a third of the campaign left to play, it's actually quite difficult to argue.

Aside from being just a technically brilliant strike that you imagine 90% of professional footballers would be unable to execute so effectively, the quality of the goal becomes amplified thanks to the situation in which it was scored. If Rooney scored that goal against someone crap like, say, West Ham, while United were cruising at 3-0, we would still praise the quality but we are no longer speaking about it in such glowing terms.

This goal is instantly 'better' because of the added significance: The winner, in a Manchester derby, with both teams going for the title, and Rooney himself having an otherwise poor game. There are few bigger stages on which to score the best goal of your career. After his disrespect towards the club last autumn, the few United fans with any common sense would have been right to be suspicious about where 'Wazza's' loyalty truly lay. Saturday might have just done enough to finally earn their forgiveness though.



After the dross the two teams served up at Eastlands in November, it was refreshing to see two of the best sides in the country put on a far more entertaining spectacle. City and Roberto Mancini get a lot of grief for their style of play and are often lazily labelled as dull or negative. After Saturday, anyone who held this view ought to change their opinion given the fact that it was indeed the Citizens who came out of traps the faster and for my money, were the better team over the 90 minutes. David Silva and Yaya Toure were the best players on the pitch in the first half and had the former put away his early chance, who knows how the game might have turned out? Vincent Kompany put in one of the defensive performances of the season. The eventual matchwinner never had a sniff and it was always going take something sensational for United to emerge victorious.

It is this very trait of The Reds however that has and will continue to lead them to victory after irritating victory this season. Excuse me for indulging in sycophantic cliché but sometimes it is necessary. For all the money spent by their neighbours, there is something present at Old Trafford that all the oil money in the world cannot buy: Team spirit and a winning mentality. This exactly why United will more than likely be celebrating their record-breaking 19th league title come May.

Ferguson's team are now eight points ahead of City while sandwiched between them remaining four points off the lead are Arsenal who showed no ill-effects of last weekend's dramatic capitulation with another comfortable home win. The 2-0 win over Wolves was mainly down to Robin van Persie who grabbed his 9th and 10th goals in 7 league games since the turn of the year. Blackpool are now the only current Premier League team he is yet to score against. Once more, you can only imagine what might have been over the last 5 trophyless years if the Dutchman had stayed fit. If Rooney gets the plaudits for a great individual goal, Arsenal's second gets the team award after a fantastic flowing move.

Mick McCarthy's frank admission that his team were spanked was about an honest an assessment you could get from an opposition manager. 2-0 flattered the away side as the gunners insisted on missing chance after glorious chance to make the final scoreline far, far more emphatic. The overall performance was encouraging given their date with their superior selves on Wednesday. However, if they manage to create even half the number of opportunities they did Saturday, Arsenal must stick them away because there isn't a snowman's chance in Hades they will get away with such profligacy against Barcelona.

Climbing into the top four were Spurs who went up to Sunderland without many of the players who have helped elevate them to such dizzy heights and came away from Wearside with a valuable 2-1 win. No Bale, Van der Vaart, Modric, King or Crouch. All signs pointed to a home win; particularly after the ever-impressive Asamoah Gyan gave the Black Cats a deserved first half lead.

But once again this season, Spurs showed impressive resilience and belief as they fought back from a losing position to take the points - despite the best efforts of William Gallas whose need to change his footwear more often than Carrie Bradshaw led to the concession of the opening goal. The winner was a fine volley scored, once again, by Nico Kranjcar whose recent contributions should force 'arry into a rethink before offloading him in the summer.

Sunderland will ultimately achieve nothing until they learn how to defend – a surprising fact given that they are managed by one of the best Premier League defenders of the early 1990s but less so when one realises that Titus Bramble is tasked with marshalling the backline. Going forward, they are an exciting and quite dangerous proposition but this open nature to their play will always give their opponents hope. January additions Sully Muntari and Stephane Sessegnon will hardly help combat this problem. Michael Dawson wouldn't have found it any easier to score the equaliser if he was playing against nobody.

Liverpool's recent return to form stuttered this week after a 1-1 draw at home to Wigan. Every week there seems to be some debate about active/inactive and first phase/second phases of offside. None of that should have been relevant at Anfield as defender Steve Gohouri scored the most offsidest of offside goals you are likely to see.

For the home side, Raul Meireles was once again the man of the moment after his volley gave them the lead - his 5th goal in six games. After an indifferent start to the season, all of a sudden, the Portuguese has become something of a player. It would be easy to put this down to the 'Dalglish effect' and to a point it's probably true that he has been liberated under the new manager. However, it would be folly to ignore the fact that, like most players from Foreignland, he, unfortunately for Roy Hodgson, needed time to settle in.

Some players however just come over and give the idea of an 'adaptation period' a swift kick in the balls and can become something of an instant hit. Luis Suarez looked dangerous yet again and was unfortunate not to add to his tally of one in one at Anfield after hitting the post and crossbar. When he gets a run of games, the Uruguayan is going to be a frightening prospect for defenders up and down the country for more reasons than his cannibalistic tendencies.




Part Two to follow

How much??? Deadline Day Observations - 31st Jan 2011

And so another Transfer window draws to a dramatic close. January 31st has come and gone, clubs have concluded their transfer business for the season (emergency loan nonsense aside) and will have to make do with their lot from now until the end of the campaign.

Is Deadline day is fast becoming one of the most significant dates of the entire year? Ask a lot of football fans and you'll probably find it means more to them than Shrove Tuesday or Boxing Day or Valentines.

This particular day in the footballing calender tends to stir up a mix of emotions as supporters feel everything from excitement, to anger, to fear and even confusion as teams desperately and recklessly throw around their cash trying to strengthen their squads in a manner not dissimilar to shopaholics on the last day of some department store sale. Like these shoppers, football clubs often find that they have not invested wisely and end up going home with ill-fitting and unwanted items they cannot return.

Cynicism toward the whole idea of a transfer window is widespread and totally understandable given the limits, restrcitions and pressure it places on clubs, managers and players. However, I've decided that it is time to embrace the madness. I love days like this because of the unpredictability and insanity - even if they do serve as a reminder of how much of a ridiculous circus the 'sport' of football has become.

A whole day spent sat glued to Sky Sports News with my MacBook by my side as I constantly refreshed the BBC website and obsessively trawled through Twitter for any nugget of vaguely relevant transfer gossip was probably not the most productive use of my time. Some might even say it was a complete waste of a day off. A day that could have been spent doing something far more fulfilling. Tragically, there are actually very few things in the world not involving Megan Fox and a Jacuzzi that I would have rather been doing...

Why does the deadline time change every window? In the past it has been 5pm, Midnight and on this occasion, 11pm. There's probably a simple explanation that I am unaware of so if anyone can enlighten me, I'd be rather grateful.

People talk about inflated transfer fees and and paying over the odds for individuals but in truth, who are any of us to judge how much someone is worth? Footballers are worth exactly what a team/Chairman/Cash-rich Arab can (hopefully) afford and is prepared to pay. There is no official valuation criteria for players to meet so not one of us can justifiably say that "x is a waste of money" or "y is a bargain".

Having said that, for the sake of argument, I'm going to ignore this completely...

Without a shadow of a doubt, the biggest story of the day was dedicated, badge-kissing Liverpool diehard Fernando Torres swapping his red armband for a blue one as he joined rivals Chelsea for something like 50 million quid of Roman Abramovich's fortune, breaking the British transfer record in the process! The blues also spunked £22m on David Luiz from Benfica but I literally know nothing about the Brazilian defender to say whether this transfer is worthwhile or not so I'll move on.

Amidst all the hype and hysteria surrounding the Torres deal, people seem to have ignored the fact that 'Nando' has actually been quite rubbish this season. Imagine how much he would have cost in he hadn't been playing like some kind of Spanish Chris Armstrong for the past 5 months. He also spent so much time on the treatment table that Liverpool physios were actually charging him rent.

Of course, when fit, firing and on form he is arguably the best striker in Europe and if Carlo Ancelloti can get him to form a half decent partnership with Didier Drogba then quite frankly, the rest of us are doomed! To completely bastardise the famous Mark Twain quote, rumours of Chelsea's demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Naturally, the move has led to widespread calls of disloyalty and betrayal from dismayed Liverpool fans, some of whom even took to making the extreme gesture of burning replica shirts as a means of expressing their displeasure. Talk about taking things too seriously.



It was not all bad news for the scousers though, especially given the fact that someone, somewhere in Liverpool decided that Andy Carroll was worth 35,000,000 pounds Stirling and paid Newcastle this very amount to bring take him to Anfield. Seriously, £35million? Did they forget to add a decimal point in there somewhere? Who sanctioned this transfer? Fred Goodwin???

If a player with half a season's top flight experience and less than a hundred professional appearances to his name is valued at that price then we may as well all just pack up and go home. Forget women linesmen, THIS is the sign that the game has gone mad. If we were to say that Mr. Carroll is 100 times a better footballer than me then the would still place me at about £350,000! If anyone is looking for a clumsy, bumbling Saturday league centre back, I'm your man! Darren Bent all of a sudden looks a snip.

The most curious thing about this was that Newcastle had apparently initially turned down £30million. Why? Fair play to them for holding out for more but anything above £10m is surely too much for Carroll who has now become the 8th most expensive player in world football despite not even being one of the top 20 best players in the Premier League.

The 'experts' on Sky tried to justify the transfer, by suggesting that 'King' Kenny was trying to sign players that fans could identify with. It would be too easy to make a joke about Carroll's criminal record so I'll leave it well alone.

Signing overrated jailbird Geordies wasn't the only business Liverpool did on deadline day. The NESV owned club also completed the deal to bring in another striker in Uruguayan Luis Suarez – yes, he of notorious World Cup handball fame – for a cool £23m.



Suarez has one of those frightening goal-scoring records in the Dutch league but as we've seen in the past an Eredivisie golden boot can prove to be about as valuable as shares in BP this morning. For every Ruud van Nistelrooy, there's a Mateja Kezman, or even worse, an Alfonso Alves!

Liverpool fans will be hoping their new man will be more like the former (as well as letting his feet rather than hands do the talking). Taking Suarez' international record (16 in 38 to date) into account as well, it would suggest he won't turn out to be as much of a footballing misfit as the latter two. If he can adapt, he will be just as deadly in front of goal as the departing Torres.

With two high priced new strikers making up what would be one of the most expensive forward lines in the league, the burning question on everyone's lips is what will become of Nabil El Zhar?

The fact that the new owners have not been shy in allowing 'King' Kenny to splash the cash so frivolously would suggest that they are looking to keep him for the long haul. No temporary manager would ever be handed such a warchest with which to rebuild and remould the team if he was expected to sling his hook in the not too distant future.

For me, the big winners on deadline day were Blackpool. Aside from singing two fairly useful players (and James Beattie) Ian Holloway managed to prevent Liverpool from increasing their spending even further after he dug his heels in and refused to sell the club's best player Charlie Adam to the reds.

The continued interest in Adam is a curious one. I make it no secret I'm a massive fan of his. He's a very good player and is playing to his potential at the minute but I can't see him improving much beyond his current level. Admittedly, he is still better than what Liverpool have already.

How will he react to not getting his dream move? By all accounts, he's going to still put in the effort but he might have trouble displacing new signing Andy Reid... in every sense of the word!

Spurs also came in with a late bid for Adam that was either turned down or too late depending on whether you trust the word of 'onest 'arry or not. There seemed to be something of a desperate panic at Spurs Lodge in the hours after their 4-0 humping at the hands of Fulham in the cup as bids went in for what seems like every striker in La Liga with little success before time ran out. Tottenham were unable to repeat their magic of the last window when they bought Rafael van der Vaart for just £8m (Again, Andy Carroll = £35m!!!).


Mrs. Sylvie van der Vaart - anytime he gets a mention, she gets a picture!


White Hart Lane wasn't the only place that saw a lack of last day transfer activity. It was all quiet at the top as Manchesters United and City and Arsenal chose to keep their wallets in their pockets. City had already completed a big money deal for Edin Dzeko weeks ago and shipped out their dead wood in Wayne Bridge and Emmanuel Adebayor – albeit on loan – to do some much needed trimming to their squad. United seem to be operating on the "if it aint broke, don't fix it" principle and why not seeing as they are top of the league and still unbeaten etc.

To the surprise of no-one, Arsene Wenger chose not to enter the transfer market despite the glaring deficiencies in his team's defence. Once again, you expect gooners to look back in May after another season of disappoint in the league and wondering what might have been if only they made that one signing that everyone with even a passing interest in the game could see that they needed.

Elsewhere, loan deals were the order of the day. Obafemi Martins returned to the Premier League to Birmingham from Rubin Kazan in Russia where he seems to have found the secret of eternal youth after being listed as a 26-year old despite having been born in 1942.

Eidur Gudjohnson has returned to West London to Fulham on loan after a pointless few months at Stoke. Having spent the most recent years of his career living in Barcelona and Monaco, is it any wonder he couldn't settle in Staffordshire?

Among other late loan deals, Stephen Ireland can now be totally useless for Newcastle after joining them from Villa for the next few months. Paul Konchesky will be relieved not to have to shank clearances in front of Liverpool fans baying for his blood for a while after dropping down a division to shank clearances for promotion chasing Nottingham Forest. The nicest man in football El Hadji Diouf will be renewing acquaintances with the good people of Glasgow after signing for Rangers. Robbie Keane left Spurs for West Ham and may or may not have declared that he has always dreamed of playing for the Hammers having supported them all his life.

Finally, the best named player that moved on Monday was Maximilian Hass who signed for Middlesbrough and will presumably divide his time playing for the Teesiders with his day job of being a Marvel comics supervillian.

Who says the transfer window was no fun?

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World Cup Observations - Part 5: Quarter-Finals

So after singing his praises last time around, Luis Suarez gone from scoring sensation to public enemy numero uno throughout the world for his supposed act of cheating to deny what would have been Ghana's winning goal. Talk about jinxing the guy.

In truth, I'm not really sure I understand the whole furore surrounding the incident. Yes, we were all behind Ghana and wanted to see them through but let's not lose sight of the fact that the laws of the game were applied accordingly. Suarez broke the rules and was punished with a red card and one game suspension (thankfully common sense has prevailed and this has been upheld rather than extended). If Asamoah Gyan had just done what he did in the shoot out and bury the resulting penalty, we wouldn't even be sitting here talking about this now. Suarez is no more a 'cheat' than a player who wrongly tries to claim a corner or a throw in. I can't see why people are getting so bent out of shape demanding longer suspensions, rule changes and the like.

That said, I was discussing with a mate the idea of introducing a 'penalty goal' in such situations and I have to say, I'd actually very much be in favour. It was a certain goal and as we saw, the award of a penalty provides no such certainty. Given the circumstances and timing, it was heartbreaking for Ghana and you could see in the shootout, the life had been sapped from them completely when they should have been celebrating a semi-final place.

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The at times peerless Lionel Messi is going home from South Africa without a goal and his tail between his legs following Argentina's exit from the tournament is which he was expected to emulate the fantastic achievements of El Diego 24 years earlier.

Young Leo is that most talented football player I have ever had the pleasure of seeing and I'm fairly sure there would be a number of others who would agree with me. The man has helped Barcelona conquer both La Liga and Europe in recent years, almost single-handedly destroying some of the world's best club sides with frightening ease in the process.



Yet for whatever reason, while not being totally terrible at the World Cup, he has failed to replicate his club form at international level. Although, as this tournament has shown, he's in good company.

Messi does have time on his side however. Should his powers not wane in the coming years, you’d think he has at least a couple more tournaments to strut his stuff.

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Despite Messi's failure to light up this weekend's quarter final, another 20-something whose name begins M was able took centre stage. Off the back of making England look like some sort of pub team, Thomas Müller and his gang of German upstarts repeated the trick and handed the Argies their collective backsides on a plate with a ruthless, near perfect performance which was as impressive as any ever seen in the history of the competition.

I know such sentiment isn't supposed be uttered in 'In-ger-lund' I can’t help but love this German team. The old stereotypes of functional efficiency could be put to bed thanks in part to the potency of their brilliant counter-attacking style. If Brazil had played like that, we'd still be wiping the ejaculate off the walls.

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Speaking of Brazil, Dunga has paid the price for sacrificing the ethos of flair in favour of a more conservative approach. The quarter final against the Dutch was supposed to be Samba vs Total Football. I think it's safe to say that neither team has been worthy of these respective descriptions in the tournament up until this point but while the Dutch seem happy to plod along simply being 'effective' the Brazilians expect much, much more.

In a proper 'game of two halves' Brazil were in cruise control for the first 45 minutes and could have been out of sight by half time. The second period was a different story as they were as bad as I've ever seen them. Mental Melo, who coolly provided the assist in the first half but then self-destructed as dramatically as a suicide bomber on a Baghdad bus, was a microcosm of the whole Brazil team in the match. A true case of the sublime to the ridiculous.

The Dutch deserved their win and could have made the final scoreline far more humiliating but for some truly woeful finishing.

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Speaking of which, how utterly underwhelming have Spain been so far? Lot's and lot's pretty passing and possession football but about as capable of doing anything in the box as a blind eunuch. Arsene Wenger once allegedly claimed he wanted his Arsenal team to adopt the Spanish model for success. Anyone who has ever seen a match at the Emirates will already be used to frustrating profligacy and failure to regularly kill teams off so his team are already there.

The match against Paraguay was a dire, soul-destroying affair that the Spaniards barely scraped through despite Pedro and Villa's best efforts to miss the decisive winning goal. Torres was terrible yet again as Spain failed to fashion a clear cut goal scoring opportunity until very late in the game. Despite still being man-for-man the best team in the tournament, I very much doubt the rampant Germans will hold much fear at this point and will be eyeing revenge from the Euro 2008 final. Could the perennial under-achievers fail to deliver yet again in a World Cup?

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The Spain v Paraguay match provided an insane few minutes where the referee Carlos Batres went out of his way to be as inconsistent as possible. Paraguay were awarded a penalty for a Pique's pull on Oscar Cardozo. Fair play to the ref for giving it but if there was any consistency, there would a bout 6 penalties given per match for the exact same offence. Cordozo missed and within seconds, David Villa was brought to ground by Antolin Alcaraz. As last man, why he wasn't sent off, only Batres can explain. Xabi Alonso buried the spot kick but the ref made him retake it as some players were deemed to be encroaching in the penalty area. Again, for the sake of consistency, every penalty would need to be retaken because every penalty you care to look at will have someone running into the area early. Alonso naturally missed the retake and Cesc Fabregas (who was probably encroaching) was taken out by Justo Villar in the Paraguay goal only for Batres to award a corner! All that happened in the space of about 3 minutes and it still somehow remained 0-0 afterwards.

My guess is that ref Batres was about as bored as the rest of us and upon realising he didn't have the luxury of simply switching the channel just wanted to spark the game into life. Well done that man!

Then the phenomenal David Villa scored his 33rd goal in 34 internationals to take the Spaniards through and but himself ahead of the rest in the race for the golden boot. Villa has also scored ALL bar one of Spain's goals in the tournament so far. Where would they be without him? At home, that's where!

I hate to say I told you so...




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