Goal-uttony: Weekend Observations 5th-6th February 2011: Part One

If we are to believe that gluttony is indeed one of the Seven Deadly Sins then this weekend saw Premier League fans purchase a one-way ticket straight to the deepest, darkest depths of hell after feasting on goal after net-busting goal. The 41 scored on Saturday alone set a new league record.

"Mmmm... delicious goals!"


The ONLY place to start is at St. James Park which saw what was undoubtedly the game of this or any season in recent memory between Newcastle United and Arsenal. Unless you've been living under rock, in a cave somewhere in Watford with your eyes stapled shut, your eardrums perforated and and your iPhone battery uncharged, you would know that Arsenal somehow contrived to throw away a 4-0 lead in the last 26 minutes of the match allowing a side managed by Alan Pardew and Leon Best up front to come back and draw 4-4.

Themselves no strangers to dramatic collapses and regular humiliations both on and off the pitch, it must have been a refreshing change for Geodies the world over to finally see their team come away from such as encounter with their heads held high. It's far too easy to regurgitate cliches about having a 'never say die' spirit but on this occasion, there is little else one can actually say.

This most improbable of outcomes was partly a result of yet more inexplicable refereeing as the performance of Phil Dowd almost took the shine off of Newcastle's remarkable comeback. Put Kafka, Wittgenstein and Carol Vorderman in a room and they still wouldn't come up with any reason as to how the portly official awarded Newcastle their second penalty. Arsenal will also rightly argue that if Abou Diaby deserved his red card (which he certainly did) at the point in which the momentum begun to swing toward the home side, why wasn't Kevin Nolan also dismissed for a near identical offence after Joey Barton's first converted spot kick to make it 4-1?

In any instance, the farcical refereeing should never have been a factor. Unless Dowd and his assistants were actually tackling Arsenal players and scoring the goals themselves, a side with the undoubted quality possessed by Arsene Wenger's team should, without debate, be able to hold on to a lead against a team as mediocre as Newcastle. If at the start of the game, someone offered any gooner a 4-0 lead but being down to 10 men with half an hour left to play, they would have bitten your hands off.

What it basically boils down to is the fact the once again, Arsenal showed about as much resistance and mental fortitude as James Cordon walking past a cake shop and trying to stop himself going in. For most teams in football, you would be able to write off Saturday's result as a freak occurrence. Not Arsenal. We've seen this kind of capitulation from them a number of times before. Hell, this isn't even the first time they've pissed away a commanding lead this season. You can bet your life that this won't even be last time we'll be discussing this.

Their manager refused to address the obvious problems with his team's comical defence in the transfer window and with Johan Djourou's injury leaving them with just two fit centre backs for a while, Arsene Wenger appears to have compromised his team's chances of success with his stubbornness yet again. The time must surely come when you have to wonder if a man who continues to make the same mistakes over and over again is still fit to lead this team.

Bizarrely enough, the gunners actually ended the weekend a point closer to table toppers Manchester United who finally lost 2-1 at Wolves following yet another poor performance away from Old Trafford. For Wolves, Elokobi and Doyle's goals on Saturday evening now mean they have taken 12 points from United, Liverpool, Chelsea and Man City so far this season – yet somehow they are still currently joint bottom of the league.

Credit to McCarthy's side but if you can't raise your game against the other teams in the league, all your big 'scalps' will ultimately count for nothing when you are back playing against Derby and Doncaster next year. As an aside, isn't it funny that Big Mick was sent to sit on the naughty step last season after fielding a weakened side and essentially throwing a match against United? Putting out his strongest XI might not have been such a bad idea in hindsight.



It's unlikely that this defeat will signal some kind of dramatic United free-fall but it cannot be denied that it has been on the cards for a while. Having got out of jail at Villa, West Brom and Blackpool to name but a few jammy recent examples, this defeat might signify that they have run out of free passes. You imagine it might have to serve as something of a wake up call for Fergie who will realise that If he wants to win yet another league title this season, performances on the road will have to be much better.

The loss for the Reds now means that they won't get to stick it to their rivals from North London by equaling the latter's achievement of going a whole league campaign unbeaten. For everyone concerned with United, this will ultimately prove irrelevant if they claim the more important accolade of a 19th title, bettering that of their enemies from Merseyside.

Speaking of whom, I may need to set aside this blog while I go and cut myself an uber slice of humble pie following the mini-revolution at Liverpool under Kenny Dalglish. I, like many others, thought 'The King' would be out of his depth having been out of the game for so long, coming back in a vastly different era to what he is used to and most importantly, having to manage with a fairly uninspiring squad of players.

Instead of being a resounding failure, Dalglish has seemingly transformed to fortunes of the club and after their 1-0 win over Chelsea – their fourth in a row – fans can start to dream once again. To play devil's advocate however, how much of this good run down to the influence of the man behind the man, former Chelsea assistant manager Steve Clark? Also, wasn't matchwinner and in-form Raul Meireles a Roy Hodgson signing?

Now just six points behind the blues with Wigan and West Ham to come in their next two games, some crazy fools might even start to speculate about a top four finish. Improbable? Maybe. Impossible? Not this season.

Of course, the sub plot to the match at Stamford Bridge was of course the debut of Anakin Skywalker after his £50m move to the dark side. Would he score? Would he celebrate??? Well, as it turned out that Fernando Torres had his best game for Liverpool in months after a performance that can politely be described as 'subdued' but was in fact probably closer to a big steaming pile of another word beginning with 'S'. Chelsea fans the world over will be hoping they don't have another Shevchenko (or worse, Sutton!) on their hands. Whatever he goes on to achieve during his spell with The Blues, Liverpool fans will certainly be feeling somewhat smug about what transpired on Sunday. The scousers have the last laugh ...for now.

Chelsea's recent renaissance came to a grinding halt in a game where they were lucky to come away with 'nil' such was the lack of any attacking invention in their play. It would be an act of gross stupidity to imagine that things won't fall into place sooner rather than later but on this occasion, for a side with a front line consisting of Drogba, Torres, Anelka and Frank Lampard supporting to not even muster a shot on target between them is nothing short of embarrassing. Equally embarrassing is the fact that after some obscene spending of some £70m, Chelsea actually managed to put in one of, if not THE worst performance of any of the 20 teams in the league this weekend. Isn't it funny that it was Liverpool's finest who once sang that "Money can't buy me love"?



Part Two to follow

Substandard Sunday: Weekend Observations 14th - 15th January 2011: Part Two

Part One Here

On Sunday the stage was set. Girlfriends up and down the country despaired as Sky Sports were about to serve up a veritable feast of football with three back-to-back Premier League matches followed by matches featuring the big two in La Liga. Of course, in the final game, Barcelona didn't disappoint but by that stage, many were probably wondering why they bothered as the day produced stalemate after stalemate. 'Super Sunday' turned into the 'Day of the Draw' – not a good outcome for Sky and all their excessive hype. As former Norwich striker Darren Huckerby observed on Twitter, the Feast of football was more like a bargain bucket.

The 'starter' was served up in the form of a typically frantic second-city derby. There was actually very little to observe in Birmingham and Aston Villa's 1-1 draw. However, despite being technically poor and pretty much making a mockery of the claim of the Premier League being the bestest league in the world ever, it was still weirdly entertaining as both sides were desperate for a win to pull them away from the bottom of the table. That and the bragging rights of the West Midlands. I maintain that Villa are a far better side that they are currently showing but unless they start getting results the once unthinkable scenario of Championship football could yet be a reality. Perhaps the reported interest in Darren Bent and his goals could help them in their quest.



This may well be the most bizarre transfer of the season. So many questions are being asked. When the story broke and I text my housemate - a supporter of niether club - he furiously replied and demanded to know how Villa could afford to pay £18-£24 million and why the hell they would spend it all on Bent!?

On the other side of that coin, why would the England striker currently playing for a Sunderland side that could well be in Europe next season decide to join a relegation threatened Villa side? But alas, I think all of us have long since stopped questioning the logic and reason behind the many, many random decisions in football.

Bent played what may well prove to be his last game for Sunderland in the Tyne-Wear derby before handing in a transfer request on Monday. Another dour derby that failed to live up to it's billing. Sunderland had themselves an opportunity to close in on the top five but blew it as they were only able to scrape a very fortunate 1-1 draw at home to their Northeast arch rivals. If Bent does go, the Mackems will be more than happy that they still have goal scorer Asamoah Gyan in their ranks.

Following the first two derbies was what many were describing as the most important Merseyside derby... well... since the last one. This particular match took on extra importance because it was the return to Anfield of 'King' Kenny Dalglish meaning we were subjected to what felt like an hour long rendition of the red scousers belting out "You'll Never Walk Alone". I have to say, it made for quite emotional viewing.

Nausea is an emotion, right???



Coincidentally enough, 'The King' left Liverpool two decades ago after drawing a Merseyside derby 4-4. Could his return be just as spectacular? No, not really. The result was the same but the scoreline different. A 2-2 draw proved was just about a fair result for the rivals and fallen giants who can't be even separated in the league right now as they sit in a lowly 13th and 12th respectively – both on 26 points and a just 4 off the drop zone.

Without wanting to dwell too much on Liverpool and the messiah complex they seem to have inherited from Newcastle, an intersting stat shows that the in his first three competitive matches, the much maligned 'Woy' managed two wins and a draw. Kenny's current record: one draw, two defeats. Granted factors such as preseason and transfers need to be taken into account but maybe, just maybe, he isn't quite the saviour the Kop believe him to be.

Nothing sums up the current failings of the two clubs more than the list of goalscorers. Meireles, Distin, Beckford and Kuyt all scoring in the same game? That's Premier League misfits hall of fame right there.

And so to the main course, an intriguing but ultimately disappointing 0-0 draw between two teams fighting it out at the very top of the table. Recently, everyone has been getting a little over-excited about Tottenham and talking about a potential title challenge. In years gone by it would be fair to say that Spurs had something of an inferiority complex against the top sides. The last 12 months however have seen wins over Chelsea, Liverpool, and most importantly for everyone in N17, Arsenal. This weekend, 'arry's boys 'ad their best chance in a while to end what has been an embarrassing run of winless matches against Manchester United stretching back 10 years.

Unfortunately, this Tottenham side who some would argue are on something close to equal footing would United, allowed that meekness of days gone by to take over once again. In contrast to their win at the Emirates, their performance lacked the bottle required for these big games and they never really looked capable of beating the league's pacesetters. Even after United were reduced to 10 men and 'arry threw on Jermaine Defoe, they failed to produce anything of note. Luka Modric is one of those players one could watch all day without getting board and Spurs' creative maestro was pulling all the strings. But he would have been left frustrated by the lack of movement from Peter Crouch up front who managed to be about as useful as an inflatable dartboard.

United once again managed to avoid defeat despite still looking barely above average for the duration. The point took them back to the top of the league above City and Sir Alex will be encouraged by the fact Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic have managed to reform the 'sturdy' defensive partnership that provides more protection than a titanium condom. A backline that will most likely see them as Champions again come May. They allowed Tottenham close to nothing on Sunday.

As good as they are in defence, there must surely be a slight worry about the other end of the pitch as Wayne Rooney continues to put in the kind of shocking performances that would see him struggle in League Two right now. At least players at that level know how to complete a five yard pass and trap a ball without it bouncing off them and going out of play. I dont understand the insistence of Sky commentators among others to constantly try and defend his displays and suggesting that he is 'trying to hard'. If he's playing badly, slate him in the same way you would Berbatov or even Cristiano Ronaldo before him. As we saw in South Africa, Rooney is no longer England's golden boy so doesn't need nor deserve the protection from the media.

Sticking with Rooney and failure by 'neutral observers' to take him to task, the striker's appalling behaviour over the course of the match somehow turned out to be even worse than his attempts to play football! When Rafael was rightly given a second yellow card and subsequently sent off for tripping Assou-Ekoto, the scouser was clearly seen on Television mouthing a number of obscenities for which he was rightly booked for. Not that this stopped him however as he continued his sweary monologue when another decision went against him.



Note to Sky: if we can all see Wayne Rooney calling the referee a 'Fucking Wanker' then you must have too. We're not asking you repeat what is said but at the very least comment on the fact that talking to the referee in such a way is unacceptable. It's funny how Sky Sports News are quick to run special features on how many officials at grass roots level are walking away from the game but their commentators refuse to condemn someone like Rooney whose actions directly influence the amateurs and children that take to the field in parks up and down the country every weekend. Ok, Rooney has no obligation to be a role model but when he is acting in such a way that is fundamentally against the spirit of the game, he needs to be reprimanded. What are the authorities doing? If Ryan Babel is fined 10 grand for something that was seen to undermine an official, then Rooney should be facing a similar punishment for a verbal assualt that is potentially more damaging than bad photoshop skills. I don't hold much hope for such a thing happening any time soon though.


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Weekend Observations 8th - 10th January 2011: Sweet FA

You are free to pick your own cliché about this supposedly most sacred of weekends as I'm sure you will not be alone in expressing any gushing sentiment towards, what is – we are led to believe – is the world's oldest cup competition. The tournament actually runs from about September as part time and amateur teams up and down the country square off for the chance to come up against more high profile and illustrious league counterparts as the rounds go on. However, for many observers, the third round is the REAL start of the competition as we see the introduction of the Premier League and Championship big boys and all eyes are trained on the twin tow... er, the massive arch thingy of Wembley Stadium where the final will be played in May.

One of the things that makes the cup so special is the fact that some barely known or recognised team from football's nether regions has the chance to cause an upset against a higher ranked opponent, something that has happened on a number of occasions in the past.

This year's competition has not let us down in that respect. Well done to Southampton, Burton Albion and Notts County who all produced shocks this weekend but the real stories came at Broadhall Way and the Broadfield Stadium respectively as Stevenage and Crawley Town produced the kinds of fairy tales that would have Disney sitting up and paying attention.

Firstly to the leafy suburbs just North of London as Hertfordshire's finest took on Newcastle United. You wouldn’t think there would be much, if any, history between the Geordies of Premier League fame and a club that has spent all but the last 6 months of it’s entire existence in non-league football. But alas, this where the romance of the cup comes into play. 13 years ago the two sides were drawn against each other in the fourth round when Newcastle demanded that the match be switched to St. James’ Park as they felt Broadhall Way was not a venue befitting of their lofty status.

Public bickering between the two clubs ensued but the tie was eventually played following some modifications to the Stevenage home ground. The then non-leaguers famously secured a 1-1 draw meaning a replay at St. James’ Park where they were controversially knocked out after a hotly disputed Alan Shearer goal which it was later proved hadn't crossed the line.

Naturally, revenge was on the minds of the League Two side this time around and they did not disappoint with an emphatic and thoroughly deserved 3-1 victory against a side some 75 league positions about them.

The game's major talking point however, came after the final whistle when in the midst of the celebrations, an over-exuberant Stevenage fan on the pitch actually punched one of his own players. I have to say, I sincerely hope they throw the book at this and ban him from ever attending a football match again. I find it absolutely disgraceful that he got that close to Joey Barton and decided to hit someone else! Shameful. Just shameful.

(The player in question Scott Laird didn't suffer too much by way of injury from the incident and the perp has been apprehended so I guess we can kind of make light of the whole incident now...)

Of course, Newcastle are no strangers to upsets of this kind.



Like many clubs in the lower reaches, Crawley Town have been teetering on the brink of oblivion for a number of years, coming close to folding completely on more than one occasion. Recently, they have found something resembling financial stability and are rocketing their way up the Blue Square table (currently second) with the once unthinkable ambitions of playing in the football league next season. Given their performance in their dramatic late 2-1 victory over Derby County of the Championship, one would say they wouldn't look out of place. An eventful game was settled in injury time when Sergio Torres scored the kind of goal his more high profile namesake would be both proud and jealous of at the moment given his own ropey form.

Speaking of whom, Nando’s Liverpool were in the headlines before a ball was even kicked on third round weekend. Yes, On Saturday morning, the inevitable happened and Roy Hodgson was finally sacked from his post and Anfield hero ‘King’ Kenny Dalglish was placed in temporary charge until the end of the season.

Yes, Liverpool FC: the club where sentiment and emotion supersede logic and reason. Don't get me wrong, Hodgson was the wrong appointment from the start and so it proved during his tenure but he was hardly given a chance was he? This Liverpool team finished 7th last season and were in a terrible state of uncertainty at boardroom level. Hardly the easiest of circumstances for ‘Woy’ to operate under and let’s be brutally honest, with the players at his disposal were they really expected to be performing much better? 5 months is hardly any time to stamp your authority and implement the changes required.

The continued lack of support and undermining from the fans didn't help matters either. How is a manager supposed to do his job each day when he knows the supporters were out for his blood before a ball was kicked in anger? The constant chanting for Dalglish was both unhelpful and undignified.

And what if ‘King’ Kenny doesn’t get it right in the next four months? Who will the all-knowing Kop chant for then? Let’s not forget he's been out of the game for over a decade and it’s been a good 20 years since he was a success on Merseyside. Football has moved on leaps and bounds since then and who's to say he will even be able to understand the rigors of the modern game. I'm not saying I want him to fail but I can't say I will even be remotely surprised if things don't quite go to plan between now and May. Then again, what is the plan?

Dalglish was given a baptism of fire with a third round trip to the old enemy Manchester United. It wasn't to be a happy return as United ran out 1-0 winners thanks to the double act of Howard Webb and Dimitar Berbatov. The former awarding a penalty despite the fact it was clear to every human being lucky enough to possess at least one working eye had seen that the latter had taken a dive. The second minute spot kick was dispatched by Ryan Giggs, 53, and there was no more football worth talking about for the remaining 88 minutes so all attention fell on Webb and his questionable decision making once more.

I'm not going to go with the view that he favours United (although the evidence would suggest that this is the case) but quite simply, he tends to invariably get big decisions wrong on a regular basis. One of the few defences of the man is that he allows the game to flow. What that says to me is that he doesn't apply the rules as he should and when he isn't getting a decision wrong, he is just bottling out of making a call at all. How this man is considered one of the world's best referees is beyond me and possibly more a reflection of the terrible state of officiating rather than his non-existent competence for which has been unjustly rewarded for.

On the subject of diving, Berbatov wasn't the only guilty party this weekend. In Crawley’s win over Derby, the Rams' Chris Porter took a tumble in the box but justice was ultimately served when portly winger Kris Commons had his spot kick saved. At the Emirates on Saturday, before actually winning a penalty when he was fouled, young Theo Walcott had, just moments before, tried to con us all by chucking his slender frame to the ground with little invitation as he tried desperately to win Arsenal a spot kick in the latter stages of his side's surprise 1-1 draw against the Championship's Leeds United. After the diving incident, Theo was quick to both admit and apologise for his actions.

Walcott, for all his footballing limitations, always comes across as a down to earth, smart and articulate lad and this is evident in this post match confession. With all the lies, greed, two-facedness and general bullshit we have to put up with from most people involved in football, it was a breath of fresh air to hear a player seemingly acknowledge his wrongdoing and show some form of regret about doing it unlike some more hypocritical ones out there.



That said, he shouldn't have been diving in the first place. No sense in apologising after the crime. He may not be up there with the Ronaldos and Drogbas of the world but he shouldn't be surprised if people start looking at him in the same accusing manner from now on.

Of course, if you listen to most pundits, fans or general people in the game, diving is the worst possible crime that can ever be committed on the football pitch. Yes, an action that causes no physical harm is apparently signaling the death knell of the game. A high profile dive will more often than not take up more column inches than say.... a bad tackle. Something the staunchest critics of diving will try and justify as 'part of the game'.

Yes, there were people in some quarters who tried to suggest that tackles by messers Gerrard and Tiote in their respective matches which were both punished by red cards were somehow acceptable. English football's Neanderthal mentality strikes again.

On a similar theme, in Blackburn's 1-0 cup win over Championship table toppers QPR, the Hoops' Jamie Mackie flew in on Gael Givet and was unfortunate to himself end up breaking his leg in two places. This was not the end of the story however as Rovers' El-Hadji Diouf apparently stood over the injured Mackie shouting abuse and taunting the Scotland international. This led to Diouf being predictably hammered from all quarters and prompted Rangers manager Neil Warnock to describe the Senegalese international as a 'disgrace' and a 'sewer rat'.

Far be it from me to ever defend Diouf as there are many, MANY reasons to dislike him but on this occasion, I think people ought to cut him some slack. Having seen his teammate completely wipped out (and subsequently stretchered off) I'm pretty sure many *cough* John Terry *cough, cough* other players would have reacted in exactly the same way. Even more significantly, unless I'm missing something, I'm pretty sure the striker doesn't have a medical degree so at the point at which he was supposed to have been abusing Mackie, how could he have possibly have known the extent of the injury? The pictures of the QPR man being stretched off do not suggest a double break. There is no support on his leg nor is the he using any sort of breathing apparatus usually given to players suffering from this kind of distress. At best, the injury appears inconclusive. It just seems easier for people to point the finger at the panto villain than to look at the situation as a whole.

I also find it funny when people who reside in glass houses somehow get their hands on a bag of stones and decide at that very moment to practice their throwing. Neil Warnock has long had a reputation for sending players out to act in a less than gentlemanly fashion on the pitch and he himself has been accused of calling for opposition players to have their legs broken. This is certainly a case of the pot calling the kettle black and it would be crazy for anybody to give Warnock's hypocritical rant any more attention than it deserves.

Finally, football and social networking made for some very uncomfortable bedfellows this week. It seems that posting your thoughts on Twitter can get you in some trouble if you are professional footballer. In the fallout from the penalty incident at Old Trafford, Liverpool's Ryan Babel posted a (badly) photoshopped picture of Howard Webb in a Manchester United shirt which has landed him in hot water with the FA who have slapped him with an improper conduct charge.

Earlier in the weekend, Liverpool's alleged right back Glen Johnson responded to criticism from Sky Sports pundit Paul Merson by bringing up the former Arsenal man's drink, drug and gambling problems on his twitter page in an act the showed about as much tact and class as a multi-millionaire footballer stealing a toilet seat from B&Q...

Even the fallout from the Diouf incident has seen QPR players going Tweet crazy. So, as a result of these 'tweets', we've got the authorities investigating players' conduct as well as clubs looking to clamp down on what kind of content is posted.

While some of the posts may be ill-timed, not properly thought out and of course, down right controversial, let's ask ourselves, it is really a big problem? Footballers are often accused of not being able to relate to fans and living in their own bubble. People are always complaining about players not being able to understand the so-called common man like you or I.

Something like Twitter is a great way of bridging that gap. We're all sick to the back teeth of the regulated, vacuous, cliche-riddled, nondescript interviews that players are forced to give so why deprive them of a means to publicly and honestly express themselves? Don't agree with what they say then so what? They are as entitled to their opinions as we all are and as long as what they say isn't libelous, they should not be censored from communicating them. Let them tweet cake!

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