A kind of prediction type thing totally copied from somewhere else (Part Uno)

Much to the shock of both myself and the rest of the world, Hell froze over as I didn't get a chance to watch much football this weekend. Well, not enough to justify a decent 'observations' post. This is not because I have fallen 'out of love with the FA Cup' or some other ridiculous cliché that pundits and commentators all over the country have suggested as being behind the low attendances at matches (or was that just in the third round? Is it still a valid talking point now?). I just don't feel that from what I did see and hear, there weren't enough interesting talking points to carry a blog that in all likelihood will be read by no-one other than myself in a few months when I get bored of watching episode after episode of Two and a Half Men on Comedy Central.

So what I've decided to do is to see is to look ahead to this weeks Premier League programme and do some kind of preview slash prediction for each match. You may have seen this kind of thing somewhere before but don't hold my lack of originality against me.

I've decided to break this up into two parts. Tuesday's games first and Wednesday's tomorrow as that would make more sense than doing it the other way round wouldn't it?


Bolton v Burnley

To be at the Reebok for this one. Owen Coyle against the team he brought into the Premier League so soon after abandoning them like some unwanted family pet after Christmas when the little Timmy decides that Rex isn't quite the dog he wanted. Well, Rex is back, and this time, it's personal...

Coyle has been unlucky in that he had to face Arsenal in his first 2 games but will be happy with the way they played in both games. Burnley are shocking away from home so you'd think this would be a home banker. However, If they are to have a chance here they should be encouraged by the fact Bolton are about as disciplined as a your typical Lancashire lass on a given weekend (or so i've heard) and are yet to keep a clean sheet in 20 games so far this season.

Prediction: First points for Coyle with a 3-1 win for the Trotters to leapfrog their Lancs rivals in the table.


Portsmouth v West Ham

Another basement battle as the penniless paupers of the Premier League go head to head. The derby of debt some (me) have called it. Does anyone else get the mental image of two homeless people fighting – possibly to the death – over a discarded (and expired) half of an M&S Chicken Salad sandwich as a means of food allowing one of them to survive the cold night ahead? No? Just me then.



Well, with West Ham now controlled by David squared the traveling fans can probably sing about having less debt like it is actually something to be proud of. Still, I think that's the only thing they'll be singing about as Pompey, lack of pay and all, haven't actually been THAT bad at Fratton Park and a West Ham team desperate for a striker may be be one of the few teams not capable of causing the home side's defence much trouble.

Prediction: A rare moment of joy before the despair of administration. 2-0 Portsmouth


Tottenham v Fulham

Cant see anything beyond a home win here. Fulham have been very bad away from the cottage for years. Spurs on the other hand are either really good at home or really awful. Rarely is there a middle ground. They're overdue a big home performance and will want a reaction after Jermaine Beckford waltzed in and started walking around White Hart Lane like he owned the joint. If they are serious about 4th place, they'll need to quickly forget how pitifully they allowed Liverpool back into the race and push on themselves. With their attacking talent (including my alternative suggestion for their player of the season so far Niko Kranjcar) and Fulham potentially missing their two players of the season in Bobby Zamora and Clint Dempsey, I see a big score here.

Prediction: Long night for 'Woy' as Spurs romp to a 4-0 win to consolidate 4th place


Wolves v Liverpool

With no distractions from here until May, if Liverpool don't make some serious headway up the table, residents of Merseyside might see something of a human sacrifice with a slightly overweight bearded Spaniard burning on the pyre. Games against the likes of Wolves shouldn't even provide a worry. Particularly if Mick McCarthy decides it isn't winnable.



Saying that, we've all seen Liverpool so far this season and even the reverse fixture was far from convincing (You might remember the home needed needed Wolves to go down to ten men before they could take control of the game...). Rumours are that Stevee Ge'arrrhd could be back but given the indifferent season he's had thus far is that really even an added bonus for his side? Despite their problems, you think Wolves wouldn't cause too much trouble but once again, this is Liverpool we're taking about.

Prediction: Rafa keeps the Wolves at the door with a slim 1-0 win.


Part Two to follow

Sweet FA

March 8th 2008 was a great day for Schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude, quite simply, is a German expression meaning ‘taking pleasure from the misfortune of others’. In football, Schadenfreude takes place on an almost daily basis. How many times have you been at a match and been delighted to hear that your arch rivals have lost, even if it has no barring on the fortunes of your own side?
Yesterday’s FA Cup results are a fine example of this. Up and down the country, fans were united in their unconfined joy to see the Salford Bay Rowdies and CSKA Fulham surprisingly both crash out against unfancied opposition, thus sparing us another snorefest that was last year’s final between the two sides.

At Old Trafford, The Rowdies dominated an extraordinary match against ‘arry’s Pompey side but profligacy, heroic defending and dodgy refereeing saw them lose out to a late Sulley Muntari penalty after Milan Baros was felled my Tomasz Kuszczak.

Over the past few weeks, L’Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has been labelled a whinger, moaner etc in the aftermath of the infamous Taylor-Eduardo incident. Many ignored the fact that Wenger retracted his outburst and chose to crucify him as if he is the cause for all the wrongs in the world. Meanwhile Martin Taylor was lauded as some kind of Martyr. The whole disgusting episode just reinforced the idea that fans, media and pundits alike choose to prioritise petty footballing rivalries over common sense and the fact a professional footballer was nearly crippled.

My point? Simply that I await the fall-out of Sir Taggart’s and Golum’s (Quiroz) rantings about the referee Martin Atkinson and the borderline slanderous remarks and Keith Hackett. Will they be slated in the same way Wenger was? Unlikely.

Sir Taggart’s main area of contention was the fact his side weren’t awarded a penalty during the early exchanges. While it probably was a bad decision, does anyone really believe that it changed the game? The Rowdies had many chances to win the game and didn’t take them. To single out that one incident is ridiculously short-sighted. As for the complaints about bad tackles, I love the way Wayne Rooney’s horrible lunge on Niko Kranjcar was conveniently ignored by The Rowdies and the press alike.

But that’s not to take away from the brilliant Pompey defending. Sol Campbell has had an interesting relationship with The Rowdies in his career. He once scored a brace in a 2-2 draw for Spurs and won the title at Old Trafford in his first season at L’Arse. However, he has also received two seperate FA bans for incidents in matches against The Reds (the first of which costing him an FA Cup final appearance) and was wrongly adjudged to have fouled Wayne Rooney in the infamous match that ended The Gunners’ record unbeaten run.

Today, the England man can smile after exacting a measure of revenge by putting in arguably his best performance since joining Portsmouth two summer’s ago.

Meanwhile, in sunny Yorkshire, the football story of the season was about to unfold as Championship strugglers Barnsley were preparing to take on CSKA Fulham.

Having beaten Liverpool at Anfield in the last round, I very much doubt that anyone thought Lightning would strike twice. Unfortunately for CSKA, The Tykes were very much of the opinion that it does!

CSKA couldn’t get into their stride on a poor pitch and Barnsley probably had the better chances in the first half. Unfortunately, their finishing was very much of Championship standard.

The hapless Kayode Odejayi was booed by his own fans last week after just 2 goals in some 30-odd appearances since joining The Tykes last summer.
Of course he was going to score the winner.

Cue some real backs to the wall defending in closing minutes and a pitch invasion by some very happy Yorkshiremen at the final whistle.

While it was undoubtedly Barnsley’s day, CSKA need to take a good long hard look at themselves. For the second time in a matter of weeks, they’ve failed to show up in an important cup game and all the recent talk of Quadruples has fallen shorter than even their diminutive manager.

Avram Grant has lost games against The Rowdies, L’Arse, and the two recent cup games. While he has gone about his business in the league and Champions League fairly unnoticed, his ability to handle pressure in the ‘Big Games’ is questionable. He’s failed all the big tests he’s had to face so far and while I feel the criticism he gets from spoilt CSKA fans to be somewhat unfair, he’s certainly does not look up to the task of fulfilling Peter Kenyon’s world domination dream.

The Barnsley win was particularly satisfying coming off the back of John Terry’s boastful assertion earlier in the week that CSKA can ‘play anyone off the park’.

So after years of putting up with The Rowdies and more recently, CSKA dominating English football and churning out matches like last year’s cup final, it will be a breath of fresh air on Saturday May 17th to see a couple of new faces battling for the famous old trophy.

Things I Learnt Watching Football This Weekend (12th - 13th January 2008)

Chelsea Like Freddie? Newcastle fans to boo Shearer? Benitez out???

1. The African Nations Cup will have a big impact on the Premier League

OK. So, CSKA Fulham might not struggle like many predicted (more on them later) but there is no doubt that football's most inconveniently placed tournament will cause problems for certain sides in the League. You only have to look at the unspeakably dire performance of 'arry's Pompey side at Sunderland yesterday. So bad they were, they even allowed Charley Uchea's less famous cousin to bag a brace against them. Maybe, the speculation about 'arry's approach from Newcastle had an effect on the players or maybe, the climate in 'oop north' in Sunderland was not conducive to playing football (when is it ever?). However, let us cast our minds back to the last time Portsmouth were in the North East when they absolutely bullied Newcastle into submission. 'arry has moulded a side full of big, strong African players whose physicality has proven too much for most teams they've travelled to this season. Strength has been Pompeys's most useful tool this season and helped propel them up the table. At the stadium of light, without the likes of Utaka, Diop, Kanu and Muntari, the weaknesses were as clear as day. This month could be telling for a side like Pompey and ultimately may prove to be the difference between Europe and midtable obscurity.

That said, I have no sympathy as the tournament existed long before African players plied their trade in Europe and it's not as if it should come as a suprise to a manager who CHOOSES (not forced) to sign an African player.


2. ANY football match is capable of throwing up a story. No matter how awful the game.

EVERY F****** YEAR Sky TV think it best to broadcast what is, quite frankly, football's least passionate derby match. EVERY YEAR Bolton v Blackburn is on TV, EVERY YEAR it's an awful game of football. But get this, EVERY YEAR I actually waste two hours of my life actually watching it, I expect some kind of miracle. EVERY YEAR I end up moaning at the inevitable snorefest and vowing never again. Why change the habit of a lifetime though, eh? How often has it been said that a goal doesn't belong in a certain game? Yesterday was certainly one of those occasions as Kevin Nolan's contender for goal of the season lit up a typically dull lancashire derby. The technique of the volley was incredible. No doubt some crazy fool will be touting him for England once again.

Also, you have to love a last minute winner. Even if it does come from Jason 'One of the most feared strikers in the premiership according to wikipedia' Roberts.


3. Cristiano Ronaldo may never win a penalty again.... but may never need to!

The boy has his many, many, MANY critics. For all his talent, he's hardly the most noble of players on the pitch.... in fact, I wont sugar coat it: he dives. He is a persistent diver and will dive for as long as he's playing football. However, times do arise when he is hard done by. For me, Steven Taylor extended his leg and prevented the footballer of the year in waiting from progressing. If he went down easily, he had every right to as it was a foul. Still, what better way to respond. Rather than sulking or blowing his top and nearly give himself an Aneurysm like Old Taggart (your team won 6-0. How could you possibly be moaning???) on the sidelines The Artist Formerly Known As Fake Ronaldo stepped up and led the demolition job on a Newcastle side that very few outside of St. James' Park would have sympathised with. Oodles of Dream Team points for the Portuguese as well.


4. Roy Hodgson wont save Fulham.

I've always liked Roy Hodgson. While the likes of Alan Curbishley sit around moaning about not getting the England job when all he has ever achieved is a nice mid table finish or eight, a man like Roy Hodgson is going abroad and honing his skills as a manager on the continent in the most obscure areas of the game. His CV is glowing and if he was to have a pop at the FA then you'll hear no argument from me. Sadly, his most recent premiership job saw him doom Blackburn Rovers and the same unfortunately is set to happen with a very poor Fulham side. It's coming up to two years since their last away win. Maybe they'll get one at Barnsley next season.


5. Arsene Wenger's attitude may cost Arsenal some serious honours in the long run.

While you may criticise his lack of faith in English players and sing some very libelous things about him at games. There's very little you can say negative about Arsene Wenger. The man is no doubt a genius and turned a good Arsenal team into a GREAT L'Arse team over the last decade or so. However, Arsene is a man that chooses to stick by his principles regardless of what happens. Arsenal have not had a decent title challenge for years because Wenger has insisted on blooding youth rather than spending money. Despite the draw with Birmingham (and subsequent wrecking of my accumulator. Nice one lads!) Arsenal have performed admirably this season and sat on top of the table for most of the campaign. To not win it from here would not be a disaster but it would be disappointing. With the Salford Bay Rowdies hitting form and looking to buy as well as CSKA Fulham reinforcing their already strong squad, Arsene must stop insisting that he cannot improve on what he has. Some have said that the gunners don't have the squads like their rivals to last the course. For me, L'Arse are crying out for a winger/goal-scoring midfielder right now and with the right man(I'm never an advocate for spending for the sake of spending), the Emirates could well see it's first league title. Unfortunately, Wenger's reluctance to spend may prove to be his undoing.


6. I cant say for certain that Liverpool will finish fourth.

They probably will but with 16 games left, and the likes of City, Everton, Villa and Pompey on the horizon playing as well as they have thus far, if you're a red you have to hope Rafa has a trick or two up his sleeve. Liverpool are not playing well, and more importantly, they aren't playing well. After this Saturday, the last month has seen them face 'Boro, Derby, Reading and Wigan and only just beat Derby. If we throw Luton in the mix that's five games that any serious title contender should be winning comfortably. These results only suggest that Liverpool are not in the same class as L'Arse, The Rowdies and CSKA Fulham ...and it's not just because of the rotation system. The way things are going on the pitch, the reported off pitch problems and today's revelation that the board have already been looking elsewhere, I seriously doubt Rafa will still be on Merseyside come the start of next season.


7. CSKA Fulham are definitely in the title race.

Dont get it confused! They may have lost a few players to injury and African nations etc but Chelsea under Abramovich will just keep on coming back like a movie baddie who refuses to die. Lose Drogba? So what? Buy Anelka (who almost instantly showed his class on his debut might I add...). That's essentially why so many people are against this CSKA regime. Unlike Pompey, people at Stamford Bridge have barely batted an eyelid at the African Nations cup. No longer will they ever have to 'just deal with it' like anyone else. They assemble an incredible squad of players and will continue to spend the money as soon as one needs replacing. Imagine a world where your overdraft is infinite and your bank couldn't care less if you ever pay it back. The comprehensive victory over spurs simply illustrates how strong they are as a team and a squad. I said they'd be champions at the start of the season and I wish I'd put money on it when they drifted out to 12-1.


8. Newcastle wont sort themselves out for a very long time so the Geordies had better sit tight.

Things at St. James' will probably get worse before they get better. The term poisoned chalice has been branded about a lot in reference to what has been described as the impossible job. I cant believe that I actually feel sorry for The Walrus following last week's events. Were they expecting to be at the top of the league at this stage? Geordie fans had a moment in the sun in the mid-nineties with Kevin Keegan which in hindsight was probably the worst possible thing to happen to the club. The fact they never won the title (or anything else for that matter) somehow raised expectations so high. Now, agitation spreads like wildfire as soon as things don't go their way and before you know it, another manager loses his job and they're right back to square one. With no stability, I'm sorry but Newcastle wont achieve a thing. They currently sit 11th in the league behind the obvious 4 and also Everton, Man City, Portsmouth, Villa, Blackburn and West Ham. With the exception of the Hammers and City who have had huge cash injections to aid their cause, Every other side has been a result of long term (2-3 years) building. These teams have earned their right to be in the top half because they have shown patience and reaped the rewards. Giving Fat Sam only seven months is not showing patience and whoever comes in should not be expected to 'wallop Chelsea' (the exact words of the man in charge) within a couple of months.

Alan Shearer, eh? I'd like to see it just so he gets found out. If you never thought you'd ever Newcastle fans booing their Messiah just give him the job and see how quickly it happens.


9. The Derby & County - The pub side currently masquerading as a premier league football team - are rubbish

Although technically, I didn't learn that this week.


10. With only one relegation place left, any from 6 could still go down and make the race for survival quite interesting.

For me, despite their precarious positions, there is no chance that Spurs and Newcastle will go down (Imagine if they did though...) so, it's between Reading, Boro, Bolton, Wigan, Brum and Sunderland for the last place. Weekends like this one could decide it. Wigan won a game they were expected to, Reading and Bolton lost games they might have fancied at least a draw from, Boro and Brum picked valuable points that they might not have expected but Sunderland picked up an unexpected win that might prove crucial come May. It's hard to really get into it because it will flip flop a lot between now and then with so many factors coming into play. I for one just hope it goes down to the last day again. In recent years relegation battles have been far more entertaining than the title chase and so may it continue this season.

Things I Learnt Watching Football This Weekend (29-30 September)

1. I don't understand how some people interpret the rules of football
For once a referee gets it right and he still gets grief.

Forget about dodgy offsides, diving and disallowed goals etc. After Martin Atkinson rightly sent off Didier Drogba for what was quite simply reckless play, you then get pundits such as Andy Gray on his 'Last Word' saying that the decision was harsh.

Yes, it's clear that Drogba had his eye on the ball the whole time but that is far too simplistic an explanation.

Drogba, as a striker, is well aware that he is not the only player on the pitch. We know footballer's aren't the sharpest tools in the drawer but even good old Didier must know that a defensive player is likely to challenge any airborne ball with their head.

So, if he leaps 6 feet in the air with his foot raised like he did, there is every chance he is going to hurt someone. If he does, deliberate or not, it's dangerous play and yes, he deserves a yellow card for it. For refs like Atkinson, if he took no action, it is people like Gray who will jump on his back. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. I like 'The Last Word' because Andy usually gets it right. Not this time though.

2. Certain teams just cant step up when required

I watched The Rowdies against Birmingham on Saturday and they were, once again, far from convincing and could well have been 2-0 down at half time. CSKA Fulham are in disarray and were reduced to 10 men. Fulham Northern Irish were in a great position to take full advantage.

Reports suggest that Wigan were able to cause Liverpool real problems thanks to Rafa's musical chairs selection policy and West Ham, off the back of some good results could have extended their impressive recent record against Arsenal.

Of course, the best we got was the draw at The Kremlin and it really worries me that the top sides can all play at some distance off their best and still come away relatively unscathed. Yes CSKA are struggling but everyone fully expects they will be comfortably in the top 4 come next May. Svenchester City are doing their best to upset the Status Quo but we all know that they aren’t capable of sustaining a realistic title challenge just yet. It's certainly a case of As You Were Gentlemen.

3. However, Football is still capable of crazy unpredictability

I could bang on about some atrocious defending...
I could talk about some embarrassing goalkeeping...
I could talk about breaking records...
I could speculate about how each manager is going to react...

But I think I'll just keep it short and Sweet...

Portsmouth 7 (seven)
Reading 4

5. Shevchenko's demise is tragic

Eleven goals at Fratton Park but will the man who, not so long ago, was being described as one of the finest strikers of our generation even reach that total this season? The sad figure who currently roams around the Kremlin every other weekend looks a shadow of the former European footballer of the year and 3 time champions league golden boot winner.

My sources at CSKA tell me he was at his absolute worst on Saturday and the boos he received when subbed were actually a generous assessment of his performance. I generally don't sympathise with blues' players but 'Sheva' doesn't dive, cheat, sulk or harangue referees. He just seems like genuinely nice guy happy to score goals for his team. It's difficult to enjoy his current suffering particularly when you know what he's capable of.

Another one for the list of decent players who have come to this country with a big rep and undoubted class but just couldn’t adapt.