"The fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star from the sky which had fallen to the earth. The key to the pit of The Ibyss was given to him.
He opened the pit of The Ibyss, and smoke went up out of the pit, like the smoke from a burning furnace. The sun and the air were darkened because of the smoke from the pit. "
Revelations 9:1-2
That Fernando Torres loves being centre of attention, doesn't he? Clint Eastwood may well sue the Spaniard for copyright infringement after the edited highlights of his past two games could well be compiled into a feature film that we could call The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. After all that happened at Old Trafford last weekend, one would think the former Liverpool man would endure a less eventful match in the more tranquil setting of Stamford Bridge and a home game against relegation fodder Swansea City. Despite the horrific finishing, the signs were evident against Manchester United that Nando was getting his proverbial mojo back. So it proved early on against the Swans as the £50million man received a delightful dinked pass from Juan Mata, brought the ball down, twisted like a he was dancing the Fandango and slotted it beyond his marker and Michel Vorm in goal.
If that was the good, and last week's sitter was the bad then the ugly was soon to follow. Two goals in two games should indicate something of a return to form. Unfortunately, he won't be able to continue this as later on in the half, Torres needlessly went flying into a two-footed tackle on Mark Gower earning himself a red card and a three game ban. Oops!
Brazilian Ramires, another Chelsea player guilty of unforgivable profligacy at Old Trafford, redeemed himself somewhat with a brace in the 4-1 win including a special double nutmeg with the shot for his first. One man who might not be too upset by Torres' imminent absence will be the returning Didier Drogba who iced the Chelsea cake with the fourth in the last minute.
A subplot in this narrative was the exclusion of Frank Lampard who was an unused substitute. After his non-existent performance against United last week (Old? Slow???) and Mr Villas-Boas clearly looking to build his own team, it wouldn't be outrageous to suggest, much to the happiness of the canteen staff, that Lumpy's days at Stamford Bridge could well be numbered. You heard it here first.
Chelsea are now 3 points behind the two Manchester Clubs at the top of the table. City ascended to the summit momentarily after a fairly straightforward 2-0 win over Everton where Tim Cahill was unable to continue his good form against the Eastlands club after being nobbled by Vincent Kompany in the second half. To be fair, you could quite easily argue that the Aussie was the aggressor with a pretty reckless tackle and that Kompany was simply trying to shield the ball. Had Cahill not gone to ground needlessly, he certainly wouldn't have been on the receiving end of any perceived stamp, intentional or otherwise, by the big Belgian.
Super Mario Balotelli scored his second goal in a week by way of a deflection off Phil Jagielka which makes me wonder yet again if he would have really been much of an improvement to the Arsenal defence he was rumoured to be joining over the summer. City's second via James Milner owed much to beauty of the assist by David Silva who must be cursing his luck that he was born in an era where he has to compete with the likes of Xavi, Iniesta and Fabregas for a place in the Spanish starting line up.
Crosstown rivals United regained first place despite dropping their first points of the season in a 1-1 draw at the Octagon... sorry, Britannia Stadium against Stoke City (U)FC. Peter Crouch cancelled out Luis Nani's brilliant opening goal in a game where United may have considered themselves victims of Stoke's typically heavy-handed approach (Chicharito and Patrice Evra will certainly be sporting a few more bruises after their trip to Staffordshire).
Stoke have been known to push the boundaries of what is acceptable on a football pitch but it would be lazy and unfair to ignore the fact that they gave a fairly decent account from themselves football-wise and responded well from the pasting they got against Sunderland last week. The abovementioned Crouch was a handful for both Phil Jones and, more worryingly for the Reds, Rio Ferdinand whose powers very much appear to be on the wane with each passing absence through injury. Thankfully for SurAlex, David De Gea once again showed his critics how premature they were to write him off so early in his United career with a few decent stops to preserve the point for the champions.
Completing the current top four are Newcastle. A Demba Ba hat trick in the 3-1 win over Blackburn left most of us scratching our heads as to how a team consisting of Leon Best, Peter Lovenkrands, Shola Ameobi, Ryan and Steven Taylor is still unbeaten so far this season. Dare I say, for what he has achieved thus far and considering the players that high-tailed it out of St. James' over the summer, Alan Pardew has probably been manager of the season so far. Now, excuse me while I go and watch my mouth out with soap.
Someone who probably doesn't even qualify as a manager at all was Pardew's opposite number at the weekend Steve Kean. The Blackburn boss can count his lucky stars to have faced a self-destructive Arsenal team that seemed insistent on beating themselves last week or else his side would be rooted to the foot of the table and he would more than likely be collecting his dole money this week. Liverpool are back up to fifth after arresting their recent mini-slide with a 2-1 home win over Wolves in a game of contrasting fortunes for their two big January signings. The irrepressible Luis Suarez made a mockery of the Wolves defence scoring what proved to be the winner while the world's most expensive lamppost Andy Carroll continued to struggle. It's not his fault he cost so much money and he may yet come good eventually, but right now, the big Geordie just looks like an inconvenience on the pitch who is getting in the way of his more talented teammates. Kenny Dalglish was once again forced to come out and defend his record signing but you have to ask yourself if it's a case of the 'laddie' doth protest too much?
Not for the first time, Joey Barton is the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons. If Barton exhales in an open space his CO2 would have enough concentrated rage to start a small fire. When Barton goes for a piss, his urine gets charged with GHB against the sewage systems throughout Britain. His inability to stay out of trouble has become so ridiculous that most people are just fed up with him.
After last season's extraordinary 4-4 draw, how predictable was it that was going to be a tediously dull 0-0 draw? As the snoozefest between Arsenal and Newcastle was drawing to a close, the Gunners' Ivorian summer signing Gervinho made a break into the penalty area and went down. At first look I said 'dive' but consequently replays have been inconclusive. I'm going to plonk my arse firmly on the fence and say that you could make an argument either way. Many people have decided that the apparent trip by Tiote was indeed enough to warrant a spot kick but our very own Shakespearean tragic hero didn't quite see it that way...
Filled with the kind of indignation and rage that would probably cause one to stick a cigar in someones eye or assault someone in McDonalds, Barton raced over to the floored Arsenal man and dragged him to his feet prompting 'handbags' the end result seeing Gervinho sent off after slapping the psychotic scouser. A 'slap' that Barton reacted to be claiming he had been punched and throwing himself to the ground so hard he briefly popped up in Australia. Yes, his reaction to a ‘dive’ was to dive himself and get someone sent off. Irony at it's absolute best/worst.
Earlier in the game, Barton was involved in another moment of controversy when Arsenal's Alex Song appeared to, quite deliberately, tread on the back of the Newcastle man's calf. I'd like to think Song said “tweet this, you mug” or “Song 3:16 says I just kicked your ass!” or something similar. Now, even sat in a Holloway road flat, kissing a signed Ian Selley photo, clutching a Gunnersaurus stuffed toy while watching through the most rose tinted of glasses, there isn't a gooner on the planet who can deny Song was lucky not to be sent off. There is no question about that. I expect retrospective action and a three game ban is not far off. As what was actually the worst offence of the day, this would have been the main talking point and made for a rare occasion where one would actually sympathise with Barton. Sadly, as is his wont, he insisted on being an idiot once more. It's impossible to have any sympathy when the sinned in turn becomes the sinner.
Don't get me wrong, Gervinho deserved to see red. As the laws of the game dictate: “A player is guilty of violent conduct if he uses excessive force or brutality against an opponent when not challenging for the ball.”
Sadly, in football, what the Arsenal man did somehow constitutes “violent conduct”. I personally don’t think a feeble slap counts as “excessive force or brutality” but then again, I would also like not to think of myself as a total pussy. Rules is rules though and at the end of the day, who am I to argue? But this does not excuse Barton's behaviour. His initial show of aggression was at least as bad as Gervinho's and therefore the punishment should have been the same. The pictures clearly show him almost ripping the shirt off the Ivorian’s back. If the Arsenal man is guilty of “excessive force” then so is Barton. 100%. How he only got away with a yellow is simply scandalous.
What right does he have to think he can take the law into his own hands? He couldn't have inflamed the situation anymore if he doused the entire stadium in kerosene and lit one of his infamous cigars. His shameful play-acting afterwards was an affront to any contact sport you could care to mention let alone football. To then claim a punch was laughable. Especially given his own expertise on what actually constitutes punching.
His teammate Steven Taylor was seen to suggest to the referee that it was an elbow that floored Barton. Yes, THIS Steven Taylor. Not exactly the most credible of witnesses.
Almost as disappointing as the dishonesty and behaviour of the players was the immediate aftermath on ESPN. Rebbecca Lowe had a great opportunity to ask Taylor why he blatantly lied but allowed him to squirm his way out of explaining his act of cheating. How can she expect to be respected as a journalist if she is afraid to ask tough questions? Then there was the post-match analysis. Ray Stubbs was once considered one of the finest broadcasters out there but seems to have reduced himself to nothing more than an antagonistic foghorn by trying to justify Barton's actions because of Song's stamp. Didn't his mother ever tell him that Robbie Savage was predictably tiresome in his own criticisms of Barton when he claimed himself to be “one of the dirtiest players in the history of the Premier League” as if that is something to be proud of or it is some sort of competition.
All in all, not one person involved came out with any credit. I won’t even go into what both managers said. The controversies also deflect talk away from how awful the rest of the match was. After the summer-long wait for the start of the Premier League, this first televised match was about as redundant an 'advert for the game' as inviting David Starkey to the Notting Hill carnival in a couple of weeks. If I was watching this in mortuary, I would expect one of the corpses to punch my in the face for subjecting them to this abuse. Arsenal showed very little to convince those that think this will be the first time under Monsieur Wenger that they wont finish in the coverted Champions League spots that they are wrong.
Before his sending off, Gervinho was the most lively player for the away team who dominated from start to finish. But for all their possession both player and team alike failed to produce anything vaguely resembling end product. Same old Arsenal and all that. The Ivorian now faces a three game ban and with both Nasri and Fabregas standing at the door of the Emirates with their bags packed and waiting for the cab to arrive, Wenger might have to take the advice of travelling gooners who spent much of the second half demanding that their manager “spend some fucking money”. With games against Man Utd and Liverpool to come as well as the crucial two legged Champions League qualifier against Udinese all in the next fortnight, Arsenal's season could be in grave danger of ending before it has even begun.
A final word on the gunners. At the end of the game, the players seemed happy enough to shake hands with Barton. Compare this to the reaction to Ruud van Nistelrooy back in 2003. Not that you can condone what Martin Keown et al did at Old Trafford that day but the contrasting attitudes are telling. That was a strong, determined team who were quite literally prepared to show some fight. It's no surprise that team went on to win the title without losing a game while this side of softies is more than likely going to finish the season empty handed for the seventh successive year.
Newcastle too were poor. Chasing shadows from first minute to last and very much second best on home turf. There were little to no encouraging signs for a team that looks destined to fade into midtable/lower half obscurity. Maybe it was just the sound on my TV but even the so-called best fans in the world seem numbed by the dross Pardew is serving them these days. I'd even go as far as to say another relegation is not unthinkable. You heard it here first!
Elsewhere on the opening day, a number of unremarkable results made us wonder why we've been looking forward to this day for so long. Liverpool, who will be hoping to usurp the likes of Arsenal in the top four didn’t really show a great deal to suggest they will following a 1-1 home draw with Sunderland in a game where both sides featured more new faces than a budget cosmetic surgery (unfortunately none of these new faces belonged to Dirk Kuyt).
The main talking point from the game was whether Kieran Richardson should have stayed on the pitch after fouling the fantastic Luis Suarez early on and conceding a penalty. Again, going back to the old FIFA laws, “denying an obvious goal-scoring opportunity” is offence punishable by s sending off. However, referees must consider certain circumstances such as “direction of play” and this is where Richardson gets his reprieve. That said, even though Suarez was going “away” from the goal, the fact he was on his way around the keeper and opening up the goal for himself, it was probably still enough of a goal-scoring opportunity for the Sunderland man to see red without much complaint. The law is an ass!
This game also saw the goal of the weekend scored by Sunderland’s new man Seb Larsson. A superb right footed scissor kick volley from inside the area from a Ahmed Elmohamady cross on the right. For all the daft money spent on players these days, it’s remarkable that a free transfer like Larsson can slip under the radar. Very surprised more clubs didn’t look at him.
Alex McLiesh took his Aston Villa side to Fulham and successfully led them to the first of many 0-0 draws in his inevitably unspectacular tenure there. There was more action at White Hart Lane where Spurs v Everton had actually been postponed due to the riots in the area that you may have heard of presuming you don't live on Neptune. Speaking of which, there's been a lot of talk this week about how best to deal with the looters and rioters up and down the country. I reckon a mandatory season ticket at Villa Park this season would be a fitting punishment. I'd rather be waterboarded. Seriously.
To think that almost two years to day, Norwich City were starting their season in League One with a 7-1 home defeat to Colchester. Rather than try and get the U’s manager that day convicted of some form of brutal sexual assault, the Canaries did the next best thing and hired Paul Lambert instead. Two years and two successive promotions later, Norwich kicked off their Premier League campaign with a 1-1 draw at Wigan. Both teams are expected to be in the proverbial relegation dogfight this season so, as absurd as it sounds, this match was still essentially a big six pointer and a chance to lay down something of a marker at that bottom end of the table. A point was probably better for Norwich given they were the away side. Wigan now face other expected strugglers Swansea and QPR in the next couple of weeks. Failure to get results in those games will see them playing catch up very, very early on in the season.
Similarly, Wolves picked up a vital 2-1 win over poultry enthusiasts Blackburn Rovers. McCarthy’s problem last year was the fact that his side could beat the big boys then struggle against the teams around them. This time around I’m sure they would prefer to reverse this pattern and not have to got through another nervy end to the season where they survive by the skin of their teeth. As for Blackburn, if Steve Kean isn’t given a one way ticket out of Lancashire anytime soon, the Venky’s will find themselves in a right clucking state as they plummet straight down to the Championship. Sorry.
Rooted to the bottom after the first day’s play are newly promoted QPR who were thumped 4-0 at home by Bolton. A defence made up of Fitz Hall, Clint Hill, Danny Gabbidon and Bradley Orr might serve you well in the Championship but the top flight is a whole different ball game. Investment is needed at the club, particularly in defence or else Loftus Road’s experience of hosting Premier League football will be a fleeting one. In the least predictable occurrence of the day, Rangers’ new signing Kieron Dyer was stretchered off injured after just 8 minutes. Hard not to feel sorry for him. It must be difficult trying to play sport when your bones are made of polystyrene and your tendons of wet tissue.
More to follow. In the meantime, hit me up on Twitter
Who would be a football manager, eh? The amount of wasted man hours of my short life that I have spent shouting at my laptop and the various incarnations of the Championship/Football manager series is enough to tell me that those nutters that sit on the benches of our favourite clubs week in, week out deserve a lot of credit. I mean, if I and a lot of others can't even handle the pressures of virtual world, what hope is there when you are dealing with real people who fail to follow simple instructions such as 'catch it', 'clear it' and 'for the love of God, don't give away a penalty in the last minute of the game'?
Then there's the refs. They have enough trouble enforcing the laws themselves but when they get it wrong, the long term effects of the results are often felt by that man in the dugout. Imagine also, trying to build a half decent side when you've got interfering chairmen, agents and the players themselves all undermining your authority as they chase their 30 pieces of silver with no consideration for the job you're trying to do. Speaking of the players, the (alleged) serial shaggers, drinkers and trouble makers who can't stay out of the papers for just 5 minutes or be seen without some strumpet straddling them in full view of the public can surely be nothing more than a right pain in the backside. Work must be damn near impossible when you've got these dim-witted prats running around like a bunch of children lacking any kind of discipline the very second they are out of your sight.
And of course, there's the parasitic press. Christ, don't even get me started on the bloody media...
Managing a football team must be one of the most stressful jobs around - just ask Gerrard Houllier - so it's no shock when these guys just freak out and totally lose the plot.
------- Taylor's Touchline Tantrum ------- Over the last 50 or years, the failures of the England national team have become as predictable as night following day, rain at Wimbledon or the Greek Government asking for money. After the penalty shootout exit at Italia 90, the late, great Sir Bobby Robson was replaced by Graham Taylor as the man at the helm entrusted with the responsibility of taking a team consisting of Tony Dorigo, Andy Sinton and Carlton Palmer to the good ol' US of A for the first ever World Cup stateside in 1994. Unfortunately, we weren't even able to suffer the indignity on an inevitable embarrassing early exit as simply getting through the qualifying group itself proved a stretch too far.
A draw in Poland and defeat in Norway left qualification in the balance by the summer of 1993 but a 3-0 win over the Poles at Wembley in September meant that a only draw in Holland would have been enough to basically see us through given the last game was away to whipping boys San Marino.
All was (kind of) going to plan. That was up until the 60th minute however, when it looked like England were about to take a shock lead. David Platt was through on goal only to be taken clean out by Ronald Koeman on the edge of the area. To the shock of everyone in the stadium, German ref Karl-Josef Assenmacher only deemed the blantant, cynical professional foul to be worthy of a yellow when nothing other than a straight red would have made any sense. Moments later, Koeman went up the other end and scored a majestic free kick. Dennis Bergkamp soon made it 2-0 and it the space of just 10 hugely eventful minutes, Taylor's position had become untenable. The only way the England players would be travelling to America the following year would be for their summer holidays.
Graham Taylor resigned following the ultimately fruitless 7-1 win over San Marino. The former Watford and Aston Villa manager had been slaughtered by the press throughout the qualifying campaign for strange selections and bizarre tactics, becoming the victim of some peculiar photo-shopping in the process. His downfall however, ultimately came at the hands of a calamitous ref and a cheating but talented Dutchman.
As the whole Rotterdam saga unfolded, Taylor realised his fate and was not at all shy in letting the officials know how he felt about their performance. Did he not like that indeed...
------- Redknapp's Red Mist ------- Speaking of England managers, it's been a worse kept secret than a Katie Price boob job that the man lined up to replace Fabio Capello following next summer's Euro 2012 failure is one Henry James "Harry" Redknapp.
Harry's demeanor, accent, alleged improper practices and unhealthy addiction to the transfer market often sees him compared, rightly or wrongly, to some sort of footballing Del boy. After a mixed bag of a career that has seen promotions, relegations, an FA Cup win and most recently, taking Tottenham Hotspur into Europe's premier cup competition for the first time since the days of black and white TV, naturally, the man himself would prefer to be recognised for his actual ability as a football manager rather than some of character.
However, the current Spurs boss 'as... sorry, HAS always been known as a bit of cheeky cockney chappie. "'avin a larf" and all that. As such, he seems to rarely gets criticism from his many friends in the media. Most of whom seem to be happy to talk him up and tout him for the aforementioned England role despite his only qualification being that he is a 'likable' bloke. Watch any episode of Sky's Sunday Supplement and you'll have many a football scribe refer to him simply as 'Harry' and wax lyrical about what a great guy he is. Ask the lad in the pub and he will tell you how Redknapp is a "proper" manager (whatever that is even supposed to mean...).
As a result of his image, questionable signings, an apparent lack of tactical nous and one of the worst cases of disloyalty ever seen in English football (TWICE by the way...) go unnoticed.
But despite the huge support he has for the England job, Redknapp is always going to be seen as something of a parody. In a post match interview last season, Redknapp finally became fed up of the perceived reputation he supposedly has and let the journalist know about it...
------- Keegan's Loving It ------- Looking at them today with their Mike Ashleys, Leon Bests, and the ludicrously named SportsDirect@St.James' Park Stadium, It's hard to believe that little over a decade ago, Newcastle United were arguably the best football team in the country. It's even harder to believe that team was built by Kevin Keegan! In the 1995/96 season, the Magpies looked as though they would blitz their way to the title leaving the rest of the Premier League pointlessly chasing black and white shadows around until they became nauseous. The free scoring Les Ferdinand led the line with support from the stupendously good David Ginola and Peter Beardsley. They were soon joined by Colombian international Faustino Asprilla to form one of the most frightening attacks one could imagine. Supporting them in midfield, were the likes of Robert Lee, Lee Clark, Keith Gillespe. At the back they had Steve Howey, Darren Peacock, Warren Barton and Shaka Hislop between the sticks. Admittedly, this list may not look all that impressive today but make no mistake, they were considered among some of the best players in the division at the time.
The toon were famously 12 points clear of nearest challengers Man Utd at one point before suffering the kind of incontinence you wouldn't find in an old folks home as they pissed away point after valuable point and ultimately finished in 2nd in May. The fact that United won their second domestic double in three years wasn't even the story of the season. In fact, of the top three most memorable moments from the title race, only one would feature the reds directly; A spectacular backs-to-wall 1-0 win at St. James' when it looked like Peter Schmeichel was taking on the entire Newcastle team by himself. The second most memorable moment was obviously this.
But at number one was the moment champagne corks were being popped all around Old Trafford despite the title not even being a mathematical certainty. I've never been one to buy into mind games but when Alex Ferguson suggested that some of Newcastle's opponents in the run in - Leeds and Notts Forest - would take it easy, he got under Kevin Keegan's skin in way that has never been seen since...
Following this amazing meltdown, Newcastle drew their last two games as United sealed their third league title in 4 years.
------- JFK's verbal assassination ------- Newcastle again and far from the wonderful days of bottling it in title races, the club has been through something of a downward spiral. After Keegan left, you'd be forgiven for thinking they fitted a revolving door to the managers office such has been the rate of change. Some 11 anxious arses have warmed the dugout seats since 1997 and that doesn't even include the 4 other 'caretakers'. Things even got so confusing that Keegan himself actually found himself back there at some point - and that wasn't even the most unusual appointment made by the club. Many would argue that 'honour' belongs to Joe "Fucking" Kinnear.
Kinnear wasn't exactly a roaring success. A highlight of his short tenure was comically alienating one of the team's star players Charles N'Zogbia who went on to be sold. The club were eventually relegated the season he was in charge although by the time they slipped out of the division, Kinnear had already left due to requiring heart bypass surgery. I often wonder if this was due he stresses of managing a Premier League football team or perhaps, just the stresses of managing Newcastle. Judging by his very first press conference following his appointment, one would be inclined to think the latter. Having taken umbrage with the way his appointment had been reported locally, Kinnear expressed his displeasure to the hacks in question. Unloading an unbelievable 52 swears in a rant that needs to be heard to believed...
------- Sitton Pretty ------- The most frustrating thing about being a football manager must be the inability to communicate with less than talented players who fail to execute simple instructions. This is why I believe top players, Gianfranco Zola, Roy Keane, Bryan Robson, etc. generally don't become great managers. The things that came so naturally to them are alien to the players they are trying to teach. Imagine Zola trying to explain to someone like Carlton Cole what is required to be a top striker. How many Ipswich midfielders would have been able to understand when Keane was talking about what was needed to playing in the Champions League against the likes of Juventus and Real Madrid?
All that said, you wouldn't have had to been a great player to struggle to manage a team in dramatic freefall such as Leyton Orient during the 1994/95 season. The team, managed by little known John Sitton finished rock bottom of Division Two winning just six games. Remarkably, much of the problems at Brisbane Road that year began with the Rwandan civil war!
You may wonder what an East London football team and the plight of the small Central Eastern African Republic would ever have in common. You'd be right to wonder. Basically, Tony Wood, chairman at the time, saw his coffee-growing business out there destroyed during the unrest meaning he could no longer afford to keep running the club. It doesn't need pointing out that atrocities over there far outweigh any problems at some football team but for O's fan, this looked like the beginning of the end for their team. Wood famously put the club up for sale for just a fiver. They were eventually saved by Barry Hearn but not before they were subject of a documentary detailing their struggles that year.
One of the most amazing scenes of this film was caught at half time during a game against Blackpool when the team were 1-0 down. John Sitton, at his wits end after yet another shambolic performance finally loses the plot completely and writes his name in football folklore...
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As the season enters into the proverbial 'business end' and 'hots up', I'd be intrigued to know if I'm the only one finding the top of the league becoming a bit tiresome. Everywhere we turn we are confronted with the tedious claim that the Premier League is 'unpredictable and full of surprises' but as someone who regularly wastes their spare moments putting my thoughts down in the form of this here blog, I like to this I have some sort of authority in suggesting that maybe this might not be the case. I wish it was. I mean, granted, I'd end up being wrong and contradicting myself a hell of a lot more than I do already but as it is, I would rather indulge in unashamed hypocrisy than to be currently sat here with a horrible feeling of Déjà vu as I attempt to assess the week's action.
Stop me if you've heard any of the following before: Man Utdwin without playing well. Arsenal's defensive and goalkeeping problems undermine any so-called challenge for honours. With the quality in their team, it would be crazy to write off Chelsea. Manchester City are far too unadventurous and ought to be performing far better than they are. Sub plots: City lack attacking invention without Carlos Tevez, Fernando Torres continues to misfire and playing with no keeper at all my actually benefit the gunners more than starting with Manuel Almunia.
As with near enough every season and every league in football, it's the relegation battle which is far more 'entertaining' than, if we're honest with ourselves, the mind-numbing processions that title races tend to be. Given the current form of the top sides, it looks like once again we will be going into the final straight with Chelsea and Manchester United fighting it out with Arsenal going through their now customary capitulation. To that, I simply say "Yawwwwn"!
I genuinely have no idea which year this is from...
I touched on this before but as we approach the final straight of what has hardly been the best year of Premier League football, only 6 measly points separate bottom of the table Wigan and 11th placed Newcastle. Even Sunderland, just two places and two points above their North east rivals could theoretically be dragged down into a relegation battle if their recent abject form doesn't rapidly improve. The Black Cats were on the receiving end of what Steve Bruce might call unfair decisions in their 2-0 home defeat to resurgent Liverpool but given their good fortune at The Emirates last time around, the old adage that these things even themselves out looks more valid... even though as we all know it isn't.
Ultimately, following the departure of Darren Bent and injury to Danny Welbeck at the start of the year, Sunderland look a shadow of the team that had designs on Europe at the start of the season and unrecognisable from the side that marched into Stamford Bridge in November and boldly handed the champions their collective backsides on a silver platter.
In a season when the Mackems have featured in televised games on far more occasions than is surely necessary, it's still damn near impossible to discern what the football 'philosophy' is at the Stadium of Light. When it appears as though Steve Bruce sends them out to attack, they often quickly run out of steam and looking at their defensive players, it doesn't appear as though they have the ability nor the discipline *cough* Lee Cattermole *cough, cough* adopt a more pragmatic style of play. It's unlikely they will go down but improvement will be needed to make damn sure.
Neighbours Newcastle were so dire at the Britannia stadium, they made opponents Stoke look like Barcelona and the resulting 4-0 scoreline not even remotely an unfair reflection of what went down. Sol Campbell was back in the Geordie's starting XI and given his culpability for at least two of the home side's goals, fans will be hoping his return is a fleeting one.
Like Sunderland, it looks unlikely they will go down but having only taken 6 points from the last 21 available, I wouldn't be sitting to comfortable if I were Alan Pardew... well, actually, with a five and half year contract, I wouldn't care less. If the Magpies are playing in the Championship next season, it would further reinforce the sheer stupefying lunacy of sacking Chris Hughton earlier this season.
Newcastle's next two fixtures see them take on Wolves and Aston Villa in what are the archetypal relegation six-pointers. The midlands rivals squared off at Villa park over the weekend with Mick McCarthy's side taking the three points in a Matt Jarvis inspired 1-0 win. The winger was rewarded with a call up for the England squad much to the surprise of idiots like me who, for no particular reason, assumed he was Scottish...
Anyway, having lost only one of their last six in a run that includes a victory over champions elect Manchester United and a draw with Spurs as well as Saturday's win, Wolves are somehow still in the relegation zone - albeit by a single goal. The fact that they are still in trouble puts paid to the belief that good home record should be enough to keep you up. Wolves' form is not being justly rewarded. If you are playing this well and still staring into the abyss then what hope remains if you suddenly hit a slump again?
Their vanquished opponents will be worried about the fact that they, on the face of it, aren't even playing well enough to get themselves out of trouble. Gerrard Houllier appears to have lost both the support of players and fans as Villa tumble down the league like a inebriated Brummie after one two many Strongbows falling down the stairs of the Oceana nightclub on Hurst street. A high profile and rather ironic falling out during a recent 'bonding session' saw the club's very own Mitchell Brothers James Collins and Richard Dunneopenly slag off the disillusioned Frenchman all the while failing to realise that a lot of the club's on field problems are down to what the uncoordinated pair mistakenly confuse to be defending.
If Villa do stay up, it's hard to see how this current side could push on. Certain young players deemed to have potential have actually been discovered to not be as good as initially thought and if more senior players share the sentiments of the above mentioned duo then Houllier and the board will need to take a long hard look at the team and make some serious changes else they want to find themselves involved in another battle next season.
Villa may ultimately survive thanks to the failure of arch rivals Birmingham Citywho are playing like they are still feeling the effects of crate after crate of complimentary Carling following last month's big Wembley win. The Blues' latest setback came in a late 2-1 defeat against a Wigan side that most (me) have already written off in the race for survival. They the key to staying up is picking up points against the sides around you so recent defeats against West Brom and now Wigan are likely to see Birmingham bang in trouble. Like some sort of Kamikaze pilot, Roberto Martinez may end up taking Alex McLiesh down with him thanks to Saturday's result at the DW.
That said, even if they do go down, cup success for the first time for aeons and European football on the horizon will still surely equate to a successful season?
Seemingly heading in the other direction are the 'West's' of Brom and Ham. The former hosted a Arsenal side out of form and out of confidence. The resulting 2-2 draw was almost harsh on Roy Hodgson and his team. Rather than be happy with a point, you imagine the Baggies will be disappointed at throwing away a 2-goal lead after, for the second time this season being given a huge helping hand by alleged Gunners “goalkeeper” Manuel Almunia.
The Hammers also managed to secure a point against North London opposition as they somehow came away from White Hart Lane with a 0-0 draw in a match where Tottenham had enough chances to win three times over. Despite being outplayed, Avram Grant's team managed to hold out where previously such intense pressure would cause them to collapse like all the furniture in Beth Ditto's house. A sign of a more robust survival-hungry Hammers team? Only time will tell.
Amusingly, former Iron Jermain Defoe had apparently worn a special t-shirt to celebrate scoring what would have been his 100th Premier League goal but proved to be about as effective in hitting the target as a blind archer. With no hands!
Last but not least was the battle of the two teams prefaced with the word 'Black'. Burn faced Pool at Ewood Park where the latter battled back from 2-0 down to secure a last gasp draw. Once again, Ian Holloway's team were inspired by Charlie Adam who bagged a brace. The first being a controversial penalty awarded by Howard Webb (No!!! Really????) and the second a stunning free kick.
Once again however, the Tangerines' naivety meant they were unable to hold on and allowed Steve Kean's men to come back. Blackpool are struggling but Rovers are looking as bad as anyone in their division and of all the team's hovering around the dreaded drop zone, there is little reason to suggest that they will do any better than any of the others down there. In the aforementioned Kean, you have a manager who is as accustomed to Premier League management as Les Reed (remember him?) and going through their squad you are struggling to find any top class players, instead there are very few who don't immediately invoke the reaction of 'meh'. Young goal hero Junior Hoilett looks about the only half decent player in the side.
If my opinion mattered – which of course it doesn't – I reckon Blackburn will be the team to join Birmingham and Wigan in the Championship next season.
But alas, given my history with predictions (including some shambolic punts at Cheltenham last week which are probably best left undiscussed at the juncture) I'd recommend putting everything you own on all three surviving.
If we are to believe that gluttony is indeed one of the Seven Deadly Sins then this weekend saw Premier League fans purchase a one-way ticket straight to the deepest, darkest depths of hell after feasting on goal after net-busting goal. The 41 scored on Saturday alone set a new league record.
"Mmmm... delicious goals!"
The ONLY place to start is at St. James Park which saw what was undoubtedly the game of this or any season in recent memory between Newcastle United and Arsenal. Unless you've been living under rock, in a cave somewhere in Watford with your eyes stapled shut, your eardrums perforated and and your iPhone battery uncharged, you would know that Arsenal somehow contrived to throw away a 4-0 lead in the last 26 minutes of the match allowing a side managed by Alan Pardew and Leon Best up front to come back and draw 4-4.
Themselves no strangers to dramatic collapses and regular humiliations both on and off the pitch, it must have been a refreshing change for Geodies the world over to finally see their team come away from such as encounter with their heads held high. It's far too easy to regurgitate cliches about having a 'never say die' spirit but on this occasion, there is little else one can actually say.
This most improbable of outcomes was partly a result of yet more inexplicable refereeing as the performance of Phil Dowd almost took the shine off of Newcastle's remarkable comeback. Put Kafka, Wittgenstein and Carol Vorderman in a room and they still wouldn't come up with any reason as to how the portly official awarded Newcastle their second penalty. Arsenal will also rightly argue that if Abou Diaby deserved his red card (which he certainly did) at the point in which the momentum begun to swing toward the home side, why wasn't Kevin Nolan also dismissed for a near identical offence after Joey Barton's first converted spot kick to make it 4-1?
In any instance, the farcical refereeing should never have been a factor. Unless Dowd and his assistants were actually tackling Arsenal players and scoring the goals themselves, a side with the undoubted quality possessed by Arsene Wenger's team should, without debate, be able to hold on to a lead against a team as mediocre as Newcastle. If at the start of the game, someone offered any gooner a 4-0 lead but being down to 10 men with half an hour left to play, they would have bitten your hands off.
What it basically boils down to is the fact the once again, Arsenal showed about as much resistance and mental fortitude as James Cordon walking past a cake shop and trying to stop himself going in. For most teams in football, you would be able to write off Saturday's result as a freak occurrence. Not Arsenal. We've seen this kind of capitulation from them a number of times before. Hell, this isn't even the first time they've pissed away a commanding lead this season. You can bet your life that this won't even be last time we'll be discussing this.
Their manager refused to address the obvious problems with his team's comical defence in the transfer window and with Johan Djourou's injury leaving them with just two fit centre backs for a while, Arsene Wenger appears to have compromised his team's chances of success with his stubbornness yet again. The time must surely come when you have to wonder if a man who continues to make the same mistakes over and over again is still fit to lead this team.
Bizarrely enough, the gunners actually ended the weekend a point closer to table toppers Manchester United who finally lost 2-1 at Wolves following yet another poor performance away from Old Trafford. For Wolves, Elokobi and Doyle's goals on Saturday evening now mean they have taken 12 points from United, Liverpool, Chelsea and Man City so far this season – yet somehow they are still currently joint bottom of the league.
Credit to McCarthy's side but if you can't raise your game against the other teams in the league, all your big 'scalps' will ultimately count for nothing when you are back playing against Derby and Doncaster next year. As an aside, isn't it funny that Big Mick was sent to sit on the naughty step last season after fielding a weakened side and essentially throwing a match against United? Putting out his strongest XI might not have been such a bad idea in hindsight.
It's unlikely that this defeat will signal some kind of dramatic United free-fall but it cannot be denied that it has been on the cards for a while. Having got out of jail at Villa, West Brom and Blackpool to name but a few jammy recent examples, this defeat might signify that they have run out of free passes. You imagine it might have to serve as something of a wake up call for Fergie who will realise that If he wants to win yet another league title this season, performances on the road will have to be much better.
The loss for the Reds now means that they won't get to stick it to their rivals from North London by equaling the latter's achievement of going a whole league campaign unbeaten. For everyone concerned with United, this will ultimately prove irrelevant if they claim the more important accolade of a 19th title, bettering that of their enemies from Merseyside.
Speaking of whom, I may need to set aside this blog while I go and cut myself an uber slice of humble pie following the mini-revolution at Liverpool under Kenny Dalglish. I, like many others, thought 'The King' would be out of his depth having been out of the game for so long, coming back in a vastly different era to what he is used to and most importantly, having to manage with a fairly uninspiring squad of players.
Instead of being a resounding failure, Dalglish has seemingly transformed to fortunes of the club and after their 1-0 win over Chelsea – their fourth in a row – fans can start to dream once again. To play devil's advocate however, how much of this good run down to the influence of the man behind the man, former Chelsea assistant manager Steve Clark? Also, wasn't matchwinner and in-form Raul Meireles a Roy Hodgson signing?
Now just six points behind the blues with Wigan and West Ham to come in their next two games, some crazy fools might even start to speculate about a top four finish. Improbable? Maybe. Impossible? Not this season.
Of course, the sub plot to the match at Stamford Bridge was of course the debut of Anakin Skywalker after his £50m move to the dark side. Would he score? Would he celebrate??? Well, as it turned out that Fernando Torres had his best game for Liverpool in months after a performance that can politely be described as 'subdued' but was in fact probably closer to a big steaming pile of another word beginning with 'S'. Chelsea fans the world over will be hoping they don't have another Shevchenko (or worse, Sutton!) on their hands. Whatever he goes on to achieve during his spell with The Blues, Liverpool fans will certainly be feeling somewhat smug about what transpired on Sunday. The scousers have the last laugh ...for now.
Chelsea's recent renaissance came to a grinding halt in a game where they were lucky to come away with 'nil' such was the lack of any attacking invention in their play. It would be an act of gross stupidity to imagine that things won't fall into place sooner rather than later but on this occasion, for a side with a front line consisting of Drogba, Torres, Anelka and Frank Lampard supporting to not even muster a shot on target between them is nothing short of embarrassing. Equally embarrassing is the fact that after some obscene spending of some £70m, Chelsea actually managed to put in one of, if not THE worst performance of any of the 20 teams in the league this weekend. Isn't it funny that it was Liverpool's finest who once sang that "Money can't buy me love"?
On Sunday the stage was set. Girlfriends up and down the country despaired as Sky Sports were about to serve up a veritable feast of football with three back-to-back Premier League matches followed by matches featuring the big two in La Liga. Of course, in the final game, Barcelonadidn't disappoint but by that stage, many were probably wondering why they bothered as the day produced stalemate after stalemate. 'Super Sunday' turned into the 'Day of the Draw' – not a good outcome for Sky and all their excessive hype. As former Norwich striker Darren Huckerby observed on Twitter, the Feast of football was more like a bargain bucket.
The 'starter' was served up in the form of a typically frantic second-city derby. There was actually very little to observe in Birmingham and Aston Villa's 1-1 draw. However, despite being technically poor and pretty much making a mockery of the claim of the Premier League being the bestest league in the world ever, it was still weirdly entertaining as both sides were desperate for a win to pull them away from the bottom of the table. That and the bragging rights of the West Midlands. I maintain that Villa are a far better side that they are currently showing but unless they start getting results the once unthinkable scenario of Championship football could yet be a reality. Perhaps the reported interest in Darren Bent and his goals could help them in their quest.
This may well be the most bizarre transfer of the season. So many questions are being asked. When the story broke and I text my housemate - a supporter of niether club - he furiously replied and demanded to know how Villa could afford to pay £18-£24 million and why the hell they would spend it all on Bent!?
On the other side of that coin, why would the England striker currently playing for a Sunderland side that could well be in Europe next season decide to join a relegation threatened Villa side? But alas, I think all of us have long since stopped questioning the logic and reason behind the many, many random decisions in football.
Bent played what may well prove to be his last game for Sunderland in the Tyne-Wear derby before handing in a transfer request on Monday. Another dour derby that failed to live up to it's billing. Sunderland had themselves an opportunity to close in on the top five but blew it as they were only able to scrape a very fortunate 1-1 draw at home to their Northeast arch rivals. If Bent does go, the Mackems will be more than happy that they still have goal scorer Asamoah Gyan in their ranks.
Following the first two derbies was what many were describing as the most important Merseyside derby... well... since the last one. This particular match took on extra importance because it was the return to Anfield of 'King' Kenny Dalglish meaning we were subjected to what felt like an hour long rendition of the red scousers belting out "You'll Never Walk Alone". I have to say, it made for quite emotional viewing.
Nausea is an emotion, right???
Coincidentally enough, 'The King' left Liverpool two decades ago after drawing a Merseyside derby 4-4. Could his return be just as spectacular? No, not really. The result was the same but the scoreline different. A 2-2 draw proved was just about a fair result for the rivals and fallen giants who can't be even separated in the league right now as they sit in a lowly 13th and 12th respectively – both on 26 points and a just 4 off the drop zone.
Without wanting to dwell too much on Liverpool and the messiah complex they seem to have inherited from Newcastle, an intersting stat shows that the in his first three competitive matches, the much maligned 'Woy' managed two wins and a draw. Kenny's current record: one draw, two defeats. Granted factors such as preseason and transfers need to be taken into account but maybe, just maybe, he isn't quite the saviour the Kop believe him to be.
Nothing sums up the current failings of the two clubs more than the list of goalscorers. Meireles, Distin, Beckford and Kuyt all scoring in the same game? That's Premier League misfits hall of fame right there.
And so to the main course, an intriguing but ultimately disappointing 0-0 draw between two teams fighting it out at the very top of the table. Recently, everyone has been getting a little over-excited about Tottenham and talking about a potential title challenge. In years gone by it would be fair to say that Spurs had something of an inferiority complex against the top sides. The last 12 months however have seen wins over Chelsea, Liverpool, and most importantly for everyone in N17, Arsenal. This weekend, 'arry's boys 'ad their best chance in a while to end what has been an embarrassing run of winless matches against Manchester United stretching back 10 years.
Unfortunately, this Tottenham side who some would argue are on something close to equal footing would United, allowed that meekness of days gone by to take over once again. In contrast to their win at the Emirates, their performance lacked the bottle required for these big games and they never really looked capable of beating the league's pacesetters. Even after United were reduced to 10 men and 'arry threw on Jermaine Defoe, they failed to produce anything of note. Luka Modric is one of those players one could watch all day without getting board and Spurs' creative maestro was pulling all the strings. But he would have been left frustrated by the lack of movement from Peter Crouch up front who managed to be about as useful as an inflatable dartboard.
United once again managed to avoid defeat despite still looking barely above average for the duration. The point took them back to the top of the league above City and Sir Alex will be encouraged by the fact Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic have managed to reform the 'sturdy' defensive partnership that provides more protection than a titanium condom. A backline that will most likely see them as Champions again come May. They allowed Tottenham close to nothing on Sunday.
As good as they are in defence, there must surely be a slight worry about the other end of the pitch as Wayne Rooney continues to put in the kind of shocking performances that would see him struggle in League Two right now. At least players at that level know how to complete a five yard pass and trap a ball without it bouncing off them and going out of play. I dont understand the insistence of Sky commentators among others to constantly try and defend his displays and suggesting that he is 'trying to hard'. If he's playing badly, slate him in the same way you would Berbatov or even Cristiano Ronaldo before him. As we saw in South Africa, Rooney is no longer England's golden boy so doesn't need nor deserve the protection from the media.
Sticking with Rooney and failure by 'neutral observers' to take him to task, the striker's appalling behaviour over the course of the match somehow turned out to be even worse than his attempts to play football! When Rafael was rightly given a second yellow card and subsequently sent off for tripping Assou-Ekoto, the scouser was clearly seen on Television mouthing a number of obscenities for which he was rightly booked for. Not that this stopped him however as he continued his sweary monologue when another decision went against him.
Note to Sky: if we can all see Wayne Rooney calling the referee a 'Fucking Wanker' then you must have too. We're not asking you repeat what is said but at the very least comment on the fact that talking to the referee in such a way is unacceptable. It's funny how Sky Sports News are quick to run special features on how many officials at grass roots level are walking away from the game but their commentators refuse to condemn someone like Rooney whose actions directly influence the amateurs and children that take to the field in parks up and down the country every weekend. Ok, Rooney has no obligation to be a role model but when he is acting in such a way that is fundamentally against the spirit of the game, he needs to be reprimanded. What are the authorities doing? If Ryan Babel is fined 10 grand for something that was seen to undermine an official, then Rooney should be facing a similar punishment for a verbal assualt that is potentially more damaging than bad photoshop skills. I don't hold much hope for such a thing happening any time soon though.
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You are free to pick your own cliché about this supposedly most sacred of weekends as I'm sure you will not be alone in expressing any gushing sentiment towards, what is – we are led to believe – is the world's oldest cup competition. The tournament actually runs from about September as part time and amateur teams up and down the country square off for the chance to come up against more high profile and illustrious league counterparts as the rounds go on. However, for many observers, the third round is the REAL start of the competition as we see the introduction of the Premier League and Championship big boys and all eyes are trained on the twin tow... er, the massive arch thingy of Wembley Stadium where the final will be played in May.
One of the things that makes the cup so special is the fact that some barely known or recognised team from football's nether regions has the chance to cause an upset against a higher ranked opponent, something that has happened on a number of occasions in the past.
This year's competition has not let us down in that respect. Well done to Southampton, Burton Albion and Notts County who all produced shocks this weekend but the real stories came at Broadhall Way and the Broadfield Stadium respectively as Stevenage and Crawley Town produced the kinds of fairy tales that would have Disney sitting up and paying attention.
Firstly to the leafy suburbs just North of London as Hertfordshire's finest took on Newcastle United. You wouldn’t think there would be much, if any, history between the Geordies of Premier League fame and a club that has spent all but the last 6 months of it’s entire existence in non-league football. But alas, this where the romance of the cup comes into play. 13 years ago the two sides were drawn against each other in the fourth round when Newcastle demanded that the match be switched to St. James’ Park as they felt Broadhall Way was not a venue befitting of their lofty status.
Public bickering between the two clubs ensued but the tie was eventually played following some modifications to the Stevenage home ground. The then non-leaguers famously secured a 1-1 draw meaning a replay at St. James’ Park where they were controversially knocked out after a hotly disputed Alan Shearer goal which it was later proved hadn't crossed the line.
Naturally, revenge was on the minds of the League Two side this time around and they did not disappoint with an emphatic and thoroughly deserved 3-1 victory against a side some 75 league positions about them.
The game's major talking point however, came after the final whistle when in the midst of the celebrations, an over-exuberant Stevenage fan on the pitch actually punched one of his own players. I have to say, I sincerely hope they throw the book at this and ban him from ever attending a football match again. I find it absolutely disgraceful that he got that close to Joey Barton and decided to hit someone else! Shameful. Just shameful.
(The player in question Scott Laird didn't suffer too much by way of injury from the incident and the perp has been apprehended so I guess we can kind of make light of the whole incident now...)
Like many clubs in the lower reaches, Crawley Town have been teetering on the brink of oblivion for a number of years, coming close to folding completely on more than one occasion. Recently, they have found something resembling financial stability and are rocketing their way up the Blue Square table (currently second) with the once unthinkable ambitions of playing in the football league next season. Given their performance in their dramatic late 2-1 victory over Derby County of the Championship, one would say they wouldn't look out of place. An eventful game was settled in injury time when Sergio Torres scored the kind of goal his more high profile namesake would be both proud and jealous of at the moment given his own ropey form.
Speaking of whom, Nando’s Liverpool were in the headlines before a ball was even kicked on third round weekend. Yes, On Saturday morning, the inevitable happened and Roy Hodgson was finally sacked from his post and Anfield hero ‘King’ Kenny Dalglish was placed in temporary charge until the end of the season.
Yes, Liverpool FC: the club where sentiment and emotion supersede logic and reason. Don't get me wrong, Hodgson was the wrong appointment from the start and so it proved during his tenure but he was hardly given a chance was he? This Liverpool team finished 7th last season and were in a terrible state of uncertainty at boardroom level. Hardly the easiest of circumstances for ‘Woy’ to operate under and let’s be brutally honest, with the players at his disposal were they really expected to be performing much better? 5 months is hardly any time to stamp your authority and implement the changes required.
The continued lack of support and undermining from the fans didn't help matters either. How is a manager supposed to do his job each day when he knows the supporters were out for his blood before a ball was kicked in anger? The constant chanting for Dalglish was both unhelpful and undignified.
And what if ‘King’ Kenny doesn’t get it right in the next four months? Who will the all-knowing Kop chant for then? Let’s not forget he's been out of the game for over a decade and it’s been a good 20 years since he was a success on Merseyside. Football has moved on leaps and bounds since then and who's to say he will even be able to understand the rigors of the modern game. I'm not saying I want him to fail but I can't say I will even be remotely surprised if things don't quite go to plan between now and May. Then again, what is the plan?
Dalglish was given a baptism of fire with a third round trip to the old enemy Manchester United. It wasn't to be a happy return as United ran out 1-0 winners thanks to the double act of Howard Webb and Dimitar Berbatov. The former awarding a penalty despite the fact it was clear to every human being lucky enough to possess at least one working eye had seen that the latter had taken a dive. The second minute spot kick was dispatched by Ryan Giggs, 53, and there was no more football worth talking about for the remaining 88 minutes so all attention fell on Webb and his questionable decision making once more.
I'm not going to go with the view that he favours United (although the evidence would suggest that this is the case) but quite simply, he tends to invariably get big decisions wrong on a regular basis. One of the few defences of the man is that he allows the game to flow. What that says to me is that he doesn't apply the rules as he should and when he isn't getting a decision wrong, he is just bottling out of making a call at all. How this man is considered one of the world's best referees is beyond me and possibly more a reflection of the terrible state of officiating rather than his non-existent competence for which has been unjustly rewarded for.
On the subject of diving, Berbatov wasn't the only guilty party this weekend. In Crawley’s win over Derby, the Rams' Chris Porter took a tumble in the box but justice was ultimately served when portly winger Kris Commons had his spot kick saved. At the Emirates on Saturday, before actually winning a penalty when he was fouled, young Theo Walcott had, just moments before, tried to con us all by chucking his slender frame to the ground with little invitation as he tried desperately to win Arsenal a spot kick in the latter stages of his side's surprise 1-1 draw against the Championship's Leeds United. After the diving incident, Theo was quick to both admit and apologise for his actions.
Walcott, for all his footballing limitations, always comes across as a down to earth, smart and articulate lad and this is evident in this post match confession. With all the lies, greed, two-facedness and general bullshit we have to put up with from most people involved in football, it was a breath of fresh air to hear a player seemingly acknowledge his wrongdoing and show some form of regret about doing it unlike some more hypocritical ones out there.
That said, he shouldn't have been diving in the first place. No sense in apologising after the crime. He may not be up there with the Ronaldos and Drogbas of the world but he shouldn't be surprised if people start looking at him in the same accusing manner from now on.
Of course, if you listen to most pundits, fans or general people in the game, diving is the worst possible crime that can ever be committed on the football pitch. Yes, an action that causes no physical harm is apparently signaling the death knell of the game. A high profile dive will more often than not take up more column inches than say.... a bad tackle. Something the staunchest critics of diving will try and justify as 'part of the game'.
Yes, there were people in some quarters who tried to suggest that tackles by messers Gerrard and Tiote in their respective matches which were both punished by red cards were somehow acceptable. English football's Neanderthal mentality strikes again.
On a similar theme, in Blackburn's 1-0 cup win over Championship table toppers QPR, the Hoops' Jamie Mackie flew in on Gael Givet and was unfortunate to himself end up breaking his leg in two places. This was not the end of the story however as Rovers' El-Hadji Diouf apparently stood over the injured Mackie shouting abuse and taunting the Scotland international. This led to Diouf being predictably hammered from all quarters and prompted Rangers manager Neil Warnock to describe the Senegalese international as a 'disgrace' and a 'sewer rat'.
Far be it from me to ever defend Diouf as there are many, MANY reasons to dislike him but on this occasion, I think people ought to cut him some slack. Having seen his teammate completely wipped out (and subsequently stretchered off) I'm pretty sure many *cough* John Terry *cough, cough* other players would have reacted in exactly the same way. Even more significantly, unless I'm missing something, I'm pretty sure the striker doesn't have a medical degree so at the point at which he was supposed to have been abusing Mackie, how could he have possibly have known the extent of the injury? The pictures of the QPR man being stretched off do not suggest a double break. There is no support on his leg nor is the he using any sort of breathing apparatus usually given to players suffering from this kind of distress. At best, the injury appears inconclusive. It just seems easier for people to point the finger at the panto villain than to look at the situation as a whole.
I also find it funny when people who reside in glass houses somehow get their hands on a bag of stones and decide at that very moment to practice their throwing. Neil Warnock has long had a reputation for sending players out to act in a less than gentlemanly fashion on the pitch and he himself has been accused of calling for opposition players to have their legs broken. This is certainly a case of the pot calling the kettle black and it would be crazy for anybody to give Warnock's hypocritical rant any more attention than it deserves.
Earlier in the weekend, Liverpool's alleged right back Glen Johnson responded to criticism from Sky Sports pundit Paul Merson by bringing up the former Arsenal man's drink, drug and gambling problems on his twitter page in an act the showed about as much tact and class as a multi-millionaire footballer stealing a toilet seat from B&Q...
Even the fallout from the Diouf incident has seen QPR players going Tweet crazy. So, as a result of these 'tweets', we've got the authorities investigating players' conduct as well as clubs looking to clamp down on what kind of content is posted.
While some of the posts may be ill-timed, not properly thought out and of course, down right controversial, let's ask ourselves, it is really a big problem? Footballers are often accused of not being able to relate to fans and living in their own bubble. People are always complaining about players not being able to understand the so-called common man like you or I.
Something like Twitter is a great way of bridging that gap. We're all sick to the back teeth of the regulated, vacuous, cliche-riddled, nondescript interviews that players are forced to give so why deprive them of a means to publicly and honestly express themselves? Don't agree with what they say then so what? They are as entitled to their opinions as we all are and as long as what they say isn't libelous, they should not be censored from communicating them. Let them tweet cake!
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