"The fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star from the sky which had fallen to the earth. The key to the pit of The Ibyss was given to him.
He opened the pit of The Ibyss, and smoke went up out of the pit, like the smoke from a burning furnace. The sun and the air were darkened because of the smoke from the pit. "
Revelations 9:1-2
After all the fun and games of the relegation battle, other final day stories sort of took on far less significance. Do I give mention to the team who actually took the trophy home? Well, having secured the title a week before, I'm going to say no. Besides, aside from vomiting at the fact Johnny Evans and Darron Gibson picked up winners medals, what more is there to say? We've all seen them lift the trophy more than enough times down the years, the whole thing has become boring.
And I mean REEEEALLY boring...
As I planned to write this here blog (yes, some form of planning actually goes into this crap!) I was going to mention the fact that Chelsea's meek surrender in the title race and generally abject end to the season had gone relatively unnoticed and unreported. That was until the whispers about Carlo Ancelotti's future suddenly became so loud they managed to perforate the collective eardrum of the entire population of Kensington when Roman Abramovich actually went ahead and pulled the trigger - as is his wont and a major problem for the club - on the luckless Italian for having the gall to finish 2nd after winning the double in his debut season just last year. Useless so and so! At least he has time to go to the Flower Show this week.
Carlo's P45 followed The Blues' 1-0 defeat at Everton meaning third placed Manchester City's 2-0 win at Bolton capped what has been an impressive season for the... er, lighter shade of Blue(s) as they finished level on points with the West Londoners. The cash rich citizens' win also meant that Arsenal finished a lowly fourth in a season that promised oh so much at one stage. The last few weeks - a surprise win over the champions aside - have seen the North Londoners in freefall. A limp 2-2 draw at Fulham just about summed up their wretched second half of the season showing. The gunners went in needing to win to have any chance of catching City but the result at Craven Cottage was telling as Wenger's team weren't even capable achieving the bare minimum required of them on the day. A few more games and I am certain they would have missed out on Europe altogether so maybe they ought to actually be grateful for fourth...
The only shining light at the Emirates seems to the continued excellent form of Robin van Persie whose record 9th consecutive goal in away Premier League games and 18th overall this season makes you wonder what might be IF he can stay fit for a whole season and IF his manager decides to bring in some decent players to play alongside him.
Arch rivals Tottenham arrested their own recent rot with a 2-1 home win (finally) that of course sent Birmingham down while securing 5th place and Europa league qualification much to the dismay of 'arry and most people inside White Hart Lane. Having tasted the sumptuous delights of the Champions League banquet for the first time, you can't imagine they'll be too pleased to drop back into Europe's secondary competition – the equivalent of eating a cold service station Ginsters slice in a lay-by off the M25.
I know I've been down on the tiresome predictability of the Premier League for much of this season but, I have to say that the final day made realise exactly why we still continue to watch and love this game oh so much. Has one round of fixtures produced so many top quality goals? I can't be bothered to check so instead I will doth my cap to [deep breath] Roman Pavlyuchenko, Craig Gardner, Brett Emerton, Junior Hoilett, Stephen Hunt, Stewart Downing, Charlie Adam and Stephane Sessegnon who were all seemingly trying to compete in their own goal of the week/month/season competition.
Special praise however goes to a man I have often suggested offers about as much of a goalscroring threat as a stroke victim. Step forward Jermaine Beckford who went all Leo Messi on us as he drove through the Chelsea team with a run from deep in his own half before a cheeky dink over Petr Cech to score a goal of such quality, it would have surely run Rooney close for strike of the season had it not already been decided prior to that last day. Well played that man. Still won't convince me he's any better, mind.
Sandwiched between the resurgent scousers and Chelsea are Tottenham. They always say the repeating success is harder than achieving it and looking at the way things are panning out this season, it will be a tougher task for Spurs if they are to emulate last season's top four finish.
However, they did such ambitions no harm with a 2-1 win over Bolton thanks to a late Nico Kranjcer screamer. It's one of this season's great injustices that Kranjcer doesn't see much in the way of game time for 'arry's side given how influential he was last season in making sure Spurs actually qualified for the Champions League. Much has been said about how this goal 'proved a point' to 'onest 'arry but in reality, we know this is not the case. For everything he has achieved, Redknapp could find himself undoing his good work if he doesn't fight his worrying addiction to always trying to buy players. With what is already a very good squad at his disposal, you have to wonder why he enters the transfer market with a ridiculous scattergun approach looking to literally sign anybody rather than someone he actually needs. Last week's farce was a prime example. What would Charlie Adam add to the Spurs team the Kranjcar cannot provide already? Perhaps more importantly, why was he looking to sign half the strikers in Spain when his defence is in so much trouble?
Again, refereeing controversy took centre stage in this match as Mark Clattenburg continued to make a fool out of himself with some baffling penalty decisions. Having already inexplicably forced a retake by Spurs' Rafael van der Vaart for encroachment (something you will see on every penalty from now until the end of time), the second half saw the dullard ref fail to award Gary Cahill one of the most nailed on spot-kicks you are ever likely to see and instead decided to book the Bolton man for diving.
Owen Coyle is apparently going to compile a second DVD of all the decisions that have gone against his team this season. At this rate we could be looking at a full box set before the season is out.
Contributing to the weekend goal-fest was Carlos Tevez who bagged a hat-trick in Man City's comprehensive 3-0 win over West Brom at Eastlands. City's title challenge has stuttered in recent weeks with some indifferent league form over January but having seen Chelsea, Arsenal and crosstown rivals United all drop points this week, Roberto Mancini's team are right back in the race.
This match may have turned out to be the last one in the Baggies dugout for Roberto Di Matteo who was sent out back to go and sort out his bergonias as he was later placed on gardening leave by the club. It's funny that this is the term they use when people are put into this state of purgatory. Who's to say that Di Matteo doesn't already have a gardener? Or what if he lives in a penthouse apartment?
But I digress. It's a bit of a head-scratcher this one. Admittedly, West Brom's recent form hasn't exactly been promising but back in September, following that famous win at Arsenal, people were talking about the possibility of the Baggies pushing for European spots. Yes, it has been something of a rapid decline since then but some of the team's home performances would have suggested that they would have had enough to just stay up this season allowing Di Matteo the opportunity to push on next year.
Given that this is Di Matteo's first attempt at Premier League management and taken into account the fact that last year he successfully led West Brom to promotion from the Championship in his first season at the Hawthorns, you have to think that this reaction by the board is both hasty and unfair. Even if he did get them relegated, his employers ought to be far more grateful for the job he's done so far.
"We'll be needing the scarf back too, Roberto"
Tony Pulis is a prime example of what can be achieved by having patience with a manager. All of a sudden, people talk about Stoke City as an established Premier League side and not have to worry that they have lost their marbles.
No matter what your opinion of the City, team or style of football, Pulis deserves credit for what he has achieved. That said, they still remain a horrible, horrible team to watch. Yes, they contributed to this weekend's goalfest with an apparently emphatic 3-2 win over Sunderland but Christ almighty, you couldn't possibly imagine three uglier goals than those that ultimetly won them the game. If football was a fairly tale, the 'beautiful game' would be in direct contrast with Stoke City who would be playing the part of 'Beast'.
The fact all three came from set pieces launched into the box tells you everything you need to know. Their first two goals, both highly contentious and might have been disallowed on another day, featured the kind of goal mouth scrambles that wouldn't look out of place in a game of 60 seconds in any primary school playground. Still, 3 points is 3 points as they say and a perfect counter argument to any football 'purist' who will try and tell you that football has to be 'pretty'.
Everton has been the epitome of inconsistency so far this season and their 5-3 win over Blackpool was a microcosm of their whole campaign. Had it not been for the drama at St. James' Park, people would be hailing this relentlessly back-and-fourth match as the standout game of the weekend.
There's a lot of talk on merseyside at present about the 'Return of the King' but if you cross Stanley park to get away from all the Dalglish hysteria, Everton fans will be talking about their own regal monarch in the shape of King Louis Saha. Having seemingly gotten over the injuries that have caused havoc with his career so far, the Frenchman had been steadily returning to form netting 4 goals in his previous 6 matches before single handedly matching that total on Saturday to make it 8 in 7. The new hairstyle has him looking like a Duracell Battery and guess what? He's playing like one too...
If he continues like this then you imagine that Everton won't remain in what many would say is a false position down in the the lower reaches of the Premier League but then again, if history has taught us nothing else it's that there are only three certainties in life: death, taxes and a Louis Saha injury. While not wanting to jinx him, is it likely that he will be able to go on a run of games without his muscles turning to play-dough once again?
Despite contributing to such an exciting match – it's not often a team will score three goals and end up on the losing side – Blackpool's poor run of form continues and relegation becomes more and more of a realistic possibility with each passing game. Coinciding with the Tangerine's free-fall is the fact that teams around them are picking up whatever few points they can like some ruthless scavengers in a some kind of dystopain wasteland while Ian Holloway's side go hungry. Wins for Wolves, Birmingham and bizarrely enough, Wigan, see The Seasiders sit just two points off the drop zone.
I don't see them getting much change out of their next four games against Villa, Spurs, Wolves and Chelsea so it's with a heavy heart I feel I must pre-emptively mourn the loss of Ian Holloway and his regular bouts of insanity from our screens.
After the sacking of Chris Hughton last week you would have thought football would wait a few weeks before going completely mental again. No. Just a few days later ‘Big’ Sam Allardyce was relieved of his duties at Blackburn Rovers. A shocking decision on the face of it given the fact he was doing a fairly decent job of maintaining Rovers’ position of mid table mediocrity. Seeing as the Venky’s group – Blackburn’s new owners – recently claimed they were happy in that very position, their complete change of stance is baffling. The fact they don’t seem to even have a replacement lined up makes the whole situation even more nonsensical.
Mind you, having pumped a fortune into buying the club, they probably took one look at the Allardyce’s ‘style’ of football and understandably came to the conclusion they wanted to see something much better.
Allardyce was handed his pink slip off the back of a 2-1 defeat in the Lancashire/Greater Manchester/Somewhere-in-the-north-east derby against his former club Bolton. Given the way Allardyce celebrated his current side’s equaliser in front of the fans who once worshiped the ground he walked upon, you have to say Karma gave him a double dose of whoop-ass. Stuart Holdon’s stunning quickfire response that ultimately proved to be the winning goal was just the starter before the main course of Monday’s dramatic dismissal.
The abovementioned Newcastle played their first game under Alan ‘5 and a half years’ Pardew and what do you know? They beat Liverpool 3-1 and looked quite good in the process. Andy Carroll was on the scoresheet yet again and is proving to be something of a revelation. Credit where it is undoubtedly due for him being able to make the transition from Championship to Premier League almost seamlessly – something many young players struggle to do.
The game also featured a now customary Torres one-on-one miss and Joey Barton... well, being Joey Barton. For the record, I don’t think his ‘gesture’ was that offensive but having just returned from a three match ban and everything that has happened to him IN HIS LIFE up until this point, you’d hope he would apply something like common sense and keep his nose clean. I’m not the first to say it and certainly won’t be the last but if Barton concentrated on his football and stopped behaving like a dickhead at every opportunity, he would actually be quite the player.
Dr. Jackal/Mr. Hyde also scored the key second goal in the game. The Premier League have apparently moved to ‘remind him of his responsibilities’ but it would help if Barton actually what the word responsibility actually meant.
Now, before Geordies start proclaiming Pardew to be their new Messiah, let’s not forget that this is still Hughton’s team.
In keeping with the theme of under fire managers, Roy Hodgson has once again had to come out fighting this week in face of more criticism and speculation over his future. Hodgson is in danger of doing irreparable damage both to his reputation and to this current Liverpool team. A good manager no doubt but as the season has worn on, it has become clear that Hodgson quite simply won’t be able to deliver what the club wants and needs: Champions League football and eventually a title push. His terrible personal away record doesn’t appear to show any sign of improving either.
Sharing their neighbours cause for concern are Everton whose traditional slow start to the season has dragged itself almost to the halfway stage after a 0-0 draw with Wigan. “Some” people might say that you insist on signing AND playing Jermaine Beckford instead of a real striker then you deserve to sit just two points off the relegation zone... some people!
With West Ham putting up about as much of a fight in the relegation battle as an anaemic schoolchild in the UFC, Wolves picked up a massive 1-0 win against midlands rivals Birmingham while across the region, Gerard Houllier’s Aston Villa scored a much needed 2-1 win over rivals West Brom. All four of these sides have some sort of dislike or resentment towards one another. Can’t imagine the West Midlands was a fun place to be over the weekend. Stephen Hunt’s decisive goal and Wolves’ subsequent win opened up a three point gap on the hapless hammers as well as inching themselves closer to safety. The bottom of the table remains congested as ever and Villa’s welcome victory gives Gerrard Houllier some much needed breathing space after a poor recent run. Those same people who say those unkind words about Jermaine Beckford may also suggest that it is no coincidence that Villa finally won a game after dropping Richard Dunne.
Results
Saturday
Aston Villa 2-1 West Brom Everton 0-0 Wigan Fulham 0-0 Sunderland Newcastle 3-1 Liverpool Stoke 0-1 Blackpool West Ham 1-3 Manchester City
Sunday
Bolton 2-1 Blackburn Tottenham 1-1 Chelsea Wolves 1-0 Birmingham
Monday
Manchester United 1-0 Arsenal Follow me on Twitter
Game of the weekend was quite obviously the thriller at the Emirates which saw Arsenal and Tottenham swap their traditional roles in these games. Usually, it is Spurs who start brightly before self-destructing in comical fashion however this time it was the gunners who decided to piss away their 2 goal half time advantage giving Harry Redknapp's side a famous win. Their first in this corresponding fixture since 1993.
Naturally, the red half of North London were spitting bile at this result with many fans even calling for Arsene Wenger's head. Given the opposition and manner of the defeat the reaction, although not necessarily the right one, is understandable. Without taking anything away from Tottenham, nobody can deny this was more of a case of Arsenal losing the game than Spurs winning it. They threw away a game against their most bitter rivals from a commanding position. Simply unacceptable.
The match seemed to represent a microcosm of the recent fortunes of both sides. The unrest amongst Arsenal fans comes from the fact they are seeing their side spunk away leads far, far too often while Tottenham once again found themselves having to battle back from the dead as it were in a game that looked beyond them. While this new-found resilience is commendable, they wont always be able to recover from regularly giving the opposition a head start. Crazy talk of winning the league need to be put to one side until they learn to start football matches as well as they finish them.
After all the dust settled, Arsenal still remained just two points off the league summit but if they are to retain anything even resembling title aspirations, they need to show far more by way of cojones in big games against the better sides in the league and make no mistake, Tottenham are most definitely one of the league's better sides these days. Their improvement has coincided with their rivals obvious decline over the last five years and on the evidence of Saturday, would suggest that the gap between the two sides – if any remains – has narrowed. The oft regurgitated "let's all laugh at Tottenham" chant is now strictly ironic as they are certainly a side to be taken very seriously.
Arsenal's defeat proved not to be as much of a catastrophic blow to their supposed title challenge as it first appeared thanks very much to 'unstoppable' Chelsea's third defeat in four league games, this week, at Birmingham. Each week, I keep saying that the west Londoners will still be strong enough to win the title but with rumours of unrest behind the scenes and the whole Ray Wilkins nonsense, all may not be well at The Bridge.
Despite dominating at St. Andrews, Chelsea came away with nothing. Bad performances such as last week can be written off as a bad day at the office but playing well and losing is a cause for concern and sows those proverbial seeds of doubt into their minds.
The last month has seen Chelsea's poor form allow Manchester United to creep up alongside them like some pervert at 3am at any South London bus stop atop the league table. Bafflingly, United are STILL unbeaten this season despite looking barely adequate in most of their performances so far. Even Saturday's win over Wigan was laboured at best. The away side had to be reduced to nine men before the reds looked anywhere near comfortable. But as they say, a win is a win, and if they lift the big trophy come May following a string of 'meh' wins, I doubt the Old Trafford faithful will have much to complain about.
One thing the fans did get vocal about was the return of Wayne Rooney following all the shenanigans of a few weeks back. After pretty much spitting on Sir Matt Busby's grave with his disrespectful actions in hankering for a move only to be rewarded with an exorbitant new contract, many wondered if the fans who dedicate so much of their lives to the great club would be fickle enough to simply support him once more despite his treachery. All it takes is one goal and a contrived kiss of the club badge usually. In a bizarre turn of events, United fans actually showed a sense of indignation that didn't involve a nonsensical, misguided scarf protest as the 'White Pele' was actually booed by some supporters as he was brought on late in the game. If and when Rooney hits the goal trail once again, it will be interesting to see if this resentment towards him continues.
Across town, Manchester City fans had reason to smile once again after a convincing win at Fulham. Interestingly, Roberto Mancini sent his team out to attack rather than with the usual 'just try not to lose' philosophy. Seeing his team 3 goals to the good in little over half an hour tells it's own story as City showed more adventure in that short time than in all their preceding games this campaign combined. I maintain that this side has all the tools to win the title this season and if they play like this more often, I can't see any reason why they can't usurp the teams above them over the coming months.
An interesting side note from the game was fact that City were facing a Fulham side managed by the very man that was so spectacularly dismissed to make way for Mancini 11 months ago. Given that Mark Hughes bought most of the players he faced on Sunday, you have to wonder how he managed to get his tactics so badly wrong. Fulham are now only outside the drop zone on goal difference and if Hughes doesn't soon improve on his sides mediocre total of just two wins so far, he may well find himself out of work once again.
The topsy-turvey world of the Premier League also saw Bolton consolidate 5th place this weekend with an emphatic 5-1 win over the predictably inconsistent Newcastle. At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, to echo my thoughts from last week, credit to Owen Coyle for turning a team of uninspiring cloggers that were about as appealing as a battery acid enema into a team that actually aspires to play decent football. I'm still scratching my head at how good that man Johan Elmander is looking too. Two more goals this week sees him joint second in the scoring charts this season above the likes of Drogba, Torres and Berbatov. With their precarious financial position leading to rumours of player sales, the Swede's fine form could see a battle for his signature and a pretty decent wedge of cash come in from any potential buying party.
Finally, the quality of Elmander's goals have also been worthy of high praise. Unfortunately, he was upstaged in the goal of the week stakes by Blackpool's Luke Varney who hit an absolute stunner against Wolves which helped the seasiders to a 2-1 win.
Results Saturday
Arsenal 2-3 Tottenham Birmingham 1-0 Chelsea Blackpool 2-1 Wolves Bolton 5-1 Newcastle Liverpool 3-0 West Ham Manchester United 2-1 Wigan West Brom 0-3 Stoke
Sunday
Blackburn 2-0 Aston Villa Fulham 1-4 Manchester City
Only really one place to start and that's West London with one of the shock results of this or any season. Sunderland marched into Stamford Bridge acting like they own the joint and inflicted Chelsea's biggest home defeat since 2002. Funnily enough, not long before they were being bank-rolled by a Russian Billionaire. I wonder if the two facts are connected in some way... Anyway, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't think Chelsea are one their way to winning their fourth Abraomvich sponsored league title this season having started the campaign like a house on fire. A paper house doused in kerosene.
However, the current champions' league performances in recent weeks have been quite far removed from the thrashings they were routinely handing out back when the sun was shining in late August. Sunday's massacre at the hands of the Black Cats, while unexpected, maybe shouldn't be considered the massive shock we perceive it to be. Of course Sunderland would fancy their chances after looking at the team sheet and seeing that the Blues were missing Lampard, Terry, Alex and Essien. Credit to Steve Bruce’s side for taking advantage. This wasn't a smash and grab counter-attack inspired, shut up shop effort either. The Mackems went out with a positive attacking mentality with two up front and subsequently bossed the game.
3-0 was not an unfair reflection of the match at all. Nedum Onuoha opened to scoring with a superb solo effort that will surely be in the running for goal of the month. Had that been scored by Gareth Bale or Theo Walcott or Wayne Rooney, the simultaneous orgasm from over-excited TV pundits would knock the globe from its axis. Unfortunately the second by Asamoah Gyan was tarnished by Bolo Zenden's tragic attempt at dancing during the celebration. Seriously, there's no place for that sort of thing in the game. I hope the FA look at that retrospectively and ban him from ever cutting shapes like that in a public place again. The icing on the cake came from Danny Welbeck came after an Ashley Cole mistake. That was really sad to see. I was so gutted for him but it seems that the only way I can truly express my sympathy is by laughing very loudly.
Whether this is just a blip or the first signs of decline for Chelsea remain to be seen. They will be slightly concerned seeing that they also lost to easily the worst Liverpool side I've seen in my lifetime. The reds followed up that almighty win at Anfield with a draw at Wigan and a feeble surrender on Saturday at Stoke. After all the talk of turning the corner, it seems like Roy Hodgson's men have switched into reverse gear and gone right back round said corner. Ten years ago Liverpool actually went to the Britannia and won 8-0 but were so bad on Saturday, it's not unfair to say that they made Stoke look like the offspring of the Brazil 1970 team and Superman! This naturally, led to the predictable bi-polar switch in attitude from the scousers who were just last week dancing a merry jig. This week, the conclusion of the match saw the traveling fans shouting themselves hoarse pleading for Kenny Dalglish to be handed the managerial reigns and Hodgson to be put out to pasture. I don't think 'King' Kenny, or any manager for that matter, will be able to do a great deal with the likes of Poulsen, Konchesky and Rodriguez constantly stinking up the place.
In 1995, people around scoffed when Sony entered the gaming market and released something called the 'Play station', U2 topped the charts with "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" (a song infinitely better than the terrible movie which it was the soundtrack for...) and I started getting hair and spots in weird places and as the huge crushing fist of puberty decided to do a number on me!
Also, 1995 was the last time Aston Villa beat Man Utd in the league prompting Alan Hansen's now famous "You'll never win anything with kids" proclamation. 15 years of hurt was that close to coming to an end for the Villains but for the Mancs increasingly annoying penchant for scoring late goals.
So, it turns out that Villa can be quite entertaining despite my previous suggestions to the contrary. The Villa park faithful have seen two goal-packed games with late drama in the space of just three days. What do I know about football anyway?
A few weeks back when Man City were winning football matches, very few people gave a monkeys as to how the results were achieved. Mind-numbingly unadventurous and uninspiring football to make one want to gouge out their own eyes and throw them under the wheels of a speeding bus was a small price to pay for results and there was genuine belief in some quarters that the Premier League trophy would be returning to Manchester this season, only this time to donning sky blue ribbons rather than red.
However, following a run of three home league games without a goal, the natives are understandably getting restless. And why not? Roberto Mancini is so cautious you imagine he wears two condoms and a rubber glove just to masturbate. City are playing by a different set of rules from most other teams right now and as such, will always be judged due to their substantial financial clout. If you're not winning games, performances come under more scrutiny. For the vast, unfathomable sums of money spent, we were expecting a new powerhouse in the game not a side that takes on Birmingham with the sole aim of avoiding defeat.
"I wonder if I can get away with playing TEN defensive midfielders..."
With all their supposed title rivals dropping points, Arsenal'swin at Everton sees them within touching distance of the Premier League summit. It's early days but there are those on the red side of North London who feel that the club's six year 'drought' without a league title may well be coming to an end. We'll wait and see if the anticipated New Year collapse takes place yet again. It's been a long held belief that The Arsenal play some magical style of pure football from the heavens but the win at Goodison was not an example of Arsenal at their free-flowing best. Their much-praised style has been supplemented and on occasion even replaced with something us Brits like to refer to as 'grit'.
The contrast in their two goals epitomised this newfound ability to mix it up. The first was a result of a Bacary Sanga shot from a position where you usually expect to see Arsenal players still try a pass rather than pull the trigger while the second was a typically well worked passing move finished by Cesc Fabregas that the team has become famous for. Chuck in the awful disciplinary record this season and it looks like, maybe, just maybe, Arsene Wenger's kids have finally grown a pair and worked out how to grind out results and when even when not at their best.
Next Saturday, they face arch-rivals Spurs at the Emirates. What greater incentive going into the game knowing that a win will send them top of the league? Equally for Tottenham, who themselves remembered how to win a league game this weekend, what greater motivation for the match than to try and halt the gunners' continued ascent?
The liliwhites' first win in five was a Gareth Bale inspired 4-2 humping of Blackburn Rovers at White Hart Lane in a horribly one sided affair, although a late rally from the visitors restored something in the way of respectability to the final scoreline. Given that Big Sam named an ultra-defensive 5-man back line, it was natural that he would be quite pissed off about how much joy and freedom they allowed the Spurs attack. Although both teams would have come into the season with vastly different aspirations, they are currently both among number of teams bouncing around in a very congested looking table that is looking tighter than a gnat's rectum at present. A tiny gap is opening up between the top four and the rest while Wolves and the increasingly dire West Ham are at risk of being cut away at the bottom but between that, only two wins separate 18th placed Birmingham City and Bolton up in the dizzying, nose-bleed inducing heights of 5th.
Speaking of whom, credit to Owen Coyle who would have never imagined in his wildest dreams he would be leading his beloved Wanderers to such a lofty position. Even more credit is due for turning Johan Elmander into some kind of footballer! For two years, the Swede has looked about as useful as tap-dancing lessons for Stephen Hawking but has somehow discovered something resembling a goal-scoring touch. With six goals already this season, the pick of the bunch came in Saturday's win at Wolves. But like Nedum Onouha before him, had this goal been scored by a more high profile player you'd never hear the end of it.
Results Saturday Aston Villa 2-2 Manchester United Manchester City 0-0 Birmingham City Newcastle United 0-0 Fulham Stoke City 2-0 Liverpool Tottenham Hotspur 4-2 Blackburn Rovers West Ham United 0-0 Blackpool Wigan Athletic 1-0 West Bromwich Albion Wolverhampton Wndrs 2-3 Bolton Wanderers
Sunday Chelsea 0-3 Sunderland Everton 1-2 Arsenal Follow me on Twitter
When it was decided that Blackpool v West Bromwich Albion was to feature as the Monday night game on Sky, no-one in their right mind could have envisaged that a win for the home side would catapult them into the top half of the table nor would they have guessed that The Baggies would be ruing missing on three points that would have put them into the top four.
An entertaining and eventful game at Bloomfield Road on saw the away team play most the match with 9 men having had Pablo Ibanez and Gonzalo Jara dismissed before the half hour mark. Ian Holloway's men wasted a hatful of chances and almost squandered a 2-0 lead when Yousouf Mulumbu grabbed a late consolation. The most impressive aspect of the game was the willingness of both teams to attack. Blackpool could have easily sat back and kept possession with their two man advantage but still went out trying to score more goals even when winning comfortably. West Brom, although forced to set up with a 4-4-0 formation for over an hour still managed to get forward on enough occasions to make a game of it and were almost rewarded in the dying moments for their endeavour. Both teams ought to be praised for their positive attitude and some of their more pragmatic Premier League counterparts would be wise to sit up and take note.
That final sentence would have been a nice segue into discussion of the dull, scoreless West Midlands derby between Aston Villa and Birmingham City but this sentence is about all I could muster on the game. I’ll quickly move on the admittedly only fractionally more exciting game at the Reebok Stadium where Liverpool beat Bolton1-0. Interestingly enough, despite their terrible start, should the unexpected happen and the scousers beat Chelsea next week, they could theoretically jump up to as high as fifth. However, watching their unconvincing smash and grab victory at Bolton, I would say that Hodgson's team have very little to be optimistic about. Maxi Rodriguez' 86th minute toe-poke merely glossed over what was another poor performance.
Take out Fernando Torres and Steven Gerrard and you would struggle to convince many people that the rest of the Liverpool team are any better than their vanquished opponents on Sunday. Speaking of Torres, don't let the assist fool you, his overall contribution to the game was minimal and his lack of interest couldn’t be more apparent if he ran around with a huge neon sign with flashing text which read: "CANT BE ARSED" on it.
Many fingers have been pointed in many directions at Anfield but let's face it, on the pitch is where the main problems lie and the majority of the personnel in that line-up are just not up to the task of helping Liverpool return to past glories. For the likes of Lucas and Konchesky to name but two, their glaring deficiencies were once more exposed as they faced a team who are probably their equals at this point in time. The end result was a turgid, awful advert for top flight football which would have been just as 'entertaining' if all 22 starting players took a sedative pre-match and kept passing out at random moments during the game until the last man was left standing. Even Jamie Carragher readily admitted after the game that neither side deserved to win and apologised to everyone forced to put up with that drab 90 minutes as he realised we all died a little inside. Ok, maybe I made up the bit about the apology but I will never get that time back and that depresses me somewhat. But I digress, on the evidence of the game, any talk of 'turning the corner' ought to be curtailed until a later date.
What made the game look even worse was the fact that the first televised game on Sunday was the Tyne-Wear derby between Newcastle and Sunderland at the Sportsdirect.com@St. James Park Stadium – to give it its full name – which was a cracker of a game. The Magpies rolled back the years and almost looked something like Kevin Keegan's original entertainers from days of yore. The star man in the 5-1 battering was Kevin Nolan who nabbed himself a hat-trick. The rest of the Newcastle forward line weren't too bad either with Shola Ameobi grabbing a brace and Nolan's court-enforced flatmateAndy Carroll at the heart of everything good the home side did. I imagine they are just like Joey and Chandler from Friends except instead of Manhattan based hi-jinks with various members of the opposite sex, Andy Carroll just assaults them (allegedly). And rather than the all too frequent trips to the same coffee shop, I imagine Andy Carroll just decides to glass people (allegedly) irrespective of the beverage of choice or the establishment he happens to be in.
Without trying to take anything away from a Newcastle side very much deserving of a famous victory, they couldn't have had a bigger helping hand form their arch-rivals who looked about as lively as a bunch of red and white striped barber's poles. I guess that would explain why some of the defending was hair-raisingly tragic! Not to mention their terrible tackling which saw six players booked and Titus Bramble sent off. I alluded to the fact that certain teams seem to be over dependant on their star man and there is no greater example of this than at Sunderland where Darren Bent seems to be the only person who actually knows how to find the back of the net. Naturally, it was the England striker who grabbed the Black Cats' consolation late on.
Lack of goals aside, it's difficult to see what Steve Bruce is actually doing with this Sunderland team. They don't appear to have any sort of football philosophy in their approach nor a discernible style of play. They aren't really defensive nor are they particularly dynamic on the attack. They don't lose a lot but don't win a great many games either. Currently in 12th place, there isn't much to suggest that they won't be hovering in and around this position for the duration of the season.
Mid table obscurity has however, has allowed Sunderland to hold the Northeast bragging rights for the last year or so following the relegations of Newcastle and Middlesbrough in 2009. The Toon have returned and you'd think that after the indignity of playing in the second tier for the self-professed big club, you'd want to try and keep well away from that dreaded relegation trap door.
After all the various controversies, embarrassments, managerial changes and general instability down the years, it would surely be sensible to steer clear of anything that may cause more problems at the club, right? Wrong, Newcastle United FC is apparently the first football team to openly embrace it's masochistic tendencies. When no problems are present, the club will actively seek them out.
Despite sailing to promotion last season and maintaining something of a healthy position in the Premier League to date, Chris Hughton continues to be undermined at every opportunity. The growing speculation about his future has been greeted with silence by the board and the reported delay in offering him a new contract all point to yet more imminent changes at the club. A massive derby win will give Hughton some breathing space but a few dodgy results will be the only excuse Mike Ashley will need before turfing him out and doing something daft like bringing back Sweary Joe.
Results
Saturday Arsenal 1-0 West Ham Blackburn 1-2 Chelsea Everton 1-0 Stoke City Fulham 2-0 Wigan Man Utd 2-0 Spurs Wolves 2-1 City
Sunday Aston Villa 0-0 Birmingham Bolton 0-1 Liverpool Newcastle 5-1 Sunderland Monday Blackpool 2-1 WBA
Much to the shock of both myself and the rest of the world, Hell froze over as I didn't get a chance to watch much football this weekend. Well, not enough to justify a decent 'observations' post. This is not because I have fallen 'out of love with the FA Cup' or some other ridiculous cliché that pundits and commentators all over the country have suggested as being behind the low attendances at matches (or was that just in the third round? Is it still a valid talking point now?). I just don't feel that from what I did see and hear, there weren't enough interesting talking points to carry a blog that in all likelihood will be read by no-one other than myself in a few months when I get bored of watching episode after episode of Two and a Half Men on Comedy Central.
So what I've decided to do is to see is to look ahead to this weeks Premier League programme and do some kind of preview slash prediction for each match. You may have seen this kind of thing somewhere before but don't hold my lack of originality against me.
I've decided to break this up into two parts. Tuesday's games first and Wednesday's tomorrow as that would make more sense than doing it the other way round wouldn't it?
Bolton v Burnley
To be at the Reebok for this one. Owen Coyle against the team he brought into the Premier League so soon after abandoning them like some unwanted family pet after Christmas when the little Timmy decides that Rex isn't quite the dog he wanted. Well, Rex is back, and this time, it's personal...
Coyle has been unlucky in that he had to face Arsenal in his first 2 games but will be happy with the way they played in both games. Burnley are shocking away from home so you'd think this would be a home banker. However, If they are to have a chance here they should be encouraged by the fact Bolton are about as disciplined as a your typical Lancashire lass on a given weekend (or so i've heard) and are yet to keep a clean sheet in 20 games so far this season.
Prediction: First points for Coyle with a 3-1 win for the Trotters to leapfrog their Lancs rivals in the table.
Portsmouth v West Ham
Another basement battle as the penniless paupers of the Premier League go head to head. The derby of debt some (me) have called it. Does anyone else get the mental image of two homeless people fighting – possibly to the death – over a discarded (and expired) half of an M&S Chicken Salad sandwich as a means of food allowing one of them to survive the cold night ahead? No? Just me then.
Well, with West Ham now controlled by David squared the traveling fans can probably sing about having less debt like it is actually something to be proud of. Still, I think that's the only thing they'll be singing about as Pompey, lack of pay and all, haven't actually been THAT bad at Fratton Park and a West Ham team desperate for a striker may be be one of the few teams not capable of causing the home side's defence much trouble.
Prediction: A rare moment of joy before the despair of administration. 2-0 Portsmouth
Tottenham v Fulham
Cant see anything beyond a home win here. Fulham have been very bad away from the cottage for years. Spurs on the other hand are either really good at home or really awful. Rarely is there a middle ground. They're overdue a big home performance and will want a reaction after Jermaine Beckford waltzed in and started walking around White Hart Lane like he owned the joint. If they are serious about 4th place, they'll need to quickly forget how pitifully they allowed Liverpool back into the race and push on themselves. With their attacking talent (including my alternative suggestion for their player of the season so far Niko Kranjcar) and Fulham potentially missing their two players of the season in Bobby Zamora and Clint Dempsey, I see a big score here.
Prediction: Long night for 'Woy' as Spurs romp to a 4-0 win to consolidate 4th place
Wolves v Liverpool
With no distractions from here until May, if Liverpool don't make some serious headway up the table, residents of Merseyside might see something of a human sacrifice with a slightly overweight bearded Spaniard burning on the pyre. Games against the likes of Wolves shouldn't even provide a worry. Particularly if Mick McCarthy decides it isn't winnable.
As you will all know, Carlos Tevez delighted the entire football loving nation by bagging a brace for Moneychester City to beat their debt ridden neighbours from Salford in the first leg of the Carling Cup semi-final. Whatever you think of the grotesque sums of money they spend on players and the long term ramifications for English football (That is, City eventually making every season a boring procession of trophy-winning dominance while the rest go bankrupt trying to keep up. Over-simplification? Perhaps, but it's pretty much what will happen), it certainly raised a smile on my face to see them get one over their arch nemesis. And to see a Manchester United old boy do it just made it all the more sweet. Granted, the reds will undoubtedly be favourites to progress following the return leg but in the mean time, I just have to say that anything that winds up a boot-licking moron like Gary Neville (pictured below) is OK with me.
2. May the fourth be with you
And so for all the agony, anger, despair and talks of crisis, failure, Armageddon etc at Anfield, all of a sudden the scousers are just one point off the sacred top four places that a month ago many would have suggested was out of their reach. As bad as they have been this season, and make no mistake, they have been pretty bad, Liverpool's result against Spurs was a reminder to all the naysayers and critics than Liverpool are not quite ready to give up their status in the fabled 'big four' without a fight. Of course, there's a huge chance they still won't finish in the Champions League places but suddenly, Rafa's guarantee that many mocked a few weeks back doesn't sound so stupid.
Spurs on the other hand only showed more evidence that, despite how far they have come in the last few years, they are still not quite ready to mix it with the elite. Every time they get close, there's always some kind of obstacle; inept managers, tactless boards, Chris Armstrong, Lasgane. One day, Spurs will get a clear run to success and in the 89th minute of the game to clinch the first title seen at White Hart Lane since 1961, the world will end. Mark my works.
Although saying that, if anyone can tell me why Jermaine Defoe's goal was disallowed, I'm all ears.
3. Arse up
L'Arsenal are now top of the league. Something quite momentous I've been led to believe (Call me crazy but I can't quite remember trophies being handed out in January). Can Arsenal win the league? Some would suggest that the determination shown to come back from 2-0 down against Bolton as a reason why they can. However, others will feel the fact that they went 2-0 down (at home!) to Bolton at all as the very reason they can't. Chelsea under Mourinho and Manchester United in recent seasons have shown the importance of a mean defence if you are to win the title. L'Arse, this campaign, have conceded more goals than those two, Villa, Spurs, Fulham (!) and Birmingham (!!!). Arsene Wenger has done brilliantly to get his side where they are but the real test of their apparent new found mental strength and ability to 'battle' will come in the next couple of weeks when they face a Villa side fresh off their goal orgy with Blackburn, Manchester United, Liverpool and a Chelsea side that humped them back in November. If, in the unlikely event, the gunners are still top after those games, only then can talk about the title get serious.
4. Willy's Big Tackle
Much has been made of William Gallas' admittedly horrible tackle on Bolton's Martin Davies. It makes a change to see perennial 'southern softies' Arsenal being accused of being over-physical while those well 'ard Northerners are the ones walking off the pitch with a few bruises.
Besides, given how Bolton have gone about playing 'football' over the years, any so-called assault on one of their players is surely just canceling out some misdemeanour they have committed in the past and restoring the natural order of things. I think Matt Taylor kneeling on the back of Fabregas' neck just three days before might have flicked the proverbial karma switch.
5. When the fat lady sings
On the subject of northern thugs, Blackburn Rovers, with former Bolton General, Sam 'The Walrus' Allardyce in charge were involved in a ten goal 'thriller with the Villa' in what some (me) are calling the match of the decade (so far). Somehow, despite conceding SIX goals, the Walrus still somehow came to the conclusion that because ONE of these goals could have been disallowed that it is somehow the fault of the official that the country wont be seeing Blackburn and both their supporters at Wembley for the Carling Cup final. The mind boggles. No wait! when it comes to Fat Sam, it really doesn't. It's very rare when I suggest football needs to take lessons from rugby but the Respect campaign becomes [more of] a big joke if people within the game aren't censured whenever they decide to have a pop and question the integrity of the officials.
6. Sol Disrespectful
Sulzeer Jeremiah Campbell has always struck me as a strange man. He's never been one for tact or showing any concern for anyone other than himself when it comes to his career. Maybe he's different in his personal life but all I can judge him on is what he does in terms of his football career. This is a man who as captain of Spurs thought "what do I care about a silly little hundred year old rivalry? I'm joining my team's arch rivals. For FREE". The same man who apparently decided at half time in a match for Arsenal that he didn't really fancy it so left. Of course, Sol was miraculously on good terms again when L'Arse made it to the Champions League final. Campbell is then said to have negotiated to have his Arsenal contract terminated to 'go abroad' before ending up at Portsmouth! After 3 years and one FA Cup with the South coast side Campbell was gone again. Whether this had anything to do with their impending financial apocalypse is open to speculation but seeing as Campbell next turned up in supposedly cash-rich Notts County colours, said speculation could only be intensified. Was it then a coincidence that following the former England man's sudden departure it was discovered that the Magpies didn't quite have the pot of gold they led everyone to believe? Now, after a shock return to the gunners, Big Sol is taking the now penniless scroungers of Fratton Park to court over some unpaid monies.
When the news broke, people screamed blue murder asking all sorts of accusing questions: How could he be so insensitive and unsympathetic to their plight? How can he sue a club struggling to stay afloat? Has this man no heart? Have you ever seen him and Osama Bin Laden in the same room? And so on.
Exsqueeze me but, at the risk of sounding unpopular, Isn't Campbell is perfectly entitled to take whatever steps he deems necessary to get what was promised to him? If you or I worked for a company that was struggling financially who were withholding what was promised contractually, wouldn't we be entitled to do exactly what Sol is doing? Once again, people are thinking football is a special case where the normal rules of life don't apply even to the point where some people are actually feeling sorry for the terribly run mess of an organisation that is Portsmouth FC.
7. And finally,
Going back to that Carling Cup semi... EVEN HESKEY SCORED!!!!
Back when Baddiel and Skinner were funny, their much-loved Fantasy Football show featured a sketch called the managerial merry-go-round. The basic premise of which saw a currently unemployed manager aimlessly going round and round on a deserted fairground carousel.
It was hardly the height of comedy nor the funniest thing on their show (That will forever remain the momment when Statto does a Cantona into the crowd).
My point? None really. Just felt the need for some form of introduction to this piece.
The last week has seen a spate of managerial changes which may have far reaching effects as far as the rest of this season develops.
Lets start at White Hart Lane. Much has been said about the treatment of now former manager Martin Jol and how inappropriately his inevetable sacking was handled by the Spurs board so I wont regurgitate what has no doubt said over and over again in recent weeks. What I will say is that Martin Jol is not completely innocent in all of this. In the summer, the big Dutchman emphatically proclaimed that Spurs would be making waves this season and the only logical progression from years gone by would be qualification for the much sought after Champions league.
Tottenham fans have a lot of affection for Jol and it's easy to turn on the board after the alleged first contact with Juande Ramos. However, Jol unfortunately showed his limitations as a manager by not being able to cope once the heat was turned up on him a little. Tottenham have performed poorly against opposition they feel they should be beating (The surrender against Newcastle last week could have warrented a sacking in itself). That can not be blamed on Levy, Comolli or anyone else. The sign of a good manager would be to ride the wave when the pressure is on. BMJ failed spectacularly in this respect and it's good he got out now before the damage was irrepairable. I was on his side for a while a truly believed he was made of stronger stuff.
And so to his replacement. Juande Ramos has been a revelation in Spain, having led Seville to the brink of the Spanish title, back to back UEFA cups and a place in this season's Champions League, the Spaniard's stock had risen considerably and it's no shock Spurs were so keen to get him in after his record over the last 3 years.
But what before that? Ramos was just your typical run of the mill mid-table manager in Spain before Seville. Successes were few and far between in his career and his almost immediate fall-out with the directors at Espanyol has been well publisised and leaves people to wonder how long or whether at all he would put up with the Levy's and Comolli's and their alleged interferances at WHL.
Ramos has a big job on his hands and unless the Tottenham board can harbour some realistic aspirations in the short term at least then I fear in couple of years we will all be talking about yet another false dawn in the white half of North London.
Staying in Spain, Ramos' old side thumped championship hopefuls Valencia 3-0 at the weekend signaling the end of the road for Los Ches manager Quique Sanchez Flores. Valencia have not had the same man in charge for more than 3 years since the seventies and are constantly subject to stories of in-fighting between the board, management and first-team personel. This from a side that has won 2 Spanish league titles, the UEFA Cup and reached the Champions league final TWICE this decade. It seems like it will be Ronald Koeman (Who, incidently, is set to be replaced at PSV by Martin Jol!!! That's why they call it a merry-go-round!) who will taking the hot seat at The Mestialla although there were rumours that the club were looking at the possibility of brining in Jose Mourinho as a replacement. Imagine the fireworks!!!
Back home, in the doldrums of the Championship, QPR have appointed little known Italian Luigi di Canio to help steer them out of relegation trouble. I'm not entirely sure that anyone really knows what Bernie Ecclestone and Flavio Briatore are planning down at Loftus Road but the first step obviously is to make sure they are still playing championship football next season and for some reason they see Di Canio as the man to do it.
The big question is why Mick Harford wasn't kept on considering the job he's done turning the team's fortunes around in the last month or so.
Norwich, gearing up for their big Old FARM derby against Ipswich on Sunday, have appointed Glen Roeder as their manager. If i'm being kind, i'd say that Roeder has a fairly unspectacular CV to date. The Inter-two-bob Cup with Newcastle is about the sum total of his achievements. After bright starts at Watford, West Ham and the Geordies, Reoder seems to get his sides to almost sink without trace - relegating the former two in his respective second seasons with both.
It seems like a desperate appointment by Norwich. They've seen a guy with Premiership experience and taken the plunge. Unfortunately, this doesn't tell you the whole story about the man. Roeder isn't the kind of manager who is able to rouse a struggling team low on confidence and quality. He also strikes me as a man who loses a dressing room very easily when things aren't necessarily going his way. Let's not forget that he struggled with a West Ham side containing the talents of Di Canio, Kanuote, James, Defoe and Carrick etc. He's hardly likely to fair much better with the far from prolific Chris Brown in his side.
So, how will each fair? The most important thing for Tottenham is patience. Rome was not built in a day and Spurs will not be 'great' in just 6 months. If Ramos is left to work without the added pressure from upstairs then he may well turn the club's fortunes around.
Valencia cant seem to do without politics and in-fighting and this will continue regardless of who they bring in. Far from being a bad side however, they will still always be there or thereabouts both in Spain and in Europe (Every season, I still always back them to get to a Champions League final and get it right! Granted things aren't looking so good right now but I'm keeping the faith).
In a few years time we may well all be talking about QPR as a top premiership side after much investment from the F1 guys but for now, thier priority is to avoid relegation. Di Canio has experienced this kind of thing before with Siena and Reggina in Serie A and should the typical unpredictability of the Championship work in their favour, a few wins before xmas could see Rangers out of trouble reletively soon. Norwich? Roeder has a huge task. Unfortunately for the Canaries, his previous record would suggest he's not up to it and sadly, they may well be playing in League one next season.
Finally, a word on Gary Megson at Bolton. Having had to put up with his idea of 'football' for a while when watching Nottingham Forest quite regularly a few years back, I can only say that Bolton Wanderers are doomed!
