Ch-Hell-sea, City-ing Pretty and Beck of the Net - Weekend Observations - 22nd May 2011

After all the fun and games of the relegation battle, other final day stories sort of took on far less significance. Do I give mention to the team who actually took the trophy home? Well, having secured the title a week before, I'm going to say no. Besides, aside from vomiting at the fact Johnny Evans and Darron Gibson picked up winners medals, what more is there to say? We've all seen them lift the trophy more than enough times down the years, the whole thing has become boring.


And I mean REEEEALLY boring...

As I planned to write this here blog (yes, some form of planning actually goes into this crap!) I was going to mention the fact that Chelsea's meek surrender in the title race and generally abject end to the season had gone relatively unnoticed and unreported. That was until the whispers about Carlo Ancelotti's future suddenly became so loud they managed to perforate the collective eardrum of the entire population of Kensington when Roman Abramovich actually went ahead and pulled the trigger - as is his wont and a major problem for the club - on the luckless Italian for having the gall to finish 2nd after winning the double in his debut season just last year. Useless so and so! At least he has time to go to the Flower Show this week.

Carlo's P45 followed The Blues' 1-0 defeat at Everton meaning third placed Manchester City's 2-0 win at Bolton capped what has been an impressive season for the... er, lighter shade of Blue(s) as they finished level on points with the West Londoners. The cash rich citizens' win also meant that Arsenal finished a lowly fourth in a season that promised oh so much at one stage. The last few weeks - a surprise win over the champions aside - have seen the North Londoners in freefall. A limp 2-2 draw at Fulham just about summed up their wretched second half of the season showing. The gunners went in needing to win to have any chance of catching City but the result at Craven Cottage was telling as Wenger's team weren't even capable achieving the bare minimum required of them on the day. A few more games and I am certain they would have missed out on Europe altogether so maybe they ought to actually be grateful for fourth...

The only shining light at the Emirates seems to the continued excellent form of Robin van Persie whose record 9th consecutive goal in away Premier League games and 18th overall this season makes you wonder what might be IF he can stay fit for a whole season and IF his manager decides to bring in some decent players to play alongside him.

Arch rivals Tottenham arrested their own recent rot with a 2-1 home win (finally) that of course sent Birmingham down while securing 5th place and Europa league qualification much to the dismay of 'arry and most people inside White Hart Lane. Having tasted the sumptuous delights of the Champions League banquet for the first time, you can't imagine they'll be too pleased to drop back into Europe's secondary competition – the equivalent of eating a cold service station Ginsters slice in a lay-by off the M25.

I know I've been down on the tiresome predictability of the Premier League for much of this season but,  I have to say that the final day made realise exactly why we still continue to watch and love this game oh so much. Has one round of fixtures produced so many top quality goals? I can't be bothered to check so instead I will doth my cap to [deep breath] Roman Pavlyuchenko, Craig Gardner, Brett Emerton, Junior Hoilett, Stephen Hunt, Stewart Downing, Charlie Adam and Stephane Sessegnon who were all seemingly trying to compete in their own goal of the week/month/season competition.

Special praise however goes to a man I have often suggested offers about as much of a goalscroring threat as a stroke victim. Step forward Jermaine Beckford who went all Leo Messi on us as he drove through the Chelsea team with a run from deep in his own half before a cheeky dink over Petr Cech to score a goal of such quality, it would have surely run Rooney close for strike of the season had it not already been decided prior to that last day. Well played that man. Still won't convince me he's any better, mind.


GOOOOOOOOOOLAAAAAZO!!!!

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Weekend Observations 4th - 6th December 2010: Part One

There is a terrible epidemic amongst football fans, pundits and commentators alike to label any new, young, exciting talent as some sort of modern day incarnation of great player from days of yore. Any half-baked tabloid, broadcaster or blog that dares to indulge in often fruitless transfer speculation will almost certainly refer to a player as the 'new' version of someone else. When a young French player of Algerian heritage signed for Arsenal a couple of summers back, there was a laughable suggestion that he was going to be, like Bruno Cheyrou before him, a 'new Zidane'. This particular comparison is just an example of laziness due to ethnicity rather than footballing ability. ZiZou was one of the finest players to ever play the game and to heap that sort of pressure on an unproven Samir Nasri was both unfair and unwarranted.

Of course, it remains to be seen if he can actually live up to these expectations but certainly this season Samir has sparkled in Arsenal colours playing in a way that the great man who he is said to have succeed would be proud of. Nasri's fine form culminated in a fantastic performance in the 2-1 win over Fulham on Saturday when his two jaw-droppingly brilliant goals fired the Gunners to the top of the Premier League table.



This past summer saw the mind-numbingly boring transfer tug of war between Arsenal and Barcelona over the Gunners' talismanic Captain Cesc Fabregas. Such is his importance to Arsenal, the typically hyperbolic reactions from many suggested that if the North Londoners did lose their man then the team would falter, the Emirates would be sucked into some kind of a vortex and the club would cease to exist or something.

While quite obviously the team's most influential player over the last 5 trophy-less seasons, Fabregas' recent ongoing injury problems have meant that the team have had to cope without him for much of this campaign and given their lofty league position this morning, you have to say they have coped quite well.

It is of course, foolish to suggest that Arsenal don't need Fabregas but even if he was to leave to warm the bench of the world's best club side, it wouldn't quite be the disaster some would hope.

Whether Arsenal can stay top is another matter. Defensively, problems still remain and reached something of a nadir in the Fulham game when centre backs Sebastian Squillaci and Laurent Koscielny actually ran into each other and smashed heads in some kind of hilarious footballing Keystone Cops moment during the build up to Diomansy Kamara's equaliser.

For most teams this kind of thing would be written off as a freak occurrence but the regularity in which stupid/clumsy individual errors and acts of incompetence lead to the concession of goals by Arsene Wenger's team, you just know this won't be the last time we see something like this happen this season. At the risk of sounding like a stuck record, defensive frailties will undermine any title ambitions the team may have.

That said, they may well win the title by default as Chelsea stuttered once again this week drawing 1-1 at home to Everton. There's not really much else to say that I haven't said already in weeks gone by. Yes, their form is dodgy but they are still just two points off the lead and you cannot imagine they won't find that magical winning formula again.

It baffles me that so few people are questioning that decision to award the Blues the penalty in this game which was nothing short of farcical in my opinion. For Tim Howard to be penalised for simply standing his ground and having Anelka clatter into him defies all logic. Howard had no way of avoiding contact without actually disappearing into thin air - an attribute I very much doubt he has in his arsenal. Even after Lee Probert awarded the penalty, shouldn't he have produced a red card for the keeper? Admittedly, Nicolas Anelka hasn't scored a lot recently but had he made it past Howard, there's no denying that it would have been a 'clear goal-scoring opportunity'.

Everton's equaliser was scored by Jermaine Beckford who doubled his tally for the season as he tries in vain to convince me that he isn't ought of his depth playing Premier League football. I would be kinder to the former Leeds man if he didn't follow up his goal by attempting a shot from outside the area that is still traveling down the King's Road as we speak.


Chelsea hope to stop the rot next week with a trip to a Tottenham side down in fifth could only manage a 1-1 draw at St. Andrew's with Carling Cup semi-finalists Birmingham City. Obviously, the only logical conclusion to draw is that Spurs had taken the lead and didn't have to come from behind so hence were unable to implement their newly discovered "playing possum" tactic. An interesting stat courtesy of the must follow OptaJoe on Twitter, for all their heroics this season, Spurs have only won one game outside of London.

Tottenham's draw meant that Man City's 1-0 win over Bolton helped The Citizens consolidate their place in the top four. Every week there seems to be another story of unrest within the City dressing room. Following Vincent Kompany and Emmanuel Adebayor getting into an on-pitch spat and the reported tunnel trouble with James Milner and Yaya Toure, Friday saw training ground fisticuffs between Jerome Boateng and Super Mario Balotelli before match winner Carlos Tevez blew the proverbial gasket after being subbed by Roberto Mancini on Saturday. Apparently, I'm told, this kind of thing happens at every club and while that may be true, I wonder why it seems to happen so frequently at Eastlands. It certainly doesn't seem like a happy camp and we can only be thankful that Craig Bellamy is currently out on loan. If any title challenge is to be maintained, the big egos will need to put in check.

The blues were unfortunate that the scoreline was not more emphatic but will be happy for the three points that allows them keep pace at the top of the table. December sees Arsenal, Chelsea and cross town rivals Manchester United all play one other in what some might call old fashioned championship six pointers. City will be hoping to capitalise on the inevitable points dropped by at least two of the teams above them and strengthen their own title-chasing ambitions.

Part Two to follow...

Midweek Observations - 9th-10th November 2010

There was an absurd but understandable amount of hype surrounding this week's Manchester derby at Eastlands. Sky were the main culprits with a number of flashy idents, various lives from the City and infinite interviews with any person who has ever seen Manchester on a map. Needless to say, I, like many others, were sucked in, and with good reason. This was supposed to be the biggest derby for years with the reds and the blues neck and neck in the league and more poignantly, both in the title race. United and City are both spilling over with talent and couple that with the extra incentive of wanting to beat your arch-rivals for bragging rights and such, I'm sure it wasn't too outrageous to expect a decent game packed full of goals, incident and talking points which would have sad little internet, homely looking bloggers yammering on for days.

Instead what we got was the football equivalent of this...


 
Actually, that's mightily unfair on tumbleweed.

Thanks to the negative approach of BOTH sides and a lack of desire to actually win the game, there was very little to actually 'observe' so I will move ever-so-quickly on. Let's hope Haye v Harrison is better, eh?
 
24 hours earlier, Sky Sports decided to televise the match between relegation fodder Stoke City and Birmingham City in a match that one couldn't get excited about beforehand even if Jessica Alba and Kelly Brook were to promise to wrestle naked in the centre circle at 15 minutes intervals. It was about as appealing as the bread before the starter before the main course.
 
As it turned out, this bread was the best part of the meal. The second half of said bread... er, match was one of the most entertaining 45 minute spells of the season, swinging back and fourth resulting in a 3-2 win for Tony Pulis' men. Interestingly enough, for all his pissing and moaning about referees this season, it was surprising (or not) to see Pulis noticeably less vocal about the possible handball by match winner Dean Whitehead before scoring the all important goal. People would be inclined to listen to his not altogether crazy suggestions to punish bad officiating if he wasn't such a hypocrite.
 
Earlier this week, much-maligned footballer Joey Barton actually surprised the world with something of a face turn by showing something resembling maturity. Well, about as much maturity Joey Barton can muster. The St. James' jailbird also seemingly offered advice to the apparent heir to his throne of thuggary Andy Carroll telling the striker to concentrate on his football. Barton feels that Carroll's recent on-pitch actions ought to be taken into consideration over his off field misdemeanours. Not 48 hours after these words of wisdom, Barton reverted to type by showing that his own on-pitch actions were just as reprehensible as what he does when he gets pissed off after receiving the wrong flavoured milkshake at a well known fast food establishment. After his unprovoked punch on Morton Gamst Pedersen, hopefully the authorities will throw the book at him. With any luck it will hit him in the eye because, you know, Karma is a bitch.
 
In the same game Jason Roberts scored the second winning goal for Blackburn Rovers in as many games. He must read this blog.


 
On a similar theme, Jermaine Beckford scored a stunner for Everton to salvage a draw against Bolton set out to prove that he is NOT as I previously suggested out of his depth in the Premier League and Aston Villa took my claim that they are boring and rammed them down my throat when they decided to participate in a rather exciting match with Blackpool. But like a petulant child with a spine made of reinforced steal, I am too stubborn to bend on these issues. Well done to both for their respective achievements but one swallow does not a summer make and all that. One goal wont convince me that Beckford isn't going to continue to maraud around Merseyside like a headless chicken with a broken Tom Tom while a 3-2 win against Blackpool reserves will not suddenly see Gerard Houllier's team starting to play expansive, high-tempo attacking football from now on.
 
Speaking of Blackpool, following his ludicrous threat to resign if he is punished over his team selection, is anyone else beginning to think that loveable Ian Holloway is fast becoming the miserable old giffer you encounter at bus stops and in grotty pubs that complains about everything but is completely oblivious to the fact that life couldn't actually be any better for him? Don't get me wrong, 'Ollie' is still what my Encyclopaedia of Great Football Clichés would refer to as a 'Breath of fresh air' and I would take his enthusiastic randomness over the monotonous generic nonsense spoken by most managers in the Premier League any day of the week but his threat to quit is childish, petty, vindictive and most importantly shows a lack of respect to his players who will be leaving in the lurch.
 
That said, he is right to be vexed at the authorities. The Premier League have already imposed the controversial home grown/25 man squad limit this season but if a manager isn't free to pick any first XI he chooses from that squad then what was the point? Farcical.
 
What would a discussion about Premier League football in modern times be without some sort of debate about tackling? Interestingly enough, for the second time in a matter of weeks it is perennial victims of leg-snap from seasons gone by Arsenal who are the perpetrators. In their 2-0 win at Wolves, Catalan Captain Cesc Fabregas found himself very lucky not to pick up what would have been his side’s FIFTH red card of the season after a late, reckless and totally unnecessary lunge on Stephen Ward. The Gunners' player and his boss were quick to say sorry afterwards but having been down this road already this season, you have to wonder if Arsenal players think it's ok to start tackling like animals so long as they say sorry afterwards? That's the kind of reasoning you'd expect from an infant thinking he has a justifiable reason to continuously whale on his little brother.
 
However, Fabregas wasn't the only guilty party in this game as 'Killer' Karl Henry was also lucky to escape punishment for an over the top challenge on Andrey Arshavin.



There was some naughtiness from many media outlets who have ignored this incident in their reporting of the game. Conspiracy theorists from the ever-paranoid but frightfully large gooner blogosphere would point to some kind of non-existent media bias against them, others particularly those from a certain area of the West Midlands would suggest that poor old Karl has had enough of a kicking (so to speak) from the media already this season so it is about time they chose to lay off him. The truth is, the Fabregas' apology and acceptance by Mick McCarthy made for a better 'story' so everyone just ran with that. Besides, the THUG FOOTBALLER COMMITS THUGGISH ACT headline has already been hogged by Joey Barton this week.


Results

Tuesday
Stoke City 3-2 Birmingham City
Tottenham 1-1 Sunderland

Wednesday
Aston Villa 3-2 Blackpool
Chelsea 1-0 Fulham
Everton 1-1 Bolton
Manchester City 0-0 Manchester United
Newcastle 1-2 Blackburn
West Ham 2-2 West Brom
Wigan 1-1 Liverpool
Wolves 0-2 Arsenal


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