Weekend Observations 22nd-25th August

Back for the new season...

1.Sixual assault
That's right! One of the few reasons I've decided to write this blog was to use that pun (In fact, maybe the ONLY reason!). I'm sure you have all simply loved the numerous and tedious 'six' based puns seen in many a news publication over the last 48 hours (My personal favourite was the News of the World's ''SIXY BEASTS”). Not wanting to feel left out, I decided to go for the effective if not slightly sinister and violent example above. You're welcome.

But this isn't a blog about the bastardisation of the English language through "clever" plays on words. No, the reason all three of you are reading this piece is to absorb and subsequently disagree with my views on the recent happenings in the beautiful game.

As you may have heard or seen, there were an unprecedented THREE 6-0 hammerings this weekend. Arsenal put Blackpool to the sword, Wigan were publicly violated by CSKA Fulham and Newcastle fans were given an opportunity to revert back to the deluded bunch we've all come to love over years after the Magpies stuffed Villa at St, James' Park. Yes, we all love goals but do these results (as well as CSKA's humping of West Brom last weekend) highlight the quality of the aforementioned or simply show us how bad some of the teams that populate the 'best league in the world' actually are?


2.The Future's Bright...
The Arsenal and Newcastle games saw England hopefuls Andy Carroll and Theo Walcott notch hat-tricks for their respective sides. While I'm not about to detract from their achievements, I think the quality (of lack thereof) of the opposition played a huge part in both youngsters' trebles so let's not get too excited... yet. However, following the shambles in South Africa, it's hard not to be pleased to see that there may be a glimmer of hope on the horizon for the national team. Adam Johnson's performance for City against Liverpool should not go unnoticed either.




3.The Numbers Game
Not being a particularly superstitious man, I rarely attach any importance to squad numbers. I like wearing number 4 for the Sunday league teams I've played for but I wouldn't exactly bite off your fingers if you ever tried to stop me from wearing it. I am aware however that there are people that do believe there is some significance to the number a player wears. At Arsenal, the number 14 (Henry) is held in high regard and the same goes for the number 9 (Shearer) at Newcastle. You might argue that messers Walcott and Carroll have been entrusted with a lot of responsibility being given those shirts but kudos to both this weekend for performing in a way that would have made their respective predecessors proud.


4.Paul Scholes - He Scores Goals
Yes, he does! Take a bow son!




5.Wi-gone?
If I had bothered to get off my arse and finished the unpublished season preview/predictions blog post I started some weeks back, I'd be looking for the recipe for an industrial sized slice of humble pie (can you bake pie by the slice?) having boldly suggested that Roberto Martinez was going to get it right at Wigan (coincidentally, also famed for their great pies...) this year and they were definitely in contention for a top half finish. As we all know, you can't realistically gauge how the season is going to pan out after just two games but I can confidently state that I was wrong about Wigan and Martinez. The manager has to carry the can for this as it's his over-zealous attacking philosophy that is costing the team. There would be some justification if Wigan could actually find the back of the net but a bit fat zero in the 'Goals For' column along with the 10 goals conceded (both matches being at home no less) means that he is getting things oh so badly wrong. Chairman Dave Whelan has today suggested he is going to keep faith with his manager which probably isn't so great for Wigan but will mean a lot of fun high scoring trips for away fans traveling to the DW stadium over the next nine months. That and the pies, of course.


6.Something about technology
Once again, a big controversial decision has people talking about the need for technology to help officials blah blah blah repeat to fade. I've written about this before and stand by my previous assertion that while it would be welcome, we don't even need 'technology' per se as an extra official behind the goal would be as effective and easier to implement. An extra official could have easily spotted Stoke's 'goal' against Spurs and I wouldn't even have had to waste the last 84 words going over the same mind-numbing debate yet again. Instead we'd be arguing about the fact the goal shouldn't have stood anyway due to the also unspotted (is that a word?) foul on Gomes by Huth. But then again, an official behind the goal would have seen that too wouldn't he?

Also, see the penalty Fulham should have been awarded at 1-all against Man Utd and the fact Arsenal probably shouldn't have had a penalty against Blackpool. Both would have seen by an extra man behind the goal.


7.The Bale Identity
You'd struggle to find a better goal from the weekend than Gareth Bale's volley against the above-mentioned Stoke City. You can read the gushing tributes to the Welshman's vast improvement elsewhere but I'll just say how refreshing it must be for Spurs fans not to be crapping their lillywhites (see what I did there?) whenever Bale's name appears on the teamsheet given his previous reputation as a jinx.


8. Return of the Mac
Spreading further afield, Die Bundesliga begun this weekend. How is this relevant? Well, with the much-maligned Don Fabio taking flack from every direction at the moment, it has been interesting to see that his predecessor and 'worst England manager ever' Seventh Choice Steve McClaren has been something of a revelation on the continent since walking out of Wembley with his tail (presumably his brolly) between his legs that awful November evening way back when.

Having won the Eredivisie with unfancied FC Twente last season (following a second place finish in his first season the previous year), SurAlex's former protege has recently been appointed manager of 2008/09 German champions VfL Wolfsburg. His first competitive game took place on Friday night against Bayern Munich at the Alllianz Arena where McClaren's side gave a decent account of themselves. They were however, unfortunate to lose out to a last minute Bastian Sweinsteiger goal but there was little to suggest that the former Middlesbrough manager cannot continue where he left off in Holland – comical accent aside hopefully.



Despite my extensive previous criticisms of him, I have to say that I am impressed that we have an English manager that is prepared to spread his wings by going out and managing in different countries to further his own education of the game. If more English managers were prepared to do this then we'd ultimately breed better managers and wouldn't have people up in arms about us hiring foreigners because we quite simply wouldn't need to. I'm not saying I would like McClaren back in charge but there is no denying that his recent Euro education, whatever your feelings about the Dutch league, means he is far more qualified for the job now than when he replaced Sven.


9. Where's 'e Edin?
In the same game, I got the chance to watch 90 minutes of the much-hyped Edin Dzeko for the first time. My verdict? lively player and scored a great header but for the crazy prices he's being quoted at? I'm not so sure.


10. And finally...
I don't like the new MOTD titles this season nor the new Sky Sports News layout (although being the techy TV geek that I am, I can't express my happiness that it is now shot in proper 16:9 widescreen format – of course, can't complain about the lovely Charlotte Jackson in HD either).

World Cup Observations - Part 4: The last 16

Uruguay's diminutive striker Luis Suarez was the match winner against South Korea and all of a sudden all and sundry are (rightly) lauding him for his frighteningly prolific goal-scoring record for both club and country. So much so, if he is still banging them in for Ajax next season having failed to secure a money-spinning move from Amsterdam to one of Europe's bigger leagues then I, amongst others, will be very surprised.

Ok, so a great record goal scoring record in the Dutch league isn't necessarily a precursor for an illustrious career. If Suarez ends up in the Premier League, he (and the club that sign him of course) would be hoping he is closer to a Ruud van Nistelrooy than a Mateja Kezman/Alfonso Alves.

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With all the diving, cheating and play-acting we've been unfortunate to witness from our gravitationally challenged heroes throughout this competition, it was refreshing to see Ghana's Asamoah Gyan demonstrate the importance of not going down under the slightest bit of physical contact as he powered his way to scoring his side's winning goal.



It's sad to think that the vast majority of players in this tournament would have thrown themselves to the ground, rolled around, and gestured for a card following Carlos Bocanegra's challenge. Not Gyan though. And he got his reward.

As a result, the Black Stars edged out Uncle Sam's good ol' US of A, bringing misery to their biggest fan, one Bill Clinton.


Hasn't felt this down since he last heard the name 'Lewinsky'?

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USA's Landon Donovan performed well enough against Ghana and throughout the tournament to suggest that his cameo for Everton last season (ignoring his horrific miss against Spurs of course) may not be the last time we see him in European football. He can put his unhappy spell in Germany behind him now, I reckon.

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Speaking of Germany, you'd think that having the iconic name 'Müller' and being thrust into the heart of the national team would be far too much pressure for a relatively inexperienced 20-year old to handle.

Well, you'd think so anyway. You certainly wouldn't expect said youngster to show up in a World Cup last 16 game against England and be the best player on the pitch!

This game was supposedly billed as men against boys but it was Germany's 'boys', Müller, Ozil, Schweinsteiger, and Podolski who taught our 'men' a lesson.

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They'll have their work cut out against a rampant Argentina though. Who said Maradona didn't have a clue about management? Although with all that talent up front, my mum could probably achieve what he has so far and she's an awful football manager (one would imagine).

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But of course, World War 3 (sponsored by The Sun) may have turned out differently. How about that video technology then?

In light of recent high profile controversies it looks like Blatter the Hut has U-turned faster than a Liberal Democrat and suggested that FIFA will now look at the possibility of bringing video technology into football. While this would be a good thing if he actually pushes it through, I have to say I was less than impressed with his public apologies almost implying that the Mexico and England injustices were special cases. Surely he should be apologising for every wrong decision made by officials over the last couple of weeks? Don't the Ivory Coast, Chile and the USA (twice!) deserve apologies too?

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On the evidence of his brief but impressive appearances in South Africa and his form in the second half of the season to propel Bayern to Bundesliga glory and the Champions League final, where does Arjen Robben currently rank on the list of the best players in the world and perhaps more importantly, how good would he be if he wasn't so unfortunate with injuries?



Another functional but effective performance from Bert van Marwijk's side saw Robin van Persie throw a hissy fit when substituted. It wouldn't be an international football tournament without some bickering in the Dutch camp. They'll be hoping to get over any spats and pray that Robben is fit for their impending quarter final against eventual winners Brazil.

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Having slated Ronaldo and Rooney's performances in this tournament and their failure to justify the praise they get as being the 'best in the world', I don't think Fernando Torres can get away without criticism. One of the Premier League's most lethal strikers has looked about potent as a agoraphobic widowed 78 year old who has lost his viagra prescription and doesn't know how to work the internet.

Long-winded and tedious metaphors aside, 'Nando' has no goals, no assists and not even shown any encouraging signs with his performances so far. Spain's Euro 2008 final match winner has been playing like he's never even seen a football before and with some of the awful touches he's displayed thus far, you'd be forgiven for thinking he had hexagon shaped feet... made of clay!

With the tournament entering it's final stages, if the Spaniards are to repeat the success of two years ago then they will surely need Torres to find himself some kind of return to form.

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And finally, as someone who smashed a decisive penalty against the crossbar in a shootout for my Saturday team last season (we lost), I have nothing but sympathy for Japan's Yuichi Komano.