As far as football is concerned, this summer has been a tedious one. One of the most tedious ever. In fact, if gongs were handed out for sheer strength of tedium, a three hour award ceremony featuring speeches from Gordon Brown broken up by musical performances from Celine Dion, still wouldn’t be as tedious as the sole award winner: the summer of 2011.
As domestic football around the continent came to an end, I scrambled around like a hungry scavenger trying to find any morsal of footballing action to keep me sane. As a result, I have found myself attempting and struggling to even get a tingle out of the predictable Euro 21s (won by Spain), the insipid under 17s World Cup (England eliminated by Germany), the I-don’t mean-to-sound-sexist-but-genuinely-cannot-find-it-in-myself-to-give-a-shit-about Women’s World Cup and most insignificantly of all, the CONCACAF Gold Cup where Mexico triumphed in a competition featuring football heavyweights Grenada, Guadeloupe and El Salvador!
The Copa America did pique my interest initially but the turgid nature of the opening matches seems to suggest that like the rest of international football it is suffering from a terrible case of crippling impotence. At the time of writing, four of the opening six games from the opening round of fixtures have finished in a draw with just 7 goals scored.
But alas, in my desperation, I live in hope that these competitions will keep me satiated and prevent me from going batshit insane from the unbelievable amount of nonsense and lies written and reported by supposed respected sources of football news regarding player transfers and the like.
Yes, this is a summer filler piece deriding pointless transfer guff. Sue me.
Is there any other sport where more column inches are dedicated speculating about the movement of the participants than to their actual athletic achievement? The amount of time journalists and bloggers dedicate to the continued perpetuation of bullshit coupled with willingness of the fans to nuzzle their collective snouts into the metaphorical trough of said bullshit, all the while lapping it up and repeating it with literally no reason to do so makes you wonder if they actually care more about this ridiculous summer sideshow than the game itself. How different is this to pornography? Getting a cheap thrill from something that you want to be real but in actual fact remains nothing more than a hollow fantasy.
The comparisons don’t end there. Like all your favourite interracial BBW triple-penetration gangbang videos featuring that woman who looks a lot like your favourite primary school teacher, the main source of all these transfer fables is found on the internet. All you have to do is go to the football section of Newsnow during this period and you will find literally hundreds of thousands of desperate, hit-seeking blogs trying to entice you in with titles such as “New Chelsea boss eyes £20 million defender swoop”, “Liverpool eye highly rated French midfielder” or “United prepared to break bank for Cambodian wonderkid”. It doesn’t take long for some lonely loser with a laptop and an overactive imagination to cobble together a piece ‘suggesting’ that a team ‘may’ be interested in signing a given player. These qualifiers of uncertainty should be enough to warn readers off ever clicking on these sites but unfortunately I fear I’m giving football fans far too much credit.
Waste Paper
Things get worse when ‘proper’ media outlets get involved. It’s no secret that newspapers are a busted flush. Since the internet strolled into town like some sort of rabid wolfit has just been sat there in the corner of the room waiting patiently for the print media to breath it’s last breath. The internet wolf will then take the opportunity to feast on it’s rotting corpse. The Papers are, however trying to go down fighting. Having been beaten to a story by the internet before they have the chance to go to print, editors sweat buckets over how they can stay fresh and otherwise respectable scribes become afraid of re-printing what people have already heard about before they went to bed last night. So, as a result, we are then treated to EXCLUSIVE (upper case lettering mandatory) stories in the morning editions. These are ridiculous tales of transfer ‘bombshells’ which end up being about as genuine as Katie Price’s body. These stories tend to make bold claims about individuals ‘demanding’ to leave and how ‘furious’ managers are and such like. Yet one brief look over the article in question and the number of quotes that are actually attributed to a human being rather than an ‘insider’ or ‘someone close to the club’ are minimal if there at all. I understand the need to protect sources in most situations but come on. One might think the author simply plucked these quotes out of thin air...
NB: This kind of thing isn’t merely restricted to tabloids. The posh papers are more often than not just as bad at indulging in fruitless speculation, albeit in a more eloquent manner. These otherwise respected writers also do major damage to their own credibility by regularly peddling lies.
Twatter
One of the greatest, and at the same time, one of the worst things to ever sprout from the internet dung heap is Twitter – the ‘microblogging’ site where people publically broadcast the first thing that enters their head, true or not, in just 140 characters and are not required to substantiate any bogus claim they may make. God bless freedom of speech…
How does this relate to football transfer speculation? Well, let’s take fan. He might, for whatever reason, tweet that “My bro is tea lady at Upton Park and swears Leo Messi has just walked in”. All his ‘followers’ ears prick up. This is big news, albeit not even true! Regardless, they can now ‘retweet’ it and before you know it, millions of people around the world are giving more millage to an obvious lie. Then, as above with their printed stories, actual credible journalists, absolutely desperate to remind everyone that they are ‘in the loop’, will pass comment on the rumour. Even if they do so dismissively and claim it “unrealistic that Messi will ever get the District line”, all their followers will see it and they have given yet more legs to the fabrication.
TV Tuner
Caught somewhere between the avalanche of shit on the internet and the shit in the papers, is the broadcast media. TV and Radio, although also in competition with the internet still probably retains its position at the top of the media food chain. For all the immediacy of the online world, there is still a level of distrust thanks in part to the reasons outlined above. One is more inclined to trust the warm, welcoming, Colgate smile on TV rather than the collection of faceless words flashing up on their computers and smart phones. As a result, the rise in popularity of Sky Sports News has been borderline stratospheric down the years. When nothing else is on the old idiot box, you almost guarantee that every football fan instinctively punches in 405 on their Sky remote.
The merits of 24 hour news can be debated another day. Repetition can most certainly add to the tedium but one thing for sure is that when something significant does transpire, a channel on air at all hours of the day can report this news, no matter how trivial, in greater detail than some clown on twitter and far quicker than our friends in the press.
Unfortunately, this frantic need to be first also gives rise to the great promotion of transfer claptrap. In a scene arguably more ridiculous than Twitter, Sky Sports News will often insist on breaking a story, regardless of relevance, importance or quite worryingly, truth. Once again, the mythical unnamed ‘Sky Sources’ or even better, ‘Sky Sports Understands’ are the flimsy but legitimate defences for making these uncorroborated announcements. They can literally put whatever they want on their famous bright yellow ticker...
SKY SPORTS SOURCES: TOTTENHAM LINING UP A £45 MILLION BID FOR THE FAST SHOW'S FICTIONAL STRIKER JULIO GEORDIO
...and they can get away with it too.
Sky Sports News is no longer on free to air TV. This means we now have to pay to for the privilege of being patronised by a bubbly blonde woman dressed like she are about to hit a West End club telling us that she ‘understands’ something that is quite clearly not the case.
The worst things that results from all these nutty transfer stories is the fact that we, the watching fools actually bother to engage. We run around, send texts, emails and ring each other to tell each other about Messi to West Ham like it is fact. Even when we know most of it is crap, we are still fall into the trap and end up having absurd and inane conversations discussing, rather pointlessly with one another, how David Villa would perform alongside Elmander at Bolton when we know full well such a daft thing would never occur. September 1st cannot come soon enough...
Make up transfer stories with me on Twitter
Showing posts with label Sky Sports News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sky Sports News. Show all posts
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Gray Skies: Weekend Observations 22nd-24th January 2011: Part Two
The main controversy from the weekend came on Saturday as Kenny Dalglish's first win as Liverpool boss and an apparent return to goal scoring form for Fernando Torres was overshadowed by the offside law, the presence of oestrogen and careless disregard for the positioning of recording equipment.
By now, I'm sure we've all heard or at least heard about the conversation between Sky Sports' own Chuckle Brothers went all Gordon Brown and said something sexist about a woman lino when they thought their mics were off.
The fallout has seen Andy Gray lose his job. A sad day for fans of crazy electronic touch screen football analysis.
Apparently, women need the offside rule explained to them because according to Keys and Gray, they don't understand it and are likely to get the big calls wrong.
The irony being that there was a big offside call in the game and Kenny didn't "go potty" because it worked in his favour and, if you can believe it, little Sian Massey got the decision right! Bless her...
Offensive? Yes. Outdated? Of course. Surprising? Well, not at all really. While we have reached a point in society where we rightly promote equality among the sexes let's not pretend that that we've reached some sort of utopia of gender equilibrium. Football, like the majority of popular sports the world over is disproportionately male dominated. This kind of 'banter' is exactly what you will hear in changing rooms, boardrooms and in the stands week in, week out. Only recently has the women's game started to attain something resembling recognition but it is still very much a man's world where sexism will be rife. Is it really any wonder that messes Gray and Keys continue to hold these attitudes?
While they may not have expressed it in such a derogatory way, many people, of both genders, followers and non-followers of the game alike would raise an eyebrow when they hear that a female official is set to be involved in a high profile match. Not because of any underlying prejudice/sexism but because it's against the norm. It's natural to question whether someone who you perceive to be unfamiliar with a particular role is capable of doing the job properly. Football as whole is often resistant to any suggested 'non-traditional' changes. A case more of Institutionalised conservativism (small c) than discrimination.
Keys and Gray appear to have crossed the line, however. But just as the comments by the Sky duo were reprehensible, there is a risk from the other side of falling into a trap of being patronising and condescending which, for me, can be just as offensive. People have been quick to heap heavy praise on Massey for making the right decision but looking at the replays, it was not a hard call to make. People shouldn't go overboard. Drawing unnecessary attention, positive or negative, simply undermines her. Just let her do her job.
Back to Keys and Gray. As much as they would like to suggest any sort of non-offensive light hearted motives behind their comments, they are the two men who have been at the forefront of promoting the modern game and so they ought to know better. Don't tell me to get excited about Stoke v Blackburn with hours of build-up, needless over-hyped nonsense from pundits who fail to grasp basic English language skills *cough* Jamie Redknapp *cough, cough* and then say that "the game has gone mad" just because someone who sits down to piss has managed to infiltrate the 'Old Boys' Club.
The initail fallout saw the pair removed from our screens for this week's Monday Night Football encounter between Bolton and Chelsea before the news of Gray's sacking on Tuesday afternoon. As had been rightly pointed out, had these been racist or even homophobic comments, there would have been shown the door fast than you can say "Do me a favour, love".
People need to decide what they are more pissed off about; the fact what was said was sexist or because they were factually incorrect? The motives behind the comments might have actually held some weight if Massey's male counterparts were actually good at their job. As matter of principle, I feel it my duty as someone who watches far more football than is healthy, to point out the frequency with which existing, vaginally-challenged officials get decisions wrong. Not a week goes by without a mass debate about the bastards in black making mistakes.
For me, I don't care what gender they are because penis or no penis, they a likely to be as incompetent as each other. If Andy Gray or anyone who has an issue with the sex of a ref can find a woman who is worse than Chris Foy then I might listen to their views.
In fact, why not replace them all with women? Most of the current mob aren't fit for purpose anyway and with women enforcing the laws you'd probably bring a stop to all the foul-mouthed abuse from the likes of Wayne Rooney that the current officials rarely see fit to punish.
Anyway....
Liverpool looked a far more adventurous and expressive side in the game so maybe the fabled 'Kenny effect' is having its desired impact. Raul Meireles' sublime strike for the reds' second goal was a prime example. Previously, you would imagine only two players in the team would even dare try that shot. A better and encouraging performance from them.
After the loss of Darren Bent and injury ruling out Danny Welbeck, you'd have to think only Andy Coulson had a worse few days than Sunderland did last week but things ended on a high thanks to a 2-1 win over Blackpool at Bloomfield Road.
Like Hull before them, a fantastic early start might just see Blackpool stay up this season but recently, their obvious limitations are coming to the fore and with just one league win and four defeats in 5 matches since the turn of the year, Ian Holloway's team may soon find themselves dragged into a relegation dogfight against a load of teams far more experienced when faced with such a battle.
Their poor form has been largely ignored thanks mainly to news of vultures circling over Lancashire looking to snatch a Charlie Adam shaped carcass. As it stands, the tangerines' star player has handed in a transfer request which the club has turned down. For many, this isn't quite Wayne Rooney or Carlos Tevez but the impact that would be felt by Blackpool if they were to lose their man would be far greater than if the aforementioned pair were to leave City or United respectively.
For now, they remain in a fairly comfortable midtable spot three points behind a Blackburn side that disappointed me this week by not doing anything bonkers... what's that you say? A two year contract for untried and inexperienced initially-only-intended-to-keep-the-seat-warm manager Steve Kean? Nevermind.
In fairness, Rovers did manage to pick up a pretty useful 2-0 win over West Brom thanks in part to another quality own goal, a screamer from young pup Junior Hoilett, and a dodgy decision from the officials who failed the award Peter Odimwinge one of the most nailed on penalties you are ever likely to see at any level of football.
"Someone should got down there and explain the rules about fouls to Clattenburg"
As clear as it is that Kean is literally doing nothing that Sam Allardyce wouldn't have, isn't it funny to see how unhappy the Walrus is looking these days? The simmering tension between him and fellow pundit Ian Holloway on Sky after the game when asked about their respective styles of play was just a joy to behold. Ollie preached on about the importance of entertaining - which admittedly may well prove to be his downfall - while Big Sam talked about 'playing to your strengths'. Any poor soul who has ever had the misfortune to sit through 90 minutes of watching his teams play "football", would know that this translates into hitting it long to the big man up top and kicking anyone who is better than you.
On a similar subject, one of this season's less interesting subplots has involved two angry Welshmen who have spent the last few months publically bickering over tackling. For those that care, it began when Fulham's Moussa Dembele was hacked into next week by Stoke's Andy Wilkinson back in September's Carling Cup match between the two sides. This led to an angry, dismissive handshake by Fulham boss Mark Hughes to Stoke boss Tony Pulis. Fulham midfielder Danny Murphy then suggested that Pulis - among others - consciously send players out to go in too physically on opponents. His comments were greeted with scorn and widespread condemnation from the same backward thinkers of the game who probably still think that women don't understand the offside law...
3 weeks ago, Pulis returned the angry handshake to Hughes after Stoke were beaten at home by the Whites. The sides met again this week at Craven Cottage where there was yet more controversy as Fulham were awarded a penalty which saw thug-in-chief Ryan Shawcross sent off and the home side eventually run out comfortable 2-0 winners. Of course, the two managers saw the incident differently to continue the perceived bad feeling between the clubs.
Ok, Hughes actually squashed the beef after the game but forgive me for trying to get myself excited at the prospect of a huge heated and more improtantly, new rivalry developing between two of the league's most unfashionable sides. Would keep things interesting, right?
You could even have a woman ref their grudge matches...
For more old-fashioned, misguided offensive views, follow me on Twitter
By now, I'm sure we've all heard or at least heard about the conversation between Sky Sports' own Chuckle Brothers went all Gordon Brown and said something sexist about a woman lino when they thought their mics were off.
The fallout has seen Andy Gray lose his job. A sad day for fans of crazy electronic touch screen football analysis.
Apparently, women need the offside rule explained to them because according to Keys and Gray, they don't understand it and are likely to get the big calls wrong.
The irony being that there was a big offside call in the game and Kenny didn't "go potty" because it worked in his favour and, if you can believe it, little Sian Massey got the decision right! Bless her...
Offensive? Yes. Outdated? Of course. Surprising? Well, not at all really. While we have reached a point in society where we rightly promote equality among the sexes let's not pretend that that we've reached some sort of utopia of gender equilibrium. Football, like the majority of popular sports the world over is disproportionately male dominated. This kind of 'banter' is exactly what you will hear in changing rooms, boardrooms and in the stands week in, week out. Only recently has the women's game started to attain something resembling recognition but it is still very much a man's world where sexism will be rife. Is it really any wonder that messes Gray and Keys continue to hold these attitudes?
While they may not have expressed it in such a derogatory way, many people, of both genders, followers and non-followers of the game alike would raise an eyebrow when they hear that a female official is set to be involved in a high profile match. Not because of any underlying prejudice/sexism but because it's against the norm. It's natural to question whether someone who you perceive to be unfamiliar with a particular role is capable of doing the job properly. Football as whole is often resistant to any suggested 'non-traditional' changes. A case more of Institutionalised conservativism (small c) than discrimination.
Keys and Gray appear to have crossed the line, however. But just as the comments by the Sky duo were reprehensible, there is a risk from the other side of falling into a trap of being patronising and condescending which, for me, can be just as offensive. People have been quick to heap heavy praise on Massey for making the right decision but looking at the replays, it was not a hard call to make. People shouldn't go overboard. Drawing unnecessary attention, positive or negative, simply undermines her. Just let her do her job.
Back to Keys and Gray. As much as they would like to suggest any sort of non-offensive light hearted motives behind their comments, they are the two men who have been at the forefront of promoting the modern game and so they ought to know better. Don't tell me to get excited about Stoke v Blackburn with hours of build-up, needless over-hyped nonsense from pundits who fail to grasp basic English language skills *cough* Jamie Redknapp *cough, cough* and then say that "the game has gone mad" just because someone who sits down to piss has managed to infiltrate the 'Old Boys' Club.
The initail fallout saw the pair removed from our screens for this week's Monday Night Football encounter between Bolton and Chelsea before the news of Gray's sacking on Tuesday afternoon. As had been rightly pointed out, had these been racist or even homophobic comments, there would have been shown the door fast than you can say "Do me a favour, love".
People need to decide what they are more pissed off about; the fact what was said was sexist or because they were factually incorrect? The motives behind the comments might have actually held some weight if Massey's male counterparts were actually good at their job. As matter of principle, I feel it my duty as someone who watches far more football than is healthy, to point out the frequency with which existing, vaginally-challenged officials get decisions wrong. Not a week goes by without a mass debate about the bastards in black making mistakes.
For me, I don't care what gender they are because penis or no penis, they a likely to be as incompetent as each other. If Andy Gray or anyone who has an issue with the sex of a ref can find a woman who is worse than Chris Foy then I might listen to their views.
In fact, why not replace them all with women? Most of the current mob aren't fit for purpose anyway and with women enforcing the laws you'd probably bring a stop to all the foul-mouthed abuse from the likes of Wayne Rooney that the current officials rarely see fit to punish.
Anyway....
Liverpool looked a far more adventurous and expressive side in the game so maybe the fabled 'Kenny effect' is having its desired impact. Raul Meireles' sublime strike for the reds' second goal was a prime example. Previously, you would imagine only two players in the team would even dare try that shot. A better and encouraging performance from them.
After the loss of Darren Bent and injury ruling out Danny Welbeck, you'd have to think only Andy Coulson had a worse few days than Sunderland did last week but things ended on a high thanks to a 2-1 win over Blackpool at Bloomfield Road.
Like Hull before them, a fantastic early start might just see Blackpool stay up this season but recently, their obvious limitations are coming to the fore and with just one league win and four defeats in 5 matches since the turn of the year, Ian Holloway's team may soon find themselves dragged into a relegation dogfight against a load of teams far more experienced when faced with such a battle.
Their poor form has been largely ignored thanks mainly to news of vultures circling over Lancashire looking to snatch a Charlie Adam shaped carcass. As it stands, the tangerines' star player has handed in a transfer request which the club has turned down. For many, this isn't quite Wayne Rooney or Carlos Tevez but the impact that would be felt by Blackpool if they were to lose their man would be far greater than if the aforementioned pair were to leave City or United respectively.
For now, they remain in a fairly comfortable midtable spot three points behind a Blackburn side that disappointed me this week by not doing anything bonkers... what's that you say? A two year contract for untried and inexperienced initially-only-intended-to-keep-the-seat-warm manager Steve Kean? Nevermind.
In fairness, Rovers did manage to pick up a pretty useful 2-0 win over West Brom thanks in part to another quality own goal, a screamer from young pup Junior Hoilett, and a dodgy decision from the officials who failed the award Peter Odimwinge one of the most nailed on penalties you are ever likely to see at any level of football.
"Someone should got down there and explain the rules about fouls to Clattenburg"
As clear as it is that Kean is literally doing nothing that Sam Allardyce wouldn't have, isn't it funny to see how unhappy the Walrus is looking these days? The simmering tension between him and fellow pundit Ian Holloway on Sky after the game when asked about their respective styles of play was just a joy to behold. Ollie preached on about the importance of entertaining - which admittedly may well prove to be his downfall - while Big Sam talked about 'playing to your strengths'. Any poor soul who has ever had the misfortune to sit through 90 minutes of watching his teams play "football", would know that this translates into hitting it long to the big man up top and kicking anyone who is better than you.
On a similar subject, one of this season's less interesting subplots has involved two angry Welshmen who have spent the last few months publically bickering over tackling. For those that care, it began when Fulham's Moussa Dembele was hacked into next week by Stoke's Andy Wilkinson back in September's Carling Cup match between the two sides. This led to an angry, dismissive handshake by Fulham boss Mark Hughes to Stoke boss Tony Pulis. Fulham midfielder Danny Murphy then suggested that Pulis - among others - consciously send players out to go in too physically on opponents. His comments were greeted with scorn and widespread condemnation from the same backward thinkers of the game who probably still think that women don't understand the offside law...
3 weeks ago, Pulis returned the angry handshake to Hughes after Stoke were beaten at home by the Whites. The sides met again this week at Craven Cottage where there was yet more controversy as Fulham were awarded a penalty which saw thug-in-chief Ryan Shawcross sent off and the home side eventually run out comfortable 2-0 winners. Of course, the two managers saw the incident differently to continue the perceived bad feeling between the clubs.
Ok, Hughes actually squashed the beef after the game but forgive me for trying to get myself excited at the prospect of a huge heated and more improtantly, new rivalry developing between two of the league's most unfashionable sides. Would keep things interesting, right?
You could even have a woman ref their grudge matches...
For more old-fashioned, misguided offensive views, follow me on Twitter
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Weekend Observations 22nd-25th August
Back for the new season...
1.Sixual assault
That's right! One of the few reasons I've decided to write this blog was to use that pun (In fact, maybe the ONLY reason!). I'm sure you have all simply loved the numerous and tedious 'six' based puns seen in many a news publication over the last 48 hours (My personal favourite was the News of the World's ''SIXY BEASTS”). Not wanting to feel left out, I decided to go for the effective if not slightly sinister and violent example above. You're welcome.
But this isn't a blog about the bastardisation of the English language through "clever" plays on words. No, the reason all three of you are reading this piece is to absorb and subsequently disagree with my views on the recent happenings in the beautiful game.
As you may have heard or seen, there were an unprecedented THREE 6-0 hammerings this weekend. Arsenal put Blackpool to the sword, Wigan were publicly violated by CSKA Fulham and Newcastle fans were given an opportunity to revert back to the deluded bunch we've all come to love over years after the Magpies stuffed Villa at St, James' Park. Yes, we all love goals but do these results (as well as CSKA's humping of West Brom last weekend) highlight the quality of the aforementioned or simply show us how bad some of the teams that populate the 'best league in the world' actually are?
2.The Future's Bright...
The Arsenal and Newcastle games saw England hopefuls Andy Carroll and Theo Walcott notch hat-tricks for their respective sides. While I'm not about to detract from their achievements, I think the quality (of lack thereof) of the opposition played a huge part in both youngsters' trebles so let's not get too excited... yet. However, following the shambles in South Africa, it's hard not to be pleased to see that there may be a glimmer of hope on the horizon for the national team. Adam Johnson's performance for City against Liverpool should not go unnoticed either.
3.The Numbers Game
Not being a particularly superstitious man, I rarely attach any importance to squad numbers. I like wearing number 4 for the Sunday league teams I've played for but I wouldn't exactly bite off your fingers if you ever tried to stop me from wearing it. I am aware however that there are people that do believe there is some significance to the number a player wears. At Arsenal, the number 14 (Henry) is held in high regard and the same goes for the number 9 (Shearer) at Newcastle. You might argue that messers Walcott and Carroll have been entrusted with a lot of responsibility being given those shirts but kudos to both this weekend for performing in a way that would have made their respective predecessors proud.
4.Paul Scholes - He Scores Goals
Yes, he does! Take a bow son!
5.Wi-gone?
If I had bothered to get off my arse and finished the unpublished season preview/predictions blog post I started some weeks back, I'd be looking for the recipe for an industrial sized slice of humble pie (can you bake pie by the slice?) having boldly suggested that Roberto Martinez was going to get it right at Wigan (coincidentally, also famed for their great pies...) this year and they were definitely in contention for a top half finish. As we all know, you can't realistically gauge how the season is going to pan out after just two games but I can confidently state that I was wrong about Wigan and Martinez. The manager has to carry the can for this as it's his over-zealous attacking philosophy that is costing the team. There would be some justification if Wigan could actually find the back of the net but a bit fat zero in the 'Goals For' column along with the 10 goals conceded (both matches being at home no less) means that he is getting things oh so badly wrong. Chairman Dave Whelan has today suggested he is going to keep faith with his manager which probably isn't so great for Wigan but will mean a lot of fun high scoring trips for away fans traveling to the DW stadium over the next nine months. That and the pies, of course.
6.Something about technology
Once again, a big controversial decision has people talking about the need for technology to help officials blah blah blah repeat to fade. I've written about this before and stand by my previous assertion that while it would be welcome, we don't even need 'technology' per se as an extra official behind the goal would be as effective and easier to implement. An extra official could have easily spotted Stoke's 'goal' against Spurs and I wouldn't even have had to waste the last 84 words going over the same mind-numbing debate yet again. Instead we'd be arguing about the fact the goal shouldn't have stood anyway due to the also unspotted (is that a word?) foul on Gomes by Huth. But then again, an official behind the goal would have seen that too wouldn't he?
Also, see the penalty Fulham should have been awarded at 1-all against Man Utd and the fact Arsenal probably shouldn't have had a penalty against Blackpool. Both would have seen by an extra man behind the goal.
7.The Bale Identity
You'd struggle to find a better goal from the weekend than Gareth Bale's volley against the above-mentioned Stoke City. You can read the gushing tributes to the Welshman's vast improvement elsewhere but I'll just say how refreshing it must be for Spurs fans not to be crapping their lillywhites (see what I did there?) whenever Bale's name appears on the teamsheet given his previous reputation as a jinx.
8. Return of the Mac
Spreading further afield, Die Bundesliga begun this weekend. How is this relevant? Well, with the much-maligned Don Fabio taking flack from every direction at the moment, it has been interesting to see that his predecessor and 'worst England manager ever' Seventh Choice Steve McClaren has been something of a revelation on the continent since walking out of Wembley with his tail (presumably his brolly) between his legs that awful November evening way back when.
Having won the Eredivisie with unfancied FC Twente last season (following a second place finish in his first season the previous year), SurAlex's former protege has recently been appointed manager of 2008/09 German champions VfL Wolfsburg. His first competitive game took place on Friday night against Bayern Munich at the Alllianz Arena where McClaren's side gave a decent account of themselves. They were however, unfortunate to lose out to a last minute Bastian Sweinsteiger goal but there was little to suggest that the former Middlesbrough manager cannot continue where he left off in Holland – comical accent aside hopefully.
Despite my extensive previous criticisms of him, I have to say that I am impressed that we have an English manager that is prepared to spread his wings by going out and managing in different countries to further his own education of the game. If more English managers were prepared to do this then we'd ultimately breed better managers and wouldn't have people up in arms about us hiring foreigners because we quite simply wouldn't need to. I'm not saying I would like McClaren back in charge but there is no denying that his recent Euro education, whatever your feelings about the Dutch league, means he is far more qualified for the job now than when he replaced Sven.
9. Where's 'e Edin?
In the same game, I got the chance to watch 90 minutes of the much-hyped Edin Dzeko for the first time. My verdict? lively player and scored a great header but for the crazy prices he's being quoted at? I'm not so sure.
10. And finally...
I don't like the new MOTD titles this season nor the new Sky Sports News layout (although being the techy TV geek that I am, I can't express my happiness that it is now shot in proper 16:9 widescreen format – of course, can't complain about the lovely Charlotte Jackson in HD either).
1.Sixual assault
That's right! One of the few reasons I've decided to write this blog was to use that pun (In fact, maybe the ONLY reason!). I'm sure you have all simply loved the numerous and tedious 'six' based puns seen in many a news publication over the last 48 hours (My personal favourite was the News of the World's ''SIXY BEASTS”). Not wanting to feel left out, I decided to go for the effective if not slightly sinister and violent example above. You're welcome.
But this isn't a blog about the bastardisation of the English language through "clever" plays on words. No, the reason all three of you are reading this piece is to absorb and subsequently disagree with my views on the recent happenings in the beautiful game.
As you may have heard or seen, there were an unprecedented THREE 6-0 hammerings this weekend. Arsenal put Blackpool to the sword, Wigan were publicly violated by CSKA Fulham and Newcastle fans were given an opportunity to revert back to the deluded bunch we've all come to love over years after the Magpies stuffed Villa at St, James' Park. Yes, we all love goals but do these results (as well as CSKA's humping of West Brom last weekend) highlight the quality of the aforementioned or simply show us how bad some of the teams that populate the 'best league in the world' actually are?
2.The Future's Bright...
The Arsenal and Newcastle games saw England hopefuls Andy Carroll and Theo Walcott notch hat-tricks for their respective sides. While I'm not about to detract from their achievements, I think the quality (of lack thereof) of the opposition played a huge part in both youngsters' trebles so let's not get too excited... yet. However, following the shambles in South Africa, it's hard not to be pleased to see that there may be a glimmer of hope on the horizon for the national team. Adam Johnson's performance for City against Liverpool should not go unnoticed either.
3.The Numbers Game
Not being a particularly superstitious man, I rarely attach any importance to squad numbers. I like wearing number 4 for the Sunday league teams I've played for but I wouldn't exactly bite off your fingers if you ever tried to stop me from wearing it. I am aware however that there are people that do believe there is some significance to the number a player wears. At Arsenal, the number 14 (Henry) is held in high regard and the same goes for the number 9 (Shearer) at Newcastle. You might argue that messers Walcott and Carroll have been entrusted with a lot of responsibility being given those shirts but kudos to both this weekend for performing in a way that would have made their respective predecessors proud.
4.Paul Scholes - He Scores Goals
Yes, he does! Take a bow son!
5.Wi-gone?
If I had bothered to get off my arse and finished the unpublished season preview/predictions blog post I started some weeks back, I'd be looking for the recipe for an industrial sized slice of humble pie (can you bake pie by the slice?) having boldly suggested that Roberto Martinez was going to get it right at Wigan (coincidentally, also famed for their great pies...) this year and they were definitely in contention for a top half finish. As we all know, you can't realistically gauge how the season is going to pan out after just two games but I can confidently state that I was wrong about Wigan and Martinez. The manager has to carry the can for this as it's his over-zealous attacking philosophy that is costing the team. There would be some justification if Wigan could actually find the back of the net but a bit fat zero in the 'Goals For' column along with the 10 goals conceded (both matches being at home no less) means that he is getting things oh so badly wrong. Chairman Dave Whelan has today suggested he is going to keep faith with his manager which probably isn't so great for Wigan but will mean a lot of fun high scoring trips for away fans traveling to the DW stadium over the next nine months. That and the pies, of course.
6.Something about technology
Once again, a big controversial decision has people talking about the need for technology to help officials blah blah blah repeat to fade. I've written about this before and stand by my previous assertion that while it would be welcome, we don't even need 'technology' per se as an extra official behind the goal would be as effective and easier to implement. An extra official could have easily spotted Stoke's 'goal' against Spurs and I wouldn't even have had to waste the last 84 words going over the same mind-numbing debate yet again. Instead we'd be arguing about the fact the goal shouldn't have stood anyway due to the also unspotted (is that a word?) foul on Gomes by Huth. But then again, an official behind the goal would have seen that too wouldn't he?
Also, see the penalty Fulham should have been awarded at 1-all against Man Utd and the fact Arsenal probably shouldn't have had a penalty against Blackpool. Both would have seen by an extra man behind the goal.
7.The Bale Identity
You'd struggle to find a better goal from the weekend than Gareth Bale's volley against the above-mentioned Stoke City. You can read the gushing tributes to the Welshman's vast improvement elsewhere but I'll just say how refreshing it must be for Spurs fans not to be crapping their lillywhites (see what I did there?) whenever Bale's name appears on the teamsheet given his previous reputation as a jinx.
8. Return of the Mac
Spreading further afield, Die Bundesliga begun this weekend. How is this relevant? Well, with the much-maligned Don Fabio taking flack from every direction at the moment, it has been interesting to see that his predecessor and 'worst England manager ever' Seventh Choice Steve McClaren has been something of a revelation on the continent since walking out of Wembley with his tail (presumably his brolly) between his legs that awful November evening way back when.
Having won the Eredivisie with unfancied FC Twente last season (following a second place finish in his first season the previous year), SurAlex's former protege has recently been appointed manager of 2008/09 German champions VfL Wolfsburg. His first competitive game took place on Friday night against Bayern Munich at the Alllianz Arena where McClaren's side gave a decent account of themselves. They were however, unfortunate to lose out to a last minute Bastian Sweinsteiger goal but there was little to suggest that the former Middlesbrough manager cannot continue where he left off in Holland – comical accent aside hopefully.
Despite my extensive previous criticisms of him, I have to say that I am impressed that we have an English manager that is prepared to spread his wings by going out and managing in different countries to further his own education of the game. If more English managers were prepared to do this then we'd ultimately breed better managers and wouldn't have people up in arms about us hiring foreigners because we quite simply wouldn't need to. I'm not saying I would like McClaren back in charge but there is no denying that his recent Euro education, whatever your feelings about the Dutch league, means he is far more qualified for the job now than when he replaced Sven.
9. Where's 'e Edin?
In the same game, I got the chance to watch 90 minutes of the much-hyped Edin Dzeko for the first time. My verdict? lively player and scored a great header but for the crazy prices he's being quoted at? I'm not so sure.
10. And finally...
I don't like the new MOTD titles this season nor the new Sky Sports News layout (although being the techy TV geek that I am, I can't express my happiness that it is now shot in proper 16:9 widescreen format – of course, can't complain about the lovely Charlotte Jackson in HD either).
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