Fernan-D'OH! Weekend Observations 24th-26th September 2011: Part One

That Fernando Torres loves being centre of attention, doesn't he? Clint Eastwood may well sue the Spaniard for copyright infringement after the edited highlights of his past two games could well be compiled into a feature film that we could call The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. After all that happened at Old Trafford last weekend, one would think the former Liverpool man would endure a less eventful match in the more tranquil setting of Stamford Bridge and a home game against relegation fodder Swansea City. Despite the horrific finishing, the signs were evident against Manchester United that Nando was getting his proverbial mojo back. So it proved early on against the Swans as the £50million man received a delightful dinked pass from Juan Mata, brought the ball down, twisted like a he was dancing the Fandango and slotted it beyond his marker and Michel Vorm in goal.

If that was the good, and last week's sitter was the bad then the ugly was soon to follow. Two goals in two games should indicate something of a return to form. Unfortunately, he won't be able to continue this as later on in the half, Torres needlessly went flying into a two-footed tackle on Mark Gower earning himself a red card and a three game ban. Oops!



Brazilian Ramires, another Chelsea player guilty of unforgivable profligacy at Old Trafford, redeemed himself somewhat with a brace in the 4-1 win including a special double nutmeg with the shot for his first. One man who might not be too upset by Torres' imminent absence will be the returning Didier Drogba who iced the Chelsea cake with the fourth in the last minute.

A subplot in this narrative was the exclusion of Frank Lampard who was an unused substitute. After his non-existent performance against United last week (Old? Slow???) and Mr Villas-Boas clearly looking to build his own team, it wouldn't be outrageous to suggest, much to the happiness of the canteen staff, that Lumpy's days at Stamford Bridge could well be numbered. You heard it here first.

Chelsea are now 3 points behind the two Manchester Clubs at the top of the table. City ascended to the summit momentarily after a fairly straightforward 2-0 win over Everton where Tim Cahill was unable to continue his good form against the Eastlands club after being nobbled by Vincent Kompany in the second half. To be fair, you could quite easily argue that the Aussie was the aggressor with a pretty reckless tackle and that Kompany was simply trying to shield the ball. Had Cahill not gone to ground needlessly, he certainly wouldn't have been on the receiving end of any perceived stamp, intentional or otherwise, by the big Belgian.

Super Mario Balotelli scored his second goal in a week by way of a deflection off Phil Jagielka which makes me wonder yet again if he would have really been much of an improvement to the Arsenal defence he was rumoured to be joining over the summer. City's second via James Milner owed much to beauty of the assist by David Silva who must be cursing his luck that he was born in an era where he has to compete with the likes of Xavi, Iniesta and Fabregas for a place in the Spanish starting line up.

Crosstown rivals United regained first place despite dropping their first points of the season in a 1-1 draw at the Octagon... sorry, Britannia Stadium against Stoke City (U)FC. Peter Crouch cancelled out Luis Nani's brilliant opening goal in a game where United may have considered themselves victims of Stoke's typically heavy-handed approach (Chicharito and Patrice Evra will certainly be sporting a few more bruises after their trip to Staffordshire).

Stoke have been known to push the boundaries of what is acceptable on a football pitch but it would be lazy and unfair to ignore the fact that they gave a fairly decent account from themselves football-wise and responded well from the pasting they got against Sunderland last week. The abovementioned Crouch was a handful for both Phil Jones and, more worryingly for the Reds, Rio Ferdinand whose powers very much appear to be on the wane with each passing absence through injury. Thankfully for SurAlex, David De Gea once again showed his critics how premature they were to write him off so early in his United career with a few decent stops to preserve the point for the champions.

Completing the current top four are Newcastle. A Demba Ba hat trick in the 3-1 win over Blackburn left most of us scratching our heads as to how a team consisting of Leon Best, Peter Lovenkrands, Shola Ameobi, Ryan and Steven Taylor is still unbeaten so far this season. Dare I say, for what he has achieved thus far and considering the players that high-tailed it out of St. James' over the summer, Alan Pardew has probably been manager of the season so far. Now, excuse me while I go and watch my mouth out with soap.

Someone who probably doesn't even qualify as a manager at all was Pardew's opposite number at the weekend Steve Kean. The Blackburn boss can count his lucky stars to have faced a self-destructive Arsenal team that seemed insistent on beating themselves last week or else his side would be rooted to the foot of the table and he would more than likely be collecting his dole money this week.

Liverpool are back up to fifth after arresting their recent mini-slide with a 2-1 home win over Wolves in a game of contrasting fortunes for their two big January signings. The irrepressible Luis Suarez made a mockery of the Wolves defence scoring what proved to be the winner while the world's most expensive lamppost Andy Carroll continued to struggle. It's not his fault he cost so much money and he may yet come good eventually, but right now, the big Geordie just looks like an inconvenience on the pitch who is getting in the way of his more talented teammates. Kenny Dalglish was once again forced to come out and defend his record signing but you have to ask yourself if it's a case of the 'laddie' doth protest too much?

Sorry.

Part Two to follow

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Serg-ing Forward - Weekened Observations 14th-15th August 2011

A tale of three former Atletico Madrid players...

Well, I hate to say I told you so, didn't I? I'm pretty sure Sergio Aguero hasn't even unpacked his bags yet but in just a brief second half cameo at Eastlands on Monday, the little Argentine was already looking more at home in Manchester than half the cast of Coronation Street. 'Kun' was instrumental in Manchester City's comprehensive 4-0 win over Swansea helping himself to 2 goals and an assist as his 'welcome' to the Premier League proved to be far more fruitful than that of the Welsh side - his second goal in particular a thing of sheer erection-inspiring beauty.



Aguero not only made a mockery of the fabled 'settling in period' often said to be required by overseas players. He pretty much took the notion, doused it in petrol, attached a stick of dynamite & half-volleyed it straight into Mount Vesuvius. Very few debuts - as a substitute no less - have been more impressive. All of a sudden 38 million quid doesn't look so expensive.

Even people who had seen how good he was in Spain would be surprised at this instantaneous impact on English football. Needless to say he has not set the bar at near stratospheric levels. The expectation for repeat performances will be sky high. The sound of thousands of rattling keyboards up and down the country of people adding Aguero to the their fantasy football teams was probably about as loud as the cheers that greeted his stupendous long range strike.

It would be wise to stay grounded however. In the same way everyone is creaming over this performance, the criticisms will come in just as fast if he fails to repeat the heroics.

With all due respect to Swansea, this is a team many will be expecting to get relegated and we clearly tiring when Aguero was introduced. There's no sense in going too overboard here as many tougher tests will undoubtedly present themselves over the coming weeks/months. That said, there is little suggest that the little Argentine isn't up to the task.

Aguero aside, the multi-millionaires looked a great deal more like a team that has their eye on big prizes this season. Roberto Mancini certainly seems to have adopted a far more expansive approach than that which saw him labeled as 'negative' for much of last year. David Silva seemed to be at the heart of everything good City could conjure in an attacking sense while Yaya Toure's domination of the midfield actually looked quite frightening at times. Even Edin Dzeko looked lively and was duly rewarded with a goal for his efforts.

Again, it's hard to draw massive conclusions given they were playing a team with about as much Premier League experience as The Renford Rejects but there is no question that City have the best squad in the league. I see no reason at all why they shouldn't push United all the way in this season's title race.

Speaking of whom, the reds started their march towards a 20th Premier League crown on Sunday albeit with an unconvincing 2-1 away win at West Brom. I'm not sure how many times you can sit there and say "they weren't at their best, but they got the result". Remarkably, the champions scored twice despite only mustering one shot on goal. When a team underperforms you anticipate that one day they will eventually come unstuck. Not United. It almost seems as though winning without playing well is actually a deliberate tactic. I won't reel out the cliches about having a winning mentality because you can read about that elsewhere but it's difficult to deny the accuracy of this assessment. The worry again is how good will they be once again when they start playing well.

The match at the Hawthorns was a tale of two new signings. Ashley Young has slotted right into the United team. The former Villa man first assisted Wayne Rooney before forcing Steven Reid into conceding a crucial own goal that proved to be the winner. At the other end, David de Gea was busy doing his best Massimo Taibi impression as he allowed Baggies debutant Shane Long to score after allowing a shot to squirm under his body. Naturally this, along with his hairy moments in the Community Shield last week, has led to many, many criticisms of the former Atletico keeper with many writing him off already.



An overreaction perhaps? At 20 years old, to have even shown the ability to be considered good enough to start for the top team in the country suggests that he isn't quite the calamity many are already saying he is. Goalkeepers will always make mistakes. Young goalkeepers in particular. There isn't a keeper throughout history that has never dropped a major clanger. Watching the Spaniard last season, there was no doubt in my mind United had signed a great prospect. However, as I say, part of the learning process for young keepers will involve making mistakes and subsequently learning from them. Sir Alex only needs to cast his eye over to his old chum Arsene and the goalie problems at the Emirates to see that.

As such a fragile position, I've always questioned whether big sides with ambitions of winning trophies can ever really afford to take the risk of starting young keepers. Their errors will only serve to undermine any potential challenge. Between the sticks is the one area on the pitch where buying experienced, ready made players is an absolute necessity. If you are intent on nurturing a young keeper, loan moves away are surely the best option. That way he gets game time and crucially, is making the mistakes for someone else. If/when he's ready, then bring him back.

De Gea is clearly a very good goalkeeper but you have to wonder if he will sink or swim at Old Trafford. Between Peter Schmeichel and Edwin van der Sar, United have had two of the finest keepers since the inception of the Premier League. The young Spaniard will certainly have to some way before he is considered on equal footing with those two. Let's not forget the long list of failures that came between the Dane and the Dutchman who failed to make the grade. Someone ought to put a photo of Roy Carroll above De Gea's bed as a daily warning.

Also opening their campaign on Sunday were Chelsea whose 0-0 draw with Stoke was about as enjoyable as varicose veins. The game provided almost no noteworthy talking points. The home side provided the typical and expected physical menace that will make the Britannia a tough place to go to for number of away teams. Stoke's home ground is the equivalent of that dodgy pub you always fear going into because there's no guarantee you wont leave without a few shards of glass in your eye. That said, given their own physical prowess, Chelsea were able to stand up to any threat posed. Seeing John Terry and Ryan Shawcross 'marking' each other at set pieces was like watching two Silverback gorillas fighting over a banana.

All the talk beforehand was about new Chelsea manager Andre Villas Boas and what he will bring to this team. On evidence of Sunday, the answer would be very little. The blues were pretty much as they were under Carlo Ancelloti. There was no real difference in their approach. They still went about controlling the game in the same way but lacked anything productive in the final third. Anything they did manage to create, Asmir Begovic in the Stoke goal was equal to.

The much maligned Fernando Torres started ahead of Didier Drogba and actually looked like far more of a player than when he was lumbering around Stamford Bridge at the tail end of last season. The touch that deserted him seems to have returned. His off the ball movement and willingness to actually get involved in the game were all very encouraging but for all his endevour, he still couldn't score and if you spunk £50m on a striker, the least you should expect is for him to stick the ball in the back of the net.

Maybe he ought to watch Sergio Aguero to see how it's done.




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City High - FA Cup Final 2011

Yaya Toure. Transfer Fee: 24 million quid; Reported salary: 200 thousand English pounds a week; Scoring the winning goal to deliver your new club's first piece of silverware for 35 years: Priceless!



After their win over Manchester United in the semi final, Blue Moon was belted out in full voice at Wembley again yesterday as Manchester City delighted their fans with a 1-0 win over Stoke City securing the final domestic trophy of the season. This follows Birmingham's Carling Cup win in February and City's arch rivals United confirming their 19th league title just two hours prior.

On that note, how daft a decision was it by the authorities to schedule league fixtures on the same day as the cup final? The double success for the City of Manchester has been lauded in some quarters but you can't help but feel each achievement manages to overshadow that of the other. Still I imagine it would have been a great night out around Castlefield, Deansgate and the like...

The Eastlands club have been ridiculed for a number of years by their more blinged up crosstown neighbours with reds fans going so far as to display a banner at old Trafford taking the piss out of City's long barren spell. Toure's rocket couldn't have done any more to make sure that banner comes down if he marched over to Salford and yanked it down himself.

Having also secured Champions League qualification for the first time ever just last week, you'd have to say there have been worse weeks for the Blues. Even if they lost yesterday, the season could still be considered a success. Commiserations go out to their vanquished opponents in Stoke City who clearly went to Wembley as underdogs and probably had the backing of many so-called 'neutrals' beforehand (Can you really be neutral if you are wanting one of the two teams to win?).

The game itself was not a classic but with rare exceptions, it was par for the course in an FA Cup final. The sense of occasion and the build up almost always outweighs the quality of the game. A fact summed up by Tony Pulis' transformation from a smart dignified suit beforehand to his cheap, comical tracksuit and baseball cap combo by kick off.

Of course, the lack of excitement was to be expected given the reputations of both teams. It has been suggested that at times this season Man City's tactics couldn't have been more conservative if they were managed by Margret Thatcher and it's generally accepted that pretty football is about as out of place at The Britannia Stadium as Malcolm X at a Ku Klux Klan rally. If this were a fairy tale, it wouldn't be so much Beauty and the Beast, more Beast and the Beast.

In fairness, City have had their moments this season and with Carlos Tevez back in their line up, they were always likely to play with a greater sense of attacking urgency. Even the much maligned Stoke had recently starting playing a more expansive game deploying explosive wingers Matthew Ethrington and Jermaine Pennant with great effect.

City quite clearly lined up with a far superior team and for 45 minutes it showed. They controlled possession and created the better... sorry, ONLY real chances in the first half. For all the above criticism, Tevez injects life into their play and it will be a shame if rumours of him leaving are true.

Stoke, after recent good performances - in the semi final rout of Bolton and the win over Arsenal last week to name but two - unfortunately reverted to type and took a life-sappingly negative approach. At no point before half time did they have less than 9 men behind the ball. Pulis' men played the long game and seemed content to wait for set-pieces and throws as their only means of actually trying to win the game. All of which the City defence were able to absorb.

That said, Ethrington was clearly struggling after his recent injury and once Pennant picked up an ankle knock their chances became slimmer than Kate Middleton on a hunger strike.

For all their possession, City found themselves unable to break down Stoke. The red and white wall was standing firmer than a man asked to partake in a threesome with Eva Mendes and Mila Kunis. They did manage to force their way through once or twice but were limited. Super Mario Balotelli's great strike was denied by an even better Thomas Sorensen save and later, David Silva volleyed into the ground and the ball bounced up over the bar. The Potters were dire but managed to keep it level til the break.

The Second half saw Stoke improve. They began to keep the ball better and actually make the game something of a contest. Kenwyne Jones had a great chance to give them the lead following a fine pass from Ethrington but Jo Hart in the City goal was equal to it. This was Ethrington's only significant contribution before being subbed and only makes you wonder how different things might have been if he was fully fit.

City were still being frustrated by Andy Wilkinson and Ryan Shawcross in particular but kept plugging away until they were rewarded on 74 minutes when that man Yaya Toure continued the theme of Africans scoring at the new Wembley (Brappp!).


Manchester City v Stoke City by geuzehead

In five FA Cup finals since the ground was reopened four years ago, Didier Drogba (2007, 2009, 2010), Kanu (2008) and now Toure have all found the net.

All three have also scored in semi finals and if you add Obafemi Martins and Drogba's exploits in Carling Cup finals this year and in 2008 respectively then you have to say Northwest London is becoming a home away from home for brothers from the motherland - take THAT France!

The Blues then retained possession until a few hairy moments at the end when Stoke won a succession of corners but held on for richly deserved win.

There's a lot of animosity directed at City for the way their rich Arab owners have been flashing the cash. Of course, jealously and hypocrisy have played a part. They aren't the only club with rich owners who have 'bought' success and let's face it, whoever you support, you wouldn't be remotely outraged if it were your team in a similar position.

City have always been a likable team and have had many sympathisers due in part to the vast shared dislike of United but also because they were seen as 'loveable losers'. Now that they are serious contenders, the bitterness has spread like Californian wildfires. Was there so much hate when were scraping around in the old Division Two a little over a decade ago?

Personally, I'm indifferent to the club but glad to see a 'new' team win a trophy. Moreso, I'm pleased for Roberto Mancini. The press have undermined him with all too frequent speculation about his job as well as unfairly criticising him and his tactics at every turn. You couldn't open a newspaper or click on a sport website this season without another name being touted for the Eastlands dugout. Credit to him for getting on with his job and succeeding in both reaching the top four and winning a trophy as a kicker. Well done, sir.

What of Stoke? In truth, does anyone outside Staffordshire really care? Harsh maybe but it's almost better to give such a frank assessment than to go with the patronising line that they should have enjoyed their 'big day out'. The better side won on the day so there is no room for sympathy or sentiment although it is lazy to say that it was some sort of victory against Stoke's 'attrition' football given how City themselves have played on occasion this campaign. Besides there is no 'right' way to play and Stoke's methods have established them as a Premier League side after their own previous 'lows'.

What next for the upwardly mobile Mancs though? More big money, big name summer signings? Title push next season? The Champion's League? World domination??? Now that they've got that winning feeling, you'd think they will only go from strength to strength. Ominous signs for the rest of us...

Man of the Match: Yaya Toure

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Weekend Observations 5th-6th February 2011: Part Two

Part One here

Sandwiched between the resurgent scousers and Chelsea are Tottenham. They always say the repeating success is harder than achieving it and looking at the way things are panning out this season, it will be a tougher task for Spurs if they are to emulate last season's top four finish.

However, they did such ambitions no harm with a 2-1 win over Bolton thanks to a late Nico Kranjcer screamer. It's one of this season's great injustices that Kranjcer doesn't see much in the way of game time for 'arry's side given how influential he was last season in making sure Spurs actually qualified for the Champions League. Much has been said about how this goal 'proved a point' to 'onest 'arry but in reality, we know this is not the case. For everything he has achieved, Redknapp could find himself undoing his good work if he doesn't fight his worrying addiction to always trying to buy players. With what is already a very good squad at his disposal, you have to wonder why he enters the transfer market with a ridiculous scattergun approach looking to literally sign anybody rather than someone he actually needs. Last week's farce was a prime example. What would Charlie Adam add to the Spurs team the Kranjcar cannot provide already? Perhaps more importantly, why was he looking to sign half the strikers in Spain when his defence is in so much trouble?



Again, refereeing controversy took centre stage in this match as Mark Clattenburg continued to make a fool out of himself with some baffling penalty decisions. Having already inexplicably forced a retake by Spurs' Rafael van der Vaart for encroachment (something you will see on every penalty from now until the end of time), the second half saw the dullard ref fail to award Gary Cahill one of the most nailed on spot-kicks you are ever likely to see and instead decided to book the Bolton man for diving.

Owen Coyle is apparently going to compile a second DVD of all the decisions that have gone against his team this season. At this rate we could be looking at a full box set before the season is out.

Contributing to the weekend goal-fest was Carlos Tevez who bagged a hat-trick in Man City's comprehensive 3-0 win over West Brom at Eastlands. City's title challenge has stuttered in recent weeks with some indifferent league form over January but having seen Chelsea, Arsenal and crosstown rivals United all drop points this week, Roberto Mancini's team are right back in the race.

This match may have turned out to be the last one in the Baggies dugout for Roberto Di Matteo who was sent out back to go and sort out his bergonias as he was later placed on gardening leave by the club. It's funny that this is the term they use when people are put into this state of purgatory. Who's to say that Di Matteo doesn't already have a gardener? Or what if he lives in a penthouse apartment?

But I digress. It's a bit of a head-scratcher this one. Admittedly, West Brom's recent form hasn't exactly been promising but back in September, following that famous win at Arsenal, people were talking about the possibility of the Baggies pushing for European spots. Yes, it has been something of a rapid decline since then but some of the team's home performances would have suggested that they would have had enough to just stay up this season allowing Di Matteo the opportunity to push on next year.

Given that this is Di Matteo's first attempt at Premier League management and taken into account the fact that last year he successfully led West Brom to promotion from the Championship in his first season at the Hawthorns, you have to think that this reaction by the board is both hasty and unfair. Even if he did get them relegated, his employers ought to be far more grateful for the job he's done so far.


"We'll be needing the scarf back too, Roberto"

Tony Pulis is a prime example of what can be achieved by having patience with a manager. All of a sudden, people talk about Stoke City as an established Premier League side and not have to worry that they have lost their marbles.

No matter what your opinion of the City, team or style of football, Pulis deserves credit for what he has achieved. That said, they still remain a horrible, horrible team to watch. Yes, they contributed to this weekend's goalfest with an apparently emphatic 3-2 win over Sunderland but Christ almighty, you couldn't possibly imagine three uglier goals than those that ultimetly won them the game. If football was a fairly tale, the 'beautiful game' would be in direct contrast with Stoke City who would be playing the part of 'Beast'.

The fact all three came from set pieces launched into the box tells you everything you need to know. Their first two goals, both highly contentious and might have been disallowed on another day, featured the kind of goal mouth scrambles that wouldn't look out of place in a game of 60 seconds in any primary school playground. Still, 3 points is 3 points as they say and a perfect counter argument to any football 'purist' who will try and tell you that football has to be 'pretty'.

Everton has been the epitome of inconsistency so far this season and their 5-3 win over Blackpool was a microcosm of their whole campaign. Had it not been for the drama at St. James' Park, people would be hailing this relentlessly back-and-fourth match as the standout game of the weekend.

There's a lot of talk on merseyside at present about the 'Return of the King' but if you cross Stanley park to get away from all the Dalglish hysteria, Everton fans will be talking about their own regal monarch in the shape of King Louis Saha. Having seemingly gotten over the injuries that have caused havoc with his career so far, the Frenchman had been steadily returning to form netting 4 goals in his previous 6 matches before single handedly matching that total on Saturday to make it 8 in 7. The new hairstyle has him looking like a Duracell Battery and guess what? He's playing like one too...



If he continues like this then you imagine that Everton won't remain in what many would say is a false position down in the the lower reaches of the Premier League but then again, if history has taught us nothing else it's that there are only three certainties in life: death, taxes and a Louis Saha injury. While not wanting to jinx him, is it likely that he will be able to go on a run of games without his muscles turning to play-dough once again?

Despite contributing to such an exciting match – it's not often a team will score three goals and end up on the losing side – Blackpool's poor run of form continues and relegation becomes more and more of a realistic possibility with each passing game. Coinciding with the Tangerine's free-fall is the fact that teams around them are picking up whatever few points they can like some ruthless scavengers in a some kind of dystopain wasteland while Ian Holloway's side go hungry. Wins for Wolves, Birmingham and bizarrely enough, Wigan, see The Seasiders sit just two points off the drop zone.

I don't see them getting much change out of their next four games against Villa, Spurs, Wolves and Chelsea so it's with a heavy heart I feel I must pre-emptively mourn the loss of Ian Holloway and his regular bouts of insanity from our screens.



Match of the Weekend: Newcastle 4-4 Arsenal

Goal of the Weekend: Kranjcar v Bolton

Worst Refereeing decision: Stoke's second v Sunderland (Two offsides AND a handball!)

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Gray Skies: Weekend Observations 22nd-24th January 2011: Part Two

The main controversy from the weekend came on Saturday as Kenny Dalglish's first win as Liverpool boss and an apparent return to goal scoring form for Fernando Torres was overshadowed by the offside law, the presence of oestrogen and careless disregard for the positioning of recording equipment.

By now, I'm sure we've all heard or at least heard about the conversation between Sky Sports' own Chuckle Brothers went all Gordon Brown and said something sexist about a woman lino when they thought their mics were off.



The fallout has seen Andy Gray lose his job. A sad day for fans of crazy electronic touch screen football analysis.

Apparently, women need the offside rule explained to them because according to Keys and Gray, they don't understand it and are likely to get the big calls wrong.
The irony being that there was a big offside call in the game and Kenny didn't "go potty" because it worked in his favour and, if you can believe it, little Sian Massey got the decision right! Bless her...

Offensive? Yes. Outdated? Of course. Surprising? Well, not at all really. While we have reached a point in society where we rightly promote equality among the sexes let's not pretend that that we've reached some sort of utopia of gender equilibrium. Football, like the majority of popular sports the world over is disproportionately male dominated. This kind of 'banter' is exactly what you will hear in changing rooms, boardrooms and in the stands week in, week out. Only recently has the women's game started to attain something resembling recognition but it is still very much a man's world where sexism will be rife. Is it really any wonder that messes Gray and Keys continue to hold these attitudes?

While they may not have expressed it in such a derogatory way, many people, of both genders, followers and non-followers of the game alike would raise an eyebrow when they hear that a female official is set to be involved in a high profile match. Not because of any underlying prejudice/sexism but because it's against the norm. It's natural to question whether someone who you perceive to be unfamiliar with a particular role is capable of doing the job properly. Football as whole is often resistant to any suggested 'non-traditional' changes. A case more of Institutionalised conservativism (small c) than discrimination.

Keys and Gray appear to have crossed the line, however. But just as the comments by the Sky duo were reprehensible, there is a risk from the other side of falling into a trap of being patronising and condescending which, for me, can be just as offensive. People have been quick to heap heavy praise on Massey for making the right decision but looking at the replays, it was not a hard call to make. People shouldn't go overboard. Drawing unnecessary attention, positive or negative, simply undermines her. Just let her do her job.

Back to Keys and Gray. As much as they would like to suggest any sort of non-offensive light hearted motives behind their comments, they are the two men who have been at the forefront of promoting the modern game and so they ought to know better. Don't tell me to get excited about Stoke v Blackburn with hours of build-up, needless over-hyped nonsense from pundits who fail to grasp basic English language skills *cough* Jamie Redknapp *cough, cough* and then say that "the game has gone mad" just because someone who sits down to piss has managed to infiltrate the 'Old Boys' Club.



The initail fallout saw the pair removed from our screens for this week's Monday Night Football encounter between Bolton and Chelsea before the news of Gray's sacking on Tuesday afternoon. As had been rightly pointed out, had these been racist or even homophobic comments, there would have been shown the door fast than you can say "Do me a favour, love".

People need to decide what they are more pissed off about; the fact what was said was sexist or because they were factually incorrect? The motives behind the comments might have actually held some weight if Massey's male counterparts were actually good at their job. As matter of principle, I feel it my duty as someone who watches far more football than is healthy, to point out the frequency with which existing, vaginally-challenged officials get decisions wrong. Not a week goes by without a mass debate about the bastards in black making mistakes.

For me, I don't care what gender they are because penis or no penis, they a likely to be as incompetent as each other. If Andy Gray or anyone who has an issue with the sex of a ref can find a woman who is worse than Chris Foy then I might listen to their views.

In fact, why not replace them all with women? Most of the current mob aren't fit for purpose anyway and with women enforcing the laws you'd probably bring a stop to all the foul-mouthed abuse from the likes of Wayne Rooney that the current officials rarely see fit to punish.

Anyway....

Liverpool looked a far more adventurous and expressive side in the game so maybe the fabled 'Kenny effect' is having its desired impact. Raul Meireles' sublime strike for the reds' second goal was a prime example. Previously, you would imagine only two players in the team would even dare try that shot. A better and encouraging performance from them.

After the loss of Darren Bent and injury ruling out Danny Welbeck, you'd have to think only Andy Coulson had a worse few days than Sunderland did last week but things ended on a high thanks to a 2-1 win over Blackpool at Bloomfield Road.

Like Hull before them, a fantastic early start might just see Blackpool stay up this season but recently, their obvious limitations are coming to the fore and with just one league win and four defeats in 5 matches since the turn of the year, Ian Holloway's team may soon find themselves dragged into a relegation dogfight against a load of teams far more experienced when faced with such a battle.

Their poor form has been largely ignored thanks mainly to news of vultures circling over Lancashire looking to snatch a Charlie Adam shaped carcass. As it stands, the tangerines' star player has handed in a transfer request which the club has turned down. For many, this isn't quite Wayne Rooney or Carlos Tevez but the impact that would be felt by Blackpool if they were to lose their man would be far greater than if the aforementioned pair were to leave City or United respectively.



For now, they remain in a fairly comfortable midtable spot three points behind a Blackburn side that disappointed me this week by not doing anything bonkers... what's that you say? A two year contract for untried and inexperienced initially-only-intended-to-keep-the-seat-warm manager Steve Kean? Nevermind.

In fairness, Rovers did manage to pick up a pretty useful 2-0 win over West Brom thanks in part to another quality own goal, a screamer from young pup Junior Hoilett, and a dodgy decision from the officials who failed the award Peter Odimwinge one of the most nailed on penalties you are ever likely to see at any level of football.

"Someone should got down there and explain the rules about fouls to Clattenburg"

As clear as it is that Kean is literally doing nothing that Sam Allardyce wouldn't have, isn't it funny to see how unhappy the Walrus is looking these days? The simmering tension between him and fellow pundit Ian Holloway on Sky after the game when asked about their respective styles of play was just a joy to behold. Ollie preached on about the importance of entertaining - which admittedly may well prove to be his downfall - while Big Sam talked about 'playing to your strengths'. Any poor soul who has ever had the misfortune to sit through 90 minutes of watching his teams play "football", would know that this translates into hitting it long to the big man up top and kicking anyone who is better than you.

On a similar subject, one of this season's less interesting subplots has involved two angry Welshmen who have spent the last few months publically bickering over tackling. For those that care, it began when Fulham's Moussa Dembele was hacked into next week by Stoke's Andy Wilkinson back in September's Carling Cup match between the two sides. This led to an angry, dismissive handshake by Fulham boss Mark Hughes to Stoke boss Tony Pulis. Fulham midfielder Danny Murphy then suggested that Pulis - among others - consciously send players out to go in too physically on opponents. His comments were greeted with scorn and widespread condemnation from the same backward thinkers of the game who probably still think that women don't understand the offside law...

3 weeks ago, Pulis returned the angry handshake to Hughes after Stoke were beaten at home by the Whites. The sides met again this week at Craven Cottage where there was yet more controversy as Fulham were awarded a penalty which saw thug-in-chief Ryan Shawcross sent off and the home side eventually run out comfortable 2-0 winners. Of course, the two managers saw the incident differently to continue the perceived bad feeling between the clubs.



Ok, Hughes actually squashed the beef after the game but forgive me for trying to get myself excited at the prospect of a huge heated and more improtantly, new rivalry developing between two of the league's most unfashionable sides. Would keep things interesting, right?

You could even have a woman ref their grudge matches...

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Weekend Observations 14th - 15th November 2010

Only really one place to start and that's West London with one of the shock results of this or any season. Sunderland marched into Stamford Bridge acting like they own the joint and inflicted Chelsea's biggest home defeat since 2002. Funnily enough, not long before they were being bank-rolled by a Russian Billionaire. I wonder if the two facts are connected in some way... Anyway, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn't think Chelsea are one their way to winning their fourth Abraomvich sponsored league title this season having started the campaign like a house on fire. A paper house doused in kerosene.

However, the current champions' league performances in recent weeks have been quite far removed from the thrashings they were routinely handing out back when the sun was shining in late August. Sunday's massacre at the hands of the Black Cats, while unexpected, maybe shouldn't be considered the massive shock we perceive it to be. Of course Sunderland would fancy their chances after looking at the team sheet and seeing that the Blues were missing Lampard, Terry, Alex and Essien. Credit to Steve Bruce’s side for taking advantage. This wasn't a smash and grab counter-attack inspired, shut up shop effort either. The Mackems went out with a positive attacking mentality with two up front and subsequently bossed the game.

3-0 was not an unfair reflection of the match at all. Nedum Onuoha opened to scoring with a superb solo effort that will surely be in the running for goal of the month. Had that been scored by Gareth Bale or Theo Walcott or Wayne Rooney, the simultaneous orgasm from over-excited TV pundits would knock the globe from its axis. Unfortunately the second by Asamoah Gyan was tarnished by Bolo Zenden's tragic attempt at dancing during the celebration. Seriously, there's no place for that sort of thing in the game. I hope the FA look at that retrospectively and ban him from ever cutting shapes like that in a public place again. The icing on the cake came from Danny Welbeck came after an Ashley Cole mistake. That was really sad to see. I was so gutted for him but it seems that the only way I can truly express my sympathy is by laughing very loudly.

Whether this is just a blip or the first signs of decline for Chelsea remain to be seen. They will be slightly concerned seeing that they also lost to easily the worst Liverpool side I've seen in my lifetime. The reds followed up that almighty win at Anfield with a draw at Wigan and a feeble surrender on Saturday at Stoke. After all the talk of turning the corner, it seems like Roy Hodgson's men have switched into reverse gear and gone right back round said corner. Ten years ago Liverpool actually went to the Britannia and won 8-0 but were so bad on Saturday, it's not unfair to say that they made Stoke look like the offspring of the Brazil 1970 team and Superman! This naturally, led to the predictable bi-polar switch in attitude from the scousers who were just last week dancing a merry jig. This week, the conclusion of the match saw the traveling fans shouting themselves hoarse pleading for Kenny Dalglish to be handed the managerial reigns and Hodgson to be put out to pasture. I don't think 'King' Kenny, or any manager for that matter, will be able to do a great deal with the likes of Poulsen, Konchesky and Rodriguez constantly stinking up the place.

In 1995, people around scoffed when Sony entered the gaming market and released something called the 'Play station', U2 topped the charts with "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me" (a song infinitely better than the terrible movie which it was the soundtrack for...) and I started getting hair and spots in weird places and as the huge crushing fist of puberty decided to do a number on me!

Also, 1995 was the last time Aston Villa beat Man Utd in the league prompting Alan Hansen's now famous "You'll never win anything with kids" proclamation. 15 years of hurt was that close to coming to an end for the Villains but for the Mancs increasingly annoying penchant for scoring late goals.

So, it turns out that Villa can be quite entertaining despite my previous suggestions to the contrary. The Villa park faithful have seen two goal-packed games with late drama in the space of just three days. What do I know about football anyway?

A few weeks back when Man City were winning football matches, very few people gave a monkeys as to how the results were achieved. Mind-numbingly unadventurous and uninspiring football to make one want to gouge out their own eyes and throw them under the wheels of a speeding bus was a small price to pay for results and there was genuine belief in some quarters that the Premier League trophy would be returning to Manchester this season, only this time to donning sky blue ribbons rather than red.

However, following a run of three home league games without a goal, the natives are understandably getting restless. And why not? Roberto Mancini is so cautious you imagine he wears two condoms and a rubber glove just to masturbate. City are playing by a different set of rules from most other teams right now and as such, will always be judged due to their substantial financial clout. If you're not winning games, performances come under more scrutiny. For the vast, unfathomable sums of money spent, we were expecting a new powerhouse in the game not a side that takes on Birmingham with the sole aim of avoiding defeat.


"I wonder if I can get away with playing TEN defensive midfielders..."


With all their supposed title rivals dropping points, Arsenal's win at Everton sees them within touching distance of the Premier League summit. It's early days but there are those on the red side of North London who feel that the club's six year 'drought' without a league title may well be coming to an end. We'll wait and see if the anticipated New Year collapse takes place yet again. It's been a long held belief that The Arsenal play some magical style of pure football from the heavens but the win at Goodison was not an example of Arsenal at their free-flowing best. Their much-praised style has been supplemented and on occasion even replaced with something us Brits like to refer to as 'grit'.

The contrast in their two goals epitomised this newfound ability to mix it up. The first was a result of a Bacary Sanga shot from a position where you usually expect to see Arsenal players still try a pass rather than pull the trigger while the second was a typically well worked passing move finished by Cesc Fabregas that the team has become famous for. Chuck in the awful disciplinary record this season and it looks like, maybe, just maybe, Arsene Wenger's kids have finally grown a pair and worked out how to grind out results and when even when not at their best.

Next Saturday, they face arch-rivals Spurs at the Emirates. What greater incentive going into the game knowing that a win will send them top of the league? Equally for Tottenham, who themselves remembered how to win a league game this weekend, what greater motivation for the match than to try and halt the gunners' continued ascent?

The liliwhites' first win in five was a Gareth Bale inspired 4-2 humping of Blackburn Rovers at White Hart Lane in a horribly one sided affair, although a late rally from the visitors restored something in the way of respectability to the final scoreline. Given that Big Sam named an ultra-defensive 5-man back line, it was natural that he would be quite pissed off about how much joy and freedom they allowed the Spurs attack. Although both teams would have come into the season with vastly different aspirations, they are currently both among number of teams bouncing around in a very congested looking table that is looking tighter than a gnat's rectum at present. A tiny gap is opening up between the top four and the rest while Wolves and the increasingly dire West Ham are at risk of being cut away at the bottom but between that, only two wins separate 18th placed Birmingham City and Bolton up in the dizzying, nose-bleed inducing heights of 5th.

Speaking of whom, credit to Owen Coyle who would have never imagined in his wildest dreams he would be leading his beloved Wanderers to such a lofty position. Even more credit is due for turning Johan Elmander into some kind of footballer! For two years, the Swede has looked about as useful as tap-dancing lessons for Stephen Hawking but has somehow discovered something resembling a goal-scoring touch. With six goals already this season, the pick of the bunch came in Saturday's win at Wolves. But like Nedum Onouha before him, had this goal been scored by a more high profile player you'd never hear the end of it.




Results

Saturday
Aston Villa 2-2 Manchester United
Manchester City 0-0 Birmingham City
Newcastle United 0-0 Fulham
Stoke City 2-0 Liverpool
Tottenham Hotspur 4-2 Blackburn Rovers
West Ham United 0-0 Blackpool
Wigan Athletic 1-0 West Bromwich Albion
Wolverhampton Wndrs 2-3 Bolton Wanderers

Sunday
Chelsea 0-3 Sunderland
Everton 1-2 Arsenal

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Midweek Observations - 9th-10th November 2010

There was an absurd but understandable amount of hype surrounding this week's Manchester derby at Eastlands. Sky were the main culprits with a number of flashy idents, various lives from the City and infinite interviews with any person who has ever seen Manchester on a map. Needless to say, I, like many others, were sucked in, and with good reason. This was supposed to be the biggest derby for years with the reds and the blues neck and neck in the league and more poignantly, both in the title race. United and City are both spilling over with talent and couple that with the extra incentive of wanting to beat your arch-rivals for bragging rights and such, I'm sure it wasn't too outrageous to expect a decent game packed full of goals, incident and talking points which would have sad little internet, homely looking bloggers yammering on for days.

Instead what we got was the football equivalent of this...


 
Actually, that's mightily unfair on tumbleweed.

Thanks to the negative approach of BOTH sides and a lack of desire to actually win the game, there was very little to actually 'observe' so I will move ever-so-quickly on. Let's hope Haye v Harrison is better, eh?
 
24 hours earlier, Sky Sports decided to televise the match between relegation fodder Stoke City and Birmingham City in a match that one couldn't get excited about beforehand even if Jessica Alba and Kelly Brook were to promise to wrestle naked in the centre circle at 15 minutes intervals. It was about as appealing as the bread before the starter before the main course.
 
As it turned out, this bread was the best part of the meal. The second half of said bread... er, match was one of the most entertaining 45 minute spells of the season, swinging back and fourth resulting in a 3-2 win for Tony Pulis' men. Interestingly enough, for all his pissing and moaning about referees this season, it was surprising (or not) to see Pulis noticeably less vocal about the possible handball by match winner Dean Whitehead before scoring the all important goal. People would be inclined to listen to his not altogether crazy suggestions to punish bad officiating if he wasn't such a hypocrite.
 
Earlier this week, much-maligned footballer Joey Barton actually surprised the world with something of a face turn by showing something resembling maturity. Well, about as much maturity Joey Barton can muster. The St. James' jailbird also seemingly offered advice to the apparent heir to his throne of thuggary Andy Carroll telling the striker to concentrate on his football. Barton feels that Carroll's recent on-pitch actions ought to be taken into consideration over his off field misdemeanours. Not 48 hours after these words of wisdom, Barton reverted to type by showing that his own on-pitch actions were just as reprehensible as what he does when he gets pissed off after receiving the wrong flavoured milkshake at a well known fast food establishment. After his unprovoked punch on Morton Gamst Pedersen, hopefully the authorities will throw the book at him. With any luck it will hit him in the eye because, you know, Karma is a bitch.
 
In the same game Jason Roberts scored the second winning goal for Blackburn Rovers in as many games. He must read this blog.


 
On a similar theme, Jermaine Beckford scored a stunner for Everton to salvage a draw against Bolton set out to prove that he is NOT as I previously suggested out of his depth in the Premier League and Aston Villa took my claim that they are boring and rammed them down my throat when they decided to participate in a rather exciting match with Blackpool. But like a petulant child with a spine made of reinforced steal, I am too stubborn to bend on these issues. Well done to both for their respective achievements but one swallow does not a summer make and all that. One goal wont convince me that Beckford isn't going to continue to maraud around Merseyside like a headless chicken with a broken Tom Tom while a 3-2 win against Blackpool reserves will not suddenly see Gerard Houllier's team starting to play expansive, high-tempo attacking football from now on.
 
Speaking of Blackpool, following his ludicrous threat to resign if he is punished over his team selection, is anyone else beginning to think that loveable Ian Holloway is fast becoming the miserable old giffer you encounter at bus stops and in grotty pubs that complains about everything but is completely oblivious to the fact that life couldn't actually be any better for him? Don't get me wrong, 'Ollie' is still what my Encyclopaedia of Great Football Clichés would refer to as a 'Breath of fresh air' and I would take his enthusiastic randomness over the monotonous generic nonsense spoken by most managers in the Premier League any day of the week but his threat to quit is childish, petty, vindictive and most importantly shows a lack of respect to his players who will be leaving in the lurch.
 
That said, he is right to be vexed at the authorities. The Premier League have already imposed the controversial home grown/25 man squad limit this season but if a manager isn't free to pick any first XI he chooses from that squad then what was the point? Farcical.
 
What would a discussion about Premier League football in modern times be without some sort of debate about tackling? Interestingly enough, for the second time in a matter of weeks it is perennial victims of leg-snap from seasons gone by Arsenal who are the perpetrators. In their 2-0 win at Wolves, Catalan Captain Cesc Fabregas found himself very lucky not to pick up what would have been his side’s FIFTH red card of the season after a late, reckless and totally unnecessary lunge on Stephen Ward. The Gunners' player and his boss were quick to say sorry afterwards but having been down this road already this season, you have to wonder if Arsenal players think it's ok to start tackling like animals so long as they say sorry afterwards? That's the kind of reasoning you'd expect from an infant thinking he has a justifiable reason to continuously whale on his little brother.
 
However, Fabregas wasn't the only guilty party in this game as 'Killer' Karl Henry was also lucky to escape punishment for an over the top challenge on Andrey Arshavin.



There was some naughtiness from many media outlets who have ignored this incident in their reporting of the game. Conspiracy theorists from the ever-paranoid but frightfully large gooner blogosphere would point to some kind of non-existent media bias against them, others particularly those from a certain area of the West Midlands would suggest that poor old Karl has had enough of a kicking (so to speak) from the media already this season so it is about time they chose to lay off him. The truth is, the Fabregas' apology and acceptance by Mick McCarthy made for a better 'story' so everyone just ran with that. Besides, the THUG FOOTBALLER COMMITS THUGGISH ACT headline has already been hogged by Joey Barton this week.


Results

Tuesday
Stoke City 3-2 Birmingham City
Tottenham 1-1 Sunderland

Wednesday
Aston Villa 3-2 Blackpool
Chelsea 1-0 Fulham
Everton 1-1 Bolton
Manchester City 0-0 Manchester United
Newcastle 1-2 Blackburn
West Ham 2-2 West Brom
Wigan 1-1 Liverpool
Wolves 0-2 Arsenal


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Weekend Observations 18th - 19th September: Part Two

Part Two... Part One here

On Friday, Sam Allardyce had us all in stitches when he jokingly suggested he would win every trophy in sight, every season for ever and ever if he got the chance to manage a top football club. The laughter stopped when we realised he was deadly serious. I think he made his point though as his Blackburn side barely scraped a draw against Fulham scoring a goal that seemed to epitomise exactly what he offers as a master football tactician and one of football's unsung heroes: a long ball into the box, a deliberate but unseen foul on the opposition goalkeeper by Pele incarnate El Hadji Diouf and an easy finish for Chris Samba. In all seriousness, his backlash against Wenger's complaints make more sense now. If more action was to be taken against these perceived roughhouse tactics, Allardici's glaring limitations as a manager would be ruthlessly exposed as the only 'tactic' he seems to know how to employ would be rendered utterly redundant.

Who knows? If Big Sam was at Chelsea maybe the title would be wrapped up by Christmas! Either way, I think they might just about get by without his style of 'football'. In that instance, if the title race is set to be a boring predictable procession, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we are all hoping to see more 'competitiveness' throughout the rest of the division. Putting aside their two humpings in London so far, Blackpool are playing their part as are they team they managed to beat in their last match, Newcastle. It's bloody difficult to know what to make of the Magpies at the minute. Gone are the days of Kevin Keegan's swashbuckling league title bottlers. Now we have Chris Hughton's less exciting side that are just happy to go about their business and I doubt would be too disappointed with mid-table obscurity.

Looking at their current squad, they're hardly packed with superstars but with the likes of Nolan, Barton, Carroll and loan signing Ben Arfa should have the quality to see them keep the wolves of any potential relegation battle at the door. Their defence however, while not as bad Geordie back lines of years gone by, is not one that would fill many with a great deal of confidence. Just as easily as they put 6 past Villa a while back, you can easily see them conceding as many as the likes of James Perch is regularly being put on his backside having been given the runaround by any half decent Premier League winger you could care to mention.

The inconsistency that has plagued them for years still seems to be there. At the start of the season, not many teams, let alone the promoted ones, would have been expected to take 6 points from two games against Villa and Everton respectively but then again not many teams will expect to only salvage a solitary point from matches against Wolves and Blackpool.

But you've got to give them credit for their win this past weekend and spoiling many betting slips that would have had that match down as a cast iron home win (Bastards!).



Speaking of whom, you have to wander what is in the water on Merseyside that has made all the football so-substandard in that part of the world. Liverpool's problems are well documented but it's not gone unnoticed that the blue half of the city have started the season just as ineptly as their red-clad brothers. Just when they thought they'd cracked it with that dramatic draw against Manchester United, they have been brought back down to earth with a bump. Everton have often been slow starters(08/09 - 2 wins in opening 9 games, last season 1 win in first four) citing injuries to key players and whatnot but this season there seems no legitimate excuse for being second bottom after 5 games. I don't doubt The Toffees will get it together at some stage but once again, it looks like Moyes and co will be blaming a poor start for their inevitable failure to achieve anything worthwhile.

The only team preventing Everton from being Rock bottom are West Ham who battled to a draw against Stoke in what I'm told was far from a classic game of football. Not that I'm claiming there is a connection but isn’t it curious that The Hammers' first point of the season came when Avram Grant wasn't there? A sign perhaps?

Finally, having seen Kenwyne Jones'* goal in that game, the most important football question of the week is surely thus: Is he now a must for the old Fantasy Football team given Stoke's rather direct approach? How many goals is he going to get this season???



*Rubbish knowledge: Kenwyne Jones has played for Stoke, Sunderland and Southampton. All teams that wear red and white stripes and begin with the letter 'S'. You can have that one on me...

Stoke-ing the Flames

Not content with one ass-whooping, it seems that the players at Stoke City have resorted to beating each other as well.

It has emerged to day that Abdoulaye Faye and Glenn Whelan allegedy got into a fist fight with one another following their 7-0 humping at Stamford Bridge on Sunday.



Now, this is no major surprise. Fallings out within teams have existed ever since that fateful day when a load of bored young men decided to kick and chase a pig's bladder and christened this bizzare activity 'football'. There have been countless examples of disagreements and in-fighting down the years. It has always happened and will continue to do so given all the egos, Alpha-male-ism and testosterone flying around the changing room.

What is a worry however, is the fact that this does not seem to be a rare occurrence at the Britannia club. Whelan and Faye's Flip Flop fisticuffs is not the first incident of this kind at Stoke City.

Manager Tony Pulis was reported to have come to blows with striker James Beattie following a disagreement about a Christmas party last December.

And of course, who could forget this....



No doubt we'll soon be hearing the typical “it will be dealt with internally” line as well as the “this kind of thing happens all the time behind closed doors at every club” quote to accompany it. But does it? If it does, are Stoke just really bad at concealing it compared to other teams or is their problem far worse than elsewhere? I'm inclined to think the latter. Yes, you hear about disagreements (Hello, Dutch national team!) but rarely do you hear of players 'belting each other in the face'.

At the risk of stating the obvious, it is evidently clear is that there is a fundamental disciplinary problem within the Stoke City squad. It's not even credible to say that Pulis has lost control because as Beattie will tell you, the manager is seemingly part of the problem.

Stoke has been cited in the past for their 'robust' approach to the game of football culminating in the horrific leg break suffered by Arsenal's Aaron Ramsey earlier this year. At the time, so many were quick jump in and defend the both the perpetrator Ryan Shawcross and Stoke City's style of football. Well, all the defences and suggestions of 'not being that kind of player' lose all credence when more and more stories of heated internal battles come out.

They are clearly a team packed with thugs and animals who have no respect for their own team mates so when they say that they 'never go out to deliberately hurt other professionals' they are clearly lying. Tony Pulis was on TV once again last week suggesting that Shawcross isn't a maniacal, bloodthirsty hatchet man but when it is clear to all and sundry that the there is a culture of violence within the club, how can we take his comments seriously?



What amuses me is the fact that he isn't disappointed about the fact the Faye/Whelan incident even took place but rather because the story was leaked. This just how much perspective the man lacks.

If this is the attitude that Pulis fosters and encourages we can only hope they keep it behind closed doors. They can massacre each other for all I care so long as they don't continue to wreak the careers of many more promising youngsters like Ramsey or any of their other 'fellow professionals' at other clubs.

TEAM IBYSS - Weekend Observations 27th-28th February 2010 pt.1

Lots to talk about this week...

Not that type of player? - They never are.

I'm certain you've read the countless articles and opinions on the shocking incident at the Britannia on Saturday. Indeed, more learned people than myself have eulogised and dedicated countless column inches to 'the tackle' but I feel it would be remiss of me to ignore it without providing some kind of comment so bare with me.

For the record, I genuinely believe that Ryan Shawcross didn't mean to break Aaron Ramsay's leg. It was a heavy touch followed by a reckless swing. Ramsay's touch was too quick and the Stoke man got his timing all wrong. However, Shawcross knew exactly where Ramsey was and knew all the risks of flying in like the proverbial steam train. He may not have deliberately broken his leg but in no way was the challenge an 'accident'. There may not have been intent but there was certainly excessive force.



Whether you mean it of not, if you're making tackles that result in an opposition player's leg hanging in obtuse angles then you cannot deny the dangers involved in your actions and should be punished accordingly. If you break someone's leg with a reckless tackle that fails to win the ball, whether you meant to or not, you deserve a red card. I wont use the example of the careful driver who jumps a red light once and kills someone 'not being that sort of driver' because I'm sure you've read it elsewhere. Wait a second...

Naturally, Arsene Wenger was displeased post-match and his comments have somehow come under more scrutiny that Ramsey's injury. It's a shame that people cant put their petty football rivalries, racism and bias to one side and would rather slate Wenger than focus on the issue at hand. Are Arsenal targeted? You'd be a fool to argue otherwise. There are countless examples of managers and players publicly stating that being over-physical and 'bullying' the frail Gunners is the best way to beat them.



He also has about the countless compound injuries suffered by his players not being a coincidence. Opposition players don't set out to break legs but they are certainly less mindful when they come up against Wenger's team.

This makes a sham of the ridiculous 'he's not that sort of player' rubbish spouted out immediately following incidents such as these. I don't doubt Ryan 'The Angel' Shawcross loves his mum, gave half his earnings to the fund for this weekend's earthquake in Chile and volunteers at the homeless shelter every Tuesday but when he crossed that white line on Saturday and made sure poor Ramsey wont be walking without assistance for the coming year, he became that sort of player. Even if it was just for 30 seconds. Why? Because of the aforementioned belief that he needs to 'get in the faces' of the admittedly more timid Arsenal players. (incidentally, I'll leave to you to judge whether he is that sort of player or not)

Surely if someone who 'isn't that sort of player' causes such horrific damage then that backs up Wenger's point that his team are singled out for 'special treatment'. I don't agree that they play the so-called 'best football' but they are undoubtedly blessed with a number of technically gifted footballers who also happen to be smaller and lacking 'muscle'. As such, a player's psyche is undoubtedly conditioned to go in harder against Arsenal's tricky softies and bully them into submission.

Deliberate or not, I don't believe for a second that Shawcross is making that sort of tackle against other 'good footballing' sides like Man Utd, Chelsea, Spurs or City is he?

Don't get me wrong, I love a good physical game as much as the next man but when these sort of injuries become a regular occurrence, it's not 'part and partial of the game' like some would like you believe, but a major problem. There's a difference between being hard and being downright violent. If we continue to foster this aggressive 'man and ball' mentality to football challenges then more of these injuries will occur and 'The Best League in the World' will see some of it's best stars fleeing these shores for fear of being crippled.

All the best to Ramsey and here's to a swift recovery by the way.


Shake Rattle and Roll (I think all the Bridge related puns have been exhausted haven't they?)

The other main talking point from the weekend that cannot be ignored was the on-going soap opera in West London. I was thinking we could call it 'The Bridge' (Ok, one more).

For those of you who were living under a rock with your eyes shut and fingers in your ears, John Terry did naughty things with the baby-mother of his former team mate and good friend Wayne Bridge. This all came out in the press and Terry was stripped of the England captaincy as a result. Bridge, having moved to Man City before the scandal broke, recently made himself unavailable for future England selection. Quite understandable that he doesn't want to be anywhere around Terry but as luck would have it, Man City were scheduled to face Terry's Chelsea this weekend. The world went crazy, not over how they would fare against each other during the game, but rather whether they would conduct the customary handshake before kick off.



They did not.

Or rather, Bridge refused. Well done lad.

For the record, I think the pre-match handshake is a contrived and pointless ritual.


Team Tevez? Team Bellamy???

One of the most embarrassing facets of the whole saga was the way people felt the need to declare the support for either of the two protagonists in question with the cringe worthy TEAM BRIDGE vs TEAM TERRY t-shirts, banners, facebook groups and whatever else.

For anyone keeping score, or those that actually care about football rather than handshakes, the most exciting game (well, second half) of the season took place as the battle of the chav lottery winners went the way of City thanks to a brace each from Craig Bellamy and Carlos Tevez (I'm firmly in Team Tevez by the way). Lampard also bagged a couple for Chelsea as the score finished 4-2 to the away team. In keeping with the freaky nature of everything coming in 2's, 'the bloos' also had 2 men sent off. As for the two men at the centre of it all, Bridge put in an professional but unspectacular performance while Terry's recent poor form continued as he was partly at fault for at least one of the City goals. Some would say he was guilty of some TERRYble defending. Others might blame the HILARIOus goalkeeping.

After the game, Craig Bellamy hilariously stuck the boot in on Terry.



MEEEOW!

Yes, the irony was not lost on me either.... nor apparently John Terry.

A word on Chelsea fans, following 'handshake-snub-gate', some of the Stamford Bridge faithful decided to boo Wayne Bridge for the simple crime of having his best mate sleep with his ex-girlfriend. The nerve of the man. One would think he hadn't provided them with one of the greatest moments in the limited history of the club.




Part Two to follow...