Charlie Big Potatoes - The Tevez Story

The fuse on the powder keg relationship between Manchester City and Carlos Tevez was lit and went up with a furious bang in Munich this week as the cash rich Citizens slumped to a 2-0 defeat against a rampant Bayern side in their Champions League group match. The football itself ended up taking a back seat as a more dramatic story was taking place on the touchline. For those that don't know, in the 55th minute of the match at the Allianz Arena, Roberto Mancini, desperately trying to claw his side back into the game, decided to withdraw the ineffective Edin Dzeko and replace him with one Mr Tevez. Astonishingly, the temperamental Argentinean forward apparently refused to go on and kept his posterior planted on the bench.


Very comfortable seats in that Allianz dugout, I'm told...

You don't need me to tell you that this was one of the most outrageous things a player could do. For all the other many misdemeanors footballers are (rightly) criticised for, refusal to actually play and do the job you are paid to do is up there with the worst. An act of disrespect aimed at the club, the fans, management and without exaggeration, is an affront to the game itself.

It's not unreasonable to suggest that Tevez behaved like a first class, certified Grade-A twat with this act of childishness. Whatever your feelings, you are obliged to be professional – a word seemingly missing from Charlie T's limited vocabulary.

Understandably, a seething Mancini felt that this act of insubordination should not go unpunished and soon declared that Tevez' career at Eastlands was finito with some sort of transfer, almost certainly abroad, expected to take place sooner rather than later....

Tevez’ expected departure from these here shores draws a close to a highly controversial chapter in English Premier League football. His distinctive facial scar from a burn suffered in his childhood could well be symbolic representation for the impact he has left on the game. From the moment he touched down in London back in 2006 to his imminent exit shortly, the tenacious little Argentine has never been far from the headlines, proving to be one of the most curious characters to kick a ball on this wee island of ours.

Tevez was first brought to my attention when I was as a layabout student back in 2004. Rather then taking advantage of my fine academic institution by doing something worthwhile such as joining sports clubs or meeting girls, I wasted many an hour playing Championship Manager 03/04 with my flatmate Matt. Said flatmate had previously done a gap year travelling South America where the only useful thing he came back with was the knowledge that Boca Juniors had a highly rated youngster on their books who was set to become most exciting Argentine striker for many a year.



Matt used this knowledge to sign the ‘hot prospect’ for his Roma side and caused constant frustration for me and my Internazionale team as he and I battled for the Serie A title year after fictional year.

“F****** Carlos Tevez” was a phrase I uttered on almost a daily basis during my first year.

Naturally, like most highly rated players on Champo, I expected never to hear of him again. I like to call it Cherno Samba syndrome. However, Tevez again came into my consciousness a year later when he made his initial move (in real life now obviously) to Corinthians from Boca following an explosive start to a career that included a Copa Libertadores win and two Argentinean Player of the Year awards. The transfer probably wouldn’t have even made a ripple in Europe had it not been for the unique circumstances in which it was concluded.

Fresh off the takeover at Chelsea two years prior, football was entering a new era; that of multi-billionaire ownerships. Of course, rich owners were around before 2003 but the kind of vast sums Abramovich et al have been throwing around in recent years were previously inconceivable. What does this have to do with Tevez? Well, the supposed £13m forked out by Cornithians smashed the record of any transfer fee in South America up until that point. The Brazilians had been recently bought by the highly mysterious Media Sports Investments (MSI) headed by the Iranian born businessman Kia Joorabchian who could easily be a James Bond baddie in the right light. MSI bankrolled the transfer and, as it emerged later, ‘owned the economic rights’ to Tevez as well. This was clearly not a typical player-agent relationship. Basically, despite being under contract to the club, the player was actually the property of a ‘third party’ – a phrase that would be become so prominent and repeated in English football a couple of years later that I was often tempted to drive a rusty screwdriver into my eardrum to avoid having to hear it again.



Now, I am not going to pretend I pay close enough attention to transfer market in South America to have been particularly concerned by the move itself. However, my interest was piqued by the fact that this whole convoluted situation was covered in an article in The Times where the implication was that third party ownership may well be the future of football transfers.

However, this apparent revolutionary idea not so much hit a buffer, but rather slammed head first into a brick wall when it crossed the Atlantic and hit these shores.

As I have suggested time and time again, things tend to go a little bit insane on transfer deadline day. Desperate attempts to do business before the window shuts often leads to the most unexpected of deals taking place. In August 2006, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who had the BBC deadline day live updates on my browser while frantically bashing away at the F5 key curious to know who was going where.

Every year, some cad sends in rumour about having spotted some high profile international at some obscure location. When it was suggested that Tevez, along with the equally highly rated Javier Mascherano were seen in London, everybody scoffed. Even if this were true, you would automatically assume they would be at the Kings Road, Finsbury Park or even Tottenham High Road. I doubt there was a single football supporter who would have expected or believed believe that two players that had participated in the World Cup and reached the quarter finals just two months prior would be strutting around the East End about to sign for West Ham United!

But alas, this is exactly what happened. Amidst talk of an MSI takeover of the club, Joorabchian had engineered a move for two world renowned superstars to Upton Park. The world had officially gone mad. We all stood open mouthed as then-manager Alan Pardew – smugness personified – appeared on TV looking very much like the cat that got the cream – if the cream in question was being accompanied by Champagne and lobster and being served by Jessica Alba wearing nothing but a smile.



With two new stars and an impending takeover, what could possibly go wrong? Well, let’s not forget this is West Ham we are talking about. Pardew somehow couldn’t fit the two new acquisitions into his side and the Hammers found themselves, typically, flirting with relegation. The MSI takeover fell through and the club were instead bought by an Icelandic consortium that turned out to be even more of a disaster than the country’s volcanoes and ash clouds of a year or so back. I’m not sure what else they expected from a group apparently run by Humpty Dumpty’s clumsier twin brother.

Tevez and Mascherano struggled to settle with the latter hot-footing it to Anfield within a couple of months. Pardew blamed the team’s poor form on the two suggesting that their initial signing was ‘disruptive’. I’m less inclined to take Pards seriously given that he often reckoned a generally hapless Bobby Zamora, a geriatric Teddy Sheringham and something called Marlon Harewood were all better options up front than the three-time South American player of the year.

Pardew was ultimately shown the door and replaced by Alan Curbishley in a move one can only describe as the equivalent of taking an old Skoda with a blown-out engine and replacing it with an old Skoda with a blown-out engine.

There were just 10 games left of the season when Tottenham travelled to the Boylen in March 2007. A thrilling and dramatic game ended 4-3 to the away side handing West Ham a 5th consecutive league defeat. The result aside, the game however featured a pivotal moment that may well have been the catalyst for the club’s survival. Carlos Tevez opened his West Ham account with a brilliant free kick and celebrated by whipping off his shirt and diving head first into ecstatic Irons fans. There’s nothing new about this sort of celebration but on this particular occasion it sparked what was to be the start of a beautiful, if short lived, relationship. The ecstasy and euphoria in the celebration showed that this was a player that truly gave a shit about the club he was playing for. The many fans that questioned him up until this point had no doubts about his commitment to the cause. The battle was lost on the day but the war was far from over. West Ham won 7 of the remaining 9 games with an instrumental Tevez scoring 6 times including the only goal in a 1-0 win at Old Trafford – interestingly, not to be his last goal on this ground – on the final day that kept his side in the top flight.

The Hammers have always been a club that have prided themselves on their “Englishness”. If you’ve ever met one of their fans you’ll know full well that it was West Ham who actually won the 1966 World Cup. Now, I’m not trying to imply they are all card carrying skinheads in East London but it was quite strange and also warming to see them embrace a foreigner – an Argentinean no less – as one of their own. Such was his impact in those months, Tevez was voted Hammer of the Year and is almost spoken of on equal terms as the club’s other great overseas hero, one Paulo Di Canio.

Unfortunately, this apparent fairytale didn’t result in anyone living happily ever after. While third party ownership is an accepted practice elsewhere, here in good ol’ Blighty we forbid such things. Listening to some people, you would think that illegal immigration is preferable.

After they were found to have hidden the details of Tevez’ (and Mascherano’s) ownership from the authorities, West Ham received a record fine but survived a points deduction and even more significantly, were allowed to keep fielding Tevez for those crucial end of season matches that he had such a major influence on.

Given that Tevez was technically ‘illegible’ you can imagine the team(s) that went down might feel somewhat aggrieved. Cue threats of legal action and a messy, messy two year legal battle by relegated Sheffield United which finally resulted in an out of court settlement that has been rumoured to have cost The Hammers nearly as much as dropping down a division would have.

Furthermore, Tevez’ rich vein of form during the run-in merely proved what many believed from the moment he arrived in Newham; That he was quite simply far too good for a team at the wrong end of the table. A mooted move to Manchester United encountered all kinds of complications due to the fact he was still ‘owned’ by MSI while West Ham owned his registration. Knowing they essentially wouldn’t receive a transfer fee, it was the East London club’s turn to threaten a trip to court. After much too-ing and fro-ing, an agreement was reached to compensate West Ham and Tevez would be ‘loaned’ to the Reds by Joorabchian for two years with the option of a permanent deal afterwards. After two seasons, 34 goals, two league titles, a Champions League trophy and a winning goal in front of the Kop at Anfield (one way to endear yourself to United fans forever) later, yet more contract controversy was to follow.




United had delayed talks and as the 2008/9 season was drawing to a close, there was still no offer on the table. At the start of May, United took on crosstown rivals City at Old Trafford where Tevez hammered in a fantastic long range strike to give the Reds a 2-0 lead they would hold on to until the final whistle. The fans inside Old Trafford celebrated the goal by demanding the Argentine be offered a new contract. Fully aware of this, Tevez sprinted to the bench with his hands cupping his ears in a gesture that seemed to be instructing Fergie and the United board to “listen to the people!”. Whether the United hierarchy saw this as an act of insolence or not will never be known but as it turned out, they weren’t prepared to listen. SurAlex famously claimed that the striker wasn’t worth the reported £25m transfer fee it would have cost to purchase him for MSI.

Of course, as well know and many of my ex-girlfriends will testify, the natural reaction to rejection is revenge and Tevez got his by joining a side that did think he was worth the money - not even needing to move house to do so. In the summer of 2009, Carlos Tevez did the unthinkable and left Manchester United to become a Manchester City player. More than just talking advantage of the situation, the signing was a chance for City to truly flex their financial muscle in the faces of their rivals in an “anything we want, we can have” move. The infamous ‘Welcome to Manchester’ poster was like a visual metaphor of a burglar shitting on the carpet after robbing a house.



One-upsmanship aside, Tevez’ first two years at Eastlands – on the pitch at least – were a revelation and left football fans up and down the country with very little to debate with regards to not only his ability, but his determination each and every time he stepped out onto the pitch. A stark contrast to his actions this week. One of his finest performances in City colours came at Stamford Bridge in February 2010. Amidst a massive furore about players shagging former teammate’s girlfriends and such, Tevez rose above the nonsense to score twice – continuing to expose the John Terry myth in the process – and inspire his side to an emphatic 4-2 victory.

This wasn’t the first high profile game Tevez took centre stage, just a month earlier in the Carling Cup semi final first leg, the two Manchester clubs were drawn against one another and naturally all eyes were on the former United man. He didn’t disappoint as he bagged a brace in a 2-1 win and repeated his cup-eared celebration in front of Reds fans who had gone from cheering his name just a few months earlier to jeering his every touch. The Argentine claimed afterwards that the celebration was aimed solely at ‘sock-sucker’ Gary Neville who he felt needlessly disrespected him before the match. To be honest, anyone who has beef with Gary Neville gets my approval.

United did go on to win the return leg 3-1 to progress to the final but alas, it was Tevez once more who scored City’s goal on the night. I’m not sure of the stats but I can’t imagine there are many other players who have scored at Old Trafford for 3 different teams. An incredible achievement however you look at it.

And it wasn’t all animosity aimed at former clubs, though. When facing West Ham, Tevez has made a very blatant point of saluting their fans as well as refusing to celebrate after scoring for both United and City.

But as we all know, disharmony and Charlie T go hand in hand like the Greek goverment and a gross financial mismanagement. In fairness, the star has had to tend to family issues. In early 2010, he was granted compassionate leave to fly back to Argentina following the premature birth of his second daughter, later that year, it was rumoured that he and his partner had split and she had taken the children back to South America permanently. City allegedly agreed to allow him to fly back to see his family but reneged on this deal causing Carlitos to start talking about leaving City and retiring from football altogether.

Now, I don't have children (thankfully!) and won't try to claim to understand parenthood but for me, if a father or mother is forcibly denied from seeing their child, particularly ones so young, then you can totally understand why they would be unhappy. How many parents would be pleased to accept any amount of money if it meant they had to live on the other side of the world from their children? Not many I imagine.

It was obvious that Tevez' wasn't right in the head and there was even a public spat with manager Roberto Mancini after his substitution against Bolton last December. But despite all the constant whining and complaining, he never shirked his responsibilities. On the pitch he remained as committed as ever. Ending the season on 23 goals and finishing joint Premier League top scorer, Tevez captained City to their most successful season in recent memory as they qualified for the Champions League and won the FA Cup.

Yet glory and money didn’t seem to satisfy him. Tevez criticised Manchester on Argentinean TV, claiming he would never return before releasing a statement declaring once more that he wanted to leave. Despite his influence, City were prepared to show him that, like any footballer, he was replaceable. Before a protracted summer move back to Corinthians collapsed, Tevez' fellow countryman Sergio Aguero was brought in as a potential replacement. The new signing's brilliant form had many of the City faithful asking 'Carlos who?' with very few prepared to shed a tear if their top scorer of recent years was to depart. After the his shameful behaviour in Munich, these same fans have actively started calling for his departure.

Mancini has drawn the battle lines by declaring Tevez persona non grata at Eastlands. The Argentine has half-heartedly tried to defend himself citing a 'misunderstanding' to very little sympathy and many praising Mancini for his hardline approach with an apparent troublemaker. The incumbent City manager has often had it hard since he arrived on these shores. Often undermined by all and sundry for for tactics last season, as well as having to deal with constant speculation about his job, the Italian was effectively swimming against the tide by still managed to come up smelling of roses. However, it would be remiss not to ask the question of the manager given his relationships with other players in the City squad.

Lost in the Tevez kerfuffle was the fact that the substituted player Dzeko also had some public angry words with his manager. This comes off the back of Super Mario Balotelli doing the same in a pre-season friendly over the summer.



Does Mancini have a problem wish discipline? Much of the evidence would suggest so. The argument that he has to contend with big egos is a valid one but he must stamp his authority or risk more confrontations. Critics and naysayers of City's big spending have been waiting for this moment just so they could say 'I told you so' and it is up to a forceful manager to prevent situations like this from happening - especially in public. With Manicini finally taking some strong action, some say the this latest Tevez scandal is the straw to break the camel's back but if we are to use any animal based idiom, the 'punishment' probably more a case of closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

So what do we make of Tevez? Mercenary, mug or misunderstood? In five short years, for better or for worse, he has made more headlines than most players in the league. Although at times he seems to be no more than a puppet, Carlitos’ continued association with Kia Joorabchian and the acrimony that has followed whenever he has left a club will always have people view him as a disloyal money grabber. His off-field attitude is hardly endearing either. Given the fact he is on fantastic money, earning success and playing for a team undoubtedly on the up, people are entitled to ask why he continues to complain about everything under the sun. He is in a highly privileged position – something he ought to appreciate given the plight of many in his homeland.

But then, even if you don’t sympathise, you must surely understand that his complicated family situation will have an impact on his psyche and general hapiness. Unfortunately for City this has manifested itself in the worst way. His undoubted talismanic quality makes you sit up and take notice no matter who you support and he is in a distinct minority of current players that most teams in Europe would welcome with open arms. That is, if he didn’t come with more baggage than Stansted airport.

There are very few players one can say they genuinely enjoy watching. Tevez is not only a proven Premier League goalscorer – a feat in itself – but manages to combine his South American flair and style with just the right amount of grit and determination that we love oh so much in this country. When you seeing him charging around the pitch like a rabid pitbull from kick off right to the final whistle, you can't help but be impressed by his work rate, something that previously hadn't dropped even during his periods of melancholy.

With his refusal to come as a sub as requested against Bayern, Tevez lost any sympathy that may have remained both from his own fans and the 'neutrals' who just loved him - football wise - for the sheer hell of it. If and when he does leave, City, English football, and fans will be losing a great player but a very unlikable man. Sadly, this outcome will probably be the best for all concerned.

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Going Down: Weekend Observations March 19th-20th

As the season enters into the proverbial 'business end' and 'hots up', I'd be intrigued to know if I'm the only one finding the top of the league becoming a bit tiresome. Everywhere we turn we are confronted with the tedious claim that the Premier League is 'unpredictable and full of surprises' but as someone who regularly wastes their spare moments putting my thoughts down in the form of this here blog, I like to this I have some sort of authority in suggesting that maybe this might not be the case. I wish it was. I mean, granted, I'd end up being wrong and contradicting myself a hell of a lot more than I do already but as it is, I would rather indulge in unashamed hypocrisy than to be currently sat here with a horrible feeling of Déjà vu as I attempt to assess the week's action.

Stop me if you've heard any of the following before: Man Utd win without playing well. Arsenal's defensive and goalkeeping problems undermine any so-called challenge for honours. With the quality in their team, it would be crazy to write off Chelsea. Manchester City are far too unadventurous and ought to be performing far better than they are. Sub plots: City lack attacking invention without Carlos Tevez, Fernando Torres continues to misfire and playing with no keeper at all my actually benefit the gunners more than starting with Manuel Almunia.

As with near enough every season and every league in football, it's the relegation battle which is far more 'entertaining' than, if we're honest with ourselves, the mind-numbing processions that title races tend to be. Given the current form of the top sides, it looks like once again we will be going into the final straight with Chelsea and Manchester United fighting it out with Arsenal going through their now customary capitulation. To that, I simply say "Yawwwwn"!

I genuinely have no idea which year this is from...

I touched on this before but as we approach the final straight of what has hardly been the best year of Premier League football, only 6 measly points separate bottom of the table Wigan and 11th placed Newcastle. Even Sunderland, just two places and two points above their North east rivals could theoretically be dragged down into a relegation battle if their recent abject form doesn't rapidly improve. The Black Cats were on the receiving end of what Steve Bruce might call unfair decisions in their 2-0 home defeat to resurgent Liverpool but given their good fortune at The Emirates last time around, the old adage that these things even themselves out looks more valid... even though as we all know it isn't.

Ultimately, following the departure of Darren Bent and injury to Danny Welbeck at the start of the year, Sunderland look a shadow of the team that had designs on Europe at the start of the season and unrecognisable from the side that marched into Stamford Bridge in November and boldly handed the champions their collective backsides on a silver platter.

In a season when the Mackems have featured in televised games on far more occasions than is surely necessary, it's still damn near impossible to discern what the football 'philosophy' is at the Stadium of Light. When it appears as though Steve Bruce sends them out to attack, they often quickly run out of steam and looking at their defensive players, it doesn't appear as though they have the ability nor the discipline *cough* Lee Cattermole *cough, cough* adopt a more pragmatic style of play. It's unlikely they will go down but improvement will be needed to make damn sure.

Neighbours Newcastle were so dire at the Britannia stadium, they made opponents Stoke look like Barcelona and the resulting 4-0 scoreline not even remotely an unfair reflection of what went down. Sol Campbell was back in the Geordie's starting XI and given his culpability for at least two of the home side's goals, fans will be hoping his return is a fleeting one.

Like Sunderland, it looks unlikely they will go down but having only taken 6 points from the last 21 available, I wouldn't be sitting to comfortable if I were Alan Pardew... well, actually, with a five and half year contract, I wouldn't care less. If the Magpies are playing in the Championship next season, it would further reinforce the sheer stupefying lunacy of sacking Chris Hughton earlier this season.

Newcastle's next two fixtures see them take on Wolves and Aston Villa in what are the archetypal relegation six-pointers. The midlands rivals squared off at Villa park over the weekend with Mick McCarthy's side taking the three points in a Matt Jarvis inspired 1-0 win. The winger was rewarded with a call up for the England squad much to the surprise of idiots like me who, for no particular reason, assumed he was Scottish...



Anyway, having lost only one of their last six in a run that includes a victory over champions elect Manchester United and a draw with Spurs as well as Saturday's win, Wolves are somehow still in the relegation zone - albeit by a single goal. The fact that they are still in trouble puts paid to the belief that good home record should be enough to keep you up. Wolves' form is not being justly rewarded. If you are playing this well and still staring into the abyss then what hope remains if you suddenly hit a slump again?

Their vanquished opponents will be worried about the fact that they, on the face of it, aren't even playing well enough to get themselves out of trouble. Gerrard Houllier appears to have lost both the support of players and fans as Villa tumble down the league like a inebriated Brummie after one two many Strongbows falling down the stairs of the Oceana nightclub on Hurst street. A high profile and rather ironic falling out during a recent 'bonding session' saw the club's very own Mitchell Brothers James Collins and Richard Dunne openly slag off the disillusioned Frenchman all the while failing to realise that a lot of the club's on field problems are down to what the uncoordinated pair mistakenly confuse to be defending.

If Villa do stay up, it's hard to see how this current side could push on. Certain young players deemed to have potential have actually been discovered to not be as good as initially thought and if more senior players share the sentiments of the above mentioned duo then Houllier and the board will need to take a long hard look at the team and make some serious changes else they want to find themselves involved in another battle next season.

Villa may ultimately survive thanks to the failure of arch rivals Birmingham Citywho are playing like they are still feeling the effects of crate after crate of complimentary Carling following last month's big Wembley win. The Blues' latest setback came in a late 2-1 defeat against a Wigan side that most (me) have already written off in the race for survival. They the key to staying up is picking up points against the sides around you so recent defeats against West Brom and now Wigan are likely to see Birmingham bang in trouble. Like some sort of Kamikaze pilot, Roberto Martinez may end up taking Alex McLiesh down with him thanks to Saturday's result at the DW.

That said, even if they do go down, cup success for the first time for aeons and European football on the horizon will still surely equate to a successful season?

Seemingly heading in the other direction are the 'West's' of Brom and Ham. The former hosted a Arsenal side out of form and out of confidence. The resulting 2-2 draw was almost harsh on Roy Hodgson and his team. Rather than be happy with a point, you imagine the Baggies will be disappointed at throwing away a 2-goal lead after, for the second time this season being given a huge helping hand by alleged Gunners “goalkeeper” Manuel Almunia.

The Hammers also managed to secure a point against North London opposition as they somehow came away from White Hart Lane with a 0-0 draw in a match where Tottenham had enough chances to win three times over. Despite being outplayed, Avram Grant's team managed to hold out where previously such intense pressure would cause them to collapse like all the furniture in Beth Ditto's house. A sign of a more robust survival-hungry Hammers team? Only time will tell.

Amusingly, former Iron Jermain Defoe had apparently worn a special t-shirt to celebrate scoring what would have been his 100th Premier League goal but proved to be about as effective in hitting the target as a blind archer. With no hands!

Last but not least was the battle of the two teams prefaced with the word 'Black'. Burn faced Pool at Ewood Park where the latter battled back from 2-0 down to secure a last gasp draw. Once again, Ian Holloway's team were inspired by Charlie Adam who bagged a brace. The first being a controversial penalty awarded by Howard Webb (No!!! Really????) and the second a stunning free kick.

Once again however, the Tangerines' naivety meant they were unable to hold on and allowed Steve Kean's men to come back. Blackpool are struggling but Rovers are looking as bad as anyone in their division and of all the team's hovering around the dreaded drop zone, there is little reason to suggest that they will do any better than any of the others down there. In the aforementioned Kean, you have a manager who is as accustomed to Premier League management as Les Reed (remember him?) and going through their squad you are struggling to find any top class players, instead there are very few who don't immediately invoke the reaction of 'meh'. Young goal hero Junior Hoilett looks about the only half decent player in the side.

If my opinion mattered – which of course it doesn't – I reckon Blackburn will be the team to join Birmingham and Wigan in the Championship next season.

But alas, given my history with predictions (including some shambolic punts at Cheltenham last week which are probably best left undiscussed at the juncture) I'd recommend putting everything you own on all three surviving.

Match of the Weekend: Blackburn 2-2 Blackpool

Goal of the Weekend: Danny Higginbotham (Really?)

Idiot of the Weekend: Alleged Goalkeeper Manuel Almunia


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Houllier Than Thou - Weekend Observations 5th-7th March 2011:Part Two

Part One here

Aside from the big game at Anfield, Sunday also saw Wolves and Tottenham battle out a 3-3 goal orgy at Molineux. A fantastic end-to-end game in which both sides went all out for the win saw a return to the scoresheet for Jermaine Defoe who had been previously been on a run so barren that he could have been mistaken for a 45 year old woman trying to get pregnant. Both his goals were high quality long range efforts that might some people reaching for the Big Book o' Footballing Cliches and declaring something about form being temporary and class being permanent. Either that or he'll now go another 11 months without finding the target.

The game was almost overshadowed by yet more refereeing controversy as Mark Halsey only booked Alan Hutton after the latter conceded a penalty in the first half where many would have found it hard to argue if a red had been shown. Even 'onest 'arry admitted as much after the game. What you could argue however, is that the original law is an ass given that the goal scoring opportunity isn't actually denied as such given that a penalty is awarded. But with the law as it stands, Hutton should have walked.

Halsey then ballsed up what would have been a Wolves equaliser when he disallowed a Richard Stearman header for a supposed foul on Gomes. Replays show the Wolves defender jumped fairly and if anything the foul was committed by the keeper who insisted on trying to pin Stearman to the ground as the ball was going in. Wolves eventually did draw level through Steven Fletcher so the decision wasn't as damaging as it may have been.



The draw was no good for either side. Spurs will feel they dropped two big points in their battle for fourth while Wolves would have welcomed a win to help in their ongoing battle against the drop.

Also involved in a thriller were Wolves' midlands rivals Aston Villa who were beaten 3-2 at Bolton. A result makes a mockery of manager Gerrard Houllier and his outrageous decision to field a weakened side and effectively throw their FA Cup tie against Man City in midweek. Aside from the fact his daft claim that his side 'can't beat City' given they already did just a few weeks back, the cup presented an opportunity for the club to salvage what has been a wretched season for the West Midlanders. You would think Houlier would have sought some inspiration from Villa's hated cross-town rivals who were dancing a merry jig on the Wembley surface just last week. Instead, his decision to 'rest' key players for the league blew up in his face as Villa were ultimately undone by two goals from former player Gary Cahill in one of those typical ironies that make football the sport we all know and love – Damien Duff pulled off the same trick in Fulham's 3-2 home win over Blackburn.

Speaking of Birmingham, the newly crowned Carling Cup holders were brought back down to earth as they returned to their battle for Premier League survival and a 3-1 home defeat against yet another midlands rival West Brom.

With so many teams in the region, it's difficult to keep up with who dislikes who more. Interestingly, all four of Wolves, Villa, the Blues and the Baggies are separated by just 4 points and all find themselves in the proverbial relegation dogfight.

It was a massive win for the team now managed by Roy Hodgson who, after what was a disastrous spell at Liverpool, seems to have found his level in the league's lower echelons. Good on him. For his sake, one would hope he keeps West Brom in the division. If I have to look at him being as depressed as he was every time he was in the Anfield dugout ever again, I might cry.

Finally, West Ham have managed to drag their way out of the drop zone for now after an impressive 3-0 victory over Stoke that may well now drag Tony Pulis' team into trouble.

In another vaguely interesting twist, new signing Demba Ba, rejected by Stoke, was on the scoresheet for the fourth time in as many matches for the Hammers who have hit the back of the net a massive 14 times overall during this same run of games. Is that a smile I see there Avram?



Match of The Weekend: Wolves 3-3 Tottenham

Goal of the Weekend: James Morrison

Skill of the Weekend: Luis Suarez



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Wayne Championship Wrestling - Weekend Observations 26th-28th February 2011

Two weeks ago I headed up this here blog talking about the supposed genius of Wayne Rooney as he scored a wonderful winning goal to see off crosstown rivals City in the Manchester derby. This week Rooney showed us all the more ugly side of his game and I'm not talking about his hideous gurning mug.

In Manchester United's comprehensive 4-0 thrashing of Wigan, Mr. Potato Head took it upon himself to deliberately attack James McCarthy with a running forearm smash to the jaw that would have looked out of place in the Octagon.



Of course, this incident doesn't really bare talking about seeing refereeing parody Mark Clattenburg saw the whole thing, awarded a free kick and carried on about his business. Oh, he also forgot to issue Rooney with the red card he deserved.

As we all know when the referee sees it... no reterospective punishment... blah, blah, blah etc, etc. which means Rooney is free to continue playing for United in what is a crucial few weeks as far as their title challenge is concerned.

Naturally, the usual accusations of favouritism will be levelled at the FA who set a precedent 5 years ago when they threw the book at Ben Thatcher for his criminal assault on Pedro Mendes despite the ref having booked the City player at the time. Why was that incident any different? Because Mendes went to hospital? Are the FA saying that acts of violence are ok if no-one actually gets too badly hurt? Because McCathy's jaw WASN'T broken then Rooney gets a pass is basically the guideline as I now understand it.

I don't get the view that changing a decision post-match undermines the authority of the ref. Surely the fact his mistake is under such intense scrutiny by the media and paying fans is going to undermine him even more? Besides, the authorities overturn red cards retrospectively so isn't it hypocritical to say that they can't issue them too? It's a daft two-tier system that doesn't really make any sense. The fact that Rooney won't be serving a suspension should rightly stick in the craw of the teams he faces over the coming weeks.

I am probably repeating myself from last year but I have never been happy about the idea of domestic football on cup final day. Having Premier League games taking place at the same time as the Carling Cup final just devalues both competitions and the authorities need to fix this. As Arsenal were bottling it at Wembley, Manchester City failed to take the opportunity to put extra pressure the Gunners in the league as they were held to a 1-1 draw at home to Fulham.

Super Mario Balotelli gave City the lead with the kind of goal that hints at his obvious talents but then missed a sitter later on to highlight his inconsistent nature and should maybe make him think twice before talking himself up so much. His team failed to push on and win as expected allowing themselves to be pegged back thanks to a Damien Duff goal. The Irishman seems to be finding the form that made one of the most feared wide men in the division some years back and was an integral part of Chelsea's first title win for 50 years.

City will tell you that the aim for this season was a top four finish but as their league campaign continues to go off the boil, you can't help feel they ought to be disappointed about not making a better fist of what was a realistic title challenge. The indifferent early season form of their crosstown rivals coupled with Arsenal's weaknesses meant that they had a real chance to put pressure on at the top. Who knows how well they might have done?

The obvious sub-plot to the game was the return to Eastlands of Mark Hughes who was unceremoniously sent packing last season. Sparky never felt he was given enough time, nor a far chance to prove himself a capable manager at City and his blatant resentment was obvious at the final whistle given his angry handshake with his replacement Roberto Mancini. While it is easy to have sympathy for the way he was treated by the club, listening to his post-match whinge about "the manner in which Mancini offered his handshake" just made him sound like a spoilt child. He's already had previous with this kind of thing this season as well so how seriously do we take his complaints?



The tone for unexpected results on Sunday was set with West Ham's emphatic 3-1 victory over in-form Liverpool. Scotty Parker was once again at the heart of the win scoring a fine goal and generally making a nuisance of himself but the Hammers will be encouraged by the contributions of those around him. New signing Demba Ba is having little trouble settling in and was on the scoresheet once again while Gary O'Neil went all Marty McFly and looked very much like his Pompey incarnation of years gone by. Continue like this and, whisper it quietly, West Ham and Avram may live to fight another season in the Premier League after all.

Also at the bottom, Wolves comfortably turned over Blackpool 4-0 as the Tangerines continued their freefall, Jermaine Beckford did his best impression of a proper striker with a brace in Everton's 2-0 win over Sunderland, Aston Villa beat Blackburn 4-1 and on Monday night West Brom grabbed a valuable point against Stoke despite Carlos Vela's late equaliser being about a three miles offside.

The fallout now sees only six points separating the Toffees up in 11th and Wigan who currently prop up the table. With no team playing with anything that even resembling consistency, you would hope for a lot of yo-yo-ing over the next ten or so weeks. I think most neutrals will be wanting for a real old fashioned scrap down at the bottom with all teams going into the final few games totally unsure of their Premier League status.

If you want my view – which you probably don't - then I'm saying Wigan, Blackpool and West Brom are all doomed. Seriously, put money on it.

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Match of the Weekend: West Ham v Liverpool

Goal of the Weekend: Balotelli v Fulham

Fight of the weekend: Macclesfield v Wycombe (League Two)

Fernando Torreble - Weekend Observations 12th-14th Feb 2011: Part Two

Part One here

Off the back of last week's Newcastle-Arsenal fiasco, Premier League fans were treated to another dramatic comeback at the Hawthorns as the game of the weekend saw West Ham come back from 3-0 down to draw 3-3 with fellow strugglers West Brom. Good old football! Another game of two halves as the Hammers were fairly abject for the 45 minutes and the Baggies decided to match that ineptitude in the second half. The managerless home side raced ahead and could have had more to show for their efforts before Hammers new boy Demba Ba intervened with a two goals on his full debut either side of a Carlton Cole header.

However, for all the excitement and drama, this was far from being a 'great advert for the English game', this match was a prime example of why both teams find themselves battling relegation. One or both will definitely be playing Championship football next season and deservedly so. The incoming Roy Hodgson will have a massive job on his hands if some of the "defending" by the home side is anything to go by.

On that note, West Brom might have the excuse that they didn't actually have a proper manager in charge for the game. But then again, West Ham could say the same thing. Apparently Scott Parker was the one responsible for the Straford bound club's Lazarus like resurrection after delivering a rousing dictum to the hapless hammers at half time.

Where was Avram at this stage? Presumably more concerned with trying to catch Dangermouse.

"That one-eyed rodent will probably still be better than Matthew Upson"

You've got to love a local derby. The passion, the excitement, the overwhelming and obsessive desire to get one over on your rivals. Sadly very little of any of the above was present in the St. Valentine's Day 0-0 stalemate between Fulham and Chelsea at Craven Cottage. Sky were keen to point out how many 'couples' were present at the game but given how bad it turned out to be, you have to wonder how many blokes have been dumped today following what had to be the worst Valentine's Day present ever.

The match mainly consisted of Chelsea dominating possession but very rarely actually taking the opportunity to test Mark Schwarzer in the Fulham goal. The home side were clearly only intent on trying to hit the Champions on the break. In the very last minute when you imagine many women were turning to their partners and asking disdainfully "THIS is what you do every other Saturday???", one of the Fulham breaks paid off as Clint Dempsey won a penalty that would have surely won the game for the Whites had he not decided to go all Gareth Southgate as Petr Cech saved it.

Aside from that solitary moment of late drama, the only other talking points were the contrasting performances of the Blues' two big January signings. Brazilian centre half David Luiz slotted into the Chelsea team with all the ease of plug into a socket and was the stand out man of the match by a country mile. Yes, even despite giving away the late penalty that almost cost his team the match. Luiz defended like his life depended on it and literally contributed to every decent move Chelsea had going forward.


"My hair's not so funny now, IS IT???"

Luiz emerging from the game as man of the match is both a reflection of how well he played overall and how poor every other player on the pitch was. Few performed poorer however than £50m man Fernando Torres who stunk the place up so bad they were handing out gas masks by the time the misfiring Spaniard was withdrawn on 70 minutes. Torres had a couple of decent chances in the first half that a player of his ability should ordinarily be burying. He must have left Merseyside in such a hurry that it seems as though he has forgotten his shooting boots, confidence and first touch. It's difficult to know if the chants of "What a waste of money" were only coming from the home fans...

In the midst of all the fuss over the Torres transfer, very few people seemed to notice that promising young striker Daniel Sturridge was bound, gagged and shoved in massive crate with 'Reebok Stadium, The North' written on the side. Chelsea may now be wondering why they bothered. Following two goals in his first two games for Bolton, Strurridge made it 3 from 3 after netting the decisive second goal in Wanderers 2-0 win over Everton.

It's going to be interesting to see what path Sturridge's career ultimately takes. A product of the Manchester City youth academy, Sturridge seems to have no trouble scoring at any level he's played at in his short career but has clearly suffered from a lack of opportunities to play first team football. This is surely not through any fault of his own it would seem but rather due to fact he has played for two clubs in the division who are bankrolled by billionaires and would rather spunk oodles of cash on big name strikers rather than allowing a hot prospect time to develop.

With Chelsea's current glut of forwards you struggle to see Sturridge ever making a breakthrough there and, far be it from me to ever start handing out advice to a Premier League footballer but he will probably have to move on to somewhere like Bolton for a few years to establish himself before returning to one the top sides in the league.

Everton's season continues to show all the consistency of a Biploar Disorder sufferer on a cocktail of ecstasy and LSD trying to work out if Come Fly With Me is funny or not. This latest defeat for the Toffees keeps them in the bottom half of the table and looking at a possible relegation battle. Looking at the squad David Moyes has and given everything they have managed to accomplish in years gone by, this campaign looks to be one of incredible underachievement after far, far too many poor performances.

As predicted here last week, Louis Saha was once again missing with some kind of injury but even still, Everton looked disinterested throughout and you have to wonder whether this is a reflection of their manager right now.

For a long time now, Moyes has been talked up as supposedly one of the great British managers with some even going so far as to hint at him as a likely replacement for Suralex when he finally (if ever!) leaves Old Trafford - including Fergie himself.



With ultimately untrue rumours circulating a few weeks back that he had parted company with the Blues, perhaps Everton's slump down to the fact that Moyes has realised that he has taken the club as far as he can and has his eye on a new challenge. Maybe not quite the United job but something that will allow him to test himself in a different environment to that at Goodison Park.

Finally, having been involved in matches that produced a grand total of 15 goals in last weekend's net-busting orgy of scoring, wasn't it just inevitable that Blackburn and Newcastle would play out a dull 0-0 snoozefest?

Match of the Weekend: West Brom 3-3 West Ham

Goal of the weekend: Duh!?!

Whinge of the weekend: Mike Summerbee

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Hats the way to do it - Weekend Observations 22nd-24th January 2011: Part One

They say that things come in threes; Buses, Stooges, Wise men, Bronte Sisters and most relevant to the following blog, goals to complete a hat-trick.

It was a tale of two strikers and two hat-tricks at the top of the Premier League this weekend. For Manchester United, Dimitar Berbatov hit his third treble(which includes one quintuple) of the season in a 5-0 battering of Birmingham to consolidate top spot. Down in London, Robin van Persie almost single-handedly saw off Wigan with all three goals in Arsenal's convincing 3-0 home win lifting them to second.

As I always say about the gunners, when it clicks into place they look a frightening unit who have the beating of anyone. Consistency remains a problem but for the first time since Jesus was going through puberty it seems as though the spearhead of their attack is fit and firing.



Saturday's haul made it 6 in 3 for the Dutchman who is doesn't only contribute to the scoring charts but also provides a number of assists for his teammates. Share and share alike!

If van Persie can avoid a return to the physio room that has almost become a second home to him over the past few seasons then Arsene Wenger’s team are as good a bet as anyone to potentially prevent United from winning the league as well as challenge for other honours both now and in future.

That said, Saturday saw the reds look someway convincing for the first time in weeks as they swept aside a Birmingham team who seemed content to go to Old Trafford, bend over, look toward their more illustrious opponents with 'come hither' eyes and take a pounding all the while showing about as much resistance as Kerry Katona's g-string.

One could make the case that following their battling performance at St. Andrew's three weeks ago, Birmingham, under the leadership of one Sir Alex' cronies in Alex McLiesh, felt obliged to give United the freedom of Manchester on Saturday. If this wasn't the case then you really have to wonder why people rave about Roger Johnson who may as well been a traffic cone for the 'defending' he actually did.

As much as I'd like to, I can't be completely disingenuous towards United as I have to admit they looked about far better than they have all season. An ominous sign for the chasing pack. I have speculated before that if they could be as average as they have been so far but still head the table unbeaten, it will be curtains for the others when they actually started to play well.

Aside from Berbatov's hat trick, the fat waste of space Wayne Rooney who I condemned here just last week seems to have hopped into the DeLorean and travelled back to this time last year. Rooney looked some way near his best having been heavily involved in almost all five goals and showing some brilliant touches throughout. However, Shrek was still guilty of one of the misses of the season when he blinked and put a header wide from about a quarter of a centimetre out. Still only three for the season from the scouser.

A striker not concerned about his goal scoring form is multi-million pound Darren Bent who provided an instant return on the money Aston Villa invested in him with the winning goal in his new side's 1-0 victory over fellow frivolous spenders Manchester City.



People raise their eyebrows over the price and seem more than ready to point out his supposed limitations and highlight his dodgy period at Spurs where they seem to forget he was top scorer in his final season and had to play under the chaotic and constant managerial upheaval in his three years there. Admittedly, he may not have the attributes of some of his more high profile peers but as he showed with his goal on Saturday evening, he is more often than not in right place at the right time. He gets the goals, goals win games.

If nothing else, he's even somehow managed to make Gerrard Houlier smile!

As for City, the defeat saw them drop to third behind Arsenal and United who both have games in hand on them. It's not as if they were outplayed by Villa. They had their many chances but failed to find the back of net. One of those occasions that is often written off as a bad day at the office. However, but are bad days at the office becoming more frequent for City? Recently they have lost to Everton, lucky to come away from the Emirates with a draw and defensively suspect against Wolves. As much as I've touted them for success all season, they seem to be stuttering at present. Worryingly, the goal came from a Joe Hart error. Not his first over the last few weeks either. Has the England keeper curse struck again?

Villa's win over City lifted them away from the relegations zone which still contains a West Ham side unfortunate to come away from Goodison Park with a 2-2 draw against Everton. According to highlights, the Hammers actually looked half decent and put in a good performance despite the final result. The fact that they do seem to be fighting for their lives at present just highlights the absurdity of the Gold/Sullivan/Brady triumvirate and their constant undermining of cheerful Avram.

The main talking point from the game was the ridiculous red card issued to Frédéric Piquionne after he picked up a second yellow for celebrating his goal with his own fans. I don't much explanation is needed to describe how daft it is for this to be considered a bookable offence in the first place but equally daft are the players that continuously fail to recognise this and get themselves into trouble. The Frenchman has himself, and ONLY himself, to blame.

Also dropping points in the upper echelons of the Premier League, and after an outstanding Christmas period, the Tottenham train seems to be derailing somewhat at the minute after no league wins in their last three games. Their most recent setback came in Saturday's 1-1 draw against Newcastle at St. James' Park where in fact, Spurs were lucky to come away with anything following Aaron Lennon’s last gasp equaliser.

Apparently, 'arry was mugged on a scouting mission in Madrid last week. Against the magpies the tables were turned as it was his side doing the stealing as they managed to get away from the North with a barely deserved point.

A curious player is Lennon. Pacey and skillful but about as good with crosses as Dracula. The fact he can't use his left foot will always hinder his progress as player and I personally believe that this is solely down to those stupid tramlines he has shaved into the side of his head and eyebrows which clearly affect his balance.



Creeping up on City and pulling away from Spurs in a bizarre turn of events that I totally predicted would happen, Chelsea remembered that they were actually a half decent football team and put a laclustre Bolton team to the sword on Monday 4-0 with the sort of ruthlessness that had us all drooling and quaking in our boots in equal measure at the start of the season. Four goals from four different players - including the surface to air missle Didier Drogba decided to launch with is right foot - is a telling statistic that indicates that once more Carlo Ancelotti's men are working together as a cohesive, well-oiled unit and any talk of their demise has been vastly exaggerated. I think that so many people wanted to see Chelsea fall on their collective arse that they convinced themselves that Stamford Bridge was indeed falling down. A couple of recent convincing wins would suggest that this was never the case.

Whether or not they are 'back' remains to be seen. They have some serious ground to make up on the teams above them but in this most bizarre of seasons that seems totally devoid of anything that could even be mistaken for consistency, it would take a brave man to dismiss Chelsea's chances completely.

Part Two to follow

Taken for Granted: Weekend Observations 14th - 15th January 2011: Part One

Saturday saw Manchester City beat Wolves 4-3 and finally hit the dizzy heights of the top of the Premier League (albeit for a mere 24 hours) ahead of their crosstown rivals. However, what at one point what looked like an emphatic ascension to the summit turned out to be quite a nervy stumble over the finish line as the blues took their foot off the proverbial pedal whilst cruising at 4-1, almost allowing Mick McCarthy's side to come away from Eastlands with an unlikely draw.

The usually resolute City defence had VERY bad day at the office in a very unMancini-like performance. I've always said that winning the league, for any team, will require defensive solidity and stability. It would be going too far to suggest that the City backline is looking questionable but let's not ignore the fact that in their last league game at Arsenal, they looked far from secure in the opening exchanges and were it not for the home side's innate profligacy, Kolo and the boys would have been dead and burried before half time. In fact, this weekend's match was not dissimilar in style to the kind of matches overlooked by Mark Hughes last season. The epic draw against Burnley being a prime example.

It's hard not to be patronising or to resort to tedious 'never say die' cliches when talking about Wolves but what else can be said about their performance? A great first half display wasn't justly rewarded and as the home side almost found to their cost, Wolves also finished the game strong. Few would have begrudged them an equaliser had it come. They fully contributed to the most entertaining game of the weekend.

The highlight of an eventful game was the mazy run and finish by Carlos Tevez for his pant-wettingly brilliant first goal. With all the recent talk of unhappiness, homesickness and general moaning about life, other players would have wilted and you imagine many failing to maintain anything close to high standards on the pitch. Carlitos has been as effective for his team when smiling (a horrible sight!) as he is when doing his best Mr. Grumpy impression. If only his teammates "cough" Emmanuel Adebayor "cough, cough!" would adopt anything like the same sort of attitude.

The rest of the Man City attack also performed brilliantly despite the absense of messes Silva and Balotelli – a good response after all the criticism they faced for a percieved lack of ambition after the Arsenal game. The highlights gave the impression that 27 million pound man Edin Dzeko looked lively enough to suggest that he won't be out of place in the Premier League and that I might just find myself eating my words once more.


In what many are desperately trying to convince themselves is the most exciting title race for years and years and and years, third placed, no-title-for-seven-years Arsenal are keeping pace and enhanced their credentials with a rather convincing 3-0 hammering of... er, the hammers of West Ham. The ruthlessness and ease with which they dispatched of the East Londeners provided something of a fine response to the previous week's cup humiliations.

Any football fan watching could surely not help but be impressed by the fluidity of the passing and movement in midfield but what will please gooners most was the impact of part-time striker, part-time first aid dummy Robin Van Persie. The Dutchman continues delight with his ability as much as he frustrates with his constant injuries. Can he stay fit? Imagine the impact he could have on Arsenal's title challenge if he does. But as is always the same old story with Arsenal, the question is: IF?! Next week, they will probably drop points at home to Wigan and find themselves in 'crisis' again.

One team certainly in a genuine state of something resembling a crisis is the side Arsenal the put to the sword without breaking any sort of sweat. Rumours were abound all weekend that the West Ham board were about ready to get shot of the world's happiest man, Avram Grant and replace him with a man who already has claret and blue paraphernalia in abundance, former Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill. There has been a subsequent denial/show of support/vote of confidence from the club.

In truth, is it really fair to use a defeat against a side with title aspirations as an excuse to dump Avram? Recent results (the Newcastle massacre aside) would suggest something of an improvement in their fortunes. Bringing in a new manager at this point will surely just cause chaos in the changing room as a bunch of, let's face it, limited players try to adapt to a new way of thinking.

Besides, while admittedly achieving relative success at Wycombe and then Leicester, O'Neill's 'big' jobs at Celtic and Villa have involved something of a dependancy of being able to spend money. Something you cannot imagine he will be able to do at cash strapped West Ham. Is he a better manager that Grant? Almost certainly but you have to wonder if he could do any better with this current squad than the diminutive Israeli. You could argue that O'Neill would only damage his reputation by taking the Irons job. Keeping them up would be his minimum requirement and if he failed to do that he would be crucified.



However, if Grant had anything to do with the signing of Wayne Bridge, then that in itself is a sackable offence. What a shocker of a debut! The (thankfully) former England International was at some fault for all three Arsenal goals before putting the cherry on the cake by limping off injured before full time. People have suggested that he hasn't played much football recently and was rusty but whose fault is that? Bridge has been happy to sit on the bench at not one but TWO clubs for a number of years collecting a massive pay cheque and contributing the sum total of diddly squat. Bridge was SO bad that on Match of the Day, Alan Hansen who usually loves ridiculing poor defenders couldn't even be bothered to stick the boot in and so left him to Alan Shearer. When you have a striker and someone as dull as Shearer taking the piss out of your defending, maybe it's time to seek out a new career.

It wasn't a disastrous weekend for West Ham as almost all the teams in close proximity to them at the foot of the table failed to win their respective matches. The exception being West Brom who picked up a much needed and hard fought 3-2 win against a Blackpool side that continue to look at home in Premier League. Despite the loss, David Vaughan's opening goal for the tangerines was up there with some of the best at this level. Charlie Adam also displayed the kind of form that suggests there should be little surprise about the interest shown by other Premier League teams. If the likes of Steve Sidwell, Denilson, Keith Andrews, Lee Cattermole and Lucas can hold down careers at this level, then why not Adam?

Also down bottom, Fulham drew 1-1 at Wigan in a match where I was genuinely surprised to find out that Whites' goalscorer (in the loosest sense of the word) Andrew Johnson still existed.

For weeks I suggested Chelsea were going through a minor blip and would bounce back. The second I flip this and say that they might struggle to make the top four and their manager is in the firing line they decide to pick up the most routine of 2-0 victories over Blackburn. It is, how you say? Law of the sod. Branislav Ivanović, who opened the scoring showed footballers the world over the importance of shooting because the opposition defence may end up being just as abject as Rovers. Honestly, his shot seemed to have crept past the entire population of Blackburn as it trickled over the line! Speaking of whom, the Lancs club continued to make headlines for moments of sheer comedy by hiring former Arsenal barn door protector John Jensen as a coach. Given his almost tragic goalscoring record at Highbury, Rovers fans the world over will be hoping he isn't coaching their strikers.

Mind you his Only Arsenal goal wasn't that bad


Part Two to Follow...

Midweek Observations 4th-5th January - Part One: Managers on the brink

The sack race is on...

Wow! Has there ever been a single round of fixtures that has put so many football managers 'on the brink'? At 10pm on Wednesday night, speculation was rife that anything up to FOUR managers could be getting the boot after some disappointing and shocking results. The metaphorical crosshairs have been aimed at London, Birmingham and to the surprise of literally nobody who has ever even seen a football, Liverpool.

At the time of writing no-one has been handed their pink slip but I very much imagine that none of the four men about to be discussed will have gone to bed after their respective matches and had anything close to a decent night's kip.

The first manager waking up in a cold sweat is Roy Hodgson – a man I and many others have spoken about at length already this season. It's safe to say that 'Woy' was never a popular choice amongst Liverpool fans. His appointment seemed as perplexing as it was unexpected. Despite a wealth of past experience and relative success at Fulham just last season, was Hodgson really expected to transform the fortunes of the scouse sleeping giant? On the contrary, it turns out he is doing nothing more than accelerating their decline. This is by far the worst Liverpool FC have been since I began watching football and things seem to have reached something of a nadir over the last week with the shock defeat to Wolves at Anfield followed by the 3-1 demolition at the hands of Blackburn.



Yes, Liverpool are so bad that they were comprehensively beaten by the current laughing stock of the premier league; a team who can't seem to go a day without embarrassing themselves somehow. This week alone they've tried to shoehorn themselves into transfers they have no realistic chance of ever completing coupled with the fact their chairman genuinely believes watching some football on telly is a sufficient qualification to own a football club. Yes, boys and girls, Liverpool were beaten by this!

What made this defeat all the more remarkable (aside from the fact Benjani grabbed a brace...) was the fact that Hodgson has only ever been sacked from one other job in his entire career. Where was that you ask? That's right, when he was manager of Blackburn. Can't imagine he is too fond of this area of Lancs.

Back in August, Chelsea were riding on the crest of a wave. The rest of the league could only look on in awe as the blues were running rampant up and down the country like some sort of modern day Mongol army with Genghis Carlo at the helm. Such was their dominance, many of us imagined that they would have the title already wrapped up by the stage of the season and would be able to put their feet up as the rest looked on in envy.

But it wasn't meant to be as a freak result at home to Sunderland in November set the wheels in motion for what has become an almighty crisis at The Bridge culminating in Wednesday night's 1-0 humbling at the hands of a Wolves side that began the evening bottom of the league.

Giving Carlo Ancelotti the boot would have been unthinkable three months ago but given the fact Chelsea have only managed 7 points from the last 27 available, dropped from top spot to fifth and are now 9 points behind Manchester United having played a game more, questions will no doubt be asked. Aside from results, performances, both from individuals and as a team have been poor and uncharacteristic mistakes are being made throughout the team.



This result would suggest that the former Milan man cant seen to motivate or inspire this side at the moment and the longer the poor run goes on, the more difficult it will be to turn things around. In theory, a game against a side at the foot of the table would have been ideal to try and get things back on track but such is Chelsea's current state of malaise that even a team featuring Christophe Berra and Kevin Foley couldn't prove to be beatable.

But can you really sack a man who less than a year ago won the club's first ever league and cup double? Well, Roman Abramovich has never been shy in disposing of underperforming managers before despite previous successes as Jose Mourinho and to a lesser extent, Big Phil Scolari will testify. All eyes will be on the mysterious Russian Oligarch to see if he will pull the trigger on the Italian.

Wolves' win lifted them from the foot of the table where they were once again replaced by West Ham. The hapless hammers were annihilated 5-0 by Newcastle at St. James' Park. Much has been made of Avram Grant's 'leadership' so far this season but having lifted himself out of the drop zone for the first time in what seems like decades, some poor deluded fools might have thought West Ham could push on in their fight against the drop.

It wasn't so much the fact that West Ham lost but more the fact they were so emphatically humiliated. When you allow Leon Best, a striker whose goals per game ratio is so underwhelming it would be more effective to have a single block of lego leading the line, to score a hat trick then you know there are serious problems. A recent run of semi-decent form provided a glimmer of hope but the footballing lesson they received in the north east has brought them right back to earth with a bang. There is losing and then there is this; the grim reality of the situation they face if things continue as they are. A truly damaging defeat which could prove to be the last straw as far as Grant is concerned.



West Ham are joined in the drop zone by a side that just two seasons ago almost found themselves playing Champions League football. How times have changed. When Martin O'Neill left in the summer, people expected Aston Villa to return to midtable obscurity. No-one could have imagined they would be embroiled in a relegation battle. Gerrard Houllier was expected to steady the ship but like the captain of the Titantic, he seems to have steered said ship straight into an Iceberg. A 1-0 home defeat to a stunning Phil Bardsley goal for Sunderland has condemned the villains to drop below the dreaded dotted line on many printed versions of the league table.

Admittedly, Houllier been hamstrung by injuries to key players and been forced to field a number of youngsters but quite simply, and at the risk of getting caught in the sticky web of football cliché, with the likes of Young, Agbonlahor, Albrighton and Brad 'Hellboy' Friedel in goal, this Villa team, albeit not the top four challengers of years gone by, is far too good to go down (Yep, I said it!). The former Liverpool boss must be under pressure to stop the rot before the damage becomes irreparable.

While not want to endorse the sacking of any of the above, if messes Lerner, Abramovich, David Squared and whoever is in charge at Liverpool these days were to pick any time to get shot of their respective managers, you'd think that the first week of January would be the ideal time to do so. The transfer window is open allowing any potential incoming replacements the opportunity to make any 'cosmetic' changes needed to get their teams back on track.

You can't imagine there is much surgery needed at Stamford Bridge and Villa Park given the quality of players in both sides relative to their current repective aspirations (title challege and surviving relegation). However, in the cases of Liverpool and West Ham, you imagine they’d be wanting a full scale face lift.

So... who's going first?

Part Two to Follow... maybe