Thursday, 11 August 2011

The BIG Questions (or The Laziest Premier League Season Preview Ever - 2011/12l)


Have defensive issues been addressed?

What is up with the badge on the new kits?

How many bottles will Wenger kick this season?

Aston Villa

Is flogging Downing and bringing in N'Zogbia the best bit of business this summer?

Is McLiesh a good appointment?

Will he realise that the Dunne/Collins partnership is awful?


Who is Steve Kean?


How soon before he's sacked?


What will it take to sell out the Reebok?

Could they potentially struggle with no real signings?

Is Owen Coyle going to wear kit shorts and socks on the touchline again this season?


Is he the new Jose?

What if he isn't?

How long will he last?


How much longer will Moyes continue to overachieve without any decent investment in the team?

How important will a fully fit Arteta be?

Will Jermaine Beckford become a 20 goal a season striker this year?


Will Martin Jol finish his unfinished business in London?

With Europe to contend with, can he replicate 'Woy's' 2008/09 campaign?

Will he ever tell us what happened in that last episode of the Sopranos?


Is it their year?

Or will the 'Kenny effect' wear off?

Will they buy me for £20m?

Man City

Can Mancini beat Fergie?

Can this squad stay harmonious enough for a whole season?

What will Super Mario do next?

Man Utd

Can anyone stop them?

How do they still get away with playing Michael Carrick?

Can Fergie beat Pep?


What happened to that 35 million quid, then?

Why is Mike Ashley still there?

What are the odds on another relegation?


Will all the new signings be able to gel quick enough in the Premier League?

How long before Lambert is casting his beady eye at a more high profile job?

Can we expect Delia to serenade us once more?


Will Taraabt be as effective in the top flight?

How long before Warnock using his postmatch presser to moan about literally everything from gridlock on the M25 to the Cher Lloyd?

How can they try and justify charging fans 50 quid a pop to watch a relegation battle in arguably the worst stadium in the division?


How will Europe impact their attempts to build on a great season last time around?

How many matches at the Britania will actually be played on a cold, wet Tuesday night?

At what point will Pulis actually put out an entire team of centre backs?


Is Steve Bruce just stockpiling players?

Does he have a clue about how he will deploy them?

Can he motivate this team to achieve anything beyond midtable obscurity?


Will they be Blackpool or Derby?

Will their bold, attacking philosophy be their downfall?

How many times will they be referred to as 'the first Welsh club' etc. until it becomes so unbearable that I will be tempted to cut my ears off with a bread knife?


Better than Bale?

Will 'arry be able to flog his strikers some "shooting boots"?

How has he literally stayed alive this long without making a signing?


Will 'Woy' have a better start to the season than last time around?

Will Chris Brunt finally get some recognition for being one of the most talented midfielders in the division?

With the (loan) signing of Ben Foster, will the terrible Scott Carson be retired, stuffed into a box and sent to Mars?


How do they keep staying up despite losing key players?

Who will fill the void left by N'Zogbia?

Does Martinez still have his lucky coat?


Seeing as he played for a team that actually went down, will Roger Johnson actually improve the Wolves defence?

Do they still have the capacity to upset the big boys?

How many legs will Karl Henry break this season?


I'll revisit this in May. Possibly.

Final table prediction:

1. Man City
2. Man Utd
3. Liverpool
4. Chelsea
5. Arsenal
6. Tottenham
7. Everton
8. Fulham
9. Sunderland
10. West Brom
11. Stoke
12. Aston Villa
13. Bolton
14. QPR
15. Norwich
16. Newcastle
17. Wolves
18. Wigan
19. Blackburn
20. Swansea


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