PFA Player of (some of) the year 2010/2011 nominees

Spring time. The sun is out, the birds are singing, flowers are in bloom, the days are longer and otherwise unattractive members of the human race all of sudden become far more appealing for whatever it is consenting adults choose to do behind closed doors. Spring also brings with it the conclusion of the football season and with it the depressing realisation that the months on end you've spent watching your team in the vain hope that they won't disappoint you yet again have been wasted as, predictably, they disappoint you yet again.

In time honoured tradition, the end of the football season sees various trophies, medals and other such shiny trinkets being lavished onto both teams and individuals for their various achievements over the winter months. Of course, with enough of the campaign remaining between now and May for major changes to still take place, one would think it would make sense to wait until then before the customary back-slapping and brown-nosing over which player was supposed to have been the 'best' in the league since August.

Not the PFA however. No, the player's player of the year award is based on what an individual has managed to achieve in only three quarters of season making it, in some people's eyes (mine), somewhat flawed. Given that the eventual winner could go on to have a stinker in his remaining games or have another player perform better than him over the next few weeks, I'm sure I'm not alone in suggesting that maybe they should wait before the customary arse-kissing that takes place?

The PFA award is voted for by fellow players. Coupled with the dodgy timing of the award, you may also wonder whether the pros are best placed or indeed have the nous to make an informed and more importantly, objective decision as to who is most deserving of the prize. But alas, things are as they are and ultimately, who are we to question it?

The shortlist of nominees was announced on Friday:

Gareth Bale


Pros: Once upon a time, the White Hart Lane faithful would shudder when the name Gareth Bale was read out pre-match thanks to his reputation as something of a jinx. It's not that he was a 'bad' footballer but there was certainly a feeling that the young Welshman was about at home in a Tottenham shirt as a Katie Price in a convent. This all changed last season as 'Arry realised that Bale was a left winger and subsequently played him there rather than in the left back position where he had previously struggled so badly. After playing a major role in getting Spurs into the Champions League, Bale started this season with a bang keeping his side within touching distance of the top of the table with a number of man of the match displays. His goal at Stoke in the autumn is up there with one of the strikes of the season and will hopefully not be forgotten in the glut of great goals over the campaign.

Bale however, saved his best for Europe as he blasted himself into the consciousness of the of the entire continent following two masterful displays against the European Champions Internazionale including a jaw-dropping hat-trick at the San Siro in a 4-3 defeat. These performances alone led to many over-excitable 'experts' declaring that Bale was as good, if not better, than the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi!

Cons: This kind of over excessive praise and the fact that, in truth, Bale has come nowhere near living up to it. To equate him to Messi and Ronaldo is an insult to both those players as well as the likes of Xavi, Iniesta, Sneijder, Robben, Villa and any other player that has been good for more than five minutes. Yes, an 'exciting' player but then again, so was Jose Dominguez. To suggest that Bale is one of the best players in the world is mind-boggling simply by virtue of the fact his productivity is below par for someone of his talent. Despite being a nightmare to defend against, his 7 league goals and ONE paltry assist in 25 games suggest his overall output this season has not nearly lived up to the hype he generates. Against Real Madrid last Tuesday, the so-called best player in the world only completed 5 of his pitiful 8 passes in Spurs' 4-0 pasting. Ok, injury has blighted his progress but it seems when people go mad over the Welshman their opinion is clouded by those matches against Inter which, let's face it, get further away with each passing day.


Samir Nasri


Pros: Once heralded as a the 'new Zidane' and while not quite as good as the best European footballer of all time, Samir Nasri has shown this season that such comparisons are not as outrageous as they may initially seem. Up until his injury in January, Nasri was far and away the stand out performer in an Arsenal team that looked to be on the verge of greatness this season. His form was so good and so inspiring for the gunners that injury to Cesc Fabregas in the Autumn was not as damaging as first feared with some even suggesting Nasri could even seamlessly take over from his captain should the latter run off to Barcelona.

Nasri's main attribute is the kind of close control you only see in computer games. Add some pace, balance and trickery and in Nasri you have one of the finest creative players in the league this season. Having netted 9 times in the league, it's not been the quantity but rather the quality of his goals that have people in awe of his ability. In a team choked with talented players, it says a lot about Nasri that he has been the best.

Cons: Nasri is like a microcosm of Arsenal football club in recent years. Adventurous, skilful and very easy on the eye but a tendency to fall short before the final hurdle. Like Bale, injury may have played its part but Nasri has gone off the boil on in the new year. Of course, it's unfair to place all Arsenal's failings at his feet but a greater contribution would have been expected from him in recent weeks and had he produced anything close to what he has shown he can, it's unlikely that his side’s season would have gone into such dramatic freefall.

Carlos Tevez


Pros: Following his controversial pan-Manchester transfer a couple of years back after Sir Alex Ferguson declared that he 'wasn't worth the money', Tevez has arguably become the best striker in the league. Where the Argentine differs from his peers is a unique level of tenacity. Not only is he there to stick the ball in the back of the net but his work rate is second to none. Barely a City game passes where you don't sit there thinking "By 'eck! That Tevez doesn't half work hard".

Despite the embarrassment of talent squeezed into their squad and given their indifferent performances over the year, you do wonder if City would still be in with any sort of shout for any honours without him. So many times he has been the sole factor between a draw (or perhaps even a defeat) and three precious points.

Cons: Not so much anything he has or hasn't done on the field but his behaviour but his general attitude and demeanour over the course of the season. The whole saga over his transfer request and alleged fallings out with the manager has undermined City’s challenge this year. Ok, he still puts in a shift on the pitch but as captain and leader of an increasingly volatile collection of individuals, he surely could and should have been setting a better example.

Scott Parker


Pros: It's certainly fair to say that West Ham would most likely already be down if it wasn’t for Parker and his all too regular inspirational acts of leadership both on and off the pitch. Lord knows Avram needs all the help he can get and since sneaking cyanide into the opposition's Lucozade bottles might not go down so well with the authorities, the next best thing is having a player like Parker who not only contributes to attacks but also does that thing we English love oh so much: grafting. Box-to-box midfielders in this mould are all too rare in the modern game. With an abundance of deep-lying forwards, playmakers and anchormen all forming sub-categories of the traditional central midfielder, what Parker does seems to stand out all the more. Dynamic is an all too simplistic description of him and he has fully earned his place in the England set-up recently.

Cons: He plays for West Ham. No disrespect to the Hammers but they have been pretty abject over the past two years. Ok, this may sound like big club snobbery but if a good player stands out in a poor team, does that not distort our perception of him? Is being 'good' at West Ham the same as being average at say.... Chelsea? Something Parker himself can answer from experience. Like any half decent player at a 'better' team, it shouldn't be a surprise to see him thrive in such an environment. Should he really be a rewarded for being a big fish in a small pond?


Rafael van der Vaart

Sylvie....

Pros: Ok, it's lazy and often redundant to quote transfer fees given that one player's value is almost never determined in relation to the value of another but in a world where a team can spend 35 million English pounds on a lump of a striker with half a season's Premier League experience, it seems crazy that Tottenham were able to snap up a regular Dutch international from Real Madrid for a mere £8million. In real terms this was the equivalent of going into Currys and finding a 50 inch plasma screen TV with a £100 price tag on it. This transfer wasn't just value for money, it was value AGAINST money (does that make sense? Probably not) and made a mockery of most transfers in football history. Van der Vaart didn't even require anything of a settling in period and took to the Premier League with ease. Playing as a second striker, he provided the perfect link between the creativity of Modric in midfield and the goals of, in particular, Crouch as a front man who he seems to work best with. His own haul of 10 league goals is not too shabby either.

Blessed with creativity and vision, the Dutchman added a new type of directness to the Tottenham team and certainly improved what was already a high-quality style of play under 'Arry. Alongside the abovementioned Bale, people were impressed enough at one stage to even speak of Spurs as potential champions this season. Signing of the season? Probably. Bargain of the season? No question.

Cons: On a continuing theme that surely justifies my argument that these awards are handed out far too early, his form has tailed off in recent months as has his attitude. Injuries haven't helped but perhaps more applicably, the Dutch have earned a reputation, in football at least, as being temperamental, argumentative and downright stroppy. On more than occasion following substitution, van der Vaart has irritated his manager by storming off down the tunnel in a huff. Unlike Tevez, the Tottenham man very much strikes me as the kind of player who will allow his unhappiness to creep into his game and ultimately, his performances will suffer.

Charlie Adam


Pros: The gaping chasm between the Premier League and football league is generally always going to see teams and players from The Championship come up and struggle. Therefore, I am always encouraged to see a player able to make the transition without much trouble. Aside from just making the transition, Blackpool's Charlie Adam has slotted himself and looks right at home. Adam's ability will certainly have proved to be a pleasant surprise to anyone who didn't follow Blackpool promotion-winning run last season but even for Championship fans and even those who saw his fantastic free kick in the Play off final (a trick he has had no trouble repeating), no-one would have expected him to be as good as he has been. This a reject from the SPL for Christ sake!

Adam's physical stature obviously doesn't invoke images of a flair player but don't let his frame fool you. Yes, he is a 'hard worker' but Adam shines through his flair, creativity and keen eye for goal. Like Scott Parker, Adam inspires the lesser players around him to play better. Transfer shenanigans in the winter almost saw him depart Bloomfield Road and you can easily see him staying in the Premier League next season even if Blackpool do not.

Cons: How many times have you heard pundits, journalists, bloggers etc refer to Blackpool as a breath of fresh air? It has been accepted practice to patronise Ian Holloway's team as they have performed beyond all expectations this season. Hang about, these are not park footballers. They are still professionals and it grates even at this stage of the season to still be surprised at the fact some players you never heard of before this campaign can actually get the ball down and play. In that respect, Charlie Adam is almost a poster boy for this 'plucky little team' of apparent nobodies and you can't help but feel that his nomination is an example of tokenism. I like Adam but he certainly isn't the best player in the league and giving it to him would come across like nothing more than overblown sentiment not far off the ludicrous decision to award it to Ryan Giggs a couple of years back.


Nemanja Vidic


Pros: Hoo-effing-ray!!! People actually realise that you don't need to be some poncey, fancy dan, orange-boot wearing attacker to be a good player. Some recognition for the guys at the other end at last. In The Republic, Plato talked about the rulers, or Philosopher Kings. Below them would be the Auxillaries, guardians or soldiers. Applying this hierarchy to football, the perception would surely be that the attackers are the rulers while the defenders would be the auxillaries. Without doubt the leader of these Soldiers would Vidic. The Serb is unquestionably the number one centre back in the division and this season more than any previous has he had to show it. Vidic has also been without his fellow defensive chum Rio Ferdinand for much of the season which just shows that they don't necessarily need to play as a partnership in order to thrive. With or without Rio, Vidic has been rock solid for much of the season. The general consensus is that this United team is one of the poorest for years yet unbelievably the team are still looking at a potential if not unlikely treble. Whether this happens or not, Sir Alex Ferguson will surely be looking at the general sturdiness of his Vidic in his back line to prevent defeats in many games when their performances deserved it.

Cons: On the rare occasion Vidic performs badly, he doesn't so much self destruct rather he sets himself on fire before diving head first into a barrel of gunpowder! The most recent example was in last week's controversial game at West Ham where he was an accident waiting to happen and extremely fortunate not to receive his marching orders. In years gone by, his struggles against Fernando Torres were well documented. In this year's game at Stamford Bridge, the misfiring Spaniard's mere presence in the stadium was still enough to unsettle Vidic into getting sent off... probabaly.


Does the fact that the list features two players involved in the relegation battle reflect the quality of the league? And if so, in a positive or a negative way? Nasri, Bale and van der Vaart have all missed a fair part of the season through injury and all three have suffered for form recently yet still make the list. Make of that what you will.

I maintain that there still too large a portion of the campaign to make a decision. Why not wait? What is the big rush? There is still time for players not on the shortlist who have had an impressive year (Nani? Kompany? Ashley Cole? Chris Brunt???) and can still have a major impact between now and May.

But I guess that would make too much sense.

Personally, I think Parker deserves it.

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Porto, Mourinho and Serie A: Weekened Observations 2nd-3rd April 2011: Part Two

Part One here

The formality that is the remainder of the Premier League would usually allow one to cast their eye further afield towards our more exotic neighbours from across Europe but alas, it seems that many of the other top leagues are striding toward equally uneventful climaxes.

This past weekend, the Portuguese Primiera Liga was settled with 5 weeks to spare after Porto stretched their lead at the top to an unassailable 16 points. To make matters worse, they were crowned having beaten arch rivals and deposed champions Benfica 2-1 at their own ground, the Estadio da Luz, in what can only be described as the football equivalent of walking into someone's house, using their toilet without flushing, fornicating with their wife while they watch before rubbing salt in the wound by... um... throwing salt in their eyes.



Having seen the old enemy win the league on their own soil, Benfica showed all the grace of a three year old as they turned off the lights and turned ON the sprinklers as Porto celebrated their triumph. Yeah, that ought to show ‘em!

The man who led Porto to their 25th league title was the little known Andre Villas-Boas who may or may not be familiar to Chelsea fans due to fact he was a key member of Jose Mourinho’s coaching staff during his time in West London. Having had no playing career of his own to speak of and less than two full years in management on his lonesome (this being his first season in charge of the former European champions) it would something of an understatement to say that Boas has certainly learnt well.
Naturally, this solo success has led to people speaking favourably of the man and already comparing him to his mentor. Liverpool were even reportedly sniffing around him as a potential replacement for Roy Hodgson over the winter.

Whether he continues to live up to such high praise is something only the psychic amongst us can answer and, Ok, winning the Portuguese title with Porto is hardly the toughest challenge for a manager but if his career accelerates along this trajectory then the self-proclaimed Special One will soon have some competition for that title.

Remember the name... Andre Villas-Boas.

Speaking of whom, Jose Mourinho had held the unique record of having not lost a home league game he had taken charge of since 2002. A remarkable feat spanning time at four clubs that came to a surprising end as the only chaser in Spain’s two horse race fell giving the Champion Catalonian thoroughbred a clear run toward the finish line. Yes, Real Madrid were defeated 1-0 at home by Sporting Gijon halting Mourinho's incredible run.

To be fair, Madrid were missing a number of key players including Cronaldo, Xabi Alonso and the world’s most offside full back (allegedly), Marcello. You have to think that both Jose and Real hierarchy who currently don't really see eye to eye were almost certainly prioritising the Champions League and their first leg match against Tottenham on Tuesday. You have to say it worked out quite well for them.

The weekend was expected to take a vastly different turn as Barcelona faced a trip to Villarreal who were expected to be something of banana skin and not simply because of their all-yellow kit. Instead, Barca came away from El Madrigal with a vital 1-0 win to go 8 points clear at the top of La Liga with just 8 to play - including a trip to the Bernabeu that you might even say that can actually afford to lose.

The winning goal was scored by Gerrard Pique who is to Central defenders what the Bugatti Veyron is to showroom full of Vauxhall Corsas. Good in the air, strong in the tackle, positionally impeccable as well as being good on the ball and offers a goal threat when he gets forward. His beautiful little chest down and volley would have had many a striker looking on in envy. Can I coin the term ‘complete defender’ here? I think I will.

Oh, and if there was ever any doubt about how the universe favours certain people over others, the World Cup winner is currently also banging Shakira.


Both know the importance of being solid at the back...

In Germany, despite not winning the league for almost a decade, Borussia Dortmund's dominance in the Bundesliga this season has meant for something of a non-existent title race. Having led the table since well before Christmas, Die Schwarzgelben are currently 7 points clear with some 6 games to go.

Meanwhile, over in Italy, it has been difficult to deny that the once formidable Serie A is now a mere shadow of its former self, thanks mostly to the Calciopoli scandal and the unchallenged dominance of Internazionale in recent years.

This season however there seems to something resembling an actual title race going on and of all the leagues mentioned about, the only one that looks even remotely like it could go down to the wire.

Saturday night saw the most meaningful Milan derby for many years as Inter, two points behind their arch rivals at the start of play, took on table topping AC. Of the many sub-plots that often surround this game, the most significant on this occasion of course had to be the fact that the Nerazzurri are now managed by former Rossoneri hero Leonardo. Having worn the red and black for four years from 1997 to 2001, the Brazilian also managed AC as recently as last season before being cast aside by the club's owner and 'Bunga Bunga' patron Silvio Berlusconi despite a credible 3rd place finish.

Surprisingly, Leo then showed up at Inter last December and has since done a half decent job of repairing the damage that Rafa Benitez managed to do to the abovementioned Jose Mourinho's treble winning side of last season.

The was to be no dramatic homecoming for Leonardo as Milan ran out 3-0 winners with a brace from Alexandre Pato and an Antonio Cassano penalty to ice the cake. The win opened up a 5 point gap between the sides. However, their overall lead was cut down to three by the time the weekend was out after a swashbuckling Napoli side climbed up into second place following their epic 4-3 win over early season pacesetters Lazio in what was one of the games of the season in ANY league.



Uruguayan Striker Edison Cavani's hat-trick will have Neapolitans reminiscing about a previous South American import in the form of one Diego Armando Maradona.

Ok, he might not be the next drug-fueled lunatic with the gift of being one of the greatest players of all time but if they end up lifting their first Serie A title since those crazy days of the late 1980s then Cavani could well be held in similar high regard to El Diego given his contribution to their lofty position. His 25 league goals so far this campaign is already a record haul for any striker over a season in the history of the club.

With just eight games left, many will be hoping that Napoli can continue to push for top spot and that Inter can bounce back (although their Champions League humiliation would suggest that their powers of recovery are about as swift as a leprosy sufferer...) to make at least one championship race across Europe vaguely worth paying attention to in these closing weeks of the season...


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Wayne 'Rude boy' Rooney: Weekend Obvservations 2nd-3rd April 2011: Part One

Last time around I sat here and briefly bemoaned the fact that the Premier League title race had become about as exciting as a three hour lecture by Alan Shearer on twigs! A cocktail of sedatives and a box set of Gardener’s World couldn't induce sleep any more effectively that watching Manchester United saunter there way to their 12th League title in 19 seasons while their supposed challengers display all the consistency of prison porridge.

This past weekend saw the reds show their supposed title-winning credentials with a remarkable 4-2 win at West Ham despite being 2-0 down at half time. A feat that would otherwise have looked quite impressive had United not already made similar comebacks time and time again.

The main talking point from the match however came when human Rottweiler and future sociopath case study Wayne Rooney celebrated his highly impressive hat trick by trying to pick a fight with a TV camera and launching into a needlessly aggressive, sweary tirade seen by millions of people the world over. The fallout has seen the scouser censured by the authorities and facing a short term ban.



Much has been made of the incident with some choosing to condemn and others, quite unbelievably, defending Rooney. It boggles the mind how some people choose to reason. As it was 'emotional' and in the 'heat of the moment' that apparently makes it OK? Really? I wonder how many murderers can get away with the same defence....

Of course, Rooney isn't the first, last or only player to swear on the pitch. Yes, players are often caught on camera blurting out all kinds of obscenities - Let's face it, the United striker is no stranger to this - but how often do they actively go over and seek out the camera and start going all Malcolm Tucker in the way Rooney did? This unique situation differs greatly to those other examples and given his previous penchant 'giving it' to officials, this punishment has been a long time coming.

Rooney is actually quite calm in his celebration before actively shoving his horrible snarling mug into the camera lens. Having scored a hat trick and seemingly propelled his team to a record breaking 19th title, was there any need for him to fly off the handle? The rage and anger in his face would lead the amateur psychologist to suggest that maybe young Wayne actually has something of a screw loose. His demeanour was no different to that of the rowdy street thugs that rampage around city centres up and down the country every Friday and Saturday night after getting kicked out of Weatherspoons. Stick a Ben Sherman shirt on him and WKD Blue in his hand and he matches the photofit for at least half a dozen patrons of the Ice Wharf on Camden Lock. The only difference is that at least they have the excuse of sweet, sweet alcohol for their behaviour.



It’s a weak argument to try and excuse Rooney. Of course, given he was at Upton Park, I very much doubt he was the only person in the ground to utter the 'F' word that afternoon. People mouth off all the time at football. I’m not adverse to a good swear while watching a match as my poor mother would testify but does that make it right? What about racism and hooliganism? Just because they "happen all the time", doesn’t mean they should be ignored. Apparently, some racist abuse was said to take place during the same game and should the culprits be found and punished (as they should) then so should Rooney 100%.

Forget the role model argument. I wholeheartedly agree that footballers aren't there to be role models. If you look to the likes of Rooney as an example of how live your life then something is seriously wrong with you. But how about a simple case of taste and decency? We all know that swearing causes offence to certain people so there is no way his actions can be justified. If he dropped his kegs and started playing with himself, would his same defenders say it was acceptable because it was in the 'heat of the moment'?

Imagine if this was Joey Barton? They would probably have brought back hanging by now. For too long people just shrugged off Rooney's actions chalking it up to the enthusiasm of youth. But he is no longer an excitable young boy. Just a few weeks ago he got away with a deliberate elbow in a game at Wigan so last Saturday can hardly be labeled an isolated incident. His failure to 'grow up' has seen him suffer his worst season as a professional and for my money, he's only going to get worse from this point onwards. The fact he clearly isn't learning from his mistakes and is only going to be a detriment to his career.

Rooney's potty mouth aside, draws for Arsenal and Chelsea mean that, even with 8 games left, United are effectively champions in all but name. Despite the reds still having to play both their main rivals, it's unlikely that either the Gunners or the Blues will be able to go the rest of the campaign without dropping further points.

City's emphatic victory over Sunderland have the blue half of Manchester still thinking "maybe" but in truth, any earlier suggestions that this season's title race could actually be something of a competition with as many as 5 teams 'in with a shout' have gone up in smoke faster than a Japanese nuclear power plant.

Despite being far from their best for much of the campaign, despite ongoing problems with injuries and despite even on a few occasions being unable to field anyone better than John O'Shea, Sir Alex Ferguson's men have mastered the art of still being able to win matches even when things aren't going their way and at the risk of labouring a point that everyone in the country has already made time and time again; that is the hallmark of champions. A point I'll no doubt be repeating over the coming weeks if I can at all be bothered.

Part Two to follow

Going Down: Weekend Observations March 19th-20th

As the season enters into the proverbial 'business end' and 'hots up', I'd be intrigued to know if I'm the only one finding the top of the league becoming a bit tiresome. Everywhere we turn we are confronted with the tedious claim that the Premier League is 'unpredictable and full of surprises' but as someone who regularly wastes their spare moments putting my thoughts down in the form of this here blog, I like to this I have some sort of authority in suggesting that maybe this might not be the case. I wish it was. I mean, granted, I'd end up being wrong and contradicting myself a hell of a lot more than I do already but as it is, I would rather indulge in unashamed hypocrisy than to be currently sat here with a horrible feeling of Déjà vu as I attempt to assess the week's action.

Stop me if you've heard any of the following before: Man Utd win without playing well. Arsenal's defensive and goalkeeping problems undermine any so-called challenge for honours. With the quality in their team, it would be crazy to write off Chelsea. Manchester City are far too unadventurous and ought to be performing far better than they are. Sub plots: City lack attacking invention without Carlos Tevez, Fernando Torres continues to misfire and playing with no keeper at all my actually benefit the gunners more than starting with Manuel Almunia.

As with near enough every season and every league in football, it's the relegation battle which is far more 'entertaining' than, if we're honest with ourselves, the mind-numbing processions that title races tend to be. Given the current form of the top sides, it looks like once again we will be going into the final straight with Chelsea and Manchester United fighting it out with Arsenal going through their now customary capitulation. To that, I simply say "Yawwwwn"!

I genuinely have no idea which year this is from...

I touched on this before but as we approach the final straight of what has hardly been the best year of Premier League football, only 6 measly points separate bottom of the table Wigan and 11th placed Newcastle. Even Sunderland, just two places and two points above their North east rivals could theoretically be dragged down into a relegation battle if their recent abject form doesn't rapidly improve. The Black Cats were on the receiving end of what Steve Bruce might call unfair decisions in their 2-0 home defeat to resurgent Liverpool but given their good fortune at The Emirates last time around, the old adage that these things even themselves out looks more valid... even though as we all know it isn't.

Ultimately, following the departure of Darren Bent and injury to Danny Welbeck at the start of the year, Sunderland look a shadow of the team that had designs on Europe at the start of the season and unrecognisable from the side that marched into Stamford Bridge in November and boldly handed the champions their collective backsides on a silver platter.

In a season when the Mackems have featured in televised games on far more occasions than is surely necessary, it's still damn near impossible to discern what the football 'philosophy' is at the Stadium of Light. When it appears as though Steve Bruce sends them out to attack, they often quickly run out of steam and looking at their defensive players, it doesn't appear as though they have the ability nor the discipline *cough* Lee Cattermole *cough, cough* adopt a more pragmatic style of play. It's unlikely they will go down but improvement will be needed to make damn sure.

Neighbours Newcastle were so dire at the Britannia stadium, they made opponents Stoke look like Barcelona and the resulting 4-0 scoreline not even remotely an unfair reflection of what went down. Sol Campbell was back in the Geordie's starting XI and given his culpability for at least two of the home side's goals, fans will be hoping his return is a fleeting one.

Like Sunderland, it looks unlikely they will go down but having only taken 6 points from the last 21 available, I wouldn't be sitting to comfortable if I were Alan Pardew... well, actually, with a five and half year contract, I wouldn't care less. If the Magpies are playing in the Championship next season, it would further reinforce the sheer stupefying lunacy of sacking Chris Hughton earlier this season.

Newcastle's next two fixtures see them take on Wolves and Aston Villa in what are the archetypal relegation six-pointers. The midlands rivals squared off at Villa park over the weekend with Mick McCarthy's side taking the three points in a Matt Jarvis inspired 1-0 win. The winger was rewarded with a call up for the England squad much to the surprise of idiots like me who, for no particular reason, assumed he was Scottish...



Anyway, having lost only one of their last six in a run that includes a victory over champions elect Manchester United and a draw with Spurs as well as Saturday's win, Wolves are somehow still in the relegation zone - albeit by a single goal. The fact that they are still in trouble puts paid to the belief that good home record should be enough to keep you up. Wolves' form is not being justly rewarded. If you are playing this well and still staring into the abyss then what hope remains if you suddenly hit a slump again?

Their vanquished opponents will be worried about the fact that they, on the face of it, aren't even playing well enough to get themselves out of trouble. Gerrard Houllier appears to have lost both the support of players and fans as Villa tumble down the league like a inebriated Brummie after one two many Strongbows falling down the stairs of the Oceana nightclub on Hurst street. A high profile and rather ironic falling out during a recent 'bonding session' saw the club's very own Mitchell Brothers James Collins and Richard Dunne openly slag off the disillusioned Frenchman all the while failing to realise that a lot of the club's on field problems are down to what the uncoordinated pair mistakenly confuse to be defending.

If Villa do stay up, it's hard to see how this current side could push on. Certain young players deemed to have potential have actually been discovered to not be as good as initially thought and if more senior players share the sentiments of the above mentioned duo then Houllier and the board will need to take a long hard look at the team and make some serious changes else they want to find themselves involved in another battle next season.

Villa may ultimately survive thanks to the failure of arch rivals Birmingham Citywho are playing like they are still feeling the effects of crate after crate of complimentary Carling following last month's big Wembley win. The Blues' latest setback came in a late 2-1 defeat against a Wigan side that most (me) have already written off in the race for survival. They the key to staying up is picking up points against the sides around you so recent defeats against West Brom and now Wigan are likely to see Birmingham bang in trouble. Like some sort of Kamikaze pilot, Roberto Martinez may end up taking Alex McLiesh down with him thanks to Saturday's result at the DW.

That said, even if they do go down, cup success for the first time for aeons and European football on the horizon will still surely equate to a successful season?

Seemingly heading in the other direction are the 'West's' of Brom and Ham. The former hosted a Arsenal side out of form and out of confidence. The resulting 2-2 draw was almost harsh on Roy Hodgson and his team. Rather than be happy with a point, you imagine the Baggies will be disappointed at throwing away a 2-goal lead after, for the second time this season being given a huge helping hand by alleged Gunners “goalkeeper” Manuel Almunia.

The Hammers also managed to secure a point against North London opposition as they somehow came away from White Hart Lane with a 0-0 draw in a match where Tottenham had enough chances to win three times over. Despite being outplayed, Avram Grant's team managed to hold out where previously such intense pressure would cause them to collapse like all the furniture in Beth Ditto's house. A sign of a more robust survival-hungry Hammers team? Only time will tell.

Amusingly, former Iron Jermain Defoe had apparently worn a special t-shirt to celebrate scoring what would have been his 100th Premier League goal but proved to be about as effective in hitting the target as a blind archer. With no hands!

Last but not least was the battle of the two teams prefaced with the word 'Black'. Burn faced Pool at Ewood Park where the latter battled back from 2-0 down to secure a last gasp draw. Once again, Ian Holloway's team were inspired by Charlie Adam who bagged a brace. The first being a controversial penalty awarded by Howard Webb (No!!! Really????) and the second a stunning free kick.

Once again however, the Tangerines' naivety meant they were unable to hold on and allowed Steve Kean's men to come back. Blackpool are struggling but Rovers are looking as bad as anyone in their division and of all the team's hovering around the dreaded drop zone, there is little reason to suggest that they will do any better than any of the others down there. In the aforementioned Kean, you have a manager who is as accustomed to Premier League management as Les Reed (remember him?) and going through their squad you are struggling to find any top class players, instead there are very few who don't immediately invoke the reaction of 'meh'. Young goal hero Junior Hoilett looks about the only half decent player in the side.

If my opinion mattered – which of course it doesn't – I reckon Blackburn will be the team to join Birmingham and Wigan in the Championship next season.

But alas, given my history with predictions (including some shambolic punts at Cheltenham last week which are probably best left undiscussed at the juncture) I'd recommend putting everything you own on all three surviving.

Match of the Weekend: Blackburn 2-2 Blackpool

Goal of the Weekend: Danny Higginbotham (Really?)

Idiot of the Weekend: Alleged Goalkeeper Manuel Almunia


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Houllier Than Thou - Weekend Observations 5th-7th March 2011:Part Two

Part One here

Aside from the big game at Anfield, Sunday also saw Wolves and Tottenham battle out a 3-3 goal orgy at Molineux. A fantastic end-to-end game in which both sides went all out for the win saw a return to the scoresheet for Jermaine Defoe who had been previously been on a run so barren that he could have been mistaken for a 45 year old woman trying to get pregnant. Both his goals were high quality long range efforts that might some people reaching for the Big Book o' Footballing Cliches and declaring something about form being temporary and class being permanent. Either that or he'll now go another 11 months without finding the target.

The game was almost overshadowed by yet more refereeing controversy as Mark Halsey only booked Alan Hutton after the latter conceded a penalty in the first half where many would have found it hard to argue if a red had been shown. Even 'onest 'arry admitted as much after the game. What you could argue however, is that the original law is an ass given that the goal scoring opportunity isn't actually denied as such given that a penalty is awarded. But with the law as it stands, Hutton should have walked.

Halsey then ballsed up what would have been a Wolves equaliser when he disallowed a Richard Stearman header for a supposed foul on Gomes. Replays show the Wolves defender jumped fairly and if anything the foul was committed by the keeper who insisted on trying to pin Stearman to the ground as the ball was going in. Wolves eventually did draw level through Steven Fletcher so the decision wasn't as damaging as it may have been.



The draw was no good for either side. Spurs will feel they dropped two big points in their battle for fourth while Wolves would have welcomed a win to help in their ongoing battle against the drop.

Also involved in a thriller were Wolves' midlands rivals Aston Villa who were beaten 3-2 at Bolton. A result makes a mockery of manager Gerrard Houllier and his outrageous decision to field a weakened side and effectively throw their FA Cup tie against Man City in midweek. Aside from the fact his daft claim that his side 'can't beat City' given they already did just a few weeks back, the cup presented an opportunity for the club to salvage what has been a wretched season for the West Midlanders. You would think Houlier would have sought some inspiration from Villa's hated cross-town rivals who were dancing a merry jig on the Wembley surface just last week. Instead, his decision to 'rest' key players for the league blew up in his face as Villa were ultimately undone by two goals from former player Gary Cahill in one of those typical ironies that make football the sport we all know and love – Damien Duff pulled off the same trick in Fulham's 3-2 home win over Blackburn.

Speaking of Birmingham, the newly crowned Carling Cup holders were brought back down to earth as they returned to their battle for Premier League survival and a 3-1 home defeat against yet another midlands rival West Brom.

With so many teams in the region, it's difficult to keep up with who dislikes who more. Interestingly, all four of Wolves, Villa, the Blues and the Baggies are separated by just 4 points and all find themselves in the proverbial relegation dogfight.

It was a massive win for the team now managed by Roy Hodgson who, after what was a disastrous spell at Liverpool, seems to have found his level in the league's lower echelons. Good on him. For his sake, one would hope he keeps West Brom in the division. If I have to look at him being as depressed as he was every time he was in the Anfield dugout ever again, I might cry.

Finally, West Ham have managed to drag their way out of the drop zone for now after an impressive 3-0 victory over Stoke that may well now drag Tony Pulis' team into trouble.

In another vaguely interesting twist, new signing Demba Ba, rejected by Stoke, was on the scoresheet for the fourth time in as many matches for the Hammers who have hit the back of the net a massive 14 times overall during this same run of games. Is that a smile I see there Avram?



Match of The Weekend: Wolves 3-3 Tottenham

Goal of the Weekend: James Morrison

Skill of the Weekend: Luis Suarez



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High as a Kuyt - Weekend Observations 5th-7th March 2011: Part One

For the second time this season, a Liverpool-Manchester United match has been settled by a hat trick from an inconsistent and much maligned striker who often slated for generally laclustre performances. After Dimitar Berbatov's treble back in September, it was the turn of Dirk Kuyt to take centre stage as Liverpool swept aside Manchester United 3-1 with relative ease on Sunday.

One must admit that the 'Kenny effect' seems to have actually turned Liverpool around this season and it is surely a formality that Daliglish will be given the nod permanently come the summer. Who would have thunk it? Not me, that's for sure!

Liverpool's form since the turn of the year is only bettered by the top two and if they keep it up between now and May, a campaign that looked dead in December could well and truly end up being relatively productive. Fourth place is maybe a little ambitious but not entirely unthinkable at this stage. There, I said it. It's out there.

Hat trick hero Kuyt won't score three easier goals. People have been rather unkind by doubting the 'quality' of his strikes - even I wouldn't have found trouble scoring from less than 6 yards each time... maybe - but quite frankly, if you are in the right place at the right time then does it matter how they go in? Poaching ability is still ability and a reminder that football doesn't always need to be 'pretty' – something doubly true when Dirk Kuyt is involved.



The scousers win was inspired mostly by the incredible Luis Suarez who actually came away from the game more deserving of the man of the match award than the abovementioned 3-goal hero. It was his fantastic run leaving most of the United defence on their arses that led to the opener and his free kick that led to the third. The Uruguayan spent the entire afternoon tormenting the United defence. So much so, Wes Brown and Patrice Evra have filed a joint complaint to the police for unlawful sodomy.

At the risk of taking a running jump straight onto the bandwagon of kneejerk ill-considered overreactions: Fernando who?

The game was overshadowed by a disgraceful tackle on Nani by Jamie Carragher that should have seen the Liverpool man sent off. Phil Dowd only issued a yellow and set the tone for two more terrible challenges, by Maxi and Rafael, that on another day would have also seen reds. The referee essentially gave licence to these tackles and risked the safety of the players by not properly punishing Carragher's foul which was so bad that the Portuguese was lucky to only come away with a nasty looking gash rather than a broken leg. The fact that the Liverpool man cannot be reprimanded after the game again exposes the ridiculous flaws of the retrospective punishment law that I spoke of last week.



Unfortunately, Nani being Nani, it's hard to actually sympathise given how keen he usually is to cry wolf. The fallout saw United continue their childish and pathetic media blackout as they refused to talk to the press afterwards. Leaving aside the fact that this act of petulance endears the club to no-one, surely the silence is more a mark of disrespect to their own paying fans who will at least want an explanation as to why their side was so abject? Sir Alex Ferguson's ongoing dictatorial stance is becoming so extreme that he is beginning to make Col. Gaddafi look like Nelson Mandela.
 
And so the title race takes more twists and turns than a child with Scoliosis on a roller coaster. United have now lost three in five and not really showing the form befitting of potential champions. But then again, who is? Arsenal continued to embrace their tag as bottlers following a 0-0 draw at home to Sunderland. Things might have been different if Andrei Arshavin hadn't had a goal wrongly flagged for offside and then denied a blatant penalty but in truth, for the gunners to complain about refereeing decisions merely deflects from the fact that they failed to score against a defence featuring Anton Ferdinand and Titus Bramble.

Wenger's team are now actually have their own destiny in their own hands. With a game in hand and still to play United at the Emirates, the Gunners "only" have to win all of their remaining games to be champions.

In the space of a week, Chelsea have seemingly catapulted themselves right back into contention following a controversial defeat of United last Tuesday and a straightforward 3-1 win against relegation fodder Blackpool on Monday night. Now only 9 points off top spot with a game in hand, The Blues trip to Old Trafford later this season could now have huge implications as to the destination of the Premier League trophy.

Manchester City did their title ambitions no harm with an unconvincing 1-0 win over Wigan and did what the top two failed to do this weekend by winning despite not being at their best. The only goal of the game came when Ali Al Habsi let a David Silva shot slip through him and into the net. The Omani goalkeeper has been one of the very few shining lights at the DW this season and his mistake probably signalled exactly why the Latics will be playing Championship football next season. When your otherwise reliable last line of defence is making costly errors then you have no hope.


No Roberto, you're going DOWN!


Part Two to follow...

Wayne Championship Wrestling - Weekend Observations 26th-28th February 2011

Two weeks ago I headed up this here blog talking about the supposed genius of Wayne Rooney as he scored a wonderful winning goal to see off crosstown rivals City in the Manchester derby. This week Rooney showed us all the more ugly side of his game and I'm not talking about his hideous gurning mug.

In Manchester United's comprehensive 4-0 thrashing of Wigan, Mr. Potato Head took it upon himself to deliberately attack James McCarthy with a running forearm smash to the jaw that would have looked out of place in the Octagon.



Of course, this incident doesn't really bare talking about seeing refereeing parody Mark Clattenburg saw the whole thing, awarded a free kick and carried on about his business. Oh, he also forgot to issue Rooney with the red card he deserved.

As we all know when the referee sees it... no reterospective punishment... blah, blah, blah etc, etc. which means Rooney is free to continue playing for United in what is a crucial few weeks as far as their title challenge is concerned.

Naturally, the usual accusations of favouritism will be levelled at the FA who set a precedent 5 years ago when they threw the book at Ben Thatcher for his criminal assault on Pedro Mendes despite the ref having booked the City player at the time. Why was that incident any different? Because Mendes went to hospital? Are the FA saying that acts of violence are ok if no-one actually gets too badly hurt? Because McCathy's jaw WASN'T broken then Rooney gets a pass is basically the guideline as I now understand it.

I don't get the view that changing a decision post-match undermines the authority of the ref. Surely the fact his mistake is under such intense scrutiny by the media and paying fans is going to undermine him even more? Besides, the authorities overturn red cards retrospectively so isn't it hypocritical to say that they can't issue them too? It's a daft two-tier system that doesn't really make any sense. The fact that Rooney won't be serving a suspension should rightly stick in the craw of the teams he faces over the coming weeks.

I am probably repeating myself from last year but I have never been happy about the idea of domestic football on cup final day. Having Premier League games taking place at the same time as the Carling Cup final just devalues both competitions and the authorities need to fix this. As Arsenal were bottling it at Wembley, Manchester City failed to take the opportunity to put extra pressure the Gunners in the league as they were held to a 1-1 draw at home to Fulham.

Super Mario Balotelli gave City the lead with the kind of goal that hints at his obvious talents but then missed a sitter later on to highlight his inconsistent nature and should maybe make him think twice before talking himself up so much. His team failed to push on and win as expected allowing themselves to be pegged back thanks to a Damien Duff goal. The Irishman seems to be finding the form that made one of the most feared wide men in the division some years back and was an integral part of Chelsea's first title win for 50 years.

City will tell you that the aim for this season was a top four finish but as their league campaign continues to go off the boil, you can't help feel they ought to be disappointed about not making a better fist of what was a realistic title challenge. The indifferent early season form of their crosstown rivals coupled with Arsenal's weaknesses meant that they had a real chance to put pressure on at the top. Who knows how well they might have done?

The obvious sub-plot to the game was the return to Eastlands of Mark Hughes who was unceremoniously sent packing last season. Sparky never felt he was given enough time, nor a far chance to prove himself a capable manager at City and his blatant resentment was obvious at the final whistle given his angry handshake with his replacement Roberto Mancini. While it is easy to have sympathy for the way he was treated by the club, listening to his post-match whinge about "the manner in which Mancini offered his handshake" just made him sound like a spoilt child. He's already had previous with this kind of thing this season as well so how seriously do we take his complaints?



The tone for unexpected results on Sunday was set with West Ham's emphatic 3-1 victory over in-form Liverpool. Scotty Parker was once again at the heart of the win scoring a fine goal and generally making a nuisance of himself but the Hammers will be encouraged by the contributions of those around him. New signing Demba Ba is having little trouble settling in and was on the scoresheet once again while Gary O'Neil went all Marty McFly and looked very much like his Pompey incarnation of years gone by. Continue like this and, whisper it quietly, West Ham and Avram may live to fight another season in the Premier League after all.

Also at the bottom, Wolves comfortably turned over Blackpool 4-0 as the Tangerines continued their freefall, Jermaine Beckford did his best impression of a proper striker with a brace in Everton's 2-0 win over Sunderland, Aston Villa beat Blackburn 4-1 and on Monday night West Brom grabbed a valuable point against Stoke despite Carlos Vela's late equaliser being about a three miles offside.

The fallout now sees only six points separating the Toffees up in 11th and Wigan who currently prop up the table. With no team playing with anything that even resembling consistency, you would hope for a lot of yo-yo-ing over the next ten or so weeks. I think most neutrals will be wanting for a real old fashioned scrap down at the bottom with all teams going into the final few games totally unsure of their Premier League status.

If you want my view – which you probably don't - then I'm saying Wigan, Blackpool and West Brom are all doomed. Seriously, put money on it.

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Match of the Weekend: West Ham v Liverpool

Goal of the Weekend: Balotelli v Fulham

Fight of the weekend: Macclesfield v Wycombe (League Two)